Dating someone 22 years older?

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Replies

  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
    you're probably at two different places in life and it likely won't work out.

    But go have fun and do it, if you want! Could end up being a great experience!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    No, I would not approve!
  • doctorregenerated
    doctorregenerated Posts: 188 Member
    My opinion, which may or may not be accurate, but...well, I think it is.

    Look, maybe there is something special and wonderful here.
    But probably...no.
    42 year old men fantasize about 20 year old hotties. The ones that actually go out and get them are creepy.

    With some exceptions.
    But not many.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    I'd be tempted to take him hunting
  • Ivey05131980
    Ivey05131980 Posts: 1,118 Member
    I'm 34 and Lorenzo Lamas is 57. I saw him on tv last night and whoa. He has still got it goin' on. The things I would do. There's my answer.
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  • goldmay
    goldmay Posts: 258 Member
    I'm 24 and definitely can't see myself with someone in their 40s, especially if he has kids from a previous relationship. And if one of my friends were dating a 40-something, I'd be a little weirded out. I guess I'd be happy if they were happy, but I wouldn't be surprised if that relationship didn't last long.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
    My opinion, which may or may not be accurate, but...well, I think it is.

    Look, maybe there is something special and wonderful here.
    But probably...no.
    42 year old men fantasize about 20 year old hotties. The ones that actually go out and get them are creepy.

    With some exceptions.
    But not many.

    This made me question his motives.

    I guess I really like him but I just wanted to ask some other adults opinions because all of my friends are my age or younger and they don't really know anything more than me. I think it's good to know that most of the parents here (it seems) wouldn't approve, so I would think maybe my parents would have felt the same way and not approved also.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    I'm 34 and Lorenzo Lamas is 57. I saw him on tv last night and whoa. He has still got it goin' on. The things I would do. There's my answer.

    Banging is different than dating. I say bang away.


    Cougs hmu
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    I wouldn't be happy with it and would probably try to talk her out of it, most likely using the "What do you have in common?" argument, but I would ultimately realize she's an adult and I don't control her.
  • aldousmom
    aldousmom Posts: 382 Member
    I can't imagine being interested in someone 22 years older, even when I was 20. When I was dating, at any age, I found I couldn't relate they way I'd want to with people who were more than 5 yrs older or younger than I. It's almost as if the differences are cultural with an age gap like that...totally different generations. Even now, I have ZERO patience for people who can't exist in the contemporary world as well I can. There are already enough obstacles in a relationship without adding new stuff. That said, it's really none of my business..ha ha ha ha
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    I wouldn't be happy with it and would probably try to talk her out of it, most likely using the "What do you have in common?" argument, but I would ultimately realize she's an adult and I don't control her.

    Yeah, this is actually how I feel also. It depends. And just woman to woman, if you are really having fun, then go ahead and keep having fun (because I think that's what he is in it for). Don't expect anything more than that.
  • ihad
    ihad Posts: 7,463 Member
    My opinion, which may or may not be accurate, but...well, I think it is.

    Look, maybe there is something special and wonderful here.
    But probably...no.
    42 year old men fantasize about 20 year old hotties. The ones that actually go out and get them are creepy.

    With some exceptions.
    But not many.

    This made me question his motives.

    I guess I really like him but I just wanted to ask some other adults opinions because all of my friends are my age or younger and they don't really know anything more than me. I think it's good to know that most of the parents here (it seems) wouldn't approve, so I would think maybe my parents would have felt the same way and not approved also.

    I think you're on the right track here. As a father, I would be highly suspicious of any 42 year old looking to date a 20 year old - of his motives, maturity, or both.
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  • sinker59
    sinker59 Posts: 130
    No, I'm 55. If I was single I wouldn't dare a 77-yr-old woman. 33 would be ok though.

    Sorry, just having fun.

    My serious answer to your question is absolutely not.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    My opinion, which may or may not be accurate, but...well, I think it is.

    Look, maybe there is something special and wonderful here.
    But probably...no.
    42 year old men fantasize about 20 year old hotties. The ones that actually go out and get them are creepy.

    With some exceptions.
    But not many.

    This made me question his motives.

    I guess I really like him but I just wanted to ask some other adults opinions because all of my friends are my age or younger and they don't really know anything more than me. I think it's good to know that most of the parents here (it seems) wouldn't approve, so I would think maybe my parents would have felt the same way and not approved also.

    Haha, I'm not a parent. But I do have a little sister close to your age. I have big sister syndrome, I guess :)

    If I were in my 40sand chasing hot 20-somethings, it would very likely be because I want a hot 20-something to have sex with again. And maybe for the fun I remember having at that age.

    I tend to be suspicious though.
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
    I think if you need to solicit advice from strangers on the internet, then you have certain doubts about it yourself. Sometimes such a large age gap doesn't make a difference, but most times it does. If you both treat each other right and love each other, why does anybody else's opinion even matter? It's something you need to think about and make your own decision about.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I think it depends where you both are in life. For example, does he have kids if so would he eventually want more. If not and you want kids, move on. Do you have things in common, if so great, if not move on. Think about the future, do you want to be 40 married to someone who is 62, if not move on. You get the idea.

