Rudeness of a total stranger!

gypsyGIRL159

Yes..... it was RUDE. There truly are people in this world that think they've cornered the market on PERFECTION.

Everybody on Earth has ISSUES! That person might be super fit & trim..... but could have been a murderer.... a child molester.... or any such hideous creature. No one knows what hidden repulsive issues other people have in their hearts, spirits, minds, and flesh.

In fact instead of setting out to make others smile..... There are people who make it their business to make others cry, feel defeated, and to totally withdraw from society. We must pray for such people, and try NOT TO CHOKE THEM WHEN THEY APPROACH US! :noway: ITS A TEST!

We humans have a way of focusing on the troubles and woes of others while trying to hide that WE have a BIG FAT PROBLEM. I have people in my environment like that too! They pretend to want to help.... when in all essence they're saying LOOK AT ME.... I AM PERFECT. I KNOW EVERYTHING..... I AM OUT TO MAKE YOU JUST LIKE ME! No thank you!!!

To that I say: Sweep around your own front door, before you try to sweep around mine. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PROJECT.... NOT ME!

The thing is ALL HELL might be going on in that persons Life & Home, and yet... they're too blind to see what's right in front of them.... but they focus on you, turning a blind eye to their own issues.

I really think people like that are ego tripping.... wanting to feel important. You were on point: It was VERY rude. My Mom used to tell me that Laughing was catching..... and not to laugh at people. Lets put a twist on it today.... for Mr. Rude.

RUDENESS IS CATCHING.... TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU'D LIKE TO BE TREATED.

Sometimes we'd all be BETTER OFF if we kept our mouths shut. The tongue is a fire starter!

On the flip side..... I have people in my world who took the time to tell me I had gotten THIN enough. They never bothered telling me I had gotten OBESE ENOUGH. LOL!!! Imagine that!!!!! :laugh:

Stay encouraged and know that YOU MATTER.... No one has a right to try and walk all over you! (((HUGGZZ)))

shireeniebeanie

I can't believe this is still being discussed.

rml_16

This guy was offering free help, and you guys are busy with your convoluted logic, trying to twist what may have been an actual opportunity for the OP.

That's ok, she'll never see the insides of a gym. Mission accomplished.

I'll leave you the last word.

For someone who doesn't have much to add, you certainly know how to use the quote feature.

"I'll let you have the last word" seems to mean something different to me than it does to you. :flowerforyou:

Yeah, I didn't know you were hitting refresh every 5 secs, to see the latest news.

I had something to do, and didn't expect the opportunity to refute another post.

You're much more responsive than the average poster.

Work is slow.

So, anyway, can you please tell me what information you have about the OP that the rest of us don't?

quark3

Congratulations on your 8kg weight loss! Forget that guy and keep up the great work. Here's to being healthy & strong!!

_HeartsOnFire_

Coming outta left field on this one ... I might have taken his "help".

But I'm pretty much a newbie and if someone wanted to help me and knew a thing or two around a gym I'd jump on it. Especially for the price of free.. js.

If he was rude or not .. that's all perspective.

But you don't know anything about the guy. What makes you so sure his help would be at all useful?

Even certified trainers often give terrible advice and this is some random dude off the street.

You act like she said she was going to marry the guy.

Perhaps she would handle it the same way one handles those "certified" trainers. If it works out, great. If not, move on.

Although she called herself a "newbie." Pretty much anyone with some gym experience would be able to help out.

Or, maybe she just makes a friend (this is where everyone can chime in that the dude is obviously not worth being anyone's friend).

I'm sorry but I've seen some people in my gym that I would NEVER take any advice from. At all. They weren't doing any weighted squats correctly, form was horrible, I saw one trying to do weighted squats on a Bosu ball...yeah, not taking their advice. So just because there is the internet doesn't mean people actually look up correct form or study it. More people have bad form than one would think.

What business is it of his to come up to her and say that...seriously. It's more hurtful than helpful. If someone wants help and wants to change THEY will reach out and they will make said changes.

Baffling to me that people think this is okay.

fitjlmcgraw

Wow! That is rude. It would have been bad enough to approach you when you were alone, but to do so in front of other people?!?! that's incredible! That guy needs a lesson on how to treat people. If he wants to help, he should wear a t-shirt advertising "call me, I'll help you lose weight" or something and keep his mouth shut. I've been asked if I was pregnant before by a co-worker and then she turns to another co-worker and says, "doesn't she look pregnant?" It stung, but it was the most motivating comment. Congrats on your 8kg weight loss! Hang in there. Turn what the idiot said to you to your advantage. You're angry, rightfully so, but don't let it eat at you and get you down. You know how hard you have worked and soon your amazing results will be seen by everyone. Channel your anger to work harder or to keep you motivated. Whenever you want to fall off the wagon think of what he said. It helped me to stay motivated. Good luck!

Aine8046

Ok someone offers you free help in the gym. I wouldn't be offended, i'd be grateful. The dude was trying to be helpful. Just because no one talks about your weight problem doesn't mean they're not aware of it.

+1
The only problem I see is talking to you in front of other people. Other than that - I'd like free gym!
I do have thick skin though and enough self-esteem so I do not care much about what others say...

BinaryPulsar

I'm also astounded that anyone thinks that is appropriate behavior.

LinMoAn

It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?

rml_16

It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?

If that were true, wouldn't THE LORD have sent someone she'd respond to instead of someone who made her feel so lousy she rejected him?

JenD1066

It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?

If that were true, wouldn't THE LORD have sent someone she'd respond to instead of someone who made her feel so lousy she rejected him?

Perhaps the ways of THE LORD are not only mysterious, but are also outside the boundaries of acceptable behavior.

Nah.

RHachicho

I'm also astounded that anyone thinks that is appropriate behavior.

What can I say there's a lot of self important elitist jerks out there who think they are gods gift and that everyone who is different must have a "problem". I gave up a while back. Kind of lol to come back like a day later and check the topic to see 350 odd replies lawl.

KrissyRawrz

Jesus that's horrific *hugs* I'm sorry

dyorkesmile

That makes me so sad, that people have no filter, Always try to look at the positive.. maybe in his heart he really was trying to help, but in reality did so much damage. I am sorry for that. However cuddo's to your co-worker for standing up for you! Only move forward from that moment, don't stay in it, or that stranger will have done so much more damage than he already has.

dbrightwell1270

At my heaviest I was at least 465 pounds. I would complain about my weight to my friends and the typical response was, "you're not really fat. You're just big." After a while of hearing that, you start to wonder if maybe you are just too critical of yourself and that it's not as big a problem as you think. The reality is that my "polite" friends were not doing me any favors and were doing me a disservice. One day, a friend did offer unsolicited criticism along with help. It infuriated me. It was offensive. It was humiliating. It was hurtful. It was transformative! At the time, I hadn't been on a date in over 13 years. Since then, I've had several girlfriends and met my fiancée. I've also sat comfortably on an airplane, walked up multiple flights of stairs without gasping for air, hiked the Grand Canyon twice, ran a few half marathons, been able to fit in the driver's seat of a compact car, lowered my cholesterol, blood pressure, pulse rate.

In the years when the pounds went on, the only persons who said anything were doctors and the advise was always pretty lousy: "just cut your Calories by about 250 a day and you'll be fine." or "Let me refer you to a weight loss surgeon." Not once did they ever look at my chart to realize that over the last 6 months, I gained 50 pounds and that a 250 Calorie reduction may not even get me to my equilibrium Calories. Not once was I referred to a nutritionist or dietician.

At the end of the day, is it more polite to sit by quietly as someone's behavior takes years off his/her life or is it more polite to offer assistance?

KameHameHaaaa

Not seeing anything about there being a free gym membership here so dunno why people keep saying that. He offered to work out with her/be a gym partner. I'm assuming she'd still have to pay for the gym membership. Approaching a stranger in general to tell them they have a problem is just wrong. Period. Doesn't matter if she's around friends or not. Doesn't matter if people think she's being sensitive. It's wrong. She's not sitting on the curb with a cardboard sign that says "TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT. IN NEED OF GYM PARTNER".

