Don't want to embarrass my friend by pointing this out

poedunk65

nothing worse than unsolicited advise:noway:

Timelordlady85

Its generally a good idea to keep your eyes on your own plate- especially as concerns someone elses children.

I understand why you want to help though, and your intentions are good but that would just hurt everyone. Just like all of us, we each have to walk our own path.

+1

Anonycatgirl

I agree with everyone who says "don't talk to her about it" but that doesn't mean you can't invite your friend and her daughter for a hiking trip or regular walks or suggest doing a C25K together. You could broach it, as "I'm really excited about this. Let's all do it together", and that way, you might be a good role model for the daughter and she might even approach you about how to get fit.

Much better idea than trying to broach the subject directly. Make it a girls' day out sometimes--throw in pedicures or something else fun.

radmack

All my kids are grown and out of the house. The only thing I really have to add to this conversation is that by the time they're teens, you can't save them from all their mistakes. Often, they learn more from their mistakes than they do from people trying to fix.

It has also been my experience that most teenagers are very well aware of their flaws and weaknesses.

If you're inviting the girl to join you in activities that you enjoy and that you would participate even if she wasn't there, then I think your idea might be helpful. if you're just making up fitness activities in order to try to get her to be in shape, I think she's very likely to see through it and be hurt rather than helped in the process.

marinabreeze

I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.

Agree

Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?

Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link

Yes, mind your own business. I don't know any fat person that isn't aware they are fat. And especially if one is a large child or teen, they will have been made all too aware. If they want weight loss or management help from you, they will ask you. But otherwise, everyone has their own issues, pay attention to your own.

As is evidenced by this thread most people didn't know the right way to lose weight. I'd say it's your family, do what it takes to fight for them. Just because there's a lot of derp out there doesn't make the idea of sharing healthy weight loss options wrong IMO. Our current state of obesity? That's what's wrong and we need a good way to solve it. Personally I didn't know anything about calories until maybe college if not after, and even then there was so much derp that I couldn't put together a simple equation of calories consumed vs calories burned and how that would translate to weight loss at a certain pace. Just like some folks agree that a simple high school class covering this subject would be very useful, I would have appreciated having this info when I was younger

I get the idea of fighting for your family, I really do. My father died of diabetes-related heart disease at 57, my brother had cholesterol problems in his teens. However, everyone's body is different, everyone's life experiences are different, and weight issues are very personal. I'm sure most of us are on MFP in the weight loss section because we chose to make the weight loss journey on our own, not because our family or friends were "fighting" for us. My brother didn't become a brown belt in karate and drop 50 lbs because we "fought" for him or needed to save him, it's because HE realized he needed to get his health together. Again, most people who are fat are acutely aware of it, and let's not assume that fat people don't know anything about calories either - some of us have been on diets since before we could drive and have had "eat fewer calories than you burn" drilled into our heads. It's fine to try to help, but ONLY if it's asked for. Otherwise, don't stick your nose where it isn't invited.

MelodyandBarbells

I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.

Agree

Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?

Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link

Yes, mind your own business. I don't know any fat person that isn't aware they are fat. And especially if one is a large child or teen, they will have been made all too aware. If they want weight loss or management help from you, they will ask you. But otherwise, everyone has their own issues, pay attention to your own.

As is evidenced by this thread most people didn't know the right way to lose weight. I'd say it's your family, do what it takes to fight for them. Just because there's a lot of derp out there doesn't make the idea of sharing healthy weight loss options wrong IMO. Our current state of obesity? That's what's wrong and we need a good way to solve it. Personally I didn't know anything about calories until maybe college if not after, and even then there was so much derp that I couldn't put together a simple equation of calories consumed vs calories burned and how that would translate to weight loss at a certain pace. Just like some folks agree that a simple high school class covering this subject would be very useful, I would have appreciated having this info when I was younger

I get the idea of fighting for your family, I really do. My father died of diabetes-related heart disease at 57, my brother had cholesterol problems in his teens. However, everyone's body is different, everyone's life experiences are different, and weight issues are very personal. I'm sure most of us are on MFP in the weight loss section because we chose to make the weight loss journey on our own, not because our family or friends were "fighting" for us. My brother didn't become a brown belt in karate and drop 50 lbs because we "fought" for him or needed to save him, it's because HE realized he needed to get his health together. Again, most people who are fat are acutely aware of it, and let's not assume that fat people don't know anything about calories either - some of us have been on diets since before we could drive and have had "eat fewer calories than you burn" drilled into our heads. It's fine to try to help, but ONLY if it's asked for. Otherwise, don't stick your nose where it isn't invited.