    Yes -- all of this.

    My boss is 51 and her husband is 66. While she never says so, I get the feeling that until recently their age difference of 16 years was never a big issue...but at this particular time, he's really seeming older and not up to doing much of anything but sitting around the house and she is still vibrant & active. It just seems sad.

    On the other hand, there are really no guarantees -- even with a same age or younger partner. My husband is a few years younger than me but he could suddenly have some sort of illness or injury. You just never know.

    I do think it's important to go into a situation with your eyes wide open though.
  • roxywho42
    roxywho42 Posts: 165 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    No, I wouldn't approve of itwere my child (male or femalr), and I've been the younger one in large age gap relationship andi seriously regretted it.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I am not a parent but if I were, I'm pretty sure I would be freaked out about my 20-something dating a 40-something. Although to be honest that might be partly because I NEVER dated a guy more than 5-6 years older and had some issues with feeling like guys even 3 years older were being condescending and/or creepy when I dated them. So I can't even imagine dating a person 20 years older than myself.
  • hbcfit13
    hbcfit13 Posts: 17 Member
    When I was 22 I dated someone who was 38. He was literally 2 years younger than my mom.

    We definitely had a lot of fun together in lots of ways, but in the long run, he had LOADS of baggage (although he had no kids or ex-wife). We just weren't on the same page and were never going to be.

    The biggest thing is -- you're still growing up and he's grown. That's where the difference lies. You change the most between the ages of 18-24 (at least I did and many of my peers did).
  • x311Tifa
    x311Tifa Posts: 357 Member
    If I dated someone 22 years older, that would make him OLDER than my father, who is 20 years and 10 months older... Not happening. Also, if he has kids, how close are they in age to you? Want to become an insta-step-mom? What happens in 20 years? You have quite a bit to think about if this is more than just a fling. If you just want to have fun, go for it. You are the adult, you make the decisions.

    However, if Jared Leto was available and would date me, all bets are OFF. :)
  • SandraJN
    SandraJN Posts: 305 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    No. I have a 40 year old son and I would be unhappy with him if he was with a 20 year old.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
    If I dated someone 22 years older, that would make him OLDER than my father, who is 20 years and 10 months older... Not happening. Also, if he has kids, how close are they in age to you? Want to become an insta-step-mom? What happens in 20 years? You have quite a bit to think about if this is more than just a fling. If you just want to have fun, go for it. You are the adult, you make the decisions.

    However, if Jared Leto was available and would date me, all bets are OFF. :)

    He doesn't have kids and has never been married. It's hard to think 20 years into the future, I can barely picture next year
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member

    He doesn't have kids and has never been married. It's hard to think 20 years into the future, I can barely picture next year

    That might mean the two of you have a bit more in common, at least in my opinion. Honestly after my divorce at age 35 when I dated guys ages 26-30 I had a lot more in common with them than 35-40 yr old dads.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167

    He doesn't have kids and has never been married. It's hard to think 20 years into the future, I can barely picture next year

    That might mean the two of you have a bit more in common, at least in my opinion. Honestly after my divorce at age 35 when I dated guys ages 26-30 I had a lot more in common with them than 35-40 yr old dads.

    We always have a lot of things to talk about and get along quite good.

    I guess the main thing is the age difference. If he was 10 or 12 years younger, I wouldn't think twice about dating him. I was just curious about what other adults (and especially parents) would say about dating with that much of an age difference. I know if anything bad happened some of my friends would say "well what were you thinking dating someone that old" or something along those lines
  • 1911JR
    1911JR Posts: 276
    What do you think about someone who is 20, dating someone who is 42.

    I really need advice.

    1) If he has money, go for it.

    2) If he`s married, and or divorced with a head and closet full of skeleton`s, keep walking.

    3) If you and He / She, likes one another, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    If you feel like there is something to be worrying about, remember that there are tons of guys your age and at your level to be dating. I know some people that dated much older men when they were young and they felt sad when they got older that the guy kind of stole their youth. They were with him, instead of having fun the way a 20 year old should.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
    If you feel like there is something to be worrying about, remember that there are tons of guys your age and at your level to be dating. I know some people that dated much older men when they were young and they felt sad when they got older that they guy kind of stole their youth. They were with him, instead of having fun the way a 20 year old should.

    Okay that is a really good point. This is prob the best advice I've heard all night. Really makes me consider because I could be spending time with kids my age on campus or with him

    You guys make some great substitute parents *thumbs up*
  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 661 Member
    honestly I say do what you want to. My husband is 10 years older than me and our 10th wedding anniversary is on August 18th. Age is a mental thing I believe for the most part.
    Everyone said we wouldn't last because of it, granted I did get married when I was 16 (no I wasn't pregnant) and he was 27 (no he's not a pedophile). I do think it's more work though, even 10 years can be a big difference in the "times" which you grew up.

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