How do you handle tantrums?
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Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Valid points can be made without condescension and contempt. If you want to effectively communicate your position to people, then you would be well served to apply a little emotional intelligence and tact.
I tried that, by the way, and you would notice that if you go back through to my earlier posts on this thread. In fact, I even applauded the OP earlier on. Then the OP was consumed with group-think and started questioning my knowledge level (which I was up front about from my first post). So I questioned hers. I do not feel like I've said anything wrong. I realize that nobody cares, and I don't really care whether others care or not.
Of course she challenged your knowledge. You're arm-chair quarterbacking. If someone was giving me advice about something I knew they had no first-hand experience with, I would challenge them as well. I'm sure you would do the same.
There are ways to be a moderately productive part of this discussion if you don't have kids. But, quite honestly, if you don't have kids and you haven't experienced raising a child, then you really can't say with authority what is right and what is wrong. I don't have children and I'm keenly aware that I cannot give any kind of relevant advice on tantrum best practices.
But that's all beside the point. I did see the post where you re-evaluated your position on ignoring the tantrum. The truth is, however, that your tone took it to a level it didn't need to go and, unfortunately for you, no one is going to listen to anything you have to say now.
The tone changed with "contradict yourself much?" I followed the new tone.0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.0 -
I for one am all for your decision not to have kids midwesterner. I think it's the best option.0
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I hear there is drama ... GET YO POPCORN READY0
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are the grocery stores you go into normally quiet and relaxing? Because even when the store is full of the older generation where i'm from they are still far from relaxing. As long as a kid isn't running around unattended causing havoc I don't understand why you need complete silence to grocery shop.
it's not the movies. It's not a five star restaurant. It's a flipping grocery store.0 -
I'm a little late...18 month old is a little young and sometimes you need to ride that wave. My kids are a tiny bit older and my strategy is now to recite the following list using my Parental Voice of Authority:
- We will be quiet
- We will not scream or cry
- We will not hit each other
- We will not demand toys
- We will not run away from Mommy
- We will sit quietly in the cart and quickly buy what we need
- We will be sweet and polite
Generally the two-year-old starts screaming at the top of her lungs when I mention quiet, and the four year old recites the list with me. They're pretty well behaved in the store though.
Another tactic is the "learning trip" Decide how you want to handle the behavior. Let your kid know the consequences (18 months is VERY young and may not understand consequences yet) Go to the grocery when you don't particularly need to buy anything. Run past the toy section. Implement your strategy.
At 18-months though, you might be down to distract and placate.
ETA - the list is recited in the car immediately before entering the store. There are slight variations depending on expectations and whatever foolishness they inflicted on an unsuspecting public last time.0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
Well this ought to solve that problem!0 -
are the grocery stores you go into normally quiet and relaxing? Because even when the store is full of the older generation where i'm from they are still far from relaxing. As long as a kid isn't running around unattended causing havoc I don't understand why you need complete silence to grocery shop.
it's not the movies. It's not a five star restaurant. It's a flipping grocery store.
I try to go during quieter hours, but this time with her particular meltdown there was a flash sale on frozen items I had no idea about. That possibly contributed to higher stress levels.
I have seen my share of grumpy men give me the stare, on and offline.0 -
when you see a grumpy old man just blow a kiss and wink OP. It will confuse them enough to give you a chance to walk away.
freaking people are so amazing.0 -
Honestly, I would take her to the store when there were the fewest people there... Usually just when it opens on a Saturday. Why? So I don't have to deal with the "child-free" parenting "experts" and their vast amounts of knowledge that hasn't been backed up by experience.
If she was having a tantrum, I would take her to some where quite so she could calm down and would just talk to her. I have threatened to leave many a time without actually having to do it.0 -
The kid is a toddler. There is only so much one can do short of murder to stop a tantrum.There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast...
I like how you remember so well what you did at 2 years old ...
Look, people without kids, I get that you don't appreciate listening to screaming kids. And if we were talking about a restaurant (especially a fancier one), movie theater, library, etc., I'd be right there with you. But children exist. They live in the world and are (gasp!) allowed in public places and sometimes they have meltdowns. Most parents do their best to control these moments, but it isn't as easy as you all seem to think.
How about some compassion. Without children, there would be no more humans. They're kind of necessary.0 -
are the grocery stores you go into normally quiet and relaxing? Because even when the store is full of the older generation where i'm from they are still far from relaxing. As long as a kid isn't running around unattended causing havoc I don't understand why you need complete silence to grocery shop.
it's not the movies. It's not a five star restaurant. It's a flipping grocery store.
I try to go during quieter hours, but this time with her particular meltdown there was a flash sale on frozen items I had no idea about. That possibly contributed to higher stress levels.
I have seen my share of grumpy men give me the stare, on and offline.
All parents get this. It is just as much a part of parenting as the diaper blow-out. Unless your kid's life was at risk for whatever fool move you did, and you stayed actively involved in parenting instead of checking out on your cell phone because you just can't take it anymore, everybody will be ok.0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?0 -
are the grocery stores you go into normally quiet and relaxing? Because even when the store is full of the older generation where i'm from they are still far from relaxing. As long as a kid isn't running around unattended causing havoc I don't understand why you need complete silence to grocery shop.
it's not the movies. It's not a five star restaurant. It's a flipping grocery store.
I try to go during quieter hours, but this time with her particular meltdown there was a flash sale on frozen items I had no idea about. That possibly contributed to higher stress levels.
I have seen my share of grumpy men give me the stare, on and offline.
All parents get this. It is just as much a part of parenting as the diaper blow-out. Unless your kid's life was at risk for whatever fool move you did, and you stayed actively involved in parenting instead of checking out on your cell phone because you just can't take it anymore, everybody will be ok.
^ yes.
And you know what, most people understand. Even people that don't have kids.0 -
The kid is a toddler. There is only so much one can do short of murder to stop a tantrum.There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast...
I like how you remember so well what you did at 2 years old ...
Look, people without kids, I get that you don't appreciate listening to screaming kids. And if we were talking about a restaurant (especially a fancier one), movie theater, library, etc., I'd be right there with you. But children exist. They live in the world and are (gasp!) allowed in public places and sometimes they have meltdowns. Most parents do their best to control these moments, but it isn't as easy as you all seem to think.
How about some compassion. Without children, there would be no more humans. They're kind of necessary.
To add to this, an 18-month old is worlds away from a two-year-old in terms of discipline. Most of them are simply NOT cognitively able to understand cause and effect enough to comprehend consequences. You must use appropriate tactics for that age.
http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/0 -
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
The point of this thread was for OP to find resources to help her do just that. Why did you say unkind things to her?
While I understand that you don't like hearing children have melt downs, (I don't either!) I actually applaud her for looking to others with more experience.
However, (and I'm not saying this to be unkind) you honestly DON'T have the experience necessary to help her. I wish you'd have responded in a more productive way.0 -
when you see a grumpy old man just blow a kiss and wink OP. It will confuse them enough to give you a chance to walk away.
freaking people are so amazing.
This is what I do to grumpy old men. Trust me, it works0 -
I'm a spanker.
If one of my sons had acted like that he would have gotten smacked.
Would the staring people have judged: Heck yea. Do they judge anyway: Heck yea.
Every child and situation is different- it sounds like in this scenario you did everything right to try and avoid it (nap, snack, etc.) and once it happened you what you felt was right for you and your child (didn't give in, left as soon as you could)
My current youngest is 18 months and he understands "No". If he asks for something and I tell him 'No' he understands it isn't going to happen. If he chooses to throw a fit (he can throw some cry balls) I simply tell him again: 'No'. I tell him to 'calm down' 'behave' and give clear instructions on why I'm choosing to deny him and what he should be doing about it. I don't think he understands everything, he is not a genius (yet) but he does understand the repeated NO.
I do want to note that I was not always a spanker - however as my first son grew and other punishments became ineffective the spanking worked. He was around 2 1/2 when he got his first one and since then I feel no guilt in having them as one of the many discipline tools that's used in our house.0 -
are the grocery stores you go into normally quiet and relaxing? Because even when the store is full of the older generation where i'm from they are still far from relaxing. As long as a kid isn't running around unattended causing havoc I don't understand why you need complete silence to grocery shop.
it's not the movies. It's not a five star restaurant. It's a flipping grocery store.
I try to go during quieter hours, but this time with her particular meltdown there was a flash sale on frozen items I had no idea about. That possibly contributed to higher stress levels.
I have seen my share of grumpy men give me the stare, on and offline.
All parents get this. It is just as much a part of parenting as the diaper blow-out. Unless your kid's life was at risk for whatever fool move you did, and you stayed actively involved in parenting instead of checking out on your cell phone because you just can't take it anymore, everybody will be ok.
There's no "APPLAUSE GIF" big enough that covers what's in bold.0
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