Wife upset I am losing weight

cnadiger

So was this thread about your wife being upset, or how awesome you think you are??

LOL! Exactly what I was thinking....

RaceB

FMC you MAGNIFICENT *kitten*! * I * READ * YOUR * BOOK!!! *

Look it up on the dubya dubya dubya internets folks....you too pink stuffed animal lady.

slvrsrfr

Unfortunately friend, you can't change someone else, you
can only help them change themselves.

Perhaps she's just not ready yet?

whitehorse67

I think there's a LOT that you are not telling us here....or admitting to yourself. You claim she is "upset that you are losing weight" But I would submit that she is upset that you are obsessed with yourself and possibly pushing her to be like you.

You may not even realize what you are doing.....doesn't make you a bad guy....but it just sounds like there's some communication issues there. She may not want to go work out with you because your workouts are more intense than she would like....maybe she loves the "home" you....but isn't too fond of the "Gym" you....if that makes sense.

Cut a couple days off the Gym...it's not gonna make you go soft....and spend more time being a Husband....Good luck!

pknjhh

You guys are a mob of b!tches, seriously. Original poster is clearly into the gym, which is fine. You should hear me talk about my horse riding. Nothing wrong with being passionate about what you do, even if it's boring to others.

It's incredibly hard when a partner projects their failing onto you. Same thing as when I lose weight and my mother makes b!tchy comments because she's been fat for 50 years. I lover her the way she is, and I'm indifferent to whether she loses weight, but she hates that I can do it and she "can't". And by "can't" I mean hasn't put the effort in required and is cranky she hasn't got the results.

What can you do about it? I don't really know. I ignore my mother but it's hard to do that around your partner. I'd say only weight yourself at the gym and don't talk about it at home, but what is a relationship with taboo subjects? You should be able to be open about everything without resentment. Bottom line is mate, you are not responsible for her weight issues. If she doesn't eat well, and she doesn't want to exercise, or take you up on your offer to work out together, then she is going to remain unhappy with her body. If you are not pushing her to lose weight, and you love her how she is, then the issue is not yours. You can tell her frankly how you feel, you can stop talking about your success and weighing yourself in front of her. Short of getting a divorce there's little else I think you can do about HER issues with HER weight.

I asked a serious question and got a ton of criticism for it. That is absolutely fine because I know who I am and who I am not. It does not bother me all at to get criticism. Facts remain the facts. I will love her forever, she is my partner in life, I will do whatever it takes to make her smile and yes my passion is bodybuilding and fitness. A few good responses on how to handle the situation I did see. Just want to thank you guys who really did give useful tips to help out this situation. I think the flowers, not weighing myself around het and not mentioning my progress are all great ideas I will definitely use. Thank you everyone for your comments (even the negative ones). I do appreciate your time, thanks )

MSeel1984

You guys are a mob of b!tches, seriously. Original poster is clearly into the gym, which is fine. You should hear me talk about my horse riding. Nothing wrong with being passionate about what you do, even if it's boring to others.

It's incredibly hard when a partner projects their failing onto you. Same thing as when I lose weight and my mother makes b!tchy comments because she's been fat for 50 years. I lover her the way she is, and I'm indifferent to whether she loses weight, but she hates that I can do it and she "can't". And by "can't" I mean hasn't put the effort in required and is cranky she hasn't got the results.

What can you do about it? I don't really know. I ignore my mother but it's hard to do that around your partner. I'd say only weight yourself at the gym and don't talk about it at home, but what is a relationship with taboo subjects? You should be able to be open about everything without resentment. Bottom line is mate, you are not responsible for her weight issues. If she doesn't eat well, and she doesn't want to exercise, or take you up on your offer to work out together, then she is going to remain unhappy with her body. If you are not pushing her to lose weight, and you love her how she is, then the issue is not yours. You can tell her frankly how you feel, you can stop talking about your success and weighing yourself in front of her. Short of getting a divorce there's little else I think you can do about HER issues with HER weight.

