Triggers I notice on MFP
SHBoss1673
Posts: 7,161 Member
So over the course of 4 years of not only losing weight, but gaining knowledge about the human body, metabolism, and the psychology of food, I've picked up a few things, learned a few things, and experienced a lot of emotions.
I always try to put things together and make sense out of it. Like a jigsaw puzzle if you will.
One thing I notice on MFP forums quite a bit are triggers that people have. Things I would never have thought twice about 5 years ago scream at me now like they are in flashing neon. In 90% of the cases when I see them, the people posting them don't even realize they are triggers.
Some are "pet peeves" or annoyances, some are negative (and even positive) emotions based around food and body image. Some are habits that people post about. Usually if I see an obvious one, I'll take a quick look at the poster's profile and see if there are any hints that further develop my suppositions. Many times there are. I'm not going to point anything out here, that would be rude of me. But I'll put out a call to everyone, a challenge if you will, something I've done with myself in the past, to examine your own thought processes and see what triggers you have, and maybe, just maybe you'll be able to trace these triggers back to mental issues that are part of the underlying reasons for your weight gain. Remember, in many many cases, weight gain is a symptom of psychological trauma or disassociation, and solving the underlying cause, can really help with the weight issue.
Here's a completely fictitious example I just made up. If this hits close to home for anyone, remember, I didn't draw this from any real person's life, I may have heard many many stories and drawn upon those facts to create the situation, but never was I told this story.
Jane Doe is obese, she's in her mid 30's and works at an office. She's tried to lose weight most of her adult life. When she was 18 and in college, she was trying to keep the college beer and bad food weight off (even though she was considered at a very healthy weight, she felt she was a little fat and wanted to lose). Back then getting the weight off was relatively easy, a couple of weeks eating nothing but salads and going to the school gym to work on the bike or elliptical and she dropped that little 5 or 10 lbs. But it always came back eventually.
When she left school and started to work full time, money was an issue (as it always is), free time became less, and priorities changed, she still on and off dieted, with limited success, but gained about 15 lbs over the next 3 years anyway. She thought about it once in a while with some small amount of shame and guilt, but never really took control of the situation. Eventually she was married, and had a child, gained about 25 lbs more weight, and was now on the verge of the obese category. She never even noticed until one day, at about 30, she overheard some rather caustic stuff said about her weight by a co-worker in hushed tones. Embarrassed and angry, she decided to lose weight, took on a rather extreme diet, lost 30 lbs, and strutted her stuff. Within 6 months the weight came back with a vengeance, not only did she gain the 30 back, but packed on another 15 as well. Now she's solidly obese, doesn't go to the gym regularly, has a sit down job, a 9 year old kid demanding attention, and a husband who is losing interest in her physically. She decided to change, this time really change. No more diets to lose, no more yoyoing up and down, she sits down to start researching, and finds MFP, starts working on her food, her exercise, eating with a decent deficit, and slowly starts dropping weight. She hits a bit of a wall, and has been stuck for a couple of months with minimal weight loss. She's at a loss for what the problem is, she follows her routine (mostly), tries to stick to her calories (usually), works out 3 times a week moderately hard, and tries to eat relatively healthy.
Reasonable story, so what's the issue?
I don't know, but I can tell you there are gaps here, mental gaps. Triggers if you will. Mentally we know the highlights, but not the things that really bother her deep down where there's no place to hide. Food is so intimately tied in with psyche today that most of us tie food to comfort and safety. I'd say that she has triggers, maybe she doesn't realize when she's eating, maybe she's lying to us, or herself without even realizing it. I'll be she gets offended at certain topics easier than is reasonable (trigger), maybe she finds herself in certain situations where she just can't seem to take control of her eating, like with certain friends or at certain locations (trigger), could be that when she has certain emotions she stresses much more (trigger), or that she's subconsciously backing off her "best effort" when working out (trigger). Triggers are like pieces of the puzzle. The don't tell you your issues, but they give you clues.
