Do you feel like people treat you diffrent now that you've l

DjBliss05

I am just at the beginning of my journey this time and have not noticed much of a change yet.. except for on the days when I am feeling really proud of my teeny loss!

Back in my single days, I went from having had just one boyfriend for most of my romantic life and being somewhat invisible to being shockingly popular with the dudes. I really had not expected that reaction at all! It changed a lot for me and I can't help but think I may not have been fully prepared for it. I have to admit, I really liked the change. I don't think it is right, but if we're honest we all do it. I just came to the conclusion that I don't want to be invisible anymore and am ready to get back to a smaller weight.

laurie49120

Try being morbidly obese like I am...you are mostly invisible the heavier you are. People don't get to know me--they don't know how great a person I am and the wonderful things I have done. Professionally, it doesn't matter that I have a Master's degree. I actually had a prospective employer last year tell me they were not hiring me because of my weight. This is not a kind world to obese people. My general goal is for me to become healthy so I can live a fuller and longer life. However, a side goal is to lose weight in hopes that I will be less discriminated against.

overthehillsandfaraway

It happened to me with my classmates. I was fortunate to get along with every clique and social group. But NOW, they're wanting to hang out and be just more than classmates.


Sorry, you had your chance. :laugh:

casey34472

YES!!! Its sad.:huh:

jlwhelan1

I was only obese for a relatively short time (although it took two years to lose ALL my second baby weight). My son was so sick that I didn't really notice or care what people thought of my body, it was a side effect of three months bed rest and doctors orders not to limit my calories during that time.

However, I have noticed that everything else being the same I get treated differently with long hair than short, and with red hair than with blond.

Red hair (not my natural color although my coloring fits it) gets me many more comments than being my normal (dark) blond or lighter sun-bleached blond.

When I have short hair people tend to look me in the eye more and listen more closely to what I say. When I have long blond hair I'm not taken nearly as seriously, unless someone already knows me. Also, with long light blond hair some fellas assumed I was easy and raring to take them on...(poor deluded souls, how wrong they were.) Red hair gets me the most comments, generally positive, but generally off base of who I really am. People think I'm Irish and have a wild temperament when I have red hair. Strangers will go way out of their way to treat me well. I think it is amazing that even though I am the same person and think (and act) the same way that I get treated so differently.

(Right now short blond hair - I want to be taken seriously for my intellect. I cut off my hair when I came to graduate school. However after two years I'm growing it out so I can ponytail my hair when I'm in the lab, much simpler while I do my research. I'm a true nerd at heart.)

arewethereyet

it is not just men. woman can be just as brutal.

my best friend growing up was over 200 lbs

I was 100 lbs soaking wet. I actually had a waitress bring me a big peice of mother butlers pie one night that i didnt order.

when she sat it down she told me to 'eat up honey, and dont share with your freind'. I told her to go to....well :devil: .... a hot place and not florida. we walked out and didnt pay for any of the check. we were 19 yrs old.

this girl could kick my but at jazzersize and could out run most of the boys in school.

arewethereyet

also my son was over weight through out middle shool. he got so mad at not making any of the teams his freshmen year , he signed up for a gym and gave me a menu to cook for him.

He lost 50 lbs over the summer.

Well he goes back to school and all these girls are swarming him (god he is handsome)

He walks right up the the 'normal' sized girl and asks her out. She was friends with him through freshman year and he is still friends with her and her family 10 yrs later.

I have never been so proud (well the tulane scholarship came close!) ..bragging rights sorry.

Marla64

oh for goodness sake-- let's not make an issue out of a non-issue. So what if people are "nicer" to you once weight is lost? Maybe they have a healthy respect for you/me/him/her because we're doing something respectable and taking off weight.

"Prejudice against fat people" is still acceptable because it's the one thing we can control for crying out loud. We weren't born fat. We got fat because we ate too much and exercised too little, and some of us, and we know who we are, were downright disgusting in our eating habits.

I let myself blow up after each pregnancy out of stress. I chose to eat, chose to get fat, chose to let myself look bad. If people want to judge me because of it, they have every right. Once I choose to take off the weight and do something respectable, I will love reaping all the rewards, some of which will be extra attention from humanity.

Lighten up people.

sindyb9

I have to say this I feel different when I see over weight people all I want to do is help them feel like I do. I also have a lot more respect when I see other heavy people like myself out there exercising it is not easy but also agree it is how you feel about yourself (the way you carry yourself). By the way who cares what people think or if they get to know you we all have the people in our lives that care and of course the best of all our MFP freinds. Love everybody.

laurie49120

oh for goodness sake-- let's not make an issue out of a non-issue. So what if people are "nicer" to you once weight is lost? Maybe they have a healthy respect for you/me/him/her because we're doing something respectable and taking off weight.

