Would you date someone that has no job

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  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
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    I would. I like people for who they are, not what they do, or what they can do for me. I can pay my own bills, so as long as he didn't expect me to support him, I wouldn't care if he was employed or not.
  • harribeau2012
    harribeau2012 Posts: 644 Member
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    Ain't nothin goin on but the rent
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    Of course. I'm married to one and my career affords us that luxury.

    I'm surprised though no one has compared this question to the ones of "would you date someone overweight" and how the answers to these two questions break down along gender lines.

    Is your spouse unemployed or a "homemaker"? Huge difference regardless of gender, especially if there are children involved.

    This,i am in longterm relationship with someone who lost his job but he is actively looking for another one so its all good.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I agree, it totally depends on the situation. In the early years with Hubs, he was working a seasonal job and in the winter he'd file for unemployment and also signed up with a temp agency. There was some lazing about but I appreciated that he worked hard (12-14 hour days, manual labor) during the season so I didn't mind as long as he could pay the bills. If he'd just sat around playing video games the whole time and tried to mooch off me, that would've been a deal breaker.

    Even if he was independently weathy, I couldn't respect him if he didn't do something with his time - volunteer, take classes, etc.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Ain't nothin goin on but the rent

    Got to have a j-o-b if ya wanna be with me...

    No romance without finance.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    Of course. I'm married to one and my career affords us that luxury.

    I'm surprised though no one has compared this question to the ones of "would you date someone overweight" and how the answers to these two questions break down along gender lines.

    Is your spouse unemployed or a "homemaker"? Huge difference regardless of gender, especially if there are children involved.

    This,i am in longterm relationship with someone who lost his job but he is actively looking for another one so its all good.

    see, long term and/or married is different to me than initially starting out to date. Starting out, I don't want to take that on. If I were unemployed, I wouldn't be looking to date, I'd be looking to get a job, because I'm not looking for a guy to take care of me, nor am I looking to take care of him. Not financially, anyway.

    Now, if we had been together a while and he got say, laid off and was actively seeking a job, that is different and understandable.
  • smallerchelle
    smallerchelle Posts: 1
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    Yes, I believe everyone deserves a chance. With our economy, no job is secure, people are being laid off for no reason at all.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    SO many factors would go into my "decision" on that.

    Is this guy recently laid off? Is he looking for work? Does he have savings to sustain him for awhile? Is he generally responsible and independent? Depending on his age, what does the last 5, 10, or 20 years of his life look like? Not just professionally, but financially, psychologically, etc... All of that makes a huge difference.

    Or is he someone with a sketchy work history, criminal record, tons of debt, bad credit, and/or four children he is supposed to be paying child support on? In those cases that's a NO.

    I know I may sound like a jerk to some people, and that's okay. We all get to make our own decisions in this area. When I met my husband, he was living with his parents at 31. That was not a dealbreaker at all for me...he was a freelance writer and primary caregiver for his mother (who has since passed away), he was/is very responsible and had zero debt and two degrees. The idea of me not dating him because of his living situation is laughable to me.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    Of course. I'm married to one and my career affords us that luxury.

    I'm surprised though no one has compared this question to the ones of "would you date someone overweight" and how the answers to these two questions break down along gender lines.

    I've dated a guy that is 330 pounds. I see no problem with the overweight thing. I fell in love with him for him.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    Of course. I'm married to one and my career affords us that luxury.

    I'm surprised though no one has compared this question to the ones of "would you date someone overweight" and how the answers to these two questions break down along gender lines.

    Is your spouse unemployed or a "homemaker"? Huge difference regardless of gender, especially if there are children involved.

    This,i am in longterm relationship with someone who lost his job but he is actively looking for another one so its all good.

    see, long term and/or married is different to me than initially starting out to date. Starting out, I don't want to take that on. If I were unemployed, I wouldn't be looking to date, I'd be looking to get a job, because I'm not looking for a guy to take care of me, nor am I looking to take care of him. Not financially, anyway.

    Now, if we had been together a while and he got say, laid off and was actively seeking a job, that is different and understandable.

    I agree with you,i woudnt start a relationship with someone that's unemployed either.I have in the past but then I realized that they had no intention of finding work even though they said they where looking.Paying for everything got old fast and it was a turn off.It somehow demusculate a man if I have to support him. Its major turn off to me
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    Unemployed, actively looking, with prospects of getting a job in the short term? Yeah, probably.

    Willfully and ongoing unemployed? Nope.

    I dated a guy for a short time who was unemployed. I broke it off when I found out he was so determined to remain unemployed that he had researched and then faked a mental illness in order to obtain a disability pension so that he wouldn't have to look for work. Deliberate drain on society. The arrogance that requires is immense.

    That's why I am unsure to start a relationship with someone that's jobless .If I was already in a relationship and they lose their job and they are actively looking then that's a different story

    so, are you in a long term relationship with someone without a job or starting a new relationship with someone without a job?
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    Unemployed, actively looking, with prospects of getting a job in the short term? Yeah, probably.

    Willfully and ongoing unemployed? Nope.

    I dated a guy for a short time who was unemployed. I broke it off when I found out he was so determined to remain unemployed that he had researched and then faked a mental illness in order to obtain a disability pension so that he wouldn't have to look for work. Deliberate drain on society. The arrogance that requires is immense.

    That's why I am unsure to start a relationship with someone that's jobless .If I was already in a relationship and they lose their job and they are actively looking then that's a different story

    so, are you in a long term relationship with someone without a job or starting a new relationship with someone without a job?

    I am in longterm relationship with someone who recently lost his job but actively looking for another one.Its not an issue since I know that he is looking and I see him sending out resumes everyday busting his butt.The reason why I woudn`t want to start out a relationship with someone in that situation is they might say they are looking when they are not.They should prioritize looking for job than dating
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    Unemployed, actively looking, with prospects of getting a job in the short term? Yeah, probably.

    Willfully and ongoing unemployed? Nope.

    I dated a guy for a short time who was unemployed. I broke it off when I found out he was so determined to remain unemployed that he had researched and then faked a mental illness in order to obtain a disability pension so that he wouldn't have to look for work. Deliberate drain on society. The arrogance that requires is immense.

    That's why I am unsure to start a relationship with someone that's jobless .If I was already in a relationship and they lose their job and they are actively looking then that's a different story

    so, are you in a long term relationship with someone without a job or starting a new relationship with someone without a job?

    I am in longterm relationship with someone who recently lost his job but actively looking for another one.Its not an issue since I know that he is looking and I see him sending out resumes everyday busting his butt.The reason why I woudn`t want to start out a relationship with someone in that situation is they might say they are looking when they are not.They should prioritize looking for job than dating

    I only asked based on what you said in what I quoted, but am right there with you. Well, not that they might be lying about looking, because I wouldn't assume that, but that they should probably make finding a job more of a priority than finding a girlfriend.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
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    1) Are they just sitting on their butt collecting unemployment because they get paid more that way than any job could pay?
    2) Did they just lose their job?
    3) Are they actively looking for a job, sending out their resume and going on job interviews?

    If it's the latter two then I don't have a problem with it. The first one though? No freaking way. Also if it's the latter two I would give a time frame -- three months max -- for them to get another job. If by that time they haven't found a job yet then it's time to say good-bye.
  • Canwehugnow
    Canwehugnow Posts: 218 Member
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    Who cares?
  • americangirlok
    americangirlok Posts: 228 Member
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    Are they like between jobs? Like got laid off and currently looking? Or are they someone who thinks working is optional? I don't know that it'd be a deal breaker, but it'd be something I'd keep my eye one, like is he trying to find one and just not having any luck or is he a moocher? B/c this girl does not work to support a man to sit on his rear and play video games and eat my food while I'm at work all day, and then come home to a filthy house, not me!
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
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    Who cares?

    You will when you're the one supporting him because he doesn't feel the need to work!
  • mopqqq
    mopqqq Posts: 5 Member
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    I have, and he never once asked me for money or anything else the entire time (more than a year).

    He was out of work, but he wouldn't just accept anything that came along. He waited for the right position to come along and made do with various piecemeal work until it happened. He refused to apply for any social services because then he would lack incentive.

    It drove me nuts at the time; I come from a family that's always valued long-term employment and job security. But it was the right thing for him to do, in terms of how he manages HIS life.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    Who cares?

    You will when you're the one supporting him because he doesn't feel the need to work!

    this
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
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    Sure. Married to one now for quite a few years. It's cool though, because I come home to a hot meal every night, laundry done and folded. *most* of the cleaning is all set. Trash is on the curb ready for pickup on Wednesday nights. Coupons clipped for shopping day. I make the ends meet, my partner keeps them tied.

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