Perhaps we just do not have an effective way of getting the information to those that need it and helping our families. To me that is what needs to be worked on. The whole idea of mind your own business when it comes to family and friends doing something that's detrimental to themselves can go to the other extreme, and, IMO leave us void of a sense of community

ninerbuff

Yep, not your place. While many of us have the "hindsight 20/20" vision in our heads, there's no way to know exactly how we would have reacted at that time of our life if it were pointed out.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

earlnabby

When I was a teen, someone did to me exactly what you are thinking of doing to your friend's daughter. My reaction? I ate more just to prove that they are not my boss.

Please don't.

runnerchick69

I say help her. It is your business, obesity and the stress it puts on an already over burdened healthcare system is all of our business. You can help someone without them even realizing what your underlying motive is. I finally made a change when my sis in law said hey I need help losing weight so I joined her as a way to support her but it ended up changing my entire life. I know from personal experience there are ways to say and do things that can have a direct and lasting impact on someone

WalkingAlong

Perhaps we just do not have an effective way of getting the information to those that need it and helping our families. To me that is what needs to be worked on. The whole idea of mind your own business when it comes to family and friends doing something that's detrimental to themselves can go to the other extreme, and, IMO leave us void of a sense of community

I think the information on IF and HOW to lose weight is more readily available now than ever in history (and it's never been a big mystery). What's lacking is the desire and discipline and that has to come from within.

MelodyandBarbells

Perhaps we just do not have an effective way of getting the information to those that need it and helping our families. To me that is what needs to be worked on. The whole idea of mind your own business when it comes to family and friends doing something that's detrimental to themselves can go to the other extreme, and, IMO leave us void of a sense of community

I think the information on IF and HOW to lose weight is more readily available now than ever in history (and it's never been a big mystery). What's lacking is the desire and discipline and that has to come from within.

As you know we fundamentally disagree on the effectiveness of different weight loss approaches so I guess I'll just agree to disagree with this point right off the bat.

wgaue

Its generally a good idea to keep your eyes on your own plate- especially as concerns someone elses children.

I understand why you want to help though, and your intentions are good but that would just hurt everyone. Just like all of us, we each have to walk our own path.

+1

+2

astroophys

I agree with everyone who says "don't talk to her about it" but that doesn't mean you can't invite your friend and her daughter for a hiking trip or regular walks or suggest doing a C25K together. You could broach it, as "I'm really excited about this. Let's all do it together", and that way, you might be a good role model for the daughter and she might even approach you about how to get fit.

This is a great idea. Do fun activities together. But, I would be wary of pointing it out directly. Teenagers are already quite sensitive, and she isn't your daughter, so your concern may be misinterpreted, no matter how genuine.

kbh1218

When I was a teen, someone did to me exactly what you are thinking of doing to your friend's daughter. My reaction? I ate more just to prove that they are not my boss.

Please don't.

Same here. Actually, I've been on both ends of the eating spectrum. My mom made comments about my weight when I was younger so I started only eating one meal a day in high school. Dropped a bunch of weigh and was a size 6. When I went to college I gained some back and went up to a size 8. My mom and grandma made a comment about my weight gain (and not a sensitive one) and I just said too hell with it. I began eating whatever and however much I wanted. Now I'm here trying to undo all the damage (over 100 lbs worth).

OP, mind your own business. You have no idea how this could turn out. What if the daughter overhears you talking to her mom? What if your good intentions have the complete opposite effect and this teen girl starts starving herself? This is not territory you want to tread in.

kbh1218

Also, we have no idea what these "mistakes" are that this girl is making, or if she's actually overweight. We don't know what OP considers overweight. This kid could be perfectly healthy for all we know.

Idk. All I can say is that there is a good chance your friend could take your concern as criticism of her parenting, and that won't go over well. Just be prepared to possibly lose this friend if you do decide to stick you nose in it.

mountainmare

OP--you are very young yourself, it is wonderful that you have a friend who has a family and a teenage daughter, but realize that you may not know everything that the mother is trying to do for her child. You may come off as an inexperienced know it all and hurt your friendship. Just lead by example, not words.