What is "flirting"?

binary_jester

The MFP crush thread got me thinking. What is flirting? In my opinion, flirting is done when you have ulterior motives, otherwise it is friendly banter. Others do not.

So what say you?

JoyousRen

But how do you discern someone else's motives?

brittlynne3579

I guess I like the way you look at it. I'm FLIRTY (affectionate, playful, joking) with friends, even my friends' husbands. Knowing it won't go anywhere and I don't want it to.

I think when I'm flirting to someone I'm attracted to, it is definitely in hopes it will go somewhere.

Carl01

The MFP crush thread got me thinking. What is flirting? In my opinion, flirting is done when you have ulterior motives, otherwise it is friendly banter. Others do not.

So what say you?

You decide.

binary_jester

But how do you discern someone else's motives?

That's the thing. I can't help worrying about what other people think or how they interpret how I come across.

jsecret

I agree RJ. Especially in our group of friends things get awfully "playful" and downright raunchy sometimes lol. I've never considered it flirting in the slightest!

Carl01

But how do you discern someone else's motives?

That's the thing. I can't help worrying about what other people think or how they interpret how I come across.

Too be serious for a minute if I think I may have offended someone or crossed a line by mistake I will at that point send a note making sure all was cool.

Mrs_McFadden

Sometimes people don't even realize they are flirting, yes, that happens. Sometimes we do it on purpose.

How do we discern someone else's motives? Isn't that the question since the dawn of time. Since we don't have telepathy, I'd assume we'd have to use our skills as a human observer to tease that out of any given interaction. Usually that's a lot easier done face to face than the internet since we have no body language whatsoever to give us the normal data used to make such a determination.
IIRC some people somewhere studied the amount of emoticons used and that somehow related to 'flirtatiousness' intensity.

So basically BinaryJester:
You have to figure it out.

It's your own special Rubik's cube. Isn't that the funnest part? (or not).

hpsnickers1

flirt
–verb (used without object)
1.
to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.
2.
to trifle or toy, as with an idea: She flirted with the notion of buying a sports car.
3.
to move with a jerk or jerks; dart about: butterflies flirting from flower to flower.
–verb (used with object)
4.
to give a sudden or brisk motion to; wave smartly, as a fan.
5.
to throw or propel with a toss or jerk; fling suddenly.
–noun
6.
Also, flirt·er. a person who is given to flirting.
7.
a quick throw or toss; sudden jerk or darting motion.
Use flirting in a Sentence
See images of flirting
Search flirting on the Web
Origin:
1540–50; expressive word; compare similar initial cluster in flap, flick1 , flip1 , and final elements of squirt, spurt, etc.

—Related forms
flirt·ing·ly, adverb

—Synonyms
1. tease. 1, 2. dally. 6. minx, coquette, tease.

Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2011.
Cite This Source
|
Link To flirting
Word Origin & History

flirt
1550s, originally "to turn up one's nose, sneer at," then "to rap or flick, as with the fingers" (1560s). The noun is first attested 1540s, with the meaning "stroke of wit." It's possible that the original word was imitative, along the lines of flip (v.), but there seems to be some influence from flit , such as in the flirt sense of "to move in short, quick flights," attested from 1580s. Meanwhile flirt had come to mean "a pert young hussey" [Johnson] by 1560s, and Shakespeare has flirt-gill (i.e. Jill ) "a woman of light or loose behavior," while flirtgig was a 17c. Yorkshire dialect word for "a giddy, flighty girl." All or any of these could have fed into the main modern verbal sense of "play at courtship" (1777), which also could have grown naturally from the earlier meaning "to flit inconstantly from object to object" (1570s), perhaps influenced by O.Fr. fleureter "talk sweet nonsense," also "to touch a thing in passing," dim. of fleur "flower" and metaphoric of bees skimming from flower to flower. The noun meaning "person who flirts" is from 1732. The English word also is possibly related to E.Fris. flirt "a flick or light blow," and flirtje "a giddy girl." Related: Flirted ; flirting .

I do think there is such a thing as friendly flirting

taso42_DELETED

The MFP crush thread got me thinking. What is flirting? In my opinion, flirting is done when you have ulterior motives, otherwise it is friendly banter. Others do not.

So what say you?

dunno but your hair looks nice today and you're looking more chiseled. have you been working out?

Carl01

The MFP crush thread got me thinking. What is flirting? In my opinion, flirting is done when you have ulterior motives, otherwise it is friendly banter. Others do not.

So what say you?

dunno but your hair looks nice today and you're looking more chiseled. have you been working out?

I called dibs on him up thread.

binary_jester

I do think there is such a thing as friendly flirting

Shannon023

The MFP crush thread got me thinking. What is flirting? In my opinion, flirting is done when you have ulterior motives, otherwise it is friendly banter. Others do not.

So what say you?

dunno but your hair looks nice today and you're looking more chiseled. have you been working out?

:laugh:

JoyousRen

:ohwell:

JoyousRen

I agree RJ. Especially in our group of friends things get awfully "playful" and downright raunchy sometimes lol. I've never considered it flirting in the slightest!

D@MN it , jes! You mean all this work has been for nothng?!

goron59

To me, flirting is being a bit familiar and friendly, *without* any ulterior motive. But then I'm happily married.

guardup

The MFP crush thread got me thinking. What is flirting? In my opinion, flirting is done when you have ulterior motives, otherwise it is friendly banter. Others do not.

So what say you?

dunno but your hair looks nice today and you're looking more chiseled. have you been working out?

LOL!

