Dating someone 22 years older?

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  • NaughtyNurse89
    NaughtyNurse89 Posts: 3 Member
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    My dad (50) is marrying his gf of four years (27) in 12 days. They're fantastic together. It all just depends on the couple. If two people work together, age doesn't really matter.
  • jstavix
    jstavix Posts: 407 Member
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    When I was 20, I dated and eventually married, someone older than me, flash forward to when I was in my 30's and wanting to live life, he was a stick in the mud who only wanted to watch t.v and we grew apart. He became an old man within a few years of being together. We were never on the same page and he just gave up trying after a while. Seriously think about what the future will hold with someone who is that much older than you.

    I have a 20 year old daughter and if she brought home a man that old I would probably kick his *kitten*........

    Just saying
  • writergeek313
    writergeek313 Posts: 390 Member
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    The biggest thing is -- you're still growing up and he's grown. That's where the difference lies. You change the most between the ages of 18-24 (at least I did and many of my peers did).

    This is what I was going to bring up. My boyfriend is 15 years older than I am and we've been together for about two and a half years. We have a lot of shared interests and value a lot of the same things, and most of the time our age difference isn't really an issue. But I think of how much I've grown and changed since I was in my early 20s (I'm 35 now). I just don't think I could have handled being with someone with so much more life experience at that age.

    Everybody is different, and there's no one right answer here, but the fact that you're worrying what other people think makes me wonder if on some level you're doubting the relationship yourself. On the one hand, I want to tell you not to worry what other people thing, because I wasted too much time doing that when I was younger, but on the other hand, maybe those around you are seeing something you're not. It's a tough call.
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
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    I know I already replied but I have a couple things to add. My dad lives my boyfriend (16 years my senior) even jokes that he's "too good for me". My step mom thinks he's extremely polite and well mannered. They both approve.

    And, on the topic of my dad and stepmother, they have a 22 year age difference between them, they've been together many years now, final married a couple years ago. They are the most in love couple I know. They work together excellently.
  • TheNoLeafClover
    TheNoLeafClover Posts: 335 Member
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    My advice? Listen to your instincts. Your apprehension and your request for advice tells me this might not be a healthy choice for you. I believe consenting adults should be free to make their own choices and that age does not necessarily determine maturity. At the same time, people go through a lot of changes in their twenties. Your brain is still developing, and I think it's important to factor that into your decision. It took me ending an unhealthy online relationship with a man 20+ years older than me to realize I still had a lot of growing to do.

    While I don't think relationships with large age gaps are inherently unhealthy, I do think the difference in brain development increase that risk. If his language or behavior ever raises any red flags, do not ignore them. Whatever decision you make, think it through carefully. Good luck, OP.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
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    My advice? Listen to your instincts. Your apprehension and your request for advice tells me this might not be a healthy choice for you. I believe consenting adults should be free to make their own choices and that age does not necessarily determine maturity. At the same time, people go through a lot of changes in their twenties. Your brain is still developing, and I think it's important to factor that into your decision. It took me ending an unhealthy online relationship with a man 20+ years older than me to realize I still had a lot of growing to do.

    While I don't think relationships with large age gaps are inherently unhealthy, I do think the difference in brain development increase that risk. If his language or behavior ever raises any red flags, do not ignore them. Whatever decision you make, think it through carefully. Good luck, OP.

    You're right. I think the fact that I'm still worried about whether or not I should date him after some time, most likely means that I shouldn't. At least right now.

    Thank you everyone for your advice.
  • cakebatter07
    cakebatter07 Posts: 814 Member
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    Well how much money does he make?
  • loribethrice
    loribethrice Posts: 620 Member
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    I've been with a man 19 years older than me for over 5 years. We've never had issues and we're very happy.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    You do what you want. I personally wouldn't just because I wouldn't feel I had as much in common with a completely different generation. l love that my husband and I get each others pop culture references. We can reminisce about the same/similar things. We have a shared context.

    My in-laws, on the other had, are almost 20 years apart. They don't really share many interests. They roll their eyes at each others stories. Not sure why they are together since they have nothing in common and seem bored and irritated by one another. There is a constant power struggle.

    That's just my opinion, though. I'm sure inter-generational relationships work out just fine for lots of people.
  • RECowgill
    RECowgill Posts: 881 Member
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    I think its cool. We should all be so lucky as to find someone that we like and are actually attracted to regardless of age or other particulars. And I'm a dad with 2 little girls, I realize one of them might make this decision for themselves one day (or something even more terrifying to us dads). As long as he's not a creep, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But you have to be careful, just make sure its the right decision for you.
  • OllyReeves
    OllyReeves Posts: 579 Member
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    There's kind of a "rule" for men dating younger women. Take your age, cut it in half, and add seven years. If she's younger than that, then you are the creepy old guy.

