Wife upset I am losing weight

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pknjhh
pknjhh Posts: 117 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have always been in to fitness. She knew that when we married. She knows I will be at the gym a few hours 5-7 days a week depending on goals I am going to reach. For years I stayed around 300lbs. I am in to bodybuilding so 300lbs I was not round. I still would hang 90lbs and do wide grip pullups. I could incline bench 425. 20-30 minutes cardio a day. Diet was always on point for my goals. I decided to lean out and get my abs in. Started at 313 and down to 266 in a month and half. Still can lift almost same weight in upper body. Squats suffered a lot though. Seated military dumbbell presses got 120s for 8 yesterday. So overall happy with strength with cutting down. I am going to 240ish. I will be very very lean there no doubt. 266 I got sides of abs coming in. Also can clearly see the v shape on the bottom. I do 7 days a week. Core everyday, cardio everyday, regular routine 2 days on one day off then 3 days on. I am using Keto to cut down along with a small dose of t3, clen and prescribed test to speed up results. Anyway, wife has been trying to lose weight forever. She doesn't exercise hardly at all, eats junk food in small potions and takes phentermine or relies on it I should say. She has been so upset I am cutting down. I love her the way she is so I am not trying to force her to change. I see how upset she gets about her weight so I try to say lets go workout together or how about you try this. She gets mad at me. Today I got on the scale after her and now she won't even talk to me. I don't feel it's my fault she can't stick to a proper diet. I can go 6 months with no cheat meals and not caring about them. I eat for performance not pleasure. She is the opposite. What can I do to help her feel better and stop her frustration with me?
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Replies

  • _SantaClause
    _SantaClause Posts: 335 Member
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    So was this thread about your wife being upset, or how awesome you think you are??
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    Divorce.
  • pknjhh
    pknjhh Posts: 117 Member
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    Wife being upset but I don't feel bad about what I am doing. I love her and want things to not be like this.
  • RockstarWilson
    RockstarWilson Posts: 836 Member
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    Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!
  • _SantaClause
    _SantaClause Posts: 335 Member
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    Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!

    I can't hear you over how awesome I am...
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
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    pure speculation here, but she's probably upset at your attitude about it
    to be honest you sound like a cocky prick, maybe you can tone that down a bit?
  • pknjhh
    pknjhh Posts: 117 Member
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    Thank you for the reply. You are right I do get so focused on my goals I sometimes lose sight. Always been an issue. I do love her though and really don't want her upset
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!

    ^^^ This. You say you're concerned about her, but your post is all you, you, you, you you. If you spend as much time talking to her about you and how awesome you are as one would assume you do from your post, no wonder she's sick of hearing it.
  • desidieter
    desidieter Posts: 195
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    Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!

    This.^^^^

    I don't think the root issue of your problem is the fitness/weight stuff. I think there are underlying things you need to deal with. The fitness/weight thing has just become an example of other, deeper issues that you guys need to work through. Figure out what those issues are, learn to clearly communicate and LISTEN to her...don't just try to convince her to understand your POV. Put your POV aside and just listen. Learn what's actually upsetting her and try to come up with a viable plan to move forward. If you can't manage this through conversation, maybe consider couple's counseling or something.
  • pknjhh
    pknjhh Posts: 117 Member
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    I would say I am extremely confident in everything I do in life. Would not really say cocky. Only area I am not always confident in is how to approach her about things or how to help her feel better sometimes. Tried apologizing for upsetting her, tried to make her dinner, tried telling her how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much). Say what you want but I love her 110%
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    Thank you for the reply. You are right I do get so focused on my goals I sometimes lose sight. Always been an issue. I do love her though and really don't want her upset

    Then why are you telling us, dude?
    Go get her flowers, take her away for a romantic weekend and apologize for being so self centered.
    Tell her you want to look good for her....open up a dialogue. And not with us total strangers...
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I would say I am extremely confident in everything I do in life. Would not really say cocky. Only area I am not always confident in is how to approach her about things or how to help her feel better sometimes. Tried apologizing for upsetting her, tried to make her dinner, tried telling her how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much). Say what you want but I love her 110%

    ... have you tried listening to her rather than talking to her?

    It's not going to get fixed straight away, and you're not going to fix whatever it is with an apology or a dinner. You need to be available to her when she's ready to talk to you (and be ready to LISTEN to her), but if you keep pressing, you'll just piss her off. By thinking she should be ready to make up just because you've said sorry, your completely discounting whatever it was that bothered her in the first place. How about you try to understand what ACTUALLY bothers her, for a start.
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
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    Then why are you telling us, dude?
    Go get her flowers, take her away for a romantic weekend and apologize for being so self centered.
    Tell her you want to look good for her....open up a dialogue. And not with us total strangers...
    I would take it one step further and work on not being so self centered.

    there's give and take in any relationship. let her know she is more important then your gains(she is right?)
  • caesar164
    caesar164 Posts: 312 Member
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    The bodybuilding lifestyle is all about being selfish about your needs to make gains.. Your even taking illegal drugs to achieve your goals, not if the AAs is prescribed, but I knows for a fact no doctor prescribes clenbuterol and cytomel. Do you also prepare all 8 of your meals in Tupperware and take them everywhere you go? Your not going to turn pro or compete, so I would be aware of my wife more if I were you...
  • blossomingbutterfly
    blossomingbutterfly Posts: 743 Member
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    I would strongly suggest ASKING her what she would like you to do to help, what she would be comfortable with you commenting on and stating, and what her goals are. TALK to her about each of those areas. I will say, my bf tries to be supportive, but his good intentions are shot out of the window if he doesn't approach it right because women can be (or rather, anyone can be) very self concious about their weight and if she's in that mindset about it, you need to approach cautiously. That's why I suggest asking her those three questions above. Then listen to her answers and go accordingly.
  • itsbasschick
    itsbasschick Posts: 1,584 Member
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    did you tell her this - in so many words?

    "how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much)" and follow it up with "i love you 110%"? i know that would do it for me. and do you do things with her, things she likes to do? sounds like you have a passion in life - your workouts - but i'm guessing either that she doesn't or it needs some nurturing.
    I would say I am extremely confident in everything I do in life. Would not really say cocky. Only area I am not always confident in is how to approach her about things or how to help her feel better sometimes. Tried apologizing for upsetting her, tried to make her dinner, tried telling her how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much). Say what you want but I love her 110%
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    Then why are you telling us, dude?
    Go get her flowers, take her away for a romantic weekend and apologize for being so self centered.
    Tell her you want to look good for her....open up a dialogue. And not with us total strangers...
    I would take it one step further and work on not being so self centered.

    there's give and take in any relationship. let her know she is more important then your gains(she is right?)

    Good point.
    Also being open and having a conversation-allowing her to express her feelings and have a discussion about it...not just making her ok with how the situation is.
  • RaceB
    RaceB Posts: 18
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    Good God. Cut the guy some slack.

    He's putting his numbers out there. Strong and maybe a bit 'focused'. But that's one way you get to those results. By focus and commitment.

    10-1 if you tell your wife she's your priority and mean it, she will get it. but as others point out (don't become diplomats guys) you might need to really rethink how you come across to her. if exercise isn't her thing and she feels like she looks lousy, you might need to really discuss why she lacks confidence in the relationship....because that sounds like the route of the problem. there is my 1 minute evaluation of your marriage - I am waiving my normal fee.

    * the fact you haven't laid into people for speaking their minds, suggests you probably aren't the ego job suggested on here. *

    signed - a guy who bench presses minivans when I'm not being my plain old awesome self.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    OP Said "I" 25 times in the first post...unless I miscounted. I didn't even start on "My" or "Me" or "myself..."... This should be a clue.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!
    pure speculation here, but she's probably upset at your attitude about it
    to be honest you sound like a cocky prick, maybe you can tone that down a bit?


    QFT on both counts.


    Race - The fact that he put his numbers out there when he's asking about his WIFE speaks volumes. If *I* were his wife, I'd likely end up feeling like I'm taking a backseat to his gym goals, because seriously the post was at least half filled with his lifting stats.

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