I asked a serious question and got a ton of criticism for it. That is absolutely fine because I know who I am and who I am not. It does not bother me all at to get criticism. Facts remain the facts. I will love her forever, she is my partner in life, I will do whatever it takes to make her smile and yes my passion is bodybuilding and fitness. A few good responses on how to handle the situation I did see. Just want to thank you guys who really did give useful tips to help out this situation. I think the flowers, not weighing myself around het and not mentioning my progress are all great ideas I will definitely use. Thank you everyone for your comments (even the negative ones). I do appreciate your time, thanks )

The weekend staycation/getaway that's close by is also a great one.
My husband and I went through a rough patch not long after we got married...we found a B&B about 1.5 hours away from us...stayed just one night, went to a romantic dinner...it was a little indulgence, but if you don't have the money for that maybe do a weekend in and do romantic things together...find a way to connect again-things you know you enjoy together/shared interests.

Best of luck. Nothing feels worse than being at odds with one's spouse.

RedArizona5

Is it too late to second the part to not get her to the gym?…i would not do that…but she def. should not be nagging at you for taking care of yourself so long as its not time consuming.
I feel bad when we have to postpone dinner till I'm done working out on some occasions only so you are def. not a bad person here just some minor adjustments and a clear understanding on both parties what is allowed and not allowed from each of you and to respect those wishes-write them down, hang it up on the wall so this won't happen again:)

johnnylakis

Divorce.

like

FatFreeFrolicking

OP 2 hours a day isn't that much time. She feels insecure. She needs to address that insecurity. Having you stop going to the gym so that she won't be insecure about her body isn't cool. It's horribly selfish of her. Don't get flowers. Don't hug her and proclaim your love. She's acting like a child and needs to grow up.

K bro.

pknjhh

The weekend getaway is a great idea. We were actually going to do last weekend but didn't have a babysitter. We have my son every other weds-sun and one at home all the time except during school. I have my own business and my wife has a really good job. I was actually thinking about surprising her for Christmas with a trip back to the Nassau. We both love going to the Atlantis. She loves doing the dolphin close encounters and I just just enjoy the heat. I would love to take her this year again but she doesn't have enough time left at work. So a nice local weekend getaway sounds like a very good idea.

Karabobarra

One more thought on this ....and I apologize if it's already been said, I couldn't read through all the negative comments. Alot of women are frustrated and irritated at how fast men can lose weight, (of course men lose weight faster, their bodies are designed to have more muscle and not store fat as efficiently) but a lot of men don't realize the frustration and irritation is not with thier success at losing weight as much as it is with herself for failing to lose weight.

shai74

For all of you hating on him and calling him selfish and arrogant and conceited for going to the gym and talking about going to the gym, you seem to have missed the very first line of his post. He was like this before they got married. And she married him, therefore the only problem she has is her own inability to succeed. It's natural to lash out at those we're closest to rather than accept our own shortcomings. Not acceptable, but natural nonetheless. I happen to think he's a pretty decent, caring guy, who is looking for a way to fix things, and she is probably lucky to have him.

audrast

She knows I will be at the gym a few hours 5-7 days a week depending on goals

This jumped out at me.

Does she have 10-21 hours to do what SHE wants every week? Sounds like you take off and do your own things for that long every week. Where is she? At home? Kids? Cleaning? Cooking? I get that getting into shape has to be a self-centered activity, but you have to moderate HOW self-centered when you are in a relationship. If you're shirking duties or relationship time in order to spend that time at the gym, yer doin it wrong.

1) If you get that time to yourself, she should get the same.
2) Workouts don't have to last 2-3 hours to be effective.
3) Activities with your beloved can be beneficial for your health and your relationship.

yopeeps025

bump

SuninVirgo

All I see is "me, me, me."

You are WAY too focused on fitness. She's so upset that you are losing weight most likely because you rub it in her face (unintentionally or not). Kind of like how you bragged about how much weight you can lift for the first half of this post. Your wife clearly feels like she is chopped liver. Perhaps you should cut down on gym time and make more wife time. You've been treating her like she's your second lover (the gym being your #1). So no, she isn't going to act like everything is okay or lovey-dovey toward you right away. If you truly love her, you'll tone down the egocentrism and the bodybuilding. Or I hate to say it, you'll lose your wife.

