Rudeness of a total stranger!
pammyd76
Posts: 42 Member
So, today I'm having lunch in a food court with work colleagues. I'm eating my turkey sub from subway and drinking water - all good. Out of nowhere this guy comes to the table and asks if he can speak with us - me in particular. Now this is not overly unusual because we all work at a local church which is heavily involved in the community. So, I say sure. He then proceeds to say to me "I just want you to know that there is help available for someone like you; I'd like to help you". He went on to say how he attends a gym and would be willing to workout with me and help me with my 'problem'!!! I was horrified!! In 38 years this has never happened to me! I was humiliated! I was polite and thanked him for the offer and suggested I probably would not take him up on it - but inside I just wanted to die. None of my colleagues know I'm working so hard to lose weight, and at only 8kg loss, they can't tell. So, I just had to act like this didn't bother me. As we left, one of the men on my team went and spoke to said stranger about the inappropriateness of what he'd done - but no one could really feel how gutted I was. I mean, I know I'm big, but how big must I be that a complete stranger felt so compelled to come and 'help' me!!! I just have to keep moving forward - I've made such great progress and I can't let this ignorant person discourage me - but I just wish people thought before they 'helped'!
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Replies
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Chin up girlie don't dwell on the" total stranger" he probably mean't well, some people can't switch off from their job.Good luck. 0 -
Awe, I'm sorry. I think many of us have been there. I can't even tell you how many times I have been humiliated and embarrassed in situations similar to yours. Even by people you who are trying to "help". All I can say is, as hard as it is, try to use it as motivation.
Also, how cool is it that you have a coworker that supports you like that?!0 -
what did he say that was rude?0
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So sorry this happened to you. Remember his bad manners reflect on him - not you! Many of us have been in your situation or have made an insensitive comment to someone else (I have been on both sides).
You have great friends/co-workers when they are willing to stand up for you - good for them!
Keep up the good work! You'll reach your goal!0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!0 -
Chin up girlie don't dwell on the" total stranger" he probably mean't well, some people can't switch off from their job.Good luck.
Thanks - but just to clarify - not his job, he just attends the gym.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
Yeah, It would be like a hair stylist approaching someone and being like 'I work in a salon, please let me help you with your problem. I won't even charge you for the haircut.'0 -
You can continue to get healthier with hard work & determination, but I'm guessing there is very little chance that hard work will improve his propensity to be a tool.0
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Ok someone offers you free help in the gym. I wouldn't be offended, i'd be grateful. The dude was trying to be helpful. Just because no one talks about your weight problem doesn't mean they're not aware of it.0
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You can continue to get healthier with hard work & determination, but I'm guessing there is very little chance that hard work will improve his propensity to be a tool.
This made me smile...thanks : )0 -
He was probably just trying to flog gym membership. But that being words can only hurt us if we allow them to - be positive and perhaps if you did see him in the gym setting you could let him know how uncomfortable his comments made you feel. He probably is totally unaware that you are so hurt. if it was me id take time to see him and spell it out v e r y clearly to him how inappropriate his remarks were even better find his boss and make him uncomfortable (share the love). As a solid overweight woman I would have loved him to have a go at me.0
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what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
Yeah, It would be like a hair stylist approaching someone and being like 'I work in a salon, please let me help you with your problem. I won't even charge you for the haircut.'
Is it wrong that I totally would not turn down a free haircut if that happened to me?0 -
And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.
As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.0 -
He was probably just trying to flog gym membership.
If this were the case...I'd wear it...but he doesn't work for a gym, just goes to one. He didn't introduce himself as a trainer etc (and certainly didn't present as one) - just a average person.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?
Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?
I can totally see the original poster's point of view.
I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?
Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?
I can totally see the original poster's point of view.
