MFP has really changed

osothefinn

People often seem to say they want "advice" when the word they're really looking for is "affirmation".

You. I like you.

k8blujay2

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

I guess I will have to say this again... this place is unicorns and rainbow glitter compared to the likes of Babycenter, the Knot, and Sodahead... among many others, those are just the places I have been myself... so please... join another forum and then comeback and see how uncivil this place is... Hell, there was a time where even NEOPETS was worse than this place has ever been... yes, a game website.

I am a member of three other forums (all organic farming sites). They are nothng like this. People disagree, sometimes it gets a little heated, but I've never encountered anything like this. I suppose there are moderators on those sites, though I've never known one to have to step in.

I'm not familiar with the sites you mention, but are they geared toward juveniles? .

You've clearly never ventured into the viper pit that is pregnancy or "mommy" forums. Organic farming forums aren't going to be a good indicator, because I'll hazard a guess that--while disagreements may occur--you're too similar in general things.

Venture onto forums or discussion boards with broader subjects, like MFP, and you'll find much worse. News sites are a stunning example.

Firstsip, you took the words right out of my mouth....


Throw a bunch of people that think VERY differently together and personalities will clash...

Original_Sinner

I've been on MFP since my son was born in 2008. Started using forums in 2010.
I can assure you, nothing has changed.
Except my age.

Baby, on you the clock of time is running backwards.

OP, the person asked.

simple and straight forward.

NOW, if she had all of the "meanies" as friends and logged cleaning on her exercise ticker, DID NOT ASK for what they thought about that and at that point they all jumped on her and expressed their opinions on that action.

then it was unsolicited, but she solicited this advice.

Really, cleaning is a part of your everyday activity......Here...you can log every damn step you take....you really can, but in a site where people are often not weighing their food to the exact mg or oz or lb, those excess steps are accounted for in the fuzzy logging.

if you want accountability for every single step then the reverse is true, you must log every single bite at it's true weight.

And try it sometime, it's an eye opener...

for example my quest bar says it's 180 cals for 60 grams...but when I weighed it it was 72 grams.

that's really 216 calories....

my peanut butter says it's 90 calories for one TBSP which is 14 grams. BUT my peanut butter when weighed out was actually 20 grams in my TBSP...(yes scraped off) because it's nice and dense peanut butter...that's really 129 calories (rounded up by .43 calories)

so you wanna log EVERY step including your day to day activities? Sure...but you are going to start expecting that burn and in order to capitalise on that burn you really must start logging (weighing and recording) every bite you eat.

fuzzy logging like making a pass on logging cleaning or the steps you take during that walk at work and only recording those moments you actually say "I am working out" will allow for the fuzzy logging on food.

but exact logging on every move you make will need the reverse strict logging on food to ensure success.

most of us don't want that exact aspect of food logging.....so the cleaning must go.

SarahRuthRuns

I actually used to run an internet forum with about 900ish users. In the beginning, nobody knows each other and everyone is, for the most part, reasonably polite. They are on their best behavior while they feel things out. Once people start to get to know each other they tend to loosen up a bit and form cliques, in a sense. Once this happens (and it has happened here, I can see it), newbies or less active users start to feel out of the loop. And when it is obvious that a lot of the people know each other and are bouncing snarky remarks off each other, or sharing inside jokes, others start to feel like outsiders and take is as "mean".

Just my opinion from 3 years of owning and moderating a very active forum.

But that's not the fault of the majority. I'm serious, if you approach anyone that's part of a "clique" on this site, they will try to help you. A lot of them will give you any advice they can and welcome you to their friends list if you ask properly.

On the other hand, if you respond to their genuine attempt to help you with an attitude, yeah, they're probably not going to like that. Most people wouldn't. So many people on this site are unnecessarily combative when people are just trying to help.

I didn't say it was anyone's fault. It's just my observation. I've watched this forum evolve very similary to how my old forum did. Nobody's fault, it just happens.

This is not my first account here, I cancelled an account a couple years back and came back recently, and it has changed since then, in my opinion. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but I do think that some people can be a bit harsh on people who come in here asking questions. I've seen a whole lot of "Not this again" followed by snarky responses and users bantering back and forth on a topic that maybe they just should have stayed out of if they weren't going to be adding any substance to the conversation. Not always, just sometimes. So I get what the OP is saying, but I'm not the type to complain about it, really. I just mostly avoid the forums and comment only on threads I deem to be "safe" for me to be in.

I think the "not this again" refers mostly to people trying to bring in MLMs and magic diet snake oils.

As for the other stuff... it's amazing how many questions get repeated around here. There IS a search function, and a lot of the time using it will garner much better results/answers than posting a thread that's been hashed out 50,000 times.

ETA: I'm not trying to argue with you and I don't mean to sound aggressive. I do agree with the points you're making, but the community as a whole can't go back to square one so that everyone has the warm fuzzies, either.

I agree. And thanks for clarifying that you're not trying to be mean in the mean people thread.