Here Here!!!

Kontxesi

I agree with the posters who have said she might be feeling neglected, in addition to projecting her "failure" on you. Maybe you need to make time for a weekly date night or something along those lines. Just make sure she doesn't feel like she's playing second fiddle to your fitness goals.

If you're going to try to get her to come to the gym with you, make sure you're not just asking her at a time when she's already focused on the situation. If she's already fussing at you for going or for being obsessed or whatever, tossing out "Why don't you come with me?" isn't going to go over well. She'll just get upset, as you've noticed. Ask her when she's a good mood. If she really just doesn't want to go to the gym, see if there is some activity that she DOES want to do that you could do together. Maybe on the days that you aren't weight training, your cardio could be going for a walk/jog/run, at whatever level she's at.

Good luck! It sounds like you really do care for her, so I hope you're able to find a solution that makes you both happy.

EDIT: I see that you posted about going away for a weekend while I was writing this. I think that would be great!

SuninVirgo

Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!

Absolutely-take this advice op. Btw: She's not mad that you are losing weight --she's mad that you are ignoring her.
The fact that you think she is upset that you are losing weight tells me how selfish you are. You don't even know that.

pknjhh

One more thought on this ....and I apologize if it's already been said, I couldn't read through all the negative comments. Alot of women are frustrated and irritated at how fast men can lose weight, (of course men lose weight faster, their bodies are designed to have more muscle and not store fat as efficiently) but a lot of men don't realize the frustration and irritation is not with thier success at losing weight as much as it is with herself for failing to lose weight.

I definitely agree it's genetics. Women have to be much more on point with their diet. Estrogen makes weight loss more of a challenge. Been working out for 10+ years. She let me help her before and she dropped 35lbs. Where I screwed up was I assumed after a few months she wouldn't need me to push her through. I thought she would find the motivation after seeing the results. That wasn't the case. She gave up and got frustrated. I helped her for 2 months 4 days a week. Not sure how to get her motivated to do it on her own. If somehow she could get that drive she would easily get to where she wanted pretty quick no doubt. It's such a touchy subject I don't want to bring it up. I hate seeing her feel depressed and don't want her to feel that way.

SonicDeathMonkey80

One more thought on this ....and I apologize if it's already been said, I couldn't read through all the negative comments. Alot of women are frustrated and irritated at how fast men can lose weight, (of course men lose weight faster, their bodies are designed to have more muscle and not store fat as efficiently) but a lot of men don't realize the frustration and irritation is not with thier success at losing weight as much as it is with herself for failing to lose weight.

I definitely agree it's genetics. Women have to be much more on point with their diet. Estrogen makes weight loss more of a challenge. Been working out for 10+ years. She let me help her before and she dropped 35lbs. Where I screwed up was I assumed after a few months she wouldn't need me to push her through. I thought she would find the motivation after seeing the results. That wasn't the case. She gave up and got frustrated. I helped her for 2 months 4 days a week. Not sure how to get her motivated to do it on her own. If somehow she could get that drive she would easily get to where she wanted pretty quick no doubt. It's such a touchy subject I don't want to bring it up. I hate seeing her feel depressed and don't want her to feel that way.

I'd talk to her best friend about it.

pknjhh

She knows I will be at the gym a few hours 5-7 days a week depending on goals

This jumped out at me.

Does she have 10-21 hours to do what SHE wants every week? Sounds like you take off and do your own things for that long every week. Where is she? At home? Kids? Cleaning? Cooking? I get that getting into shape has to be a self-centered activity, but you have to moderate HOW self-centered when you are in a relationship. If you're shirking duties or relationship time in order to spend that time at the gym, yer doin it wrong.

1) If you get that time to yourself, she should get the same.
2) Workouts don't have to last 2-3 hours to be effective.
3) Activities with your beloved can be beneficial for your health and your relationship.

I go when she is at work or after she goes to bed. I have my own business so I make my own hours. I get our son on the bus in the morning and pick him up. I work at night so I get more family time. Family does come first. You got the wrong guy if self centered and selfish are what comes to mind.