not trying to start a fight here but just a point...
Options
Replies
-
It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.i have the lowest self esteem,
Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.
okay, bit angry, how the hell have i tried to tear other people down????
This entire thread. Please stop. Re-assess, re-commit, and move forward.
0 -
If a thin girl turns down the cookie, she may hear, "Oh, you're so skinny, have one!" It's common,
If a fat girl accepts the cookie, you will not hear, "Oh, you're so fat, you should skip that." That's uncommon.
Amongst themselves, people will see the skinny girl having a salad and say, "OMG, she needs to have a cheeseburger," or they'll see the fat girl having a sundae and say "Look at her, shoving more in" but if the person can hear them, the fat comments get censored way more often than the skinny ones.
Contrary to everything you've told and read, anorexics do not look in the mirror and see a fat person. I will bet that the first time you heard this as a kid, you thought, "What?! How is that possible?!" and couldn't believe it. Then some older person you trusted said something like, "It seems impossible! But it's true. They see a fat girl." All those pictures you saw of thin girls looking at fat girls in the mirror reinforced it. It's in textbooks and psychiatrists on TV said so, too. So, at some point, you began to believe it.It shouldn't be acceptable either way to ridicule someone for their weight...
However...
When someone is unhealthily underweight they aren't always aware they're too thin. If they're suffering from an eating disorder for example they may actually believe they need to lose more and are too big.. so then it's okay to call them out on it but only if you know them and have a pretty good inkling they have an eating disorder. No one saying anything to these people for fear of offending them can really fuel and prolong an eating disorder because "I must be okay because no one says anything" or "all I get is positive comments about my weight". If people go around telling these people "You look so beautiful because your hip bones jut out" that's not going to help.
When people are overweight, whether it's through an eating disorder or otherwise, they usually are pretty well aware they're overweight and need to lose weight. Pointing this out is pretty much only going to be hurtful and fuel more weight gain and increased poor self esteem. Helping people feel better about their current selves first, even when they're overweight, can help those people then have the confidence and self esteem to actually begin to lose weight. You can't treat both sides the same.
The body acceptance and "curves are good" movement is a backlack against what for an incredibly long time has been the "thinner= better"! status quo. With time it'll calm down again I think.
But just because people are saying curves are beautiful doesn't mean they're saying being thin isn't beautiful too. Sometimes people do outright say "thin isn't beautiful" but often what people are actually trying to do is appreciate a different body type- curvy and there's nothing wrong with that in itself.
Let me disabuse you of the notion.
ANOREXICS DO NOT SEE FAT GIRLS IN THE MIRROR. They see themselves. They do not sit down next to some 180 pound woman and think they're the same size she is. They know what they look like. They know who is fat and who is skinny. They live, breathe and obsess over fat.
Really fat women in a new situation will scan the room to see if anyone is fatter than they are. They relax a little if someone is fatter. Anorexics scan a room, too. They get upset when someone is thinner.
Anorexia is not a problem of stupidity or delusion. It's an obsession over fat and an addiction to starving. They like starving. They hate it, too. Hate having to do it, hate what it does to them, hate living with the monkey on their back. But they like it, too,, just like the alcoholic loves and hates his booze.
Any and all fat must go. If there is any tiny bit, it's as bad to them as weighting 250 pounds. They do not SEE 250 pounds. They just react to 2 pounds the way sane people would react to 250 pounds if they woke up and saw they'd gained 100 pounds overnight.
It's a mental problem, yes, but not a visual one. It's obsession and addiction, not delusion.
There is absolutely no difference between the anorexic who says she is fine and the 250 pound woman who says she is fine. They both know better and say those things for invalid reasons.
Telling an anorexic she is skinny will come as no more shock to her than telling the 250 pound woman she is fat. Both are socially unacceptable, but coming from a doctor or a VERY close friend, may be helpful. You wouldn't be telling them anything they don't know, but maybe as a friend and certainly as a doctor, it's your job. You've given them a chance to discuss it and can offer help.
Everyone else should shut the heck up.
i agree with most of what you said, apart from one point, Some (not all) anorexics do have body dis-morphia issues, i'm not saying they see themselves huge, i'm just saying they see themselves as larger than they possibly are.
Seeing yourself as "too big" and seeing your self as the same as the 280lb woman aren't the same thing. The anorexic will still see areas on their body they need to lose weight from so they will see themseleves as "too big". That's what I meant. No doubt it's different for every sufferer but I know from my own experience they will see those areas of "fat" that need to go and it comes as a shock when people say "you are too thin, I'm worried about you" but that needs to come from a family member/doctor/therapist yes and then not continually afterwards...
But anorexics generally don't see themselves as as thin and ill as they really are.
this. When I was anorexic, I didn't see myself as an overweight person, but I certainly didn't see the "Skeletor" everyone else claimed to have seen, UNTIL I was ready to make a change to better my life and be a better, healthier role model for my children.0 -
It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.i have the lowest self esteem,
Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.
Have you never hung out with a bunch of women? It's almost like it's their sole purpose in life to tear others down. (Of course not all, but a big majority)
I get yelled at. Silly things like, "our eyes are up here."
Yeah, I know. Still, choosing a different direction.0 -
It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.i have the lowest self esteem,
Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.
okay, bit angry, how the hell have i tried to tear other people down????
This entire thread. Please stop. Re-assess, re-commit, and move forward.
that's funny. I don't think the OP was trying to stir anything up nor did I see her ever putting anyone else down. Unless I missed it, she just asked a question....0 -
I think what the OP meant was that's is more PC to comment on someone who needs to gain weight (or looks like they do) than it is for someone to comment on someone who needs to lose weight.
Maybe it's not OK to be obese . . . and people's opinions haven't changed (and maybe won't ever) but it's not PC to comment on that fact however, it's ok for someone to notice when another is perhaps underweight and should eat more.
Not saying that either is ok . . . I think it's more about commenting that the actual fact of being either or.
Possibly amongst hipsters and other horrible people. Out in the world of the norms though, it's not acceptable to do either. That's also not what PC means.
PC = politically correct . . . which is how I used it??? So not sure what you're thinking I'm referring to.
I always said it seems MORE ok to comment on thin people because many people assume people who are overweight are already ashamed and don't want to hurt their feelings.
And I must live in a city with all hipsters/horrible people because I hear and see it quite often.0 -
I think what the OP meant was that's is more PC to comment on someone who needs to gain weight (or looks like they do) than it is for someone to comment on someone who needs to lose weight.
Maybe it's not OK to be obese . . . and people's opinions haven't changed (and maybe won't ever) but it's not PC to comment on that fact however, it's ok for someone to notice when another is perhaps underweight and should eat more.
Not saying that either is ok . . . I think it's more about commenting that the actual fact of being either or.
Possibly amongst hipsters and other horrible people. Out in the world of the norms though, it's not acceptable to do either. That's also not what PC means.
PC = politically correct . . . which is how I used it??? So not sure what you're thinking I'm referring to. If you're thinking it should refer to an actual political issue - it's use is much more widespread as in PC is what's socially acceptable to say and regarded as polite . . . IE the word "retarded" should not be used, "mentally disabled" is politically correct.
I said it seems MORE ok to comment on thin people because many people assume people who are overweight are already ashamed and don't want to hurt their feelings.
And I must live in a city with all hipsters/horrible people because I hear and see it quite often.0 -
If a fat girl accepts the cookie, you will not hear, "Oh, you're so fat, you should skip that." That's uncommon.
If you think a girl is fat and shouldn't eat a cookie, why would you offer it?0 -
It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.i have the lowest self esteem,
Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.
okay, bit angry, how the hell have i tried to tear other people down????
This entire thread. Please stop. Re-assess, re-commit, and move forward.
that's funny. I don't think the OP was trying to stir anything up nor did I see her ever putting anyone else down. Unless I missed it, she just asked a question....
