My teenager is crying

__freckles__

I have successfully raised five teenagers and I must admit that there was no drama in my house. I don't do drama. I don't allow drama. We had rules and my children abided by the rules. It comes down to whether or not you have been the parent all along or whether or not you allowed your child to dictate what was going to happen at any time, (other than a special occasion when they got to pick where they wanted to eat). As far as extracurricular activities are concerned, tell you teen to pick one, the one they like the best and do it well.

I was a single mom and there wasn't a lot of money, so my children decided to work. They delivered papers and when they turned 14 and were able to get working papers, they worked for local businesses.

If you give in this once, you will give in again and again and again because they will know how to manipulate you.

Maybe you have easy going kids. Or maybe you really are a dictator. I think allowing a kid to be disappointed and cry is OK. Not drama.

When I read this (1st quoted post)my question was:

If kids never get to make decisions, how do they grow up and have the ability to make any decisions?

I tell my kids all the time....I am not their friend, they have plenty but only one mom.....and my job is to love them, and help them grow into highly functioning, well rounded, caring and contributing adult members of society.

My daughters and I talk about everything, I listen and try not to judge but I am their mom so when I have an opinion I will state it. My girls talk to me like a friend but they know the difference is I will be for their best interest above all else.

This wasn't meant snarky, I honestly get curious when I hear of children making no choices. Even when they were 2, I didn't dictate small things like lunch but I didn't ask open ended questions either.... I would ask do you want option A for lunch or option B. Teaching kids to make small decisions and giving them a voice prepares them for when they need to make the larger life choices.

Just my 2 cents

yellowlemoned

When I was a teenager I had this same problem with dance classes, auditions, and performances. My moms solution was giving me a big white-board calendar and writing a number on every Sunday for how many hours I was allotted for dance for the week. It was up to me to schedule them and make sure nothing over lapped, and as long as I stayed under the # she gave me I didn't get in trouble. For every hour I went over I had to do an hour of chores on the weekend. The first time I had 6 hours of chores to do I made sure I never went over that much again.

Veil5577

When they don't cry, they tend to turn into serial killers.

Get a box of tissues.

MyOwnSunshine

A dad started a great photo blog titled "Reasons my son is crying" www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com/ about all the irrational things his toddler cries about.

Maybe someone should do this for their teen daughters, too.

I'm dreading the teens, as my pre-teen daughter already acts like she is a hormonal 15-year-old.

BaDaSsBrUnEtTe

mine aren't teens yet...thank god.

tuckerrj

ONE, my kids got to choose ONE after school activity each semester. Parents get to have a life that doesn't involve being taxi driver for their children. Be the parent. Just say, "no".

rowlandsw

My cousin and his wife were the reason my cousin had a massive schedule of stuff like this. They had him language classes, tennis, and other stuff. He had next to no time at home most of the time on top of school. I never seen a kid actually want to do so much. Then again my school had nothing to offer when i was 14. Now they got the wrestling team back and a robotics team.

jerber160

.delete

PurpleMomster

My son is teenager-in-training 12 going on 13 going on 50 and he's allowed one - and only one - sport per season. Even though I think he could probably handle more, I don't want to see him that "scheduled". I like him to still have time for a pick up game of road hockey on the street with his friends or - heaven forbid - actually have time to sit down at the supper table, eat and have a conversation with me.

I know lots of kids thrive on that kind of schedule but I don't think my boy would. I think both of us would be in tears and that's not good.

jerber160

When I was a teenager I had this same problem with dance classes, auditions, and performances. My moms solution was giving me a big white-board calendar and writing a number on every Sunday for how many hours I was allotted for dance for the week. It was up to me to schedule them and make sure nothing over lapped, and as long as I stayed under the # she gave me I didn't get in trouble. For every hour I went over I had to do an hour of chores on the weekend. The first time I had 6 hours of chores to do I made sure I never went over that much again.

I'm curious as to how you might have balanced dance with performances? I've found younger kids go to a dancing school.. when they get older they take what they've learned into their expanded world.. say high school musicals...and try to do it all.

yellowlemoned

I never did anything dance related in school, or much of anything extra curricular, everything I did was outside of school. Performances weren't a weekly occurrence for me, and when I did have them they were only 1-2 days long until I joined a national academy. Once that happened we had to re-evaluate my hours I was allotted to cover the required classes and performances and my part time job teaching ballet.