"Prejudice against fat people" is still acceptable because it's the one thing we can control for crying out loud. We weren't born fat. We got fat because we ate too much and exercised too little, and some of us, and we know who we are, were downright disgusting in our eating habits.

I let myself blow up after each pregnancy out of stress. I chose to eat, chose to get fat, chose to let myself look bad. If people want to judge me because of it, they have every right. Once I choose to take off the weight and do something respectable, I will love reaping all the rewards, some of which will be extra attention from humanity.

Lighten up people.

Oh great going Marla, continue the stereotypes that fat people are out of control and lazy, and don't care about themselves. Each fat person is different and people don't get to know their story because of attitudes like yours. I was normal weight until I was repeatedly raped. I was very much in control of gaining weight...I was building up armor. My medications also made me gain weight. I have always ate healthy also...my eating habits are not disgusting. No, I wasn't eating a gallon of ice cream every night. Sometimes I was also too poor to afford "good food"...fat is cheap.

I am treated like a nobody because of my weight. That is wrong. It doesn't matter the wonderful things I have done with my life, I am just a lazy, out of control fat person in most people's eyes. Discrimination is wrong, no matter what kind it is. Gee, thanks, for saying it's okay to do so.

AJCM

Please remember that threads are an online "conversation" of support and common interest - if you don't like the topic, please just scroll past it. What is of interest to you, might not be of interest to me - such is life.

Everyone has a story as to 'why' and 'how' they gained their weight - let's not judge each other, but support each other instead. :flowerforyou: As we are learning here, it only takes 3500 excess calories to gain a pound, so someone could gain 20 pounds in a year if they ate an extra 2 bananas a day!

Laurie49120 - my heart breaks for you story - I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. You have great courage and strength to (1) share that story, and (2) make the change in your weight, that will ultimately bring up all of those feelings that got you here. Bravo to you for starting this journey!

We can have compassion for the 'why' and 'how' and IMHO, that's the kind of support that encourages weight loss and success! :flowerforyou:

jenbar

Now back to the topic!
yup! I'm getting stares again! woo hoo! (doin' a dance!)

:laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :blushing:

emmab3ar

I didn't think this discussion would get so much attention. Thanks for all your opinions I really appreciate it.

AJCM

Now back to the topic!
yup! I'm getting stares again! woo hoo! (doin' a dance!)

:laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :blushing:

Well, you're lookin good lady!!!
:flowerforyou:

MontanaGirl

Personally, I think that "fat discrimination" is non-gender specific. It exists. YES. And I've noticed that it doesn't really matter what gender you are. And even females treat heavier females different, and males treat heavier males different and opposite gender also. When I was almost 300 lbs, I found it very difficult to be taken seriously by anyone. It's better now at 215, but I stil need to do more! And when my thyroid quit working and I packed on 15 lbs in 3 weeks, and a total of 40 before the meds got adjusted, trust me even my doc wouldn't take me seriously. Sad, sad situation we are in!

But kudos to all of us who are on the journey and the he** with the rest of 'em!! (the discriminators, that is!)

CrystalBella

Please remember that threads are an online "conversation" of support and common interest - if you don't like the topic, please just scroll past it. What is of interest to you, might not be of interest to me - such is life.

Everyone has a story as to 'why' and 'how' they gained their weight - let's not judge each other, but support each other instead. :flowerforyou: As we are learning here, it only takes 3500 excess calories to gain a pound, so someone could gain 20 pounds in a year if they ate an extra 2 bananas a day!

Laurie49120 - my heart breaks for you story - I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. You have great courage and strength to (1) share that story, and (2) make the change in your weight, that will ultimately bring up all of those feelings that got you here. Bravo to you for starting this journey!

We can have compassion for the 'why' and 'how' and IMHO, that's the kind of support that encourages weight loss and success! :flowerforyou:

Ditto a million times!

Laurie, my heart goes out to you! I'm positive you're a wonderful person. Don't let ANYONE ever get you down. Hold your head high. Congrats on making a change in your life for a better you! We all are here to support you, in your lifestyle change and in your everyday general life. Welcome to the MFP family! :flowerforyou:

CrystalBella

Now back to the topic!
yup! I'm getting stares again! woo hoo! (doin' a dance!)

:laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :blushing:

That's cause you're looking HOT in that dress! Show that pic again! That pic should be your default! lol
*whisltes*

TamTastic

I do feel like people treat me differently. Oh well, it is what it is!! I think part of it is because my posture is better, I look people in the eye and simply smile more because I am happier, have more energy and just feel better. So, it very well could be because my entire demeanor has changed as the pounds came off, which in turn makes me more attractive to people.

PedalHound

I have to say that when I was a teen and was in pretty great shape (though I was taller and not anorexic looking but rather looked like a jock) I FELT like I big gross blob of a girl. I was looking at some old photos the other day in awe at what the mind can do to control the eyes. I looked GREAT! But I got NO attention from guys and was basically treated like I felt about myself. In university I became a lot more confident (despite the yet-unknown decline of my thyroid which led to mystery weight gain and a much lumpier body!) and I started getting LOTS of attention.

Now, the biggest difference I notice is surrounding food. It makes me SO angry! 2 months ago before I started this, if I said something about loving food or cooking or discussed food or ate dessert at a restaurant people would make this self-conscious face. Now that I'm looking a lot more athletic again (my muscles develop easily so it's obvious that I work out if my arms are showing, even if there's still way more fat on there than I'd like..) I don't get those looks. People are happy to discuss food with me. Frustrates the heck out of me.

But we are definitely taught to make assumptions about fat people. And most people I know in that demographic have a story that would surprise a lot of the people who judge them.
And I must say that I find it horrifying and sad that anyone who is a part of this website could condone the kind of treatment discrimination brings, regardless of the roots. Sheesh.

Well, as someone already said, here's to us all becoming conscientious fit people who don't pay that particular behaviour forward!

AJCM

I have to say that when I was a teen and was in pretty great shape (though I was taller and not anorexic looking but rather looked like a jock) I FELT like I big gross blob of a girl. I was looking at some old photos the other day in awe at what the mind can do to control the eyes. I looked GREAT! But I got NO attention from guys and was basically treated like I felt about myself. In university I became a lot more confident (despite the yet-unknown decline of my thyroid which led to mystery weight gain and a much lumpier body!) and I started getting LOTS of attention.

Now, the biggest difference I notice is surrounding food. It makes me SO angry! 2 months ago before I started this, if I said something about loving food or cooking or discussed food or ate dessert at a restaurant people would make this self-conscious face. Now that I'm looking a lot more athletic again (my muscles develop easily so it's obvious that I work out if my arms are showing, even if there's still way more fat on there than I'd like..) I don't get those looks. People are happy to discuss food with me. Frustrates the heck out of me.

But we are definitely taught to make assumptions about fat people. And most people I know in that demographic have a story that would surprise a lot of the people who judge them.
And I must say that I find it horrifying and sad that anyone who is a part of this website could condone the kind of treatment discrimination brings, regardless of the roots. Sheesh.

Well, as someone already said, here's to us all becoming conscientious fit people who don't pay that particular behaviour forward!

Thanks for sharing your story! I love what you said about looking back at pics from the past and seeing a beautiful girl... even though you are working on getting fitter, remember that you are beautiful RIGHT NOW!!!!
:flowerforyou:

jenbar

Now back to the topic!
yup! I'm getting stares again! woo hoo! (doin' a dance!)

:laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :blushing:

That's cause you're looking HOT in that dress! Show that pic again! That pic should be your default! lol
*whisltes*

awww shucks!:blushing: :blushing: :blushing:
Thanks Crystal!

AJCM

Now back to the topic!
yup! I'm getting stares again! woo hoo! (doin' a dance!)

:laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :blushing:

That's cause you're looking HOT in that dress! Show that pic again! That pic should be your default! lol
*whisltes*

awww shucks!:blushing: :blushing: :blushing:
Thanks Crystal!

Okay Jen, where's this pic???? Come on girl...

Marla64

Well, one last post on this, then I'll shut up--

With the exception of medication, show me one fat person who didn't, as I described, got fat because they ate too much and exercised too little? Yes, we all have our stories. Some worse than others. Food is a great crutch. And it is a common theme among fat people that food was their "drug of choice" to help them deal with their problems.

I don't sit here in judgment of You. I sit here in judgment of MYSELF. I am a member of this site, too, with a lifelong weight battle. My entire life I had 20+ pounds to lose, now I'm at 50+. Sure, I had emotional childhood issues, emotional adult issues that I "dealt with" by turning to food, but at the end of the day, regardless of what I've had to endure, I am responsible for what I ate, how much of it I ate, and how I let myself go. Healthy food or junk food? Irrelevant. Overeating is overeating, and again, we are responsible for our weight and what we do to our bodies.

I'm sure there are stories of sadness that will make our heads spin that were "helped" by folks turning to food. I am truly saddened to read of Laurie's trials. But, the bottom line of my post doesn't change-- