I know you're a tourist because ....

VBnotbitter

Your skin is scarlet and you're wearing a cervical colour because you thought you'd try surfing, forgot the sunscreen and got dumped on a sandbank

You keep checking under the toilet seat for spiders

You go for a road trip in the outback and have to be rescued because you forgot extra fuel and water

If you are German then you are probably going to die a horrible death, possibly between the teeth of a crocodile because for some reason it's always German tourists who come a cropper

I went up north, and one of the first (and apparently dumbest) questions I asked was "why are all the warning signs in German?"

I really don't know why it happens to them because sometimes it's down to bad luck rather than stupidity. Poor buggers

EvgeniZyntx

Saudade.

You have no understanding of this word or cannot feel it. Then you are but a tourist - it doesn't matter if you are laughing at all the guide book toting, white sock and sandal wearing, fanny packed (no giggity) foreigners asking for directions to Disney - rather than a fellow traveler.

Oh, .... And... You don't understand:
You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

aethre

You're searching for your great-grandfather's grave (in the wrong district).

You're stopped on the bridge taking photos and grumphing when people actually try and walk past.

You're wearing a kilt that stops above the knee with no sporran. And sandals.

You pronounce the capital city 'Eeedinbowrow'

You embarrass yourself continually by trying to read the Gaelic versions of the place names (no, we don't know how to say them either).

You ask when the next tour is at the castle (which is still a functioning court and is not open to the public).

You're wearing a plastic poncho and/or a tartan rug wrapped around you. While walking on the street.

CarolinaGirlinVA

Your skin is scarlet and you're wearing a cervical colour because you thought you'd try surfing, forgot the sunscreen and got dumped on a sandbank

You keep checking under the toilet seat for spiders

You go for a road trip in the outback and have to be rescued because you forgot extra fuel and water

If you are German then you are probably going to die a horrible death, possibly between the teeth of a crocodile because for some reason it's always German tourists who come a cropper

I went up north, and one of the first (and apparently dumbest) questions I asked was "why are all the warning signs in German?"

I really don't know why it happens to them because sometimes it's down to bad luck rather than stupidity. Poor buggers

Maybe German taste better? Just a thought.

George_Baileys_Ghost

Saudade.

You have no understanding of this word or cannot feel it. Then you are but a tourist - it doesn't matter if you are laughing at all the guide book toting, white sock and sandal wearing, fanny packed (no giggity) foreigners asking for directions to Disney - rather than a fellow traveler.

Oh, .... And... You don't understand:
You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

Missjulesdid

You complain to your resort manager because there are too many Arabs staying at the resort
You look confused when you see a woman in niqab walking arm in arm with a woman in hot pants and a tube-top.
You feed the cats when at an outdoor restaurant.
You close your eyes and hold your breath every time you get in a taxi.
You insist upon having toilet paper.

Chalk_Slinger

You look UP!!! NO ONE looks up in NYC unless you are a tourist

Ranocchia

- You walk around half naked visiting churches and you wonder why people look at you in a strange way;
- You order cappuccino after an heavy dinner;
- You get sunburnt after a day of city visiting, walking around with red and achy shoulders;
- You walk with white socks in sandals

symplydevine

You think it's acceptable to walk through Kmart, Walgreens, or even just down the street in bathing suits and bikinis. No...just no.

You refer to the island St. John as "St. Johns." There is no "s" on the end of it.

You ask what is the native language here. English, it's just spoken with an accent is all.

SaintGiff

You ask for directions to the Hockey Hall of Fame

You ask for directions to the "Space Needle Thing".

You actually think that you can get around downtown in a car.

jenilla1

It's too hot for you here. You are super pale and/or horribly sunburned in your "beach attire" that is way too small for your body. Your out of state license plate is a dead give away. You're probably just stopping to use the restroom on your way to someplace much cooler than this.

JazzFischer1989

You actually like being in Times Square

You went to Red Lobster in Times Square.

You stop and stand in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures of buildings.

It takes you three tries for you to swipe your Metrocard correctly.

It takes you more than 15 seconds to buy a train ticket.

You speak German, Japanese or French and your whole crew is dressed in expensive clothes.

You are Japanese and buying things in bulk at Tanger Outlet.

You hang out in Port Jeff, Riverhead, Montauk or the Hamptons. (these last two are specific to Long Island)

I don't even live in the city but I frequent it enough to spot the tourists, lol.

vixx1405

You have no idea what a Grockle is (or that you are one)
You feed the seagulls despite all the signs telling you not to
You walk around with a map in your hand and still don't know where you are
You get cream tea at a stupidly price cafe and then eat your scones wrong!!
You walk in packs at a ridiculously slow speed

Seeing how im British i don't expect many people to get how annoying number 1 and 4 are!!

postrockandcats

-You don't bother visiting anything other than Disney, Universal or the Outlets instead of exploring the food scene, the music scene, the art scene, anything other than the parks.
-You don't understand why locals don't go to the parks all the time
-you're wearing a new Orlando/ Disney/ Universal/ Florida shirt
-You want to feed the Gators
-You're sunburnt
-You want to swim in Gator-Infested water
-You are confused that it rains everyday in summer

AmykinsCatfood

You get off one of the many giant tour buses, and instantly reach for your camera.
You comment on how "cute" the historic buildings and landmarks are.
You find it reasonable that a local high end coffee shop charges $5.00 for a small latte.
Even when everything in this city is laid out in a grid, you still get lost.

whovian67

You are white, walking along our Riverwalk wearing a 20" Giant sombrero in the 100 freaking degrees..wearing shorts, tube socks and tennis shoes.. for Gods sakes... lose the hat and socks.. get some chanklas and a baseball cap....and put away that 12" camera around your neck before you get mugged walking back to your car you so ignorantly parked (cheaply) on the underpass/poorly lit at night and where the homeless people sleep... We're a hole different town by the light of day..

It's okay.. we know we live in a tourist town.. that's why locals avoid downtown like the plague !

whovian67

you wear a "Boston" t shirt

you are ordering lobster at an expensive and stupid restaurant

you're driving slowly enough that the front end of my car is lodged firmly up your .....

you let your kid chase the shore birds (and you get to deal with me for that )

you have hair that doesn't move

---

your turn ....

Love this !.. If I ever get to the Boston area again.. I would go fishing with a wonderful group of gals that were an absolutely wonderful fishing team..., the time of my life !!!!!! Unfortunately, I get so little time off now..it's a pipe dream...

kxbrown27

You call it the Willis Tower.


Please...go away.

rieann84

You actually like being in Times Square

You went to Red Lobster in Times Square.

I was going to post something about the chain restaurants in Times Sq. But, considering I'm from NJ I feel like I have no authority as I could be considered a tourist myself ?

Oi_Sunshine

You are surprised when I dont end my sentences with "eh".
You ask me where I can buy real maple syrup.
You ask me if there are gas stations between here and Alaska, and then look annoyed when I say you dont even need any further north because the polar bears will give you a push when you need it.
You ask if you should wear a sweater on the tour. Never mind the Georgian accent, you are a tourist from a long lineage of tourists if you're worried about getting a bit chilly underground on a 35*C day. It's not cold, it's refreshing!

rieann84

- You think everyone acts just like the jersey shore cast
- You ask if I know Snooki
- You pronounce it "joisey" trying to be funny or maybe trying to fit in, who knows?
- You don't know anything about the greatness of Taylor ham, egg & cheese (Or whatever "pork roll" for you south weirdos)
- You're under the impression that the whole state smells like a grandma fart passing through an onion. Whatever bro..you're only like 15% right.
- The phrase "mischief night" means nothing to you


Though I don't know why anyone would come to NJ for tourism, there ya go.

smarieallen85

You're wearing cargo shorts and sneakers. Also you're with you're family and you're all wearing SHORTS. So many short pants at once, together, on the subway. Oye.

Also, dat haircut. On ladies, longer in the front and shorter up in the back.

Joannah700

You don't know how to parallel park- or you stop traffic on a busy road for a few minutes while you try.

You don't realize that speed limits are the bare minimum.

You don't know how to change lanes without cutting someone off.

You take more than 5 seconds to change lanes.

You think driving an hour for food is excessive. Good food is worth it!

You ask locals if they ever met a famous actress or actor.

And as my sister that works at Fendi would say...they go into a designer store but aren't wearing expensive shoes, ring and/ or bag. You can look like crap but that salesperson recognizes who is serious by the shoes you wear.

_SantaClause

I love tourists.
I love BEING a tourist.

Velum_cado

You ask me for directions to the quay. (And when I start to answer you flounce off without listening and say, "Oh god, you're not even BRITISH!" Based on a true story.)

Lalasharni

You ask me the way to Loogabarrouga (Loughborogh) and pronounced "loffboro
You think Warwick is produced "Warraway") pronounced warrick
You ask me if I've ever met the Queen (well, actually, I have.....)
You tell me that hot tea is gross (I think iced tea is gross...)
You think English weather is crap - that's why England is GREEN - it rains a lot!

But I love tourists - keep bringing us your money!!

ronrstaats

Having made a few trips to Chicago I get these LOL

You ask me for directions to Soldiers Field.

Never been to Chicago for football season but I knew where the stadium was

You ask where you can get a good thin crust Chicago pizza.

Who the hell orders thin crust in Chicago?

You think it's funny to us to imitate the SNL superfans.

You actually refer to it as the magnificent mile.

Kept calling in Majestic Mile... gave up and just said Michigan Ave.

You can't understand the traffic reports on the radio. (any Chicagoan will get this one)

I didn't understand anything that had to do with traffic and highways!

You say soda.

I always say that and I am from an area that calls it Pop!

You've never had Jay's potato chips.

Next time I go I will try these

You think Wrigley Field is worth seeing.

As a baseball fan it was worth seeing. Plus my Brother in Law was playing for the Cubs at the time so it was a double win. I actually like that Ball Park compared to some of the others I have been too.

JustinAnimal

I think this one works for any city...

You choose to eat at Hard Rock Cafe! Or Planet Hollywood!

lokepa

You actually like being in Times Square

You went to Red Lobster in Times Square.

I was going to post something about the chain restaurants in Times Sq. But, considering I'm from NJ I feel like I have no authority as I could be considered a tourist myself ?

You're only a tourist in NY if your from Jersey if you come into the city to go to the clubs in the middle of winter and come without wearing a coat, even though the walk from the path train is three or four avenues.

You're a tourist if you get on the subway... at ANY stop... and ask, "Is this the train to New York?"

LaserOctopus

I wanna play!

Here are mine:

- You're downtown
- You own a suit
- It's summer and 100 degrees and you wore snowboots (or it's winter, 30 degrees, and snowing and you're *NOT* wearing the local uniform of snowboots with shorts and a hoodie).
- It's summer, and you're so sunburned it hurts to look at you.
- It's winter, and you're so sunburned it hurts to look at you.
- You just passed out on the street from dehydration.
- You just passed out on the street from altitude sickness.
- You just passed out on the street because you visited your first dispensary and have no idea what you're doing.
- You just passed out on the street because you thought you could drink at your normal lowlander pace.
- In a city long-known for its truly incredible food, you want to visit the first Chipotle (or whatever other chain you like that started here). Or you went to Hard Rock Cafe. Downtown. Or Casa Bonita, when you learned it was a real place and not just something made up for South Park.
- You look shocked and confused when it hails on a 90-degree day (or, in winter, when there's snow on the ground and it's 80 degrees).
- You're either shocked that there are still so many Wild West towns still around, or shocked that we're not all still the Wild West towns of legend (and how you reconcile that with the equally weird notion that everybody skis and everybody smokes is beyond me).
- You fail to understand why we keep a glowing-eyed, murderous scultpture at the airport to welcome tourists...