I agree. OP went from heavier to thinner, and got all kinds of grief for it from others. Im sure most of us ladies who have lost weight can relate to her situation and experiences. I know I can.0 -
I think what the OP meant was that's is more PC to comment on someone who needs to gain weight (or looks like they do) than it is for someone to comment on someone who needs to lose weight.
Maybe it's not OK to be obese . . . and people's opinions haven't changed (and maybe won't ever) but it's not PC to comment on that fact however, it's ok for someone to notice when another is perhaps underweight and should eat more.
Not saying that either is ok . . . I think it's more about commenting that the actual fact of being either or.
Possibly amongst hipsters and other horrible people. Out in the world of the norms though, it's not acceptable to do either. That's also not what PC means.
PC = politically correct . . . which is how I used it??? So not sure what you're thinking I'm referring to.
I always said it seems MORE ok to comment on thin people because many people assume people who are overweight are already ashamed and don't want to hurt their feelings.
And I must live in a city with all hipsters/horrible people because I hear and see it quite often.
PC isn't a perjorative for being a dirtbag. PC is a lot more nuanced than that.
There is nothing acceptable about shaming either way. You also probably due, hipsters are a cancer that seems to be growing rampantly. (Thanks Brooklyn.)0 -
It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.i have the lowest self esteem,
Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.
okay, bit angry, how the hell have i tried to tear other people down????
This entire thread. Please stop. Re-assess, re-commit, and move forward.
that's funny. I don't think the OP was trying to stir anything up nor did I see her ever putting anyone else down. Unless I missed it, she just asked a question....
I agree. OP went from heavier to thinner, and got all kinds of grief for it from others. Im sure most of us ladies who have lost weight can relate to her situation and experiences. I know I can.
Anyone who has been in this community for longer than 5 minutes knows this thread is a dogwhistle thread. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt, this is a clarion call for some of the less welcoming of the community.0 -
I hate those stupid Facebook memes too and really hate it when people comment on me being too skinny, but no one has ever thrown food out of a car window at me like they have to my larger friends. I've also never had someone yell "skinny b*tch" at me from across the street, but I have friends who have had strangers yell "fat b*tch" at them in public. My experience is REALLY not the equivalent of their experience.0
-
This isn't in the books, because the books are still full of pictures of anorexics looking in mirrors and seeing fat girls, but the day is coming where it will be recognized that ALL anorexics have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Some fat women have it, but all anorexics do.
i agree with most of what you said, apart from one point, Some (not all) anorexics do have body dis-morphia issues, i'm not saying they see themselves huge, i'm just saying they see themselves as larger than they possibly are.
BDD is more about the person than how they view their size. People who discuss it tend to go with how those people see themselves, but it's more what I call "reflectional emotional" (which I made up, lol) than visual. It's the person, not the visual, if that makes sense (probably not because I can't explain.) Some fat people have it, too. Some normal-sized people have it.
There are a few Supersize and Superskinny people who are in a little denial about their weight, but it isn't more on one end than the other. (Someone had to make the Supersize vs. Superskinny reference!)
All anorexics have BDD issues. It isn't recognized yet. That's coming. When it does, it will be explained better than I can explain it. I know in my bones what is going on there, I just lack the ability to explain it.
I really have a special place in my heart for alcoholics and anorexics.0 -
I hate those stupid Facebook memes too and really hate it when people comment on me being too skinny, but no one has ever thrown food out of a car window at me like they have to my larger friends. I've also never had someone yell "skinny b*tch" at me from across the street, but I have friends who have had strangers yell "fat b*tch" at them in public. My experience is REALLY not the equivalent of their experience.
that is AWFUL. I am glad to say I have never personally seen the same behavior toward friends of mine that are overweight. I have, however, have had people tell me I should be forcefed food. It really all comes down to compassion and social etiquette at the end of the day. I tend to treat people as I would want them to treat my children. I also prefer to lead by example. I don't want my kids to think they are better than others, nor do I want them to feel less than anyone else. Putting anyone down should be taught to our kids as wrong. Period.0 -
This.I consider it to be an overcorrection of a very real problem.