Essentially it boils down to confronting your own problems, you don't have to solve them, you just have to recognize them. Once you do that, you eliminate a major roadblock for many people to becoming truly healthy. Seeing your mental person "naked" with all it's faults is eye opening. Really confronting your shortcomings (and I don't mean the fat rolls, I mean the truly nasty stuff like bias's and hatreds and fears) and identifying them can be nothing short of an epiphany, don't sell yourself short, be strong, strive to be better, it really will help physically as well as mentally.
I always try to put things together and make sense out of it. Like a jigsaw puzzle if you will.
One thing I notice on MFP forums quite a bit are triggers that people have. Things I would never have thought twice about 5 years ago scream at me now like they are in flashing neon. In 90% of the cases when I see them, the people posting them don't even realize they are triggers.
Some are "pet peeves" or annoyances, some are negative (and even positive) emotions based around food and body image. Some are habits that people post about. Usually if I see an obvious one, I'll take a quick look at the poster's profile and see if there are any hints that further develop my suppositions. Many times there are. I'm not going to point anything out here, that would be rude of me. But I'll put out a call to everyone, a challenge if you will, something I've done with myself in the past, to examine your own thought processes and see what triggers you have, and maybe, just maybe you'll be able to trace these triggers back to mental issues that are part of the underlying reasons for your weight gain. Remember, in many many cases, weight gain is a symptom of psychological trauma or disassociation, and solving the underlying cause, can really help with the weight issue.
Here's a completely fictitious example I just made up. If this hits close to home for anyone, remember, I didn't draw this from any real person's life, I may have heard many many stories and drawn upon those facts to create the situation, but never was I told this story.
Jane Doe is obese, she's in her mid 30's and works at an office. She's tried to lose weight most of her adult life. When she was 18 and in college, she was trying to keep the college beer and bad food weight off (even though she was considered at a very healthy weight, she felt she was a little fat and wanted to lose). Back then getting the weight off was relatively easy, a couple of weeks eating nothing but salads and going to the school gym to work on the bike or elliptical and she dropped that little 5 or 10 lbs. But it always came back eventually.
When she left school and started to work full time, money was an issue (as it always is), free time became less, and priorities changed, she still on and off dieted, with limited success, but gained about 15 lbs over the next 3 years anyway. She thought about it once in a while with some small amount of shame and guilt, but never really took control of the situation. Eventually she was married, and had a child, gained about 25 lbs more weight, and was now on the verge of the obese category. She never even noticed until one day, at about 30, she overheard some rather caustic stuff said about her weight by a co-worker in hushed tones. Embarrassed and angry, she decided to lose weight, took on a rather extreme diet, lost 30 lbs, and strutted her stuff. Within 6 months the weight came back with a vengeance, not only did she gain the 30 back, but packed on another 15 as well. Now she's solidly obese, doesn't go to the gym regularly, has a sit down job, a 9 year old kid demanding attention, and a husband who is losing interest in her physically. She decided to change, this time really change. No more diets to lose, no more yoyoing up and down, she sits down to start researching, and finds MFP, starts working on her food, her exercise, eating with a decent deficit, and slowly starts dropping weight. She hits a bit of a wall, and has been stuck for a couple of months with minimal weight loss. She's at a loss for what the problem is, she follows her routine (mostly), tries to stick to her calories (usually), works out 3 times a week moderately hard, and tries to eat relatively healthy.
Reasonable story, so what's the issue?
I don't know, but I can tell you there are gaps here, mental gaps. Triggers if you will. Mentally we know the highlights, but not the things that really bother her deep down where there's no place to hide. Food is so intimately tied in with psyche today that most of us tie food to comfort and safety. I'd say that she has triggers, maybe she doesn't realize when she's eating, maybe she's lying to us, or herself without even realizing it. I'll be she gets offended at certain topics easier than is reasonable (trigger), maybe she finds herself in certain situations where she just can't seem to take control of her eating, like with certain friends or at certain locations (trigger), could be that when she has certain emotions she stresses much more (trigger), or that she's subconsciously backing off her "best effort" when working out (trigger). Triggers are like pieces of the puzzle. The don't tell you your issues, but they give you clues.
