Triggers I notice on MFP

XFitMojoMom

As someone mentioned, when I am upset my normal reaction was not to eat. I'd "starve" myself as punishment for not being good enough (for whatever circumstance it was). It was a action/reaction I had from a young age - always trying to please my father, my mother, my coaches. I was a nationally ranked & international level gymnast and losing weight always made my coach happy; being #1 made my dad happy... so I made losing weight a game, which eventually turned into a kind of addiction.

So fast forward several years and having "dealt" with my ED... a new friend called Al Cohol enters my life. Drinking was so much better than starving because it numbed all "pain", takes the edge off.

My kids are driving me crazy: Pour two 6 oz glasses of wine
I feel like crap today: Drink bottle of wine
My husband wants sex and I feel crap about myself: 2 glasses of wine, 3 scotches
oh, my back aches: 2 fingers of scotch
Dinner Party: Drink 20 oz Vodka, and 2 bottles of wine
Preparing dinner listening to Frank Sinatra: Drink toppy red
can't sleep: drink 2 ozs of Vicks Nyquil
.
.
.
.
.
So you can see the pattern here - swapping one addiction for another. And while I don't want to ban it from my life, I want to form a healthy relationship with it. I think I am learning how to temper the beast through my CF workouts. I'm looking at doing another 30 days sober with the aim of allowing myself a responsible drink on weekends.
For the first time this month, I've actually resented my Friend Al Cohol. I looked at him sideways and said to him he's a SOB that won't bring me down.
...well, maybe his friend Cristal will tonight.:laugh:

lotusfromthemud

Banks, you are so brave. My hero, seriously.

(we have so many heroes here at MFP)

I've blogged in detail about my childhood, so I'll just say that anything that reminds me of my childhood can trigger me. I've realized that keeping silent/ashamed about it is my true trigger very recently. Also, Banks, I thought I was "just fine" for years, not really acknowledging the effect that my childhood trauma had on me. I was an angry, mean, sometimes drunk or high twenty-something. People who know me now wouldn't have recognized me, I'm pretty sure. (at least I hope)

Triggers includes fears of not being "good enough", the house being too messy (similar situation with an absent dad and a probably depressed/exhausted mom who never cleaned anything), slamming doors, screaming (even overhearing someone on the street yelling at someone is very upsetting to me) and worries about money.

I've noticed that my current number one trigger emotion (very recent realization) is resentment. I resent things...how other people appear to not to have to work as hard as I do to lose weight (which is most likely BS), I resent that my emotions are still so prevalent and easily triggered, I resent a lot of things. What a whiner:laugh: . Now that I've named this emotion, I'm trying to figure out how to work through it. It's pretty much just feeling sorry for myself mixed with (sometimes justified) anger. To the heavy bag! The trap of resentment is that it's given me this really bizarre "I'll show them...I'll just eat this bag of chips" rebellious eating. :noway:

Mojo, I've spent a bit of time with your other friend Al, and a few of his uglier pals as well (in my skinny/not so sober 20s). I realize that food is just another addiction to struggle with. Essentially, I don't think I ever built good coping skills as a child/young person, I just went for the easy ones. So, now I'm in the process of raising myself. Better late than never!

My current life is complete awesomesauce, so I'm trying to concentrate on how great everything is now whenever the past intrudes.

You guys are my fellow warriors, and I am grateful.:flowerforyou:

mroper

Bump:drinker:

oregonlady

bump

nemrenu

Bump

SHBoss1673

Banks, you are so brave. My hero, seriously.

(we have so many heroes here at MFP)

I've blogged in detail about my childhood, so I'll just say that anything that reminds me of my childhood can trigger me. I've realized that keeping silent/ashamed about it is my true trigger very recently. Also, Banks, I thought I was "just fine" for years, not really acknowledging the effect that my childhood trauma had on me. I was an angry, mean, sometimes drunk or high twenty-something. People who know me now wouldn't have recognized me, I'm pretty sure. (at least I hope)

Triggers includes fears of not being "good enough", the house being too messy (similar situation with an absent dad and a probably depressed/exhausted mom who never cleaned anything), slamming doors, screaming (even overhearing someone on the street yelling at someone is very upsetting to me) and worries about money.

I've noticed that my current number one trigger emotion (very recent realization) is resentment. I resent things...how other people appear to not to have to work as hard as I do to lose weight (which is most likely BS), I resent that my emotions are still so prevalent and easily triggered, I resent a lot of things. What a whiner:laugh: . Now that I've named this emotion, I'm trying to figure out how to work through it. It's pretty much just feeling sorry for myself mixed with (sometimes justified) anger. To the heavy bag! The trap of resentment is that it's given me this really bizarre "I'll show them...I'll just eat this bag of chips" rebellious eating. :noway:

Mojo, I've spent a bit of time with your other friend Al, and a few of his uglier pals as well (in my skinny/not so sober 20s). I realize that food is just another addiction to struggle with. Essentially, I don't think I ever built good coping skills as a child/young person, I just went for the easy ones. So, now I'm in the process of raising myself. Better late than never!

My current life is complete awesomesauce, so I'm trying to concentrate on how great everything is now whenever the past intrudes.

You guys are my fellow warriors, and I am grateful.:flowerforyou:

There are hero's all over MFP Viv, you're one too!

So many great success stories here, and so many more that just haven't played out yet. All they need is for someone to move forward and play them out.

arewethereyet

Huh, triggers. Did not think I had any until I sat with my trainer this week. She is also a psych so we just talked.

Our first session we took my measurements, fat 40% up from 32% at my lowest, all inches back to orig, gained 10 pounds. I just sat there and cried. She asked me what was going on this year. (we talk or text all the time so she knew a bit)

She knows about my childhood where we had no food, mom was a drunk, hated fighting and yelling. All things I have dealth with and conqured over the years with great counseling................or so I thought.

Well here is the thing, apparently I am great as long as I can ignore it. Yell in my presence, and I leave. Start a fight with me and I avoid you like the plague. No money, get a 2nd job. lalalala, I can't hear you.....

So this was my fun year!!

Told my husband I wanted a divorce, later that day I had a minor stroke known as a TIA. Walked up to a clients home and could not speak. I KNEW what was happening but played ostrich for an hour (dumbass move people, that hour can save your life if your having a stroke) After an MFP friend Tamtasitc (Tami) and I texted I went to the closest ER, 70 miles from my home, way out of my comfort zone.

Short story-Turned out I had a hole in my heart. Had surgery to fix said hole and came home. 4 weeks off of work. I continued to exercise and eat right (nothing like heart sx to make you eat well!!) I really didnt have any ill effects emotionally from all of this, and took it in stride. It was under control.

Returned to work for 3 days and they called us in to say our department was closing, they were keeping 5 ppl here and I assumed I was one. Welp, nope. Offered a position 400 miles away. The job I had worked for 18 yrs to achieve was yanked from under me and given to a 24 yr old with the company for 2 years. Thanks.............I am so glad I worked my *kitten* off for you all these years.

I lost it completely..................at this point I had been able to deal with anything and keep my brain OK...............but to be snubbed at my JOB??? I was devastated. Again, now back to the controll issue. NONE for me, thankyouverymuch. Turns out I had no control!

There was a postion opening in another dept here...........this after 3 trips to the new office to find an apt, no way I can leave the company. Hubs going crazy, he knows with the economy he can't leave here or his job. Him thinking this is my big chance to get away (BTW hubs and I reunited)

After 2 months they give me the job. Yeah! Then tell me I am staying at my current desk for 6 months as clean up. REALLY? Pull my job out from under me,then sit me at the desk and have me clean up for them???? Oh and the fact I had to watch all my friends move 400 miles away, when they do not want to. Depressing, angering,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh and the control thing!

So after all this (and there is more, but I wont get into it) I think my trigger is control. I went back into being a lazy slouch coming home and laying in bed. Yes, sitting at the desk inflamed my neck injury and I could not get my injections because I was on blood thinners for the heart, but I KNOW exercise is a natural pain releiver. Instead I made the doc up my pain meds to double and I came home every night straight to bed. Iced my neck, took a pain killer, and watched TV.

No wonder I feel like crap!

So I believe my trigger is control.I can't control my husband, my work environment, my kids, my dogs.........I can control my body. Food in, exericse out............good stuff that doesn't swell up my fingers so that my rings cannot be worn. I had more energy the 1st week I exercised. SURPRISE!!

SHBoss1673

Huh, triggers. Did not think I had any until I sat with my trainer this week. She is also a psych so we just talked.

Our first session we took my measurements, fat 40% up from 32% at my lowest, all inches back to orig, gained 10 pounds. I just sat there and cried. She asked me what was going on this year. (we talk or text all the time so she knew a bit)

She knows about my childhood where we had no food, mom was a drunk, hated fighting and yelling. All things I have dealth with and conqured over the years with great counseling................or so I thought.

Well here is the thing, apparently I am great as long as I can ignore it. Yell in my presence, and I leave. Start a fight with me and I avoid you like the plague. No money, get a 2nd job. lalalala, I can't hear you.....

So this was my fun year!!

Told my husband I wanted a divorce, later that day I had a minor stroke known as a TIA. Walked up to a clients home and could not speak. I KNEW what was happening but played ostrich for an hour (dumbass move people, that hour can save your life if your having a stroke) After an MFP friend Tamtasitc (Tami) and I texted I went to the closest ER, 70 miles from my home, way out of my comfort zone.

Short story-Turned out I had a hole in my heart. Had surgery to fix said hole and came home. 4 weeks off of work. I continued to exercise and eat right (nothing like heart sx to make you eat well!!) I really didnt have any ill effects emotionally from all of this, and took it in stride. It was under control.

Returned to work for 3 days and they called us in to say our department was closing, they were keeping 5 ppl here and I assumed I was one. Welp, nope. Offered a position 400 miles away. The job I had worked for 18 yrs to achieve was yanked from under me and given to a 24 yr old with the company for 2 years. Thanks.............I am so glad I worked my *kitten* off for you all these years.

I lost it completely..................at this point I had been able to deal with anything and keep my brain OK...............but to be snubbed at my JOB??? I was devastated. Again, now back to the controll issue. NONE for me, thankyouverymuch. Turns out I had no control!

There was a postion opening in another dept here...........this after 3 trips to the new office to find an apt, no way I can leave the company. Hubs going crazy, he knows with the economy he can't leave here or his job. Him thinking this is my big chance to get away (BTW hubs and I reunited)

After 2 months they give me the job. Yeah! Then tell me I am staying at my current desk for 6 months as clean up. REALLY? Pull my job out from under me,then sit me at the desk and have me clean up for them???? Oh and the fact I had to watch all my friends move 400 miles away, when they do not want to. Depressing, angering,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh and the control thing!

So after all this (and there is more, but I wont get into it) I think my trigger is control. I went back into being a lazy slouch coming home and laying in bed. Yes, sitting at the desk inflamed my neck injury and I could not get my injections because I was on blood thinners for the heart, but I KNOW exercise is a natural pain releiver. Instead I made the doc up my pain meds to double and I came home every night straight to bed. Iced my neck, took a pain killer, and watched TV.

No wonder I feel like crap!

So I believe my trigger is control.I can't control my husband, my work environment, my kids, my dogs.........I can control my body. Food in, exericse out............good stuff that doesn't swell up my fingers so that my rings cannot be worn. I had more energy the 1st week I exercised. SURPRISE!!

That's good stuff Jeannie, strong stuff. Proud of you, you didn't let it break you. That's what we would call a "lapse in judgement". You didn't fail, you fell. Unless you refuse to get up, you don't fail in this journey. It can be long and hard for some, but I believe there's always a way out. You know what yours is.

We always need to work on ourselves, no matter who we are, when we stop working, we start failing. You had a big breakthrough this year, you probably became a little overconfident by your prior success, thinking that you had the mental aspect kicked. Well it's not in the good times that we are tested, it's in the bad times. If you can ride them out, see them for what they are, and keep moving forward, then you make yourself better, stronger, and more powerful! You are doing it, and I applaud you for it.

MassiveDelta

bump

Fesse

bump

spitfire1962

Thanks for this, there are huge triggers all around us. And, I absolutely believe that confronting them is crucial to losing weight.

If I can contribute/add a bit, I think one of the major psychological reasons that many people are overweight is a feeling of lack of control (this is also a major issue with people who suffer from binge eating disorder, anorexia or bulimia). Realizing that it was ME and only ME that had control over what went on with my body was my major breakthrough. It did two things: it made me feel like I was in control, and it forced me to take responsibility for all of my actions. Or, as my old trainer used to say when I said "but I can't" "Can't lives on won't street." There's almost nothing that we can't do...but there is so much that we won't do. If we say "I can't stop eating (insert food here)" what we really mean is "I won't stop eating..." Just my 2 cents.:flowerforyou:

spitfire1962

I love this statement "Can't lives on won't street." There's almost nothing that we can't do...but there is so much that we won't do. Thanks for posting.

spitfire1962

sorry double post

arewethereyet

That's good stuff Jeannie, strong stuff. Proud of you, you didn't let it break you. That's what we would call a "lapse in judgement". You didn't fail, you fell. Unless you refuse to get up, you don't fail in this journey. It can be long and hard for some, but I believe there's always a way out. You know what yours is.

We always need to work on ourselves, no matter who we are, when we stop working, we start failing. You had a big breakthrough this year, you probably became a little overconfident by your prior success, thinking that you had the mental aspect kicked. Well it's not in the good times that we are tested, it's in the bad times. If you can ride them out, see them for what they are, and keep moving forward, then you make yourself better, stronger, and more powerful! You are doing it, and I applaud you for it.
[/quote]

I agree on the over confident part, hadn't thought of that one. It is the bad times that test us and I am thankful for ppl like you to help me get back to a better stronger me. (and for cheap too! )

arewethereyet

I love this statement "Can't lives on won't street." There's almost nothing that we can't do...but there is so much that we won't do. Thanks for posting.

My favorite quote this year was "Don't say can't, say modify!" that really works for me with my injuries.........I can do a push up on the wall, then the stair, then on my knees........amazing!!

lotusfromthemud

You know what, we're not just heroes. We're friggin' warrior survivors!
Rwar!

arewethereyet

You know what, we're not just heroes. We're friggin' warrior survivors!
Rwar!

Your def one of my heros Viv! Rwarrrr!

:bigsmile:

PJilly

I've thought about this post a lot today, so I'm bumping it to get it in my queue for replying when I have the time for the thought this topic deserves. Really awesome stuff in this thread.

Buttsmom

Great post!!! Like someone else said "you are a hero" it takes so much for most of us to share our private lives with anyone and you are willing to share it with all of us, thank you!!!

Reading through this I think my biggest trigger was how we ate growing up. My Mom would dish up our food and we were required to eat it all, we were never allowed to leave the table until all of our food was gone. I can remember many times my sister and I sitting at the table for hrs after dinner was over because our plates weren't empty and our Dad and Mom fighting because Dad didn't think we needed to stay there. I have noticed many times over the years that I will eat all that is on my plate even when it makes me so full I feel like I might blow up. I understand that my Mom didn't want to waste food, I am the same way, but I allow the kids to dish up their own plates, so they chose how much they eat. Having Saint Bernards really helped this one, because with them around, no food is ever wasted. Even when we go out now, I will stop before I'm full and box up some for them.

I was also molested at the age of 6 by an Uncle, who told me if I told anyone they would be mad at me and would never love me again. I have kept his secret from my family and will never tell them. I think that taught me to keep my problems in my life from others, so I wouldn't be judged by them. I think that is the biggest trigger now, because when I'm super stressed I start feeling lonely and feel I have no one to talk to, so I eat for comfort. This one I'm still working on.

I may come up with more after I think about it more. Thanks again for making me think about this and maybe start a new path.

IsMollyReallyHungry

bump! Thanks!