As most of us can tell you, being overweight sure doesn't give you a free pass in society. Progress has been made, probably because it's more common these days.
So after years of fat people being put down there was some push back. Eat a sandwich/real women have curves/etc. Trying to fight judgment with judgment.
I think today what we're finally seeing is more understanding and realization that criticizing another body type is never good. Which is progress.0 -
I wasn't aware that criticizing someone because of their body was socially acceptable. Period.
This !!:drinker:0 -
I'm gonna have to agree. When I was overweight (granted just slightly) I got tons of compliments. (Fake or real who knows). Now that I'm fit, I only get negative comments. Just the other day I received my first compliment about my arms and was over joyed. But it quickly soured when a woman said I was setting a bad example for my daughter and all other little girls. She went on and on, but I'll spare you the details.
I hope you told her to F off.0 -
I consider it to be an overcorrection of a very real problem.
As most of us can tell you, being overweight sure doesn't give you a free pass in society. Progress has been made, probably because it's more common these days.
So after years of fat people being put down there was some push back. Eat a sandwich/real women have curves/etc. Trying to fight judgment with judgment.
I think today what we're finally seeing is more understanding and realization that criticizing another body type is never good. Which is progress.
My daughter was quite skinny growing up, which is a family trait that comes from the other side of the family. I never understood why people thought it was OK to comment on it frequently, often in front of her. These same people would never dream of saying anything in front of an overweight child.
So I don't get what is being over corrected.0 -
It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.i have the lowest self esteem,
Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.
okay, bit angry, how the hell have i tried to tear other people down????
This entire thread. Please stop. Re-assess, re-commit, and move forward.
that's funny. I don't think the OP was trying to stir anything up nor did I see her ever putting anyone else down. Unless I missed it, she just asked a question....
I agree. OP went from heavier to thinner, and got all kinds of grief for it from others. Im sure most of us ladies who have lost weight can relate to her situation and experiences. I know I can.
Anyone who has been in this community for longer than 5 minutes knows this thread is a dogwhistle thread. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt, this is a clarion call for some of the less welcoming of the community.
okay well i have no idea what a 'dogwhistle' thread is, i assume you mean i was looking to start a fight or something, but no,, i am actually seriously surprised how many people have put their opinion across, and its actually nice to see people of all backgrounds putting their point across. i have been a member of this site for over 2 years now, and have almost always actively posted about weight loss and other things, i've helped other people and others have helped me. I have lost my weight through this site and would NEVER purposefully try to start any disputes, i was just curious how other people felt about the personal experiences i have seen through my time as a size 18 through a size 4. yes maybe i was a little upset when writing the original post so if it came across badly i apologise, that was not however my intent.0 -
Why is it more socially acceptable to be overweight or obese these days, but it is not acceptable to be skinny.
This does not exist. Quit trying to start fights in the community, that's droll.
i'm not, i was just commenting on how i feel i get more abuse now than 84lbs ago, and wondered who felt the shame or what peoples opinions on this were.
I'm gonna have to agree. When I was overweight (granted just slightly) I got tons of compliments. (Fake or real who knows). Now that I'm fit, I only get negative comments. Just the other day I received my first compliment about my arms and was over joyed. But it quickly soured when a woman said I was setting a bad example for my daughter and all other little girls. She went on and on, but I'll spare you the details.
I would have thrown a weight at her and said "no, THIS is setting a bad example for my daughter..." Ok, I wouldn't really, but it's a funny thought. ***I would NEVER actually physically harm anyone, nor would I encourage others to do so.0 -
It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.i have the lowest self esteem,
Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.
Have you never hung out with a bunch of women? It's almost like it's their sole purpose in life to tear others down. (Of course not all, but a big majority)
this is truth! Between the mommy wars, the education wars, the work wars, body shape wars. (am I forgetting any?) We are our own worst enemy.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 389 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 918 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions