Dating someone 22 years older?

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Replies

  • sinker59
    sinker59 Posts: 130
    No, I'm 55. If I was single I wouldn't dare a 77-yr-old woman. 33 would be ok though.

    Sorry, just having fun.

    My serious answer to your question is absolutely not.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    My opinion, which may or may not be accurate, but...well, I think it is.

    Look, maybe there is something special and wonderful here.
    But probably...no.
    42 year old men fantasize about 20 year old hotties. The ones that actually go out and get them are creepy.

    With some exceptions.
    But not many.

    This made me question his motives.

    I guess I really like him but I just wanted to ask some other adults opinions because all of my friends are my age or younger and they don't really know anything more than me. I think it's good to know that most of the parents here (it seems) wouldn't approve, so I would think maybe my parents would have felt the same way and not approved also.

    Haha, I'm not a parent. But I do have a little sister close to your age. I have big sister syndrome, I guess :)

    If I were in my 40sand chasing hot 20-somethings, it would very likely be because I want a hot 20-something to have sex with again. And maybe for the fun I remember having at that age.

    I tend to be suspicious though.
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
    I think if you need to solicit advice from strangers on the internet, then you have certain doubts about it yourself. Sometimes such a large age gap doesn't make a difference, but most times it does. If you both treat each other right and love each other, why does anybody else's opinion even matter? It's something you need to think about and make your own decision about.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I think it depends where you both are in life. For example, does he have kids if so would he eventually want more. If not and you want kids, move on. Do you have things in common, if so great, if not move on. Think about the future, do you want to be 40 married to someone who is 62, if not move on. You get the idea.

    Yes -- all of this.

    My boss is 51 and her husband is 66. While she never says so, I get the feeling that until recently their age difference of 16 years was never a big issue...but at this particular time, he's really seeming older and not up to doing much of anything but sitting around the house and she is still vibrant & active. It just seems sad.

    On the other hand, there are really no guarantees -- even with a same age or younger partner. My husband is a few years younger than me but he could suddenly have some sort of illness or injury. You just never know.

    I do think it's important to go into a situation with your eyes wide open though.
  • roxywho42
    roxywho42 Posts: 165 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    No, I wouldn't approve of itwere my child (male or femalr), and I've been the younger one in large age gap relationship andi seriously regretted it.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I am not a parent but if I were, I'm pretty sure I would be freaked out about my 20-something dating a 40-something. Although to be honest that might be partly because I NEVER dated a guy more than 5-6 years older and had some issues with feeling like guys even 3 years older were being condescending and/or creepy when I dated them. So I can't even imagine dating a person 20 years older than myself.
  • hbcfit13
    hbcfit13 Posts: 17 Member
    When I was 22 I dated someone who was 38. He was literally 2 years younger than my mom.

    We definitely had a lot of fun together in lots of ways, but in the long run, he had LOADS of baggage (although he had no kids or ex-wife). We just weren't on the same page and were never going to be.

    The biggest thing is -- you're still growing up and he's grown. That's where the difference lies. You change the most between the ages of 18-24 (at least I did and many of my peers did).
  • x311Tifa
    x311Tifa Posts: 357 Member
    If I dated someone 22 years older, that would make him OLDER than my father, who is 20 years and 10 months older... Not happening. Also, if he has kids, how close are they in age to you? Want to become an insta-step-mom? What happens in 20 years? You have quite a bit to think about if this is more than just a fling. If you just want to have fun, go for it. You are the adult, you make the decisions.

    However, if Jared Leto was available and would date me, all bets are OFF. :)
  • SandraJN
    SandraJN Posts: 305 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    No. I have a 40 year old son and I would be unhappy with him if he was with a 20 year old.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
    If I dated someone 22 years older, that would make him OLDER than my father, who is 20 years and 10 months older... Not happening. Also, if he has kids, how close are they in age to you? Want to become an insta-step-mom? What happens in 20 years? You have quite a bit to think about if this is more than just a fling. If you just want to have fun, go for it. You are the adult, you make the decisions.

    However, if Jared Leto was available and would date me, all bets are OFF. :)

    He doesn't have kids and has never been married. It's hard to think 20 years into the future, I can barely picture next year
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member

    He doesn't have kids and has never been married. It's hard to think 20 years into the future, I can barely picture next year

    That might mean the two of you have a bit more in common, at least in my opinion. Honestly after my divorce at age 35 when I dated guys ages 26-30 I had a lot more in common with them than 35-40 yr old dads.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167

    He doesn't have kids and has never been married. It's hard to think 20 years into the future, I can barely picture next year

    That might mean the two of you have a bit more in common, at least in my opinion. Honestly after my divorce at age 35 when I dated guys ages 26-30 I had a lot more in common with them than 35-40 yr old dads.

    We always have a lot of things to talk about and get along quite good.

    I guess the main thing is the age difference. If he was 10 or 12 years younger, I wouldn't think twice about dating him. I was just curious about what other adults (and especially parents) would say about dating with that much of an age difference. I know if anything bad happened some of my friends would say "well what were you thinking dating someone that old" or something along those lines
  • 1911JR
    1911JR Posts: 276
    What do you think about someone who is 20, dating someone who is 42.

    I really need advice.

    1) If he has money, go for it.

    2) If he`s married, and or divorced with a head and closet full of skeleton`s, keep walking.

    3) If you and He / She, likes one another, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    If you feel like there is something to be worrying about, remember that there are tons of guys your age and at your level to be dating. I know some people that dated much older men when they were young and they felt sad when they got older that the guy kind of stole their youth. They were with him, instead of having fun the way a 20 year old should.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
    If you feel like there is something to be worrying about, remember that there are tons of guys your age and at your level to be dating. I know some people that dated much older men when they were young and they felt sad when they got older that they guy kind of stole their youth. They were with him, instead of having fun the way a 20 year old should.

    Okay that is a really good point. This is prob the best advice I've heard all night. Really makes me consider because I could be spending time with kids my age on campus or with him

    You guys make some great substitute parents *thumbs up*
  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 661 Member
    honestly I say do what you want to. My husband is 10 years older than me and our 10th wedding anniversary is on August 18th. Age is a mental thing I believe for the most part.
    Everyone said we wouldn't last because of it, granted I did get married when I was 16 (no I wasn't pregnant) and he was 27 (no he's not a pedophile). I do think it's more work though, even 10 years can be a big difference in the "times" which you grew up.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
    I have a 20 year old daughter and I would have some serious doubts and questions if she brought someone home my age. The thing is, like someone else said, you still have a lot of life to experience and a lot of growing to do. He's done it and been there.

    So I'll say to you what I would say to her.

    What does a 20 year old bring to the table in a relationship like that? Aside from the obvious. What is he getting out of this (again, aside from the obvious)? I love my daughter dearly, but she's not on the same emotional and philosophical plane as I am so I can't imagine how you can "connect" on all those levels with someone who is an entirely different generation than you.

    What happens when you're 40 and he's 62 and getting ready to retire?

    On the other hand, I don't know you and I don't know him so I can't make a good guess on this. But my gut reaction is hell no.
  • Spicysausage2
    Spicysausage2 Posts: 24
    Usually when you "fall in love" with someone you don't think about it like you would think about buying a house or a car
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
    Usually when you "fall in love" with someone you don't think about it like you would think about buying a house or a car

    Are you only supposed to date people you fall in love with? (this is not sarcasm, I'm really wondering)
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I just NOTICED! I have a kid around your age and even I haven't had to sleep with 42 yr old yet, why should you?

    Gender equality level eleventy!!! Sexual revolution FTW!!

    #nocougar

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