Essentially it boils down to confronting your own problems, you don't have to solve them, you just have to recognize them. Once you do that, you eliminate a major roadblock for many people to becoming truly healthy. Seeing your mental person "naked" with all it's faults is eye opening. Really confronting your shortcomings (and I don't mean the fat rolls, I mean the truly nasty stuff like bias's and hatreds and fears) and identifying them can be nothing short of an epiphany, don't sell yourself short, be strong, strive to be better, it really will help physically as well as mentally.
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Replies
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Such a good post! My going to look at my habits and see what my trigger are! thanks for the post!0
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Wow it is scary how close you are to describing me! However I am in my mid 40's and not obese, just overweight. Hopefully I can stick with my exercise and healthier eating plan (and accountability) so I begin reverse the other way again. It is definitely inspiring to see people on here and a few facebook friends I have who have lost weight and adapted a healthier, more active lifestyle. It shows it can be done - and I want to join them!0
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REally interested, thanks for sharing
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Great post. :flowerforyou:0
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Bump to read later!0
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Thanks for this, there are huge triggers all around us. And, I absolutely believe that confronting them is crucial to losing weight.
If I can contribute/add a bit, I think one of the major psychological reasons that many people are overweight is a feeling of lack of control (this is also a major issue with people who suffer from binge eating disorder, anorexia or bulimia). Realizing that it was ME and only ME that had control over what went on with my body was my major breakthrough. It did two things: it made me feel like I was in control, and it forced me to take responsibility for all of my actions. Or, as my old trainer used to say when I said "but I can't" "Can't lives on won't street." There's almost nothing that we can't do...but there is so much that we won't do. If we say "I can't stop eating (insert food here)" what we really mean is "I won't stop eating..." Just my 2 cents.:flowerforyou:0 -
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Thought provoking. Thanks!0
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great post!0
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Bump for later. Thanks for this! You've given me lots to think about.0
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Amen! Great post! I blogged about this in my own personal situation not long ago. As someone who's had weight loss surgery but is now eaty dense food again, I can only hold very small amounts in my stomach. My body will not let me "eat my emotions" any more. I have no idea but to face those "gaps", as you call them and, yes, in most of my cases they are emotional cues that I must stop, think about and deal with. Some days are exhausting but well worth it in the end. It's not just a nutritional and physiological learning process but psycho/social one as well.
Thanks for a great post!0 -
Man, I really like this post! Annnnd, I agree whole-heartedly. RIGHT ON!0
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Thanks for this, there are huge triggers all around us. And, I absolutely believe that confronting them is crucial to losing weight.
If I can contribute/add a bit, I think one of the major psychological reasons that many people are overweight is a feeling of lack of control (this is also a major issue with people who suffer from binge eating disorder, anorexia or bulimia). Realizing that it was ME and only ME that had control over what went on with my body was my major breakthrough. It did two things: it made me feel like I was in control, and it forced me to take responsibility for all of my actions. Or, as my old trainer used to say when I said "but I can't" "Can't lives on won't street." There's almost nothing that we can't do...but there is so much that we won't do. If we say "I can't stop eating (insert food here)" what we really mean is "I won't stop eating..." Just my 2 cents.:flowerforyou:
Oh I agree, control is a big problem. Maybe when you were young and impressionable, the times you felt safest and happiest were when your parents (or grand parents in some cases) all sat down and ate a big supper. Subconsciously over years of time, this becomes a retreat for you, a place you go to hide from problems. You can't always run to your parents for support, but you CAN always retreat to a nice meal, that eventually becomes boiled down in your primitive brain to food= safety or food=problem suppression. You may not even realize it. But it's there, for most of us it's there to one degree or another. So when life gets stressful and you are feeling overwhelmed, many people turn to food for comfort from those trying problems. Similarly, many people with eating disorders (like anorexia or bulimia) use the opposite function. When things in their life are out of control, they turn to the one thing they have supreme control over, their body. They translate control into denial, and until they resolve the control issues, they won't ever be free of the eating disorder.0 -
bumping for later - thanks!0
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Very powerful. We certainly all have triggers, I know some of mine, and you said what I am sure a lot of us need to hear!
btw ... GO PATRIOTS!0 -
It's funny (not Ha Ha funny, but interesting funny), I just browsed through the recent posts and found 3 very noticeable trigger posts. I won't point them out, but they are quite obvious in my mind.
