Triggers I notice on MFP

PJilly

Is it so wrong to self bump?

Not at all. It's a perfectly normal, healthy thing to do.

jb_sweet_99

Bump to read later :bigsmile:

kiffypooh

Bump to read later!

Mindful_Trent

Great post! I quickly read it, but want to come back and read more thoroughly later.

arewethereyet

Thanks for this, there are huge triggers all around us. And, I absolutely believe that confronting them is crucial to losing weight.

If I can contribute/add a bit, I think one of the major psychological reasons that many people are overweight is a feeling of lack of control (this is also a major issue with people who suffer from binge eating disorder, anorexia or bulimia). Realizing that it was ME and only ME that had control over what went on with my body was my major breakthrough. It did two things: it made me feel like I was in control, and it forced me to take responsibility for all of my actions. Or, as my old trainer used to say when I said "but I can't" "Can't lives on won't street." There's almost nothing that we can't do...but there is so much that we won't do. If we say "I can't stop eating (insert food here)" what we really mean is "I won't stop eating..." Just my 2 cents.:flowerforyou:

Oh I agree, control is a big problem. Maybe when you were young and impressionable, the times you felt safest and happiest were when your parents (or grand parents in some cases) all sat down and ate a big supper. Subconsciously over years of time, this becomes a retreat for you, a place you go to hide from problems. You can't always run to your parents for support, but you CAN always retreat to a nice meal, that eventually becomes boiled down in your primitive brain to food= safety or food=problem suppression. You may not even realize it. But it's there, for most of us it's there to one degree or another. So when life gets stressful and you are feeling overwhelmed, many people turn to food for comfort from those trying problems. Similarly, many people with eating disorders (like anorexia or bulimia) use the opposite function. When things in their life are out of control, they turn to the one thing they have supreme control over, their body. They translate control into denial, and until they resolve the control issues, they won't ever be free of the eating disorder.

I had an arguement with a close friend when she told me my issue right now is not stress , but self control. I was very upset given the fact our office is closing, my job was eliminated, I will be moving to a new department (thank God), I had a stroke, I had heart surgery................it pissed me off to no end that I of all people did not have this excuse.

GUESS WHAT????:laugh: :laugh:

Thanks for posting Steve. I appreciate the time and thought you put into your threads.

:flowerforyou: Jeannie

prettier_me

i have the tendency to lie to myself about what i'm eating and how i'm feeling. great post; reminds me that i need to be honest and check out my thoughts and feelings that are tied to food!

lisawest

Bump!

arewethereyet

i have the tendency to lie to myself about what i'm eating and how i'm feeling. great post; reminds me that i need to be honest and check out my thoughts and feelings that are tied to food!

Amen!!

robin52077

After thinking about it for a while, I realized when comparing my "good" days with my "bad" days, food-wise, that my good days ARE my bad days and vice versa. Meaning that when I am HAPPY, doing things I enjoy and spending time with people I actually like (which is rare), then I eat like 3-4 thousand calories that day, but if I am having a "bad day" and stressed out at work, arguing with someone, worried about something, whatever, then I eat almost NOTHING. Lucky to net 1000 on those days.

I never understood when people say they dive into comfort foods when they're upset. That's just not me. I realized that I tend to say "I'm too upset/stressed/angry to eat, I feel like I'm gonna puke."

Why am I backwards?

SHBoss1673

After thinking about it for a while, I realized when comparing my "good" days with my "bad" days, food-wise, that my good days ARE my bad days and vice versa. Meaning that when I am HAPPY, doing things I enjoy and spending time with people I actually like (which is rare), then I eat like 3-4 thousand calories that day, but if I am having a "bad day" and stressed out at work, arguing with someone, worried about something, whatever, then I eat almost NOTHING. Lucky to net 1000 on those days.

I never understood when people say they dive into comfort foods when they're upset. That's just not me. I realized that I tend to say "I'm too upset/stressed/angry to eat, I feel like I'm gonna puke."

Why am I backwards?

You aren't backwards. Control problems takes many forms. Yes, it's more common to eat MORE when you are upset, simply because of the learned behavior of food=comfort. But for you, as for many others, it sounds like a restriction of food = control. Which is also very common (see anorexia as one of the most common, and severe, forms of this). What ever the behavior, they are all coping mechanisms designed to help distract your active mind from the underlying issue and keep you from dealing with the really deep emotions. It's your subconscious exhibiting control. Primal fear can be really horrible, your brain knows this deep down, so what ever issue that it's blocking, it feels you can't handle, but most of the time we can.

See, the human brain developed from base instincts. One base instinct of mammals is the requirement to freeze in a supremely bad situation. You know how if someone is threatened they usually react in one of three ways, either they freeze, or they run, or they act decisively. There's usually no middle ground. It all depends on how you're wired. Training can overcome this to a large degree (as with soldiers and emergency response people), but when there's no training, your body will suppress these instincts so that you don't freeze all the time.

When a deer is attacked by a wolf, when caught, it will go into a semi-comatose state, it will stop feeling pain, kind of zone out. It's a defense mechanism so it can't feel the wolf eating it while it's still conscious. A horrible thought, but true none-the-less, sometimes this can happen to us (not quite to that degree, but still). It's all related.

You overcome this by identifying the issue, searching for those vague emotions that you can sort of , kind of feel, trying to focus on them, and trying to get to the problem that is triggering them. Most of the time this doesn't just come out, you have to dig for it, it's why therapy can work so well. In a controlled environment, when you are focusing, you can hit upon issues that your brain would normally avoid like the plague. I speak of this from first hand knowledge. For me the realizations were organic and happened over about 3 years, first in dreams, then in my conscious mind. It was a little freaky. And then of course the problems were even worse, but I'm far happier now that I've identified and dealt with the emotions. I'm a much healthier, stronger person now, far more emotionally stable, and I'm physically in the best shape I've been in in close to 15 years.

PJilly

It's funny (not Ha Ha funny, but interesting funny), I just browsed through the recent posts and found 3 very noticeable trigger posts. I won't point them out, but they are quite obvious in my mind.

OOh, I almost described the generic situations involved in what I read, that would have made the posts quite obvious, I wouldn't like that if someone did it to me, so I won't do that to someone else.

For the record, I've always had problems expressing myself, partly because of my family history, partly because of other things that I've since reconciled (mostly) in my life. And being what some would term as a "mentor" on here, is one of the ways I overcome my fear of putting myself out there. I have learned to be more forceful in my speech, and not to back down and concede to others wishes so much at the expense of my own. I still have a long way to go, but I'm working on it.
The point being, while I really do appreciate the kind words people say, I write this stuff as much for me as I do for you guys. I love helping, but I also love that I'm able to articulate myself on MFP (and in person now somewhat).

I've just reread this entire thread, and I wanted to let you know how much I admire you for taking the time to help others as much as you do. I know (now) you do it for yourself as well, but it's still admirable and very much appreciated. I keep coming back to where you say, "I've always had problems expressing myself..." and it's hard for me to reconcile that statement with your posts, which tells me you likely really have overcome a lot in dealing with your own stuff. That's cool. Thanks for sticking around here and helping others try to overcome their issues too, and thanks for sharing a little more of what makes you tick. :glasses:

robin52077

Thanks Banks, reply coming to your inbox.
:flowerforyou:

SHBoss1673

Well thank you PJ! that's very nice of you. I have grown a lot on MFP (and through my other life experiences), but it's nice to be appreciated (as I feel I am on here). Make no mistake, I know I'm not a finished product, but I like to think we can still be trying to better ourselves while at the same time help others to do the same if we can.

gingajoy

Just to add to the chorus. This is such an excellent post, and one I really needed to read right now. The scenario you describe could definitely be me. Food us not only a comfort but very much a reward for a hard or stressful day. Hell, it's even a reward for *losing* weight, which is not exactly productive! I find myself often saying 'I want to still enjoy my food' etc. And I really do, but if I step back, I realise I enjoy cooking and eating food far more when I am mindfully eating and not mindlessly eating.

I think this post is especially timely because this is the time of year when for most of us the connection of food with comfort and pleasure -- childhood happiness -- first took root. Not just food, but excessive amounts of it. My goal this year is to find pleasures elsewhere, and when I take pleasure in what I'm eating and drinking to not slip into the mindless munching mode. Apart from anything else, this is actually a very stressful time of year too. We can help ourselves through it by keeping active, steering clear or sugar rushes and hangovers (and self loathing). All easy to say. Not so easy to do.

abyt42

After thinking about it for a while, I realized when comparing my "good" days with my "bad" days, food-wise, that my good days ARE my bad days and vice versa. Meaning that when I am HAPPY, doing things I enjoy and spending time with people I actually like (which is rare), then I eat like 3-4 thousand calories that day, but if I am having a "bad day" and stressed out at work, arguing with someone, worried about something, whatever, then I eat almost NOTHING. Lucky to net 1000 on those days.

I never understood when people say they dive into comfort foods when they're upset. That's just not me. I realized that I tend to say "I'm too upset/stressed/angry to eat, I feel like I'm gonna puke."

Why am I backwards?

You sound forwards to me!

SHBoss1673

self bump. Pretty cogent to the time of year I think.

SHBoss1673

self bump

hotpickles

I really enjoyed reading your post. I do think for a lot of us, we have to reach that point (maybe 3, 4, or 20 times) before we realize we either accept who we are and what we have, or make a change. But it's not as easy as taking advice, because a lot of us know we have to eat better and exercise, but choose not to.

I have come to a realization that if I want what I want, I can't give it less than 100% and expect results. Oh I'll get results, but not the results I want. I'll more than likely fall back into the same start a workout-stop a workout pattern. I would allow myself to eat poorly if I wanted to, I would allow myself to have that indulgence dish at a restaurant. That lead to me skipping workouts. Then before I knew it, the old attitude came back and I was back to square one.

Now, I am tough on myself. I set limits. I force myself to work out, and push myself hard. When I eat at a restaurant, I'll watch what I order. I do not want all that hard exercise to go to waste just because I want some high calorie dish. I learned that personally, I cannot have it both ways.

Do I enjoy all kinds of food? Of course I do! However, I plan carefully. I came to that realization myself. I read a lot of posts and stories about people who reached their goals, and they did indulge once in awhile, but were very careful with what they ate the rest of the time. I used to think this was impossible for someone like myself, who loves white bread and butter.

When I said to myself - THIS is what I WANT, I also learned that THIS is what I HAVE to do in order to achieve it. Getting used to it was rough, but I just kept going forward. That's all you can do, is go forward. I know the white bread and butter isn't a part of my equation, so I just don't eat a lot of bread products (I dislike wheat bread very much). I've experimented with different foods and flavors. Found out I hated tofu, but love eggplant.

So yeah, I think we all have to reach a point where we realize enough is enough, or we realize that if we want something bad enough, we have to be willing to make the sacrifices to get it

L.

SHBoss1673

in the interest of helping others out, I've charged people who are in my friend list with trying to identify their greatest trigger, and also trying to find a solution for it. lets see what we get. As I'm a practice what you preach type of guy (most of the time), I'll be the one to start it out, since I've analyzed this topic "en masse" already, I should be able to find something pretty quickly about myself.

Let's see.
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If I had to pick my own biggest trigger, it's probably been my self esteem. In the past, when I was obese, I would eat what ever I wanted. Loaded Italian subs, Pizza, those big bags of Walmart popcorn, BIG *kitten* Chinese food dinners...etc.

Looking back, I think it probably stems from 2 separate issues in my life from my early teen years. First, I was sexually molested as a 12 year old by a boy who was a few years older than me. We were "friends" at the time, and it was so traumatic, that I promptly blocked it from my conscious memory until I was about 28, when it started coming back to me in dreams, and then finally at about 30 I realized it. I think that screwed me up for a long time, without me even knowing it, even then, it took me maybe 4 or 5 years to really come to terms with it and not want to search that guy out and hurt him badly. I recognize now that he was from a REALLY screwed up family and was a seriously disturbed child who (as is quite obvious and public now) is actually gay, but didn't know how to reach that conclusion on his own. I have forgiven him that (to myself, I haven't actually seen him since that time). Luckily for me it was a one time thing, and after a bit of counciling (for other things primarily, but we talked about it) I've determined that it's no longer something that debilitates me. Please note, this is not an easy subject to put out there for the world to see, just posting it is something that takes quite a bit of effort.
The other thing that probably caused me some psychological trauma was my family. We weren't as messed up as some, but we had our bad points, my dad was a drunk when I was young, not a mean drunk usually, but a drunk non-the-less, and my mom worked about 70 hours a week, thus I was home alone a lot, add to that one brother who was constantly in trouble and ended up in Jail around my 16th birthday, and a Sister that left home when I was 5 and didn't come back (besides the occasional Christmas) until I was about 14 or so (and even then was basically out of my life for many years), and you have the makings for a family that was anything but wholesome. There were lots of fighting, lots of screaming, and an incident involving my mother, my brother, a microwave being chucked through the air, and a 15 year old kid defending his mom against his brother with a baseball bat. All of which was just something I considered normal, every day, family squabbles at the time. But I realize now that they weren't, they were all bricks being built into the emotional wall I was building. A wall that would make it hard for me to trust myself, and easy for me to use food as a tool.
For me food wasn't a comfort thing, it was a power thing. Being the youngest in the family, I had two choices, be great at something to get my parents attention, or control something myself. Luckily for me (I guess), I was a natural athlete, and used football and baseball, and track as my tools. This was, in some ways, good but also bad. It masked my deep emotional traumas, which made me look, to those outside my head, like a well adjusted, healthy young man. But I wasn't good enough to go pro at anything (that's probably a good thing, I may still be suppressing this stuff if I had that for an outlet), so after college, when the sports stopped (mostly), I turned to food as a power tool. I could control food, I could use it any way I wanted. And I did, I went from a lean, athletic, machine at 190 lbs and about 7% body fat at 23 years old, to a 32 year old tub of goo at about 240 lbs at my heaviest. For someone who built their identity around athleticism, that was something I didn't like facing. Not until I fully realized the concept of disassociation did I realize there was something else going on here.
I fully recognize I'm not a worst case scenario, and that many people have had it far worse than I do. And I'm super lucky that I've had the schooling and desire to learn about how to deal with these issues. Just the fact that I can talk about them now gives these emotions far less power over me. I'm still working through my emotional "baggage" but now it's out there, I recognize them, and I can separate them from any kind of unconscious desires I have. Now food is not a power play for me any more, and thus, I've learned to eat to fuel my body. I still struggle with myself these days, I find it hard sometimes to find something that I can use as a diversion that doesn't involve food, MFP is one for me, very therapeutic (thanks for that folks!) And a few other things help as well. So I'm a work in progress, as we all usually are.

so that's my trigger story in a nutshell. Easy to talk about? No way. But necessary to build a real foundation for living a healthy life. I think I've done that, it's empowering to know that food has no control over me any more. It's not a conscious effort any more to eat right, I just do it, it's fun watching my friends tempt me now, because eating right is so easy that I just shrug it off like a few rain drops. You can do this too, it's hard at first, but once you find your "happy place" or maybe a better word is "happier place", you'll realize what I did. Food is for eating, it can't hug you when you're sad, it can't prop you up when you're depressed, and it won't store extra happiness when you need it.

Feel free to discuss this, be honest, I have thick skin, and unless it's overtly mean, I won't be offended. And please, share your own stories if you feel comfortable, every time we identify a trigger, it makes us all stronger!

regards all,
-Banks

XFitMojoMom

Thanks for this, there are huge triggers all around us. And, I absolutely believe that confronting them is crucial to losing weight.

If I can contribute/add a bit, I think one of the major psychological reasons that many people are overweight is a feeling of lack of control (this is also a major issue with people who suffer from binge eating disorder, anorexia or bulimia). Realizing that it was ME and only ME that had control over what went on with my body was my major breakthrough. It did two things: it made me feel like I was in control, and it forced me to take responsibility for all of my actions. Or, as my old trainer used to say when I said "but I can't" "Can't lives on won't street." There's almost nothing that we can't do...but there is so much that we won't do. If we say "I can't stop eating (insert food here)" what we really mean is "I won't stop eating..." Just my 2 cents.:flowerforyou:

You are my hero!