I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
THANK - YOU!!!0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
Sorry but in that context he really might as well have. And it isn't up to the guy or you to determine whether or not it was humiliating. I think anyone who struggles with weight loss would probably agree with me and her. So people need to keep their unsolicited advise to themselves. Personally I wouldn't have just meekly accepted it. I would have chewed the guy out for being a prat and ruining my enjoyment of my turkey sandwich. Being fat is sometimes a choice. Like being a smoker. Or in fact driving a car or getting on a plane. We do lots of things in life that are risky. just walking up to a complete and total stranger and offering unsolicited advice is simply disrespecting that right. It's a weak meek little survival first oriented mentality. And it's the province of cissy's and the terminally self deluded. Now don't get me wrong I'm hardly criticizing losing weight on principle. But if you just wanna be fat and eat all the food and you accept the consequences then NO ONE has any right to tell you to stop or judge you for it. As a complete stranger he had zero knowledge of her circumstances. He just marched in with his we all gotta fit and healthy or were a failure at life mentality that frankly YOU seem to share.
Not so long ago people threw themselves at artillery fire to buy us the right to do with our lives what we please. His attitude is fascist elitist and rude.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?
Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?
I can totally see the original poster's point of view.
I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
so noone can have a different opinion to yours... ok then....0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?
Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?
I can totally see the original poster's point of view.
I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
so noone can have a different opinion to yours... ok then....
Big difference between having a different opinion and offering unsolicited advise to a TOTAL STRANGER.
Weak, your argument is.0 -
He just marched in with his we all gotta fit and healthy or were a failure at life mentality that frankly YOU seem to share.
:huh:
hangry much!?0 -
Hey I'm sorry this happened. You can either let it discourage you or you can carry on and 'laugh' about this inconsiderate as$ when you have done it in your own time and your way! You're doing great on your own. I know its not the same thing but I get this at least once a month with smoking... People just come up to me on the street and let me know how bad smoking is and that I should give it up. I really don't see why someone that doesn't even know you would do that. You might have a medical condition or severe depression- that's enough to push anyone over edge. Keep on going!
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And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.
As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.
i'm sorry, you're not allowed that opinion in this thread.... :laugh:0 -
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?
Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?
I can totally see the original poster's point of view.
I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
so noone can have a different opinion to yours... ok then....
Big difference between having a different opinion and offering unsolicited advise to a TOTAL STRANGER.
Weak, your argument is.
my comment about having a different opinion was in relation to the 'why do you get to decide what she finds offensive' comment, not offering unsolicited advice.0 -
And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.
As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.
i'm sorry, you're not allowed that opinion in this thread.... :laugh:
Your allowed whatever opinion you like. That's exactly the right that the man who approached her was ignoring. He is totally allowed to have the opinion that she needs to exercise more and lose some weight. If he had kept it to himself that is.
It doesn't mean I have to like you for it. Or agree with it. Especially if it's a weak and arrogant argument.
By the way I think that blue top you are wearing in your photo looks totally ridiculous. I know I'm a complete stranger but clearly I have the right to comment on it in your book. So i thought I would take you up on it. I mean clearly your not going to be offended that I think it makes you look like a grannies tea cosy.0 -
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'...
He might as well have said this!
The Guy was rude, plain and simple.
Why did he feel he had the right to do this?
The OP is right to be upset about this and i hope it hasn't dented her confidence.
"Help" like that, no one needs.0 -
And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.
As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.
i'm sorry, you're not allowed that opinion in this thread.... :laugh:
:sad:
Now I actually feel kinda weird about myself for ever considering saying something to someone...even if I'd been there, and knew what it was like and was willing to help them in any way that I could. I'm glad I haven't ever done this now0 -
I'm so sorry that happened to you! I think you handled the situation gracefully and with tact. I probably would have turned dark red and started crying. People just do not think before they speak. I understand he thought he was doing something good, but there are better ways to do things than embarrass a person in front of other people! I'm glad your coworker was so swift in telling him off.0
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That dude was sooo rude!! He might have genuinely wanted to help but in the middle of a food court infront of people that you where with was such bad taste, I mean you could have been out with important clients or with your boss trying to impress ect for all he knew.
If you were in a gym at the time or had been talking about join a gym and he overheard fair enough and the fact that he isn't a trainer makes it far worse to me like who is he to offer you help at the gym without even knowing you or your situation, what makes him qualified to help you ?? Even if it was done from a good place he was still a massive douche !0
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