OOh, I almost described the generic situations involved in what I read, that would have made the posts quite obvious, I wouldn't like that if someone did it to me, so I won't do that to someone else.
For the record, I've always had problems expressing myself, partly because of my family history, partly because of other things that I've since reconciled (mostly) in my life. And being what some would term as a "mentor" on here, is one of the ways I overcome my fear of putting myself out there. I have learned to be more forceful in my speech, and not to back down and concede to others wishes so much at the expense of my own. I still have a long way to go, but I'm working on it.
The point being, while I really do appreciate the kind words people say, I write this stuff as much for me as I do for you guys. I love helping, but I also love that I'm able to articulate myself on MFP (and in person now somewhat).0 -
It's so hard to figure out my trigger(s). But for me, it seems that food itself is the trigger. If it's there, I have a hard time not eating it, especially dessert foods!0
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It's so hard to figure out my trigger(s). But for me, it seems that food itself is the trigger. If it's there, I have a hard time not eating it, especially dessert foods!
Something I did for my first 3 months was carry a food journal. when you eat, or want to eat, you write down what ever thoughts are in your head, don't think, just write down the things you are thinking about. Sometimes you will get a clue that way. After a few weeks, go back and really look into what you're thinking about, patterns sometimes form. In my experience it's very rare that food is the actual issue, humans are born with hunger, we don't come wired to eat when we aren't hungry, that's a learned trait, which means it must be attached to some other primal emotion deep down.
Put it this way, your 3rd sentence is a neon sign to me. Flashing away. Saying "HEY, LOOK AT ME, I'M A BURIED EMOTIONAL ISSUE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM, BUT YOU KNOW THAT I'M HERE NOW."
I'm not saying finding out the root cause is easy, it almost never is. It's buried for a good reason, your psyche may not be ready to deal with it. It's a decision we all need to make, whether we are strong enough to deal with our skeletons. These things are powerful. They can change your whole life, they can cause your personality to change drastically (if they are big enough issues), it's something to be wary of, but not something to shy away from. Go in with open eyes and I think you should be fine.0 -
I'm tagging in here, Banks.
If you feel like food is the trigger, it's important to really think about what associations certain foods have for you. I used to think that desserts were just good, and that's why I overate them. I actually associate them with my grandmother's house...which was a refuge for me, and always contained baked goods. I do notice that there are aspects to the food itself that once I start can trigger me to overeat (for me, sweets lead to physical cravings for more sweets, especially if I'm calorie-restricted) but what makes me start to eat sweets is almost always feelings of being overwhelmed or unsafe.
A therapist I once saw (who specialized in disordered eating) told me "I think for you, the urge to binge means you said "yes" to something you should have said "no" to." That was a life-changer for me, and that's the question I ask myself when I feel the pull of the bakery "What should you have said "no" to?"
Good thread...0 -
Thought provoking.... thanks!
Bump0 -
I've thought about this before and tried to focus on the why's when I am overeating. I binge - and that's a huge problem for me. I go through phases of super controlled eating and stupidly uncontrollable eating. I like being in control ... so I don't know why I let myself lose it sometimes. I've identified some triggers as stress, boredom, true hunger (from going too long without eating) and - the hardest to control (for me, anyway) - the absolute love of food. I like the way things taste, I like different textures, I like the feel-good feelings associated with eating.