    In his case, at the age of 42, his absolute lowest limit he should be looking to date is 28. So he's major creepy dude.

    Unless you're being really subtly ironic, this is just a joke. Most people stop following dating 'rules' when they are 15.

    Who cares? If you want to be together, and you're legal, who cares?
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    I think it's up to you, it's legal, if you both want to then go for it. Dating someone doesn't have to mean lifetime commitment, you could just go on a few dates together, see how you get on / what you have in common and go from there.

    I think the biggest issues with age gaps come with wanting different things in life, the older person may want to settle down quickly with the younger person still wanting to go out and have fun. Or because they're from a whole different generation they may have different values, possibly have very different interests and a different perspective on things.

    I wouldn't mind if I had a daughter at that age and she wanted to date an older man, as long as they were happy together and he treats her well that's all that matters to me. As I said, you don't have to rush right in to a full blown relationship, it's not like you're stuck with the guy if it doesn't work out.
  • markiend
    markiend Posts: 461 Member
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    As somebody who was in a large age gap relationship for a year, it only truly matters what you and the other half really think. However you will both be judged by all and sundry and how you react to other peoples views etc will help or hinder

    Everybody will have an opinion but as others have pointed out it's your life and not theirs.

    I tend to look at them , not as age gap relationships, rather... time limit relationships... but then again...aren't they all ?

    go for it and pay little attention to the opinions of others

    edit for spelling
  • SwashBlogger
    SwashBlogger Posts: 395 Member
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    I think it depends where you both are in life. For example, does he have kids if so would he eventually want more. If not and you want kids, move on. Do you have things in common, if so great, if not move on. Think about the future, do you want to be 40 married to someone who is 62, if not move on. You get the idea.

    What's the big fascination with long term? As long as it is healthy and kind, go for it. Although, I think 20 is too young to be in any serious relationship at all.
  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member
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    What do you think about someone who is 20, dating someone who is 42.

    I really need advice.
    My wife is 19 years younger than me? (She's26) . Do you like him (if it's you)? Is it legal? so what's the problem? It's not what other people think it's what the people involved think that matters?
  • Docbanana2002
    Docbanana2002 Posts: 357 Member
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    I'm 41 and honestly can't imagine having anything in common with a 20 year old. Go for it, but my guess is that you're not exactly getting the socially adept 42 year old in the herd.

    THIS. I'm 42 and 20 year olds are kids to me, in a completely different stage of life. Young enough to be my child. Someone who sees them as dating material is probably not someone you want to be dating, and it might be harder for you to see because you aren't his age.

    It's like a 20 year old who wants to date a 12 year old. Setting aside the legal aspect for a moment, think of how you would feel about doing that. If you are a typical 20 year old, you probably think this person 8 years younger is an immature kid and it would be like dating your little brother or something. Nothing in common, either. Any guy your age your age who wanted to date 12 year old kids instead of young women his own age would be seen as a creeper, right? Maybe just after easy sex or a docile girlfriend? Or socially maladjusted? The 12 year old is going to think this 20 year old is mature, but a peer could see that he is not.

    SO....be careful, go slow, keep your eyes open.
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
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    When I was 22 I dated someone who was 38. He was literally 2 years younger than my mom.

    We definitely had a lot of fun together in lots of ways, but in the long run, he had LOADS of baggage (although he had no kids or ex-wife). We just weren't on the same page and were never going to be.

    The biggest thing is -- you're still growing up and he's grown. That's where the difference lies. You change the most between the ages of 18-24 (at least I did and many of my peers did).

    I'm currently seeing someone who's 17 years older than me (10 years younger than my Dad) but in my case I'm 40. We kind of bring different things to the relationship and in a place to learn new things together.

    At 20 I would not of got involved with someone so much older.

    Don't think men ever grow up (IMO) ;)
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
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    1) I think if you're online questioning right/wrong, it's probably not a good idea.

    2) I don't know why a 42 year old would want to date a 20 year old. 25+...maybe...but not 20.

    3) If it was one of my kids, they would have to worry about their crazy Marine father in a ghillie suit in the bushes, so it's probably not a good idea...
  • sc003ro
    sc003ro Posts: 227 Member
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    I am 42 .....I would not date someone not legal to drink,,,,,JMO
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    I'm 41 and would not date a 20 year old. 25 is my limit on the lower age bracket and that's pushing it.

    My rule of thumb for how young to go is 1/2 your age plus 7. So for me that's 27.5 which I think is pretty reasonable, but I'd go to 25 if she was mature enough.

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