Some people don't realize there is a search, and some people want to be a part of the discussion, not just read it. I just think sometimes it helps to consider the why's of people's behavior rather than just get mad that people aren't responding the way you want them to. Thought looking at things from that perspective might help, that's all.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

I guess I will have to say this again... this place is unicorns and rainbow glitter compared to the likes of Babycenter, the Knot, and Sodahead... among many others, those are just the places I have been myself... so please... join another forum and then comeback and see how uncivil this place is... Hell, there was a time where even NEOPETS was worse than this place has ever been... yes, a game website.

I am a member of three other forums (all organic farming sites). They are nothng like this. People disagree, sometimes it gets a little heated, but I've never encountered anything like this. I suppose there are moderators on those sites, though I've never known one to have to step in.

I'm not familiar with the sites you mention, but are they geared toward juveniles? .

Don't you think it's kind of mean to be calling people juveniles? Why is it ok for you to throw out insults no no one else?

I think you're confused...I didn't write the post calling anyone juvenile. Also, I'm not calling out anyone specific. I made it clear that I wasn't talking about everyone on here. Only a person reading my post can determine whether or not they thought I was talking about them. I also wasn't talking about just that one topic about the cleaning. I just used that as an example. I was referring to several topics I've seen. Sorry, for using that example. I'll try better next time. Promise.

She was talking to the person she quoted-- who did call people juvenile.

RockWarrior84

Need2Exerc1se

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

I guess I will have to say this again... this place is unicorns and rainbow glitter compared to the likes of Babycenter, the Knot, and Sodahead... among many others, those are just the places I have been myself... so please... join another forum and then comeback and see how uncivil this place is... Hell, there was a time where even NEOPETS was worse than this place has ever been... yes, a game website.

I am a member of three other forums (all organic farming sites). They are nothng like this. People disagree, sometimes it gets a little heated, but I've never encountered anything like this. I suppose there are moderators on those sites, though I've never known one to have to step in.

I'm not familiar with the sites you mention, but are they geared toward juveniles? .

Don't you think it's kind of mean to be calling people juveniles? Why is it ok for you to throw out insults no no one else?

Who am I insulting?

greentart

I agree with OP I mean Have you read an article and there was like 5 tips to get healthier today, one way to do it is to do some light-heavy cleaning…this way your getting things done and working out.

One day i had too much energy and I cleaned the entire apartment and that means taking the rugs out from my rabbits area, vacuumed, laundry…bathroom+rugs…I was SWEATY lol I burned like 400 calories that day from those 2 hours of cleaning i was WIPED OUT…Idk how people can say that housework isn't working out?? so all the thin moms out there must be dumber than doornails when it comes to strength and energy hauling them kids around and cleaning after them pfft

I don't count cleaning because it should be part of my every day routine. If I decide to do a heavy clean, I just see that as extra calories burnt for me and still don't log it. Same reason as I don't count the walk to the train or when I walk to the toilet, or when I walk to lunch.

But see, there's the difference in opinion. I could think that taking out the garbage is heaving cleaning, whereas you could think that 7 hours is light.

Really... if you don't want people's opinions, then you probably shouldn't ask for it.

allanakern

completely agreed.

jlrs2015

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

I guess I will have to say this again... this place is unicorns and rainbow glitter compared to the likes of Babycenter, the Knot, and Sodahead... among many others, those are just the places I have been myself... so please... join another forum and then comeback and see how uncivil this place is... Hell, there was a time where even NEOPETS was worse than this place has ever been... yes, a game website.

I am a member of three other forums (all organic farming sites). They are nothng like this. People disagree, sometimes it gets a little heated, but I've never encountered anything like this. I suppose there are moderators on those sites, though I've never known one to have to step in.

I'm not familiar with the sites you mention, but are they geared toward juveniles? .

Don't you think it's kind of mean to be calling people juveniles? Why is it ok for you to throw out insults no no one else?

I think you're confused...I didn't write the post calling anyone juvenile. Also, I'm not calling out anyone specific. I made it clear that I wasn't talking about everyone on here. Only a person reading my post can determine whether or not they thought I was talking about them. I also wasn't talking about just that one topic about the cleaning. I just used that as an example. I was referring to several topics I've seen. Sorry, for using that example. I'll try better next time. Promise.

No worries at all. That wasn't directed to you - it was directed to another poster who calls us all juveniles all the time.

:flowerforyou:

My bad. :flowerforyou:

PRMinx

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

I guess I will have to say this again... this place is unicorns and rainbow glitter compared to the likes of Babycenter, the Knot, and Sodahead... among many others, those are just the places I have been myself... so please... join another forum and then comeback and see how uncivil this place is... Hell, there was a time where even NEOPETS was worse than this place has ever been... yes, a game website.

I am a member of three other forums (all organic farming sites). They are nothng like this. People disagree, sometimes it gets a little heated, but I've never encountered anything like this. I suppose there are moderators on those sites, though I've never known one to have to step in.

I'm not familiar with the sites you mention, but are they geared toward juveniles? .

Don't you think it's kind of mean to be calling people juveniles? Why is it ok for you to throw out insults no no one else?

Who am I insulting?

You called us all juvenile and silly. You actually make it a point to come into every mean people thread and do so.

k8blujay2

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

I guess I will have to say this again... this place is unicorns and rainbow glitter compared to the likes of Babycenter, the Knot, and Sodahead... among many others, those are just the places I have been myself... so please... join another forum and then comeback and see how uncivil this place is... Hell, there was a time where even NEOPETS was worse than this place has ever been... yes, a game website.

I am a member of three other forums (all organic farming sites). They are nothng like this. People disagree, sometimes it gets a little heated, but I've never encountered anything like this. I suppose there are moderators on those sites, though I've never known one to have to step in.

I'm not familiar with the sites you mention, but are they geared toward juveniles? .

I can assure you they are not geared towards juveniles... with exception of Neopets... The other three are quite for adults. But they attract a much broader spectrum of thought and personalities than an Organic Farming site would.

jlrs2015

Oh, and I also want to say (and I should have said this earlier) my OP goes to original posters as well. They shouldn't be mean either when getting answers they don't like. Otherwise it's a never ending cycle. Also, WTH, are trolls? & WTH does Friday have to do w/ mean post? I don't get it.
Seriously, I'm a very happy person...and I just want everyone to get a long is all.

Need2Exerc1se

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

I guess I will have to say this again... this place is unicorns and rainbow glitter compared to the likes of Babycenter, the Knot, and Sodahead... among many others, those are just the places I have been myself... so please... join another forum and then comeback and see how uncivil this place is... Hell, there was a time where even NEOPETS was worse than this place has ever been... yes, a game website.

I am a member of three other forums (all organic farming sites). They are nothng like this. People disagree, sometimes it gets a little heated, but I've never encountered anything like this. I suppose there are moderators on those sites, though I've never known one to have to step in.

I'm not familiar with the sites you mention, but are they geared toward juveniles? .

You've clearly never ventured into the viper pit that is pregnancy or "mommy" forums. Organic farming forums aren't going to be a good indicator, because I'll hazard a guess that--while disagreements may occur--you're too similar in general things.

Venture onto forums or discussion boards with broader subjects, like MFP, and you'll find much worse. News sites are a stunning example.

Why would I do that, when I've just indicated I thought this site was too often uncivil?

paulawatkins1974

I read through that entire cleaning thread, and I contributed to it. I actually thought most of the replies meant well and gave really good advice, and it's responses like the ones in that thread that I think can really help contribute to someone's long-term success on this site.

You may not like the way information is delivered, but that doesn't make it any less valuable. MFP is just like the rest of reality - there are people from all walks of life. Some of them are nice, some of them aren't. I can't choose how someone interacts with me, but I can choose how I react to people and what I can take away from my experiences with them.

You get out what you put in. There's a lot of good to get out of this site if you choose to.

Can someone give me the link to this thread? curious as hk now

yo_andi

Hear, hear, OP!!

I am relatively new to the site, but I have not encountered such uncivility since Jr. High School. So many seem to revel in being called mean. They defend their right to be mean and claim they are just "helping" or they were driven to it lesser minds.

I have also noticed Jr. High type "cliques". One person will post something snarky or rude and suddenly a bunch of others start in. Often the same group. I assume these are from their 'friends' list. Because if a group is rude, then it's not really rude, right?

It's so juvenile and silly.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Oh, and I also want to say (and I should have said this earlier) my OP goes to original posters as well. They shouldn't be mean either when getting answers they don't like. Otherwise it's a never ending cycle. Also, WTH, are trolls? & WTH does Friday have to do w/ mean post? I don't get it.
Seriously, I'm a very happy person...and I just want everyone to get a long is all.

Trolls are people who post just to rile people up. They usually don't even agree with what they post.

shadowofender

Really?

I was on the site before at the beginning of 2012. I had a wonderful friends list of people who supported me, though they probably shouldn't have because it was clear I was undereating and dealing with the beginnings of an ED. I used the boards all the time and ran into a range of people from overly nice to sarcastic, but no one mean.

I'm on again and I have a wonderful friends list of people who support me, though they call me on my crap when it's necessary and it's clear I'm handling things in a better way and they can tell. I use the boards frequently even if I don't always post and run into a wide range of people from overly nice to sarcastic, but no one mean.

It's hard to talk to people online because there's no tone or intonation in words, it's entirely how YOU perceive those words. If you think there are jerks on the boards, you're probably defensive about something. In my opinion.

MyaPapaya75

Well at least the OP said what most wouldn't have....... +5 for the OP

_HeartsOnFire_

I have a bunch of links saved on my profile that are very helpful links for newbies and people coming back. I once posted that in a newbie thread and got BLASTED for it. I got called mean. All I did was post links I wish I would have known about when I first started.

The once that usually get offended or upset are usually the ones who get told what they didn't want to hear. They wanted to hear whatever will validate their opinion and when that doesn't happen those people usually flip out calling everyone else mean or bullies, when reality is the OP doesn't want the truth or helpful answers.