But, this is not what has made me fat. I have pictures of myself as a toddler and even then I was overweight. Obviously I was not controlling what I ate at that point in time. Is it right of me to blame my family? No. And I don't. One way we all show love is through food. And I believe this is good - as long as the food is healthy and in moderation and not the only way we express love. But, the food I ate growing up - before I even know what calories were - was the food my grandparents were fed. Corn bread, beans, gravy, beef and butter on everything. My grandparents ate this kind of food and worked all day long on a farm. I ate this food and watched TV and played in my room and was a typical kid of the '80s.
I've always dreamed of being a healthy weight and I know it is completely in my realm of control to do so. I pride myself on taking control of situations and getting things done to the best of my ability. So ... why do my "triggers" have such control in my life and what can I do about it? I'm logical, I can identify them, I just do not know how to make them go away. "Just stop eating" does not work when the reasons we eat are deeper than hunger.0 -
I've thought about this before and tried to focus on the why's when I am overeating. I binge - and that's a huge problem for me. I go through phases of super controlled eating and stupidly uncontrollable eating. I like being in control ... so I don't know why I let myself lose it sometimes. I've identified some triggers as stress, boredom, true hunger (from going too long without eating) and - the hardest to control (for me, anyway) - the absolute love of food. I like the way things taste, I like different textures, I like the feel-good feelings associated with eating.
But, this is not what has made me fat. I have pictures of myself as a toddler and even then I was overweight. Obviously I was not controlling what I ate at that point in time. Is it right of me to blame my family? No. And I don't. One way we all show love is through food. And I believe this is good - as long as the food is healthy and in moderation and not the only way we express love. But, the food I ate growing up - before I even know what calories were - was the food my grandparents were fed. Corn bread, beans, gravy, beef and butter on everything. My grandparents ate this kind of food and worked all day long on a farm. I ate this food and watched TV and played in my room and was a typical kid of the '80s.
I've always dreamed of being a healthy weight and I know it is completely in my realm of control to do so. I pride myself on taking control of situations and getting things done to the best of my ability. So ... why do my "triggers" have such control in my life and what can I do about it? I'm logical, I can identify them, I just do not know how to make them go away. "Just stop eating" does not work when the reasons we eat are deeper than hunger.
And there's the rub. Once you identify your triggers, the work doesn't stop there. You still have to put in the hard work to change your situation. Like any addiction, the chemicals released in your brain from comfort and safety are addictive (dopamine specifically), and like any addiction, they need to be actively accepted and you need to be constantly vigilant. All the physical requirements are still in play like watching calories, eating healthy foods, exercise...etc. but when you add in active understanding of WHY you do the things you do, that's when real change happens. You can train yourself to be more healthy just like you trained yourself to love comfort foods, it takes time though. Until someone thinks of it not as a deprivation of a comfort and more as an addition of something good to your life, you can't really be healthy for life. In other words, once you identify your issues, now you have to go about convincing yourself that eating right and exercise are a GOOD thing, not for what they do to you, but for themselves.
the good news about dopamine, is that there are other ways to get it. So unlike some addictions (say alcohol or gambling) you don't need to quit completely, you just need to change how you get it. You can receive pleasure from any one of a number of ways that are perfectly healthy and acceptable. Exercise for some, sex for some, hobbies for some, work for some...etc. food is just one choice of many, one we can overcome if need be.0 -
Such an amazing topic.0
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Bump! 0
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Great post. I had to really learn to be accountable, and log EVERYTHING I eat before the weight started coming off. I was so frustrated because MFP said I should be losing weight, but I wasn't. The truth is, I was lying to myself... coming to terms with my own issues has been a huge (and ever ongoing) step towards my health, and you have helped!!!0
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I've thought about this before and tried to focus on the why's when I am overeating. I binge - and that's a huge problem for me. I go through phases of super controlled eating and stupidly uncontrollable eating. I like being in control ... so I don't know why I let myself lose it sometimes. I've identified some triggers as stress, boredom, true hunger (from going too long without eating) and - the hardest to control (for me, anyway) - the absolute love of food. I like the way things taste, I like different textures, I like the feel-good feelings associated with eating.
But, this is not what has made me fat. I have pictures of myself as a toddler and even then I was overweight. Obviously I was not controlling what I ate at that point in time. Is it right of me to blame my family? No. And I don't. One way we all show love is through food. And I believe this is good - as long as the food is healthy and in moderation and not the only way we express love. But, the food I ate growing up - before I even know what calories were - was the food my grandparents were fed. Corn bread, beans, gravy, beef and butter on everything. My grandparents ate this kind of food and worked all day long on a farm. I ate this food and watched TV and played in my room and was a typical kid of the '80s.
I've always dreamed of being a healthy weight and I know it is completely in my realm of control to do so. I pride myself on taking control of situations and getting things done to the best of my ability. So ... why do my "triggers" have such control in my life and what can I do about it? I'm logical, I can identify them, I just do not know how to make them go away. "Just stop eating" does not work when the reasons we eat are deeper than hunger.
And there's the rub. Once you identify your triggers, the work doesn't stop there. You still have to put in the hard work to change your situation. Like any addiction, the chemicals released in your brain from comfort and safety are addictive (dopamine specifically), and like any addiction, they need to be actively accepted and you need to be constantly vigilant. All the physical requirements are still in play like watching calories, eating healthy foods, exercise...etc. but when you add in active understanding of WHY you do the things you do, that's when real change happens. You can train yourself to be more healthy just like you trained yourself to love comfort foods, it takes time though. Until someone thinks of it as a deprivation of a comfort and more as an addition of something good to your life, you can't really be healthy for life. In other words, once you identify your issues, now you have to go about convincing yourself that eating right and exercise are a GOOD thing, not for what they do to you, but for themselves.
the good news about dopamine, is that there are other ways to get it. So unlike some addictions (say alcohol or gambling) you don't need to quit completely, you just need to change how you get it. You can receive pleasure from any one of a number of ways that are perfectly healthy and acceptable. Exercise for some, sex for some, hobbies for some, work for some...etc. food is just one choice of many, one we can overcome if need be.
It's even harder when a "food addiction" isn't as socially acceptable as alcoholism or drug addiction. I have absolutely retrained myself in many ways. I now love working out. I see it as something good I'm doing for my body. It FEELS good and it didn't used to. I feel bad when I don't do it. I think I'm pretty good at working out, haha, unfortunately I'm also really good at undoing all my hard work! I go from one extreme to the other. And, it's not something I'm proud of. It's definitely going to be a constant battle. Guess I love my dopamine, I just have to work on cutting out the tie between "feel good" and food. 0 -
Tagging so I can come back to this. I think I need help in this area.0
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It's funny (not Ha Ha funny, but interesting funny), I just browsed through the recent posts and found 3 very noticeable trigger posts. I won't point them out, but they are quite obvious in my mind.
OOh, I almost described the generic situations involved in what I read, that would have made the posts quite obvious, I wouldn't like that if someone did it to me, so I won't do that to someone else.
For the record, I've always had problems expressing myself, partly because of my family history, partly because of other things that I've since reconciled (mostly) in my life. And being what some would term as a "mentor" on here, is one of the ways I overcome my fear of putting myself out there. I have learned to be more forceful in my speech, and not to back down and concede to others wishes so much at the expense of my own. I still have a long way to go, but I'm working on it.
The point being, while I really do appreciate the kind words people say, I write this stuff as much for me as I do for you guys. I love helping, but I also love that I'm able to articulate myself on MFP (and in person now somewhat).
I wish you would point out some of the triggers...I'm either not getting it or reading these posts too quickly to catch your drift.0 -
I wish you would point out some of the triggers...I'm either not getting it or reading these posts too quickly to catch your drift.
as much as I'd love to, I wouldn't want to embarrass people on a public forum (at least not without their consent) so I won't. If you want to know, you can PM me and I'll point some out, but not on a public forum.0 -
bump
thanks, banks. though the eating + exercise takes a lot of 'doing' - being really open to making changes has been 99.5% mental for me.
i'm hoping i'll get there someday. :glasses:0
This discussion has been closed.
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