The hardest part about "flirting" is that it really depends on your region and your cultural background. I have a friend from Haiti who is very tactile. He gives great hugs, touches my arm when he talks to me and his personal space is very close. I happen to have quite a few international friends, so I am accustomed to this. However, people often confuse his habits for flirting when in fact, that is how he was raised. At no moment have I ever felt like it was sexual.

And yet, there are guys at the gym who can seem sexual just by how they look at a woman.

It's so incredibly dynamic and subjective... I dont think its possible to define it specifically. Especially since intentions are rarely obvious since no one wants to be rejected.

ginnyroxx

I agree RJ. Especially in our group of friends things get awfully "playful" and downright raunchy sometimes lol. I've never considered it flirting in the slightest!

ditto this.

however...i think if the convos that we have in public on our walls were happening in private in pm's that would be crossing a line. for some reason, for me, the openness of it all makes it platonic.

sending pm's w/ just winks or the kinds of things we talk about on a daily basis, imo, sends the wrong message.

also, in our circle of friends we all know who is taken and who isn't and everyone seems to respect those boundaries.

FearAnLoathing

i consider flirting conversations with sexual innuendos

JoyousRen

I agree RJ. Especially in our group of friends things get awfully "playful" and downright raunchy sometimes lol. I've never considered it flirting in the slightest!

ditto this.

however...i think if the convos that we have in public on our walls were happening in private in pm's that would be crossing a line. for some reason, for me, the openness of it all makes it platonic.

sending pm's w/ just winks or the kinds of things we talk about on a daily basis, imo, sends the wrong message.

also, in our circle of friends we all know who is taken and who isn't and everyone seems to respect those boundaries.

I agree with that. I would be really creeped out if a guy sent me some of the questions we talk about in a PM but in that statuses it's just entertainment.

chelekaz

IMHO ... flirting is done with the intention of drawing attention to yourself to get something from someone else. Now wait.. that doesn't mean sex, cheating, etc. Maybe it's just the connection.. or the attention that for a split moment in time you felt someone being drawn to you.

My husband used to say that I was such a big flirt.. and I got offended. I was not flirting, I was just having fun and being nice. Now... yes, there are times I find myself flirting .. like when I want to return an item and I don't have the receipt or it's day 32. Or my best friend is dating a new guy and she comes up, hugs me and tells him he'll never be in her heart as much as I am ... ok... mind out of gutter nothing has ever happened...

So.. if there is no ultierior motive on your part; you do not need to feel you are stepping over boundaries.. but you still need to be aware that the other person might not see it that way. Ok... I think I just talked myself around a circle and managed to confuse myself! LOL

bzmom

Some people may take it differently than others. However in our group I think we already get the point! LOL!!

lilRicki

I just like it when I get the giggles...the boys at work flirt over the phone with me, but that's because I'm such an idiot about it that they think it's funny...my fiance does the same thing to his secretary. I don't think it's sexual harassment or crossing the line, I think it's damn funny and I'm flattered that they would WANT to flirt with me...they also know that I don't know how to flirt back so it's all in good fun.

Laceylala

But how do you discern someone else's motives?

That's the thing. I can't help worrying about what other people think or how they interpret how I come across.

I think that it really a matter of personal boundaries in that the person being flirted or bantered with has to decide what is right and wrong for them. It is up to them and their significant other, if they have one, to decide what those boundaries are and live by them. You can't know what their boundaries are, so it isn't your issue to worry about. What they have the right to do is to ask If they decide that you (for example) are bantering a little too much for them, it is up to them to tell you to back off a bit.

And too I think that if a persons significant other emails you and asks you to stop what they view as flirting with their SO, in my mind, it is the right thing to do to respect that and stop. It doesn't matter that they may or may not have issues in their marriage, or that you personally believe that you aren't flirting, just simply talking to someone. Why make things harder in a potentially already struggling relationship. I know I may be alone on that front...but thats just MY opinion.

bzmom

The MFP crush thread got me thinking. What is flirting? In my opinion, flirting is done when you have ulterior motives, otherwise it is friendly banter. Others do not.

So what say you?

dunno but your hair looks nice today and you're looking more chiseled. have you been working out?

PRICELESS!! :laugh:

porcelain_doll

Usually when I am making a comment to somebody, I won't say it if I think it would bother me if I saw my (hypothetical) boyfriend or husband typing it to someone, even if it was in the open where everyone else could see. I have become more conservative about that kind of stuff because I was accused of trying to steal someone's husband several months ago (not on this site). It was hurtful to be seen as that kind of person, so now I have tighter boundaries in place (with a dash of paranoia) to prevent it from happening again.

anubis609

Females say I'm a natural flirt even if I'm just casually talking to 'em. It's not my fault I have that much game to influence their perspective on the conversation. I just do me. Though, I am pretty intriguing to say the least.

Jonesie1984

flirting is that playful messing around with a bit of truth. I honestly think most people don't flirt with people they're not attracted to in some way so there's a bit of truth behind the comments or looks of adoration even if they are unavailable. I personally can't flirt with someone i'm truly attracted too. I get to frazzled! But i'm regularly a very affectionate/playful individulal.. Now i'm confused. Thanks Binary.

TK266

it is only flirting if the person is within drivable range, otherwise it just goofy chatting and trying to be funny

Mrs_McFadden

it is only flirting if the person is within drivable range, otherwise it just goofy chatting and trying to be funny

For such a Star Wars fan, you sure have a traditional sense of what flirting is lol .

ginnyroxx

it is only flirting if the person is within drivable range, otherwise it just goofy chatting and trying to be funny

disagree.
Rj and I met online. Friends first then well...here we are now. Sadly, we are not in driving distance.