Dating someone 22 years older?

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  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member
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    I dunno how much my opinion counts or whatever but here's my two cents:

    When Iw as 21 (only two years ago mind you) I had a psuedo relationship with a man who was 42. At the time, my mother was 40 (I have super young parents). We never dated for real (for more reasons than the age thing) and there was this huge chasm of life experience between us. I've always been mature for my age but that doesn't begin to cover having lived a life for 42 years. How on earth could I possibly relate? I couldn't, is the answer. He'd drive me crazy when he'd start talking about how he totally understood because he was my age once...and he had an 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage..Just all this stuff. The things that drew us together for a time were the same thigns that meant we couldn't really ever date, not that I wanted to at that age. I never told anyone I was seeing this guy honestly. It was just bad bad bad from the start.

    Maturity doesn't count for much compared to experience. I wish someone had explained that better to me rather than just dismissing age gaps out of hand. Life experience..it's this almost insurmountable gap in my opinion. My boyfriend now is six years older and sometimes that even seems crazy.

    Plus, if my dad had ever found out I was seeing someone older than him I'm pretty sure there would have been violence involved.

    Half your age plus seven. It's a good rule haha.
  • acpgee
    acpgee Posts: 7,688 Member
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    I have a 10Y age difference with my hubby, and we only notice it with incompatible taste in pop music. My mother warns me that when we get older his health will fail first.
  • fattymcrunnerpants
    fattymcrunnerpants Posts: 311 Member
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    That being said, you'll probably get asked 39430 times if he's your father when you go out together. So have fun with that.

    In my experience no one asks, actually. It's not hard to figure out the man you're calling "honey" isn't your dad.
  • ElizabethSays
    ElizabethSays Posts: 16 Member
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    You will eventually see the life experience gap. He has lived more, experienced more. You won't be able to relate to things he has experienced and visa versa. Times are different in your 22 year old world that he won't understand.

    If none of that matters to you, then go for it. If you have to ask opinions, then something must be bothering you about this. You can figure it out.
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
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    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    ha ha no no and more no. :) But you do what you want. :)
  • Cudleigh
    Cudleigh Posts: 188 Member
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    That being said, you'll probably get asked 39430 times if he's your father when you go out together. So have fun with that.

    In my experience no one asks, actually. It's not hard to figure out the man you're calling "honey" isn't your dad.

    Ah, I'm just used to people confusing family members for my boyfriends and boyfriends for family. >.> Every single time I get dinner with my dad, they think we're married.
  • Chenry18
    Chenry18 Posts: 211 Member
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    My fiance is 42, and I'm 25. We have a 17 year age gap and are incredibly happy! In the end, your happiness is all that matters, and if you two have common interests and love each other, then go for it! :)
  • Altintren
    Altintren Posts: 8
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    I think that because you are asking for other peoples opinions Then there is already some doubt there. Do what makes you happy.

    I agree!
    If there is a doubt, don't do it. Your mind is screaming from deep inside. Don't waste your time. Every moment is precious. 22 yrs is must-considered gap.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
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    If none of that matters to you, then go for it. If you have to ask opinions, then something must be bothering you about this. You can figure it out.

    I guess the thing that bothered me most (and made me want to ask people'e opinions) is because while I like him and we have a lot that we seem to talk about, and like a lot of the same activities, I was wondering why he would want to date a 20yo. Maybe I would not want to date him if my dad was still around and my dad was around his age, maybe then I would have seen this as weird? Sometimes people from the outside can have more insight than someone inside the situation, and I was just curious if people thought I was making a dumb decision.
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 517 Member
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    My SO and me have an 18 years difference.
  • jmt08c
    jmt08c Posts: 343 Member
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    ...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...
  • 347Gigi
    347Gigi Posts: 99 Member
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    I would just like to know where the "half your age plus 7" rule came from.......

    Man Rule 3.29 Sorry I cant give you more info than that or I violate Man Rule 1.1

    Thanks! Now I finally have a clue to begin my search for the elusive "Man Rule Book" ....;)
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
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    ...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

    If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.
  • socalthome
    socalthome Posts: 3 Member
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    That is a bit to the extreme. My wife & I are 10 years apart, but any more than that, I wouldn't recommend it long term.
  • LoneWolf_70
    LoneWolf_70 Posts: 1,151 Member
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    ...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

    If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

    uh yeah thats actually the clinical definition.
  • jmt08c
    jmt08c Posts: 343 Member
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    ...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

    If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

    Correlation does not imply causation don't twist my words.
  • LoneWolf_70
    LoneWolf_70 Posts: 1,151 Member
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    If none of that matters to you, then go for it. If you have to ask opinions, then something must be bothering you about this. You can figure it out.

    I guess the thing that bothered me most (and made me want to ask people'e opinions) is because while I like him and we have a lot that we seem to talk about, and like a lot of the same activities, I was wondering why he would want to date a 20yo. Maybe I would not want to date him if my dad was still around and my dad was around his age, maybe then I would have seen this as weird? Sometimes people from the outside can have more insight than someone inside the situation, and I was just curious if people thought I was making a dumb decision.

    he just wants your vajayjay
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
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    ...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

    If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

    Correlation does not imply causation don't twist my words.

    I wasn't trying to twist your words. I was just curious.
  • fattymcrunnerpants
    fattymcrunnerpants Posts: 311 Member
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    That being said, you'll probably get asked 39430 times if he's your father when you go out together. So have fun with that.

    In my experience no one asks, actually. It's not hard to figure out the man you're calling "honey" isn't your dad.

    Ah, I'm just used to people confusing family members for my boyfriends and boyfriends for family. >.> Every single time I get dinner with my dad, they think we're married.

    That's hilarious. Yeah I haven't ever been asked. Although DH has been asked if the kids were his grands before. Especially when he hangs out with his friend who's also 53 who has kids the same exact age as ours (when I say same age, his 4 year old and ours share a birthday and his 7 year old and ours share a birthday) they both get the "Aww look at the grandpas". Mind you they're both ex military and the friend is a big guy so I'm not sure what's "aww" about it but it's funny.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
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    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    Only if he was rich..........:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Seriously (and I have a 16 yo daughter, if some 36 yo tried to date her I'd probably reach for the shotgun) I'd find it kind of creepy in a child molester kind of way........and, as an older guy, I couldn't imagine any woman less than half my age being interested in me unless she had serious daddy issues or I'd won the lotto.

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