Thoughts on being an only child...
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others tell me that its not fair to have just one child - i disagree!
Oh wow, I thought I was the only that got told that I wasn't being fair to my daughter because I was being selfish ...LOL. My response to them is that its also not fair to have more that one child and not be able to afford them both financially, physically and emotionally.0 -
Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
Wow, I could not disagree more. I've found in general that people with siblings tend to be more needy because they have had to compete with someone else for attention all thier life. However I think being that way has more to do with the type of parent you have than whether you have siblings.
Tech difficulties, the second part is from me not a quote.0 -
Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
http://www.personalityresearch.org/papers/eischens2.html
(I was actually looking for the paper we studied in child dev at university before replicating it on our own with the same results - which is to say that only children are less dependent - but that seems to be a pretty good summary of several studies)
Cliff notes from various studies:
Only children typically more high-achieving and motivated
Only children become conditioned to depend on themselves
More comfortable being alone, often only participating willingly in group activity in the role of the leader
And this is a particularly important point
"Although nobody exists as purely introverted or extroverted, the only child cannot show a strong tendency towards one or the other. Instead, both introversion and extroversion become important as the only child is forced to take on both personality types depending on the given situation"
Which is not, of course, to say that there are no dependent-on-other-people only children out there, but there's a significant amount of evidence from psychological studies to suggest the opposite.0 -
I'm an only child. I was kind of a loner and kept to myself, as I do now. I'm a little too independent though. I hate asking for things or help.
Same here... way too independent - but I'm #2 of 3 (though I think my being a middle child and only son contributed). So even though I had siblings, I can Identify with you singletons!
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Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
While I know only children that support this opinion (my SIL comes to mind here), I also know only children that don't.0 -
My son will be an only child.
I am 41 now and can't deal with being pregnant again. Honestly it makes me really sad because I imagined 2 or 3.
I would love to adopt but we will see how that goes.
As far as that emotional attachment to an only child I agree that its kinda bat****. He is only 4 and I already hate that he will go away and become an adult. At least I know how crazy that sounds. I will probably get a bunch of dogs.0 -
I'm not an only child! I'm the oldest of 4. 26 (me) 25 (in 2 weeks, my brother) 11 (brother) 10 (sister).
I like having a sibling because you always have someone there! It was fun growing up with someone to play with! BUT when we hit the teen age, it was just my annoying brother lol! I love him though
On that note, i have a 5 year old son! I would like to give him a sibling but i dont know if i want to go down that road again! Hes very independent and i love that! I do want another child, 30% for me and 70% for my son! Then i think about the sleepless night, diapers, formula, more daycare, money ect and i rethink it! We have so much planned in the next couple years and throwing a baby into it throws everything off! My sons father and i world revolves around our son! We are very selfless when it comes to our little boy! We are both young and you never know but i think the cons of having another child out-way the pros! That's just me!0 -
Being almost 27 and single I'm really starting to realize that once my parents and grandparents pass away.. I'll be all alone.. its been affecting my anxiety and outlook and quite a few things..
the childhood thing is fine.... as long as they're raised right you won't have a brat (contrary to popular belief) I am a firm believer that its the adult side of life that gets harder.0 -
Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
As an only child, I can say that one of the worst things about it is how so many people think it is okay to stereotype and put down only children. I find your comment incredibly insulting and ignorant, but what do I know...?
Being an only child who has dealt with the death of both of my parents, one positive was that there was no one to disagree with how I handled things. It was hard, but I took solace in being able to do what I wanted how I wanted.
^^ This. Exactly this. One of my pet hates is how for so many people it's the accepted wisodm that only children are spoiled brats. Some of the neediest people I've ever met have been the middle child. Everyone is different.
My dad passed away when I was 2 so it was always just me and my mum. There were no grandparents or cousins around either, so I guess my family situation might have been unusual as I didn't have the stereotypical scenario of one kid, two parents, plus grandparents etc etc to spoil me with material things. I'm an introvert and was a bookworm as a kid, I'm now comfortable with my own company and need occasional time out on my own every now and then. I never demand my own way and in fact I'm a terrible people pleaser - I think the stereotype of spoiled only child has got to me over the years and I spent a long time trying to prove the opposite to people. It drives my fiance nuts!
I too was grateful that when my mum passed away I didn't have the wrangles and arguments that I've seen in other family bereavements.0 -
You should meet my little brother - Second child.Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
Or my dependent cousin - Second child.
Or my dependent best friend - Second child.
I definitely see this more with younger siblings who have always had other people to rely on.0 -
I am one and I raised one.I would like to hear your thoughts on either being an only child growing up, or being a parent to an only child.
What are the positives and negatives to being/having an only child.
Why or why not would you recommend having one kid?
Discuss....
My biggest concern is that when my parents start ailing and need to be cared for -- and when they die -- it will pretty much be all up to me to deal with it. That's a scary thing. And I also am somewhat envious of the relationships I see people have with their siblings. But having a sibling doesn't guarantee a good relationship, so that's not really a deal breaker.
I wasn't spoiled with things, but I did have all of my parents' attention -- though they also had lives outside of being parents.
It's hard to compare when you don't know any different. An only child doesn't know if he or she would have been happier with siblings and a child from a home with multiple children doesn't know if he or she would have been happier as an only child.
Pretty much, you have the children you want, can handle and can afford and do the best you can with them.0 -
My son will be an only child.
I am 41 now and can't deal with being pregnant again. Honestly it makes me really sad because I imagined 2 or 3.
I would love to adopt but we will see how that goes.
As far as that emotional attachment to an only child I agree that its kinda bat****. He is only 4 and I already hate that he will go away and become an adult. At least I know how crazy that sounds. I will probably get a bunch of dogs.
See, and I had no problem letting go. My daughter basically moved out after high school (she's a sophomore in college now) and I'm perfectly fine with that.0 -
Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
Well I am an only child and I funded my college education 100% on my own (both degrees). I own a SUV and a sports car outright. After my divorce I bought a house 100% on my own. I'm thinking NO!
Anyone can become needy and dependent and I don't think it has anything to do with having siblings or not.0 -
My aunt jokes that she has two only children, because she had a son from a first marriage who was already a pre teen when her son from the second marriage was born.
They're 19, and 8 right now and both of them are kind of self centered spoiled kids. However, I know it has NOTHING to do with their birth order and everything to do with their personalities coupled with how my aunt parents.
I had a friend all through high school who was an only child. Yeah we were hooligans back then, but our idea of "misbehaving" was...staying out too late? I dunno. He was remarkably well spoken, respectful, independent, well behaved. Moved out before the rest of our friend group, etc.
I really think the birth order thing is crap. I'm the oldest, I don't exhibit any of the typical oldest child syndrome and the same for my younger brother. I have friends that are eldest, youngest, middle, whatever, and I can't pinpoint any trend.
People are people...personalities are big complex things and trying to assign a reason for why someone is the way they are is difficult. Especially when it's so arbitrary as birth order.0 -
I grew up with 3 siblings. Sister 3 years older than me, sister 3 years younger than me and a brother 6 years younger than me. Sure, we bickered as children/teens a bit about sharing clothes and simple stuff but never full on fights. Now, as we are all adults it's great to know that someone will always have your back. As long as my siblings are around, I know I will always have someone. I have a child now (3) and I want to have at least one other. I can't imagine growing up and not being able to share holidays with a sister or brother. My boyfriend of 6 years is an only child, and money and material is absolutely everything to him. I can't stand it. He was raised to have everything and anything, I was not (mostly cause the money just wasn't there). But, money can't buy the relationship between siblings. To me, it far outweighs any money issues that could come along with multiple children. I feel as being an only child benefits the parents (less money to spend, less attention to give, etc) than it does the child. I have a relationship with my siblings that my boyfriend just don't understand because he never got to experience it. I really believe a sibling is the best thing you could have. (sure, when they're kids they might wish they were an only child (i did, just cause i thought i would get more material things) but as an adult i was quick to realize that the material sacrifices was so worth it!)0
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I am one and I raised one.I would like to hear your thoughts on either being an only child growing up, or being a parent to an only child.
What are the positives and negatives to being/having an only child.
Why or why not would you recommend having one kid?
Discuss....
My biggest concern is that when my parents start ailing and need to be cared for -- and when they die -- it will pretty much be all up to me to deal with it. That's a scary thing. And I also am somewhat envious of the relationships I see people have with their siblings. But having a sibling doesn't guarantee a good relationship, so that's not really a deal breaker.
I wasn't spoiled with things, but I did have all of my parents' attention -- though they also had lives outside of being parents.
It's hard to compare when you don't know any different. An only child doesn't know if he or she would have been happier with siblings and a child from a home with multiple children doesn't know if he or she would have been happier as an only child.
Pretty much, you have the children you want, can handle and can afford and do the best you can with them.
Oh you with your logic, making really smart posts that make sense and whatnot. You're totally right about siblings not always getting along. It took until my brother and I were adults to get along and it wasn't until he moved out I think we really started to understand each other (we're polar opposites personality wise)
My parents had us young, and since both of us were oopsies, they got a bunch of dogs once Thomas and I became more independent.0 -
Wait ... you post a comment insulting an entire segment of the population and that someone who is a member of that segment of the population took offense to said insulting comment proves that the person is needy and dependent?
sorry for your lost as I too know how hard it is......however, that you take to heart a comment shows that your need affirmation from others........sign of dependent.Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
As an only child, I can say that one of the worst things about it is how so many people think it is okay to stereotype and put down only children. I find your comment incredibly insulting and ignorant, but what do I know...?
Being an only child who has dealt with the death of both of my parents, one positive was that there was no one to disagree with how I handled things. It was hard, but I took solace in being able to do what I wanted how I wanted.
That makes sense. Totally. :flowerforyou:0 -
I wish I was an only child I'm an orphan!0
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sorry for your lost as I too know how hard it is......however, that you take to heart a comment shows that your need affirmation from others........sign of dependent.Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
As an only child, I can say that one of the worst things about it is how so many people think it is okay to stereotype and put down only children. I find your comment incredibly insulting and ignorant, but what do I know...?
Being an only child who has dealt with the death of both of my parents, one positive was that there was no one to disagree with how I handled things. It was hard, but I took solace in being able to do what I wanted how I wanted.
You made a blanket statement - "Only children are very needy." That does mean ALL. Replace "Only children" with the race of your choice and see how that sounds. I was simply responding to your insult, but if that makes me needy, so be it.
You sound like a wonderful person, by the way.0 -
Wait ... you post a comment insulting an entire segment of the population and that someone who is a member of that segment of the population took offense to said insulting comment proves that the person is needy and dependent?
sorry for your lost as I too know how hard it is......however, that you take to heart a comment shows that your need affirmation from others........sign of dependent.Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
As an only child, I can say that one of the worst things about it is how so many people think it is okay to stereotype and put down only children. I find your comment incredibly insulting and ignorant, but what do I know...?
Being an only child who has dealt with the death of both of my parents, one positive was that there was no one to disagree with how I handled things. It was hard, but I took solace in being able to do what I wanted how I wanted.
That makes sense. Totally. :flowerforyou:
Thank you!0 -
You may have some experience with psychology, but logic? Not so much.
dependent not needy......don't want to test your intelligence based on definitions of words but if I take offense to a statement, that is a person's belief, perceptions or just blatant comment then I must have issues with others a opinions. Therefore, I value others opinions as much if not more than my own= dependent.
Wait ... you post a comment insulting an entire segment of the population and that someone who is a member of that segment of the population took offense to said insulting comment proves that the person is needy and dependent?
sorry for your lost as I too know how hard it is......however, that you take to heart a comment shows that your need affirmation from others........sign of dependent.Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
As an only child, I can say that one of the worst things about it is how so many people think it is okay to stereotype and put down only children. I find your comment incredibly insulting and ignorant, but what do I know...?
Being an only child who has dealt with the death of both of my parents, one positive was that there was no one to disagree with how I handled things. It was hard, but I took solace in being able to do what I wanted how I wanted.
That makes sense. Totally. :flowerforyou:
If somehow I pushed someone's buttons, they do not have to react, but if they do they are dependent on what others say or do.
Good luck.0 -
Sounds like you have parental issues, I'm sorry =(.
sorry for your lost as I too know how hard it is......however, that you take to heart a comment shows that your need affirmation from others........sign of dependent.Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.
As an only child, I can say that one of the worst things about it is how so many people think it is okay to stereotype and put down only children. I find your comment incredibly insulting and ignorant, but what do I know...?
Being an only child who has dealt with the death of both of my parents, one positive was that there was no one to disagree with how I handled things. It was hard, but I took solace in being able to do what I wanted how I wanted.
You made a blanket statement - "Only children are very needy." That does mean ALL. Replace "Only children" with the race of your choice and see how that sounds. I was simply responding to your insult, but if that makes me needy, so be it.
You sound like a wonderful person, by the way.
Calling troll. ETA - and ignoring. I guess that frees me from dependence, no?0 -
I guess as with anything there are pros and cons. I am not an only child, I have an older brother, and my husband is the only boy and youngest of 3, so they say only children are spoiled, well he's spoiled as the baby and the only boy.
Our daughter is an only child (sort of, she has a sister in heaven but for all intents and purposes she is an only) and right now we're deciding if she will remain that way. She's only 4 months old, but we really don't know if we'll have another. MH and I are both older (35) and we've had a long struggle just to get her. I also like how uncrazed things are....our daughter is such a good baby, and I see people with more than one kid and they look like they want to tear there hair out.
On the topic of siblings being there for one another when parents pass, that isn't always true. I get along well with my brother, but not all siblings do. In fact generally the passing of parents causes fights among siblings, like fighting over their final wishes or their belongings.
Or you could be like my uncle, whose sister (my mom) died 10 years ago. So when my grandparents died within three weeks of each other, he had to deal with it all on his own....his wife helped him of course, but after growing up all his life with a sister, he was now an only child to deal with his parents passing. No guarantees in life I guess.0 -
I am an only child. It is true that the responsibility for your parents lies with only you when they are older but that doesn't bother me particularly. Growing up as an only you learn to become self reliant a bit more. As for being spoiled, well I wish lol I was never spoiled and I think because I spent so much time in the company of adults I probably grew up and matured a lot faster. My upbringing was quite old fashioned though, I was taught that the world did not revolve around me and that adults wishes came before childrens, to speak when spoken to and never push into conversations that adults were having as it was disrespectful - everything seems to be quite the opposite now and not always for the better but I do still carry some of those lessons with me today, 50 years on. I see no harm in having only one child, as long as you bring them up correctly there is no reason why they need to be spoiled and they can mix with other kids of their own age, it's really all down to parenting in the end.0
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I was raised as an only child(my step-dad's children were all grown and my dad had all of his kids really spread out so I didn't grow up with any of them.) The good thing about being an only child is that I learned how to entertain myself and was pretty self sufficient from an early age. Bad part is I am so used to my alone time that I still don't like having people around all the time and it did get lonely sometimes. I have one child now and plan on having another sometimes in the near future.0
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Am an only child.
Raising one (so far).
We're not perfect but we're doing just fine; life is good. If anyone wants to spend their time characterizing me as needy they can have at it. It's impolite but has no bearing on reality at all.
Oh and in. This has potential.0 -
I am an only child. It is true that the responsibility for your parents lies with only you when they are older but that doesn't bother me particularly.
See, this didn't concern me much until I watched a friend having to deal with it, especially because her parents died within a very short time of each other.
And for me, it's more complicated because mine are divorced and don't live near each other OR near me!
In fact, I'm so dependent that as a single mother, I packed up my daughter and me and moved 1,200 miles away from my entire family because I got a job I wanted. 0 -
Check out the book, Maybe One, by Bill McKibben. He and his wife were considering family size and he looked around for information to help guide their decision. When he couldn't find anything, he pulled together the research he could find, updated it and included it in the book. The book also deals with family size from an environmental perspective.0
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What I find most funny about this thread is all the analyzing and hand-wringing. I was not an only child by design. It was simply how it worked out.
Same with my daughter. I had her young and I didn't get married as early in life as I'd thought I would, so more kids were not an option. By the time she was 10, I realized I didn't want to start over with a baby and that I was done. Had I met someone and gotten married sooner, I probably would have had more kids. That simple.
If you only want one, only have one. If you want 2 or 3 or 20, have them.0 -
Well lets stay friends and you can coach me through it! :sad:My son will be an only child.
I am 41 now and can't deal with being pregnant again. Honestly it makes me really sad because I imagined 2 or 3.
I would love to adopt but we will see how that goes.
As far as that emotional attachment to an only child I agree that its kinda bat****. He is only 4 and I already hate that he will go away and become an adult. At least I know how crazy that sounds. I will probably get a bunch of dogs.
See, and I had no problem letting go. My daughter basically moved out after high school (she's a sophomore in college now) and I'm perfectly fine with that.0
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