Dating someone 22 years older?

fattymcrunnerpants

Crazy but I wouldn't care if my daughter dated someone 42 when she's 20. Especially if she does find someone like her daddy. Someone who loves her, supports her, and makes her happy. As long as she's happy why should I worry myself?

347Gigi

I would just like to know where the "half your age plus 7" rule came from.......

aurorareigns

I would just like to know where the "half your age plus 7" rule came from.......

That's what I was wondering.

LoneWolf_70

I would just like to know where the "half your age plus 7" rule came from.......

Man Rule 3.29 Sorry I cant give you more info than that or I violate Man Rule 1.1

5stringjeff

20 dating 42: 1. Hello daddy issues. 2. Either he's reallllly immature or they have a very surface relationship. I was an extremely mature 20 year old, but I still can't see myself having had anything in common with someone age 42. The fact that you're asking the internet also speaks volumes (as in, "I want reasons why this isn't a good idea")

This.

minimalistmom

I think this is one of those things where everyone is like "yeah go for it!" "age doesnt matter"....but I mean really...its awkward and bizarre.

This is what I was thinking.

mandyosetti

My father married a wonderful woman who was almost 25 years younger than him and all was well for nearly 20 years. However, once my dad was older (in his mid 60's) and she was in her late 30's it became a problem. He was slowing down and she still had a lot of life left to live. She left him a couple of years later and he was heartbroken. You have to do what makes you happy but in my opinion (because you're asking) it's too much.

dbmata

What do you think about someone who is 20, dating someone who is 42.

I really need advice.

Wow, old genitals. Much parenty.

1HappyRedhead

20 dating 42: 1. Hello daddy issues. 2. Either he's reallllly immature or they have a very surface relationship. I was an extremely mature 20 year old, but I still can't see myself having had anything in common with someone age 42. The fact that you're asking the internet also speaks volumes (as in, "I want reasons why this isn't a good idea")

Fast forward 25 years:

45 year old dating a 67 year old: He's elderly and she's still rearing to go. Resentment. Declining health. Life in your 40s is about travel, kids all out of the house, doing things you put off while you were establishing yourselves.

Also, think of children. If the 20 year old wants kids, they will never get the time with their dad that other kids have. This will also lead to resentment. If they waited 4-5 years to have kids (which is about average), when said child is 8 years old and wants to play baseball or go to the park or interact with dad.. dad will be 55 years old. He'll be dead before the kid hits 30 years old (based on average life expectancy of US Males being 77.4 yrs). My husband had an elderly father. His dad was in his 40s when he was born. It meant that his dad couldn't go on boy scout trips or show him how to play sports or even wrestle. His dad died when my husband was 26. My husband's mom is 15 years younger and spent most of the years before her husband's death whining about how she was married to an elderly man, how she'd have to take care of him for all of her good years. It was a miserable situation.

Not to mention don't women ~40, start having their sex drive ramp up??

^YES... and even more at 50.... and I don't see a "ramp down" coming anytime soon!!

Cudleigh

The way I see it, when he was your age, you weren't even born yet. That just seems odd to me. If you want to date someone older, who cares? Go for it. No one can stop you. That being said, you'll probably get asked 39430 times if he's your father when you go out together. So have fun with that.

I usually say +/- 5 or half your age + 7. Though, personally I won't go younger ever again.

shadowofender

I dunno how much my opinion counts or whatever but here's my two cents:

When Iw as 21 (only two years ago mind you) I had a psuedo relationship with a man who was 42. At the time, my mother was 40 (I have super young parents). We never dated for real (for more reasons than the age thing) and there was this huge chasm of life experience between us. I've always been mature for my age but that doesn't begin to cover having lived a life for 42 years. How on earth could I possibly relate? I couldn't, is the answer. He'd drive me crazy when he'd start talking about how he totally understood because he was my age once...and he had an 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage..Just all this stuff. The things that drew us together for a time were the same thigns that meant we couldn't really ever date, not that I wanted to at that age. I never told anyone I was seeing this guy honestly. It was just bad bad bad from the start.

Maturity doesn't count for much compared to experience. I wish someone had explained that better to me rather than just dismissing age gaps out of hand. Life experience..it's this almost insurmountable gap in my opinion. My boyfriend now is six years older and sometimes that even seems crazy.

Plus, if my dad had ever found out I was seeing someone older than him I'm pretty sure there would have been violence involved.