My room mate, who is a personal trainer and devotes his life to helping people with their fitness journeys, would never humiliate someone like that. And that's exactly what it is. Humiliation. The people on here who don't realize that just don't have common sense or don't care so feel they can say whatever they say. They're wrong. End of story.

mizzzc

how rude honestly. Its not up to a total stranger to decide whether you need help.


For all he knows you could be morbidly obese and loving life.

(not saying that your morbidly obese I haven't even looked at your profile pic)

but ya even coming from a friend I would find that offensive.

JoRocka

I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

I think you handled it rather well.


ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.

I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.


NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.

Just wanted to let you know that I love your snarkiness. Every day. All Day.

Yeah, funny stuff.

Although it is easier to help someone lose weight than it is to 1) cure cancer or 2) get a wheelchair-bound individual to walk (although you wouldn't know it from reading these forums).

Point- clearly missed.

My point was that it is about as equally appropriate to walk up to someone with those problems as it is to walk up to someone with a weight issue and ASSUME I a.) know what their problem is b.) that the person is potentially unaware of their problem and c. the person isn't getting help and D. that I - the random intrusive stranger knows enough to make an educated decision on how to help "fix" this completely stranger.

and by "equally appropriate" I mean 110% WHOLLY UNACCEPTABLE AND INAPPROPRIATE.

Physical handicaps and terminal illnesses are very, very different from obesity. It's annoying and short-sighted to make such a comparison. But, hey, this is MFP.

you know what's annoying and short sighted? assuming you can walk up to a complete stranger and embarrass them about their weight and think you have enough answers to "fix" them.

Again- I'd like to repeat myself- all of you who think this is totally okay- go ahead and extrapolate this out to other things

Sex- sex is great.

But you aren't having any- so let me give it to you- because clearly you need some and I know that you do.

At the end of the day, is it more polite to sit by quietly as someone's behavior takes years off his/her life or is it more polite to offer assistance?

that's a conversation to have with someone you are close to- you don't just walk up to fat people and say- hey you're fat let me help.

You think they don't know? seriously- how vain do you think you are that you know better- and can assume to help someone.

I am flabbergasted by those of you who think this is okay- I'm a very forward and honest person- but seriously- I would NEVER approach a complete stranger and say- hey you have a problem.
Just so not appropriate.

Annie_01

At my heaviest I was at least 465 pounds. I would complain about my weight to my friends and the typical response was, "you're not really fat. You're just big." After a while of hearing that, you start to wonder if maybe you are just too critical of yourself and that it's not as big a problem as you think. The reality is that my "polite" friends were not doing me any favors and were doing me a disservice. One day, a friend did offer unsolicited criticism along with help. It infuriated me. It was offensive. It was humiliating. It was hurtful. It was transformative! At the time, I hadn't been on a date in over 13 years. Since then, I've had several girlfriends and met my fiancée. I've also sat comfortably on an airplane, walked up multiple flights of stairs without gasping for air, hiked the Grand Canyon twice, ran a few half marathons, been able to fit in the driver's seat of a compact car, lowered my cholesterol, blood pressure, pulse rate.

In the years when the pounds went on, the only persons who said anything were doctors and the advise was always pretty lousy: "just cut your Calories by about 250 a day and you'll be fine." or "Let me refer you to a weight loss surgeon." Not once did they ever look at my chart to realize that over the last 6 months, I gained 50 pounds and that a 250 Calorie reduction may not even get me to my equilibrium Calories. Not once was I referred to a nutritionist or dietician.

At the end of the day, is it more polite to sit by quietly as someone's behavior takes years off his/her life or is it more polite to offer assistance?

I think that your situation is entirely different than having a stranger confront you in a public setting. You were approached by a friend.

Did you ask to be referred to a nutritionist or dietician? If you did and your doctor refused then you should have taken your business somewhere else.

rml_16

It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?

If that were true, wouldn't THE LORD have sent someone she'd respond to instead of someone who made her feel so lousy she rejected him?

Perhaps the ways of THE LORD are not only mysterious, but are also outside the boundaries of acceptable behavior.

Nah.

Well, if this was The Lord, it proves he's fallible. It didn't work. It wasn't what the OP needed and it did her no good.