Thoughts on being an only child...

AstroRocket

My mother always says "they tried it once, and didn't like it" haha wink wink.
I'm from a family of 5, I never knew my 2 older siblings though.
There is 7 years between me and my younger sister. 7 years of depressing loneliness, it was incredible finally having a sister.
The love of sibling is 1000x better than being spoilt with toys and clothes.
A lot of people that grow up as a only child tend to be bratty or snobby from being spoilt (not the case for everyone).
I think it really depends on how you raise the child. I hated being an only child, even though it was just 7 years.
I want to have 3 children

wizzybeth

I was raised an only child but I had two older brothers, who grew up in other households. My one brother passed away when I was 13 and my remaining brother now lives on the West Coast and I in the east.

My adoptive parents were significantly older when they adopted me - I was almost 3 years old and my adoptive mom was 48 or 49. I remember being lonely as a kid as we had no near neighbors with kids my age, family gatherings were often childless, because the children of my parents peers were almost grown, grown up and gone, or had little babies, too young for me to play with. My mom and dad didn't "do things" as much as they "watched" - they'd take me places to have fun but unless I took a friend with me, it wasn't all that much fun - they were spectators, lol...

As an only child I am rather independent, and I do enjoy my alone / quiet time. I loved to read books and go fishing. I often prefer to go shopping by myself. I'm not a super-social person but I do enjoy occasional get togethers with very close friends.

What I feel I have missed out on as an only child is large family gatherings. Holidays....always were "just us" and for the most part are still "just us" (My husband isn't an only but his family lives 1000+ miles away...both sets of our parents are dead as are most of the rest of our relatives except our siblings and nieces/nephews...who all live far away.) We do go to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and it's a big gathering and thus Thanksgiving is our favorite holiday.

I did not want to have an only child - I have 3. I didn't want them to be lonely like I was growing up. I wanted them to have family gatherings. I wanted THEIR kids to have cousins their age to grow up with. (Watch now, only one will reproduce and that one will be an only, lol)

My 3 kids are all unique - my youngest one is most like me. She likes to be by herself and do her own thing most of the time. The other two are a little more social.

In a lot of ways I resent not growing up with my brothers. I don't know how differently I would have turned out had I not been raised as an "only." I'm pretty comfortable, however, with who I am...even if I am an odd duck in a lot of ways.

KombuchaCat

I was an only child and I had what I look back on as a charmed and somewhat magical childhood. Really when I think about it I know I was truly blessed. My parents were in thier mid 30's when they had me and I was definately wanted. My mother had a spontaneous abortion before getting pregnant with me so I think they were not sure she would be able to carry a child to term before she had me. I grew up safe and loved, maybe somewhat spoiled but always was taught to appreciate what I had and be kind to others. I grew up with a strong sense of self and to stick up for other people who can't stick up for themselves. I do think that being an only child makes alone time easier. I do not constantly need to be entertained and am fine with the quiet. While I can't speak for what it's like growing up with siblings I think that being an only child in general makes you more independant and less competitive because you don't have to compete with anyone else growing up for attention.

maiko_91

Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.

It really depends on upbringing. I'm an only child and I know people who have siblings that are extremely needy...towards those around them and in their family. Being needy implies that one is in want of affection, attention or assurance to an excessive degree. If someone is brought up with these aspects all in good measure, they are less likely to have any deficiency when in adult life. Rather, they will form good relations, will be able to interect better socially and be independant.

lexbubbles

Only child here. I have noticed that I am totally ok with doing things by myself like going to restaurants, movies, shopping, etc. It drives me nuts when I have friends who bug the crap out of me while I am busy because they can't bring themselves to do some activity alone. I also rarely get bored. I think that is because I got used to entertaining myself while growing up without siblings.

This! Although I personally also matured very quickly (possibly due in part to the death of my mother when I was 6) so had trouble making friends with people at school because I found them annoying and immature. I made friends with peoples' parents instead :laugh:. I was pretty much independent (although not financially, obviously) by age 10 in that I could cook for myself, had good organisational skill etc etc

I definitely agree with doing stuff alone though. I live alone almost 500 miles away from my remaining family (I'm in Glasgow, Scotland and they're in Hampshire in the South of England) and I'm totally fine with it. I've also travelled to 19 different countries, including the USA, by myself. I have occasionally gone on weekend trips with other people and whilst it can be nice, I think I prefer going alone.

tl;dr greater independence, I guess. I don't have to bug my friends to go see a movie with me or whatever, and I don't need any sort of close network of other people to function.

dakotababy

I have 3 siblings, and I am sooooo grateful to have them. The bonds between brothers and sisters are just so incredible...like lasting friendships no matter what. It is good to know that after my parents are gone, I will still have them.

I dont have any children, but I know that if I get pregnant once - I will automatically be getting pregnant again. I would hate to be on my death bed, and my child alone.

Roaringgael

! was in a family of six, my partner was from a family of five.
We have a son.
I'm not particularly close to most of my siblings. My three brothers hardly ever are in contact with me. I am in contact with one sister. My partner doesn't see his family much at all.
Our boy is very self possessed, friendly, out going with a circle of friends. He is 20 and has moved out of home into a flat with friends. He has an ability to like his own company, but loves his friends. He is independant.
I think siblings can be fun to grow up with if the family is happy enough. There is no guarantee that you will remain intimate with your siblings once you are adults. My family was a happy enough home but my siblings are quite self interested and have made very little effort with me over the years. I always was the one to make the effort until I grew tired of it.
I agree with the idea that perhaps we may become a bit of a burden to our son when we are old but he may very well just not bother - whos to know?
Our son is definitely not needy - he had all our love and attention growing up and this helped him become a happy independent human being - all his needs were met as he grew.

SwashBlogger

What I see in this thread is that there are WAYYY too many variables within families of all sizes to assign personality traits based on how many siblings one does or does not have.
I know people from large, not rich families, who are spoiled brats. Others, only children from wealthy backgrounds who do much for others.
Also, statistically, only children are disproportionately represented in US Presidency and other high offices. So, it can breed a lot of accomplishment. More resources and more time to focus on self often does.


I think it's also safe to say that it poses unique parenting challenge - strange attachments and anxieties, etc. But, we have all seen that in larger families that have one of a particular sex. Everyone gathers around the "girl" or "boy" child like it was the first one ever born to the world. Or conversely leaves that child out of the mix a lot of the time (my experience).

Yeah. Too many variables.

KombuchaCat

Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.

Wow, I could not disagree more. I've found in general that people with siblings tend to be more needy because they have had to compete with someone else for attention all thier life. However I think being that way has more to do with the type of parent you have than whether you have siblings.

pdank311

One negative I know is that when the parents get old, there is a lot of stress/responsibility that falls onto that one child. There aren't any siblings to share that pressure with.

^^^ This. Factor in that my parents are divorced and yeah. It sucks. Fortunately I have a great extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins.

I think the biggest laugh I get about growing up an only child is my parents buying me board games for christmas. I'd ask them if they wanted to play and they'd say no. Thanks guys! I guess I'll go try and play Fireball Island by myself. Meh. I still laugh about that almost 30 years later.

Upside is that you are able to function on your own pretty easily. Live alone, not constantly need people around, find creative ways to entertain yourself.

Still if I had my choice, at least one sibling would have been cool.

amethyst7986

others tell me that its not fair to have just one child - i disagree!

Oh wow, I thought I was the only that got told that I wasn't being fair to my daughter because I was being selfish ...LOL. My response to them is that its also not fair to have more that one child and not be able to afford them both financially, physically and emotionally.

KombuchaCat

Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.

Wow, I could not disagree more. I've found in general that people with siblings tend to be more needy because they have had to compete with someone else for attention all thier life. However I think being that way has more to do with the type of parent you have than whether you have siblings.

Tech difficulties, the second part is from me not a quote.

lexbubbles

Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.

http://www.personalityresearch.org/papers/eischens2.html

(I was actually looking for the paper we studied in child dev at university before replicating it on our own with the same results - which is to say that only children are less dependent - but that seems to be a pretty good summary of several studies)

Cliff notes from various studies:
Only children typically more high-achieving and motivated
Only children become conditioned to depend on themselves
More comfortable being alone, often only participating willingly in group activity in the role of the leader

And this is a particularly important point
"Although nobody exists as purely introverted or extroverted, the only child cannot show a strong tendency towards one or the other. Instead, both introversion and extroversion become important as the only child is forced to take on both personality types depending on the given situation"

Which is not, of course, to say that there are no dependent-on-other-people only children out there, but there's a significant amount of evidence from psychological studies to suggest the opposite.

bennettinfinity

I'm an only child. I was kind of a loner and kept to myself, as I do now. I'm a little too independent though. I hate asking for things or help.

Same here... way too independent - but I'm #2 of 3 (though I think my being a middle child and only son contributed). So even though I had siblings, I can Identify with you singletons!

k8blujay2

Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.

While I know only children that support this opinion (my SIL comes to mind here), I also know only children that don't.

BondBomb

My son will be an only child.
I am 41 now and can't deal with being pregnant again. Honestly it makes me really sad because I imagined 2 or 3.
I would love to adopt but we will see how that goes.

As far as that emotional attachment to an only child I agree that its kinda bat****. He is only 4 and I already hate that he will go away and become an adult. At least I know how crazy that sounds. I will probably get a bunch of dogs.

Fat2Fit_imready

I'm not an only child! I'm the oldest of 4. 26 (me) 25 (in 2 weeks, my brother) 11 (brother) 10 (sister).

I like having a sibling because you always have someone there! It was fun growing up with someone to play with! BUT when we hit the teen age, it was just my annoying brother lol! I love him though

On that note, i have a 5 year old son! I would like to give him a sibling but i dont know if i want to go down that road again! Hes very independent and i love that! I do want another child, 30% for me and 70% for my son! Then i think about the sleepless night, diapers, formula, more daycare, money ect and i rethink it! We have so much planned in the next couple years and throwing a baby into it throws everything off! My sons father and i world revolves around our son! We are very selfless when it comes to our little boy! We are both young and you never know but i think the cons of having another child out-way the pros! That's just me!

reddz12

Being almost 27 and single I'm really starting to realize that once my parents and grandparents pass away.. I'll be all alone.. its been affecting my anxiety and outlook and quite a few things..


the childhood thing is fine.... as long as they're raised right you won't have a brat (contrary to popular belief) I am a firm believer that its the adult side of life that gets harder.

dammitjanet0161

Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.

As an only child, I can say that one of the worst things about it is how so many people think it is okay to stereotype and put down only children. I find your comment incredibly insulting and ignorant, but what do I know...?

Being an only child who has dealt with the death of both of my parents, one positive was that there was no one to disagree with how I handled things. It was hard, but I took solace in being able to do what I wanted how I wanted.

^^ This. Exactly this. One of my pet hates is how for so many people it's the accepted wisodm that only children are spoiled brats. Some of the neediest people I've ever met have been the middle child. Everyone is different.

My dad passed away when I was 2 so it was always just me and my mum. There were no grandparents or cousins around either, so I guess my family situation might have been unusual as I didn't have the stereotypical scenario of one kid, two parents, plus grandparents etc etc to spoil me with material things. I'm an introvert and was a bookworm as a kid, I'm now comfortable with my own company and need occasional time out on my own every now and then. I never demand my own way and in fact I'm a terrible people pleaser - I think the stereotype of spoiled only child has got to me over the years and I spent a long time trying to prove the opposite to people. It drives my fiance nuts!

I too was grateful that when my mum passed away I didn't have the wrangles and arguments that I've seen in other family bereavements.

BondBomb

Only children are very needy. Psychologically they can become very dependent on people later in life.

You should meet my little brother - Second child.
Or my dependent cousin - Second child.
Or my dependent best friend - Second child.

I definitely see this more with younger siblings who have always had other people to rely on.