Half your age plus seven. It's a good rule haha.

acpgee

I have a 10Y age difference with my hubby, and we only notice it with incompatible taste in pop music. My mother warns me that when we get older his health will fail first.

fattymcrunnerpants

That being said, you'll probably get asked 39430 times if he's your father when you go out together. So have fun with that.

In my experience no one asks, actually. It's not hard to figure out the man you're calling "honey" isn't your dad.

ElizabethSays

You will eventually see the life experience gap. He has lived more, experienced more. You won't be able to relate to things he has experienced and visa versa. Times are different in your 22 year old world that he won't understand.

If none of that matters to you, then go for it. If you have to ask opinions, then something must be bothering you about this. You can figure it out.

farmers_daughter

I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

ha ha no no and more no. But you do what you want.

Cudleigh

That being said, you'll probably get asked 39430 times if he's your father when you go out together. So have fun with that.

In my experience no one asks, actually. It's not hard to figure out the man you're calling "honey" isn't your dad.

Ah, I'm just used to people confusing family members for my boyfriends and boyfriends for family. >.> Every single time I get dinner with my dad, they think we're married.

Chenry18

My fiance is 42, and I'm 25. We have a 17 year age gap and are incredibly happy! In the end, your happiness is all that matters, and if you two have common interests and love each other, then go for it!

Altintren

I think that because you are asking for other peoples opinions Then there is already some doubt there. Do what makes you happy.

I agree!
If there is a doubt, don't do it. Your mind is screaming from deep inside. Don't waste your time. Every moment is precious. 22 yrs is must-considered gap.

aurorareigns

If none of that matters to you, then go for it. If you have to ask opinions, then something must be bothering you about this. You can figure it out.

I guess the thing that bothered me most (and made me want to ask people'e opinions) is because while I like him and we have a lot that we seem to talk about, and like a lot of the same activities, I was wondering why he would want to date a 20yo. Maybe I would not want to date him if my dad was still around and my dad was around his age, maybe then I would have seen this as weird? Sometimes people from the outside can have more insight than someone inside the situation, and I was just curious if people thought I was making a dumb decision.

helenarriaza

My SO and me have an 18 years difference.

jmt08c

...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

347Gigi

I would just like to know where the "half your age plus 7" rule came from.......

Man Rule 3.29 Sorry I cant give you more info than that or I violate Man Rule 1.1

Thanks! Now I finally have a clue to begin my search for the elusive "Man Rule Book" ....;)

aurorareigns

...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

socalthome

That is a bit to the extreme. My wife & I are 10 years apart, but any more than that, I wouldn't recommend it long term.

LoneWolf_70

...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

uh yeah thats actually the clinical definition.

jmt08c

...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

Correlation does not imply causation don't twist my words.

LoneWolf_70

If none of that matters to you, then go for it. If you have to ask opinions, then something must be bothering you about this. You can figure it out.

I guess the thing that bothered me most (and made me want to ask people'e opinions) is because while I like him and we have a lot that we seem to talk about, and like a lot of the same activities, I was wondering why he would want to date a 20yo. Maybe I would not want to date him if my dad was still around and my dad was around his age, maybe then I would have seen this as weird? Sometimes people from the outside can have more insight than someone inside the situation, and I was just curious if people thought I was making a dumb decision.

he just wants your vajayjay

aurorareigns

...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

Correlation does not imply causation don't twist my words.

I wasn't trying to twist your words. I was just curious.

fattymcrunnerpants

That being said, you'll probably get asked 39430 times if he's your father when you go out together. So have fun with that.

In my experience no one asks, actually. It's not hard to figure out the man you're calling "honey" isn't your dad.

Ah, I'm just used to people confusing family members for my boyfriends and boyfriends for family. >.> Every single time I get dinner with my dad, they think we're married.

That's hilarious. Yeah I haven't ever been asked. Although DH has been asked if the kids were his grands before. Especially when he hangs out with his friend who's also 53 who has kids the same exact age as ours (when I say same age, his 4 year old and ours share a birthday and his 7 year old and ours share a birthday) they both get the "Aww look at the grandpas". Mind you they're both ex military and the friend is a big guy so I'm not sure what's "aww" about it but it's funny.

BrianSharpe

I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

Only if he was rich..........:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Seriously (and I have a 16 yo daughter, if some 36 yo tried to date her I'd probably reach for the shotgun) I'd find it kind of creepy in a child molester kind of way........and, as an older guy, I couldn't imagine any woman less than half my age being interested in me unless she had serious daddy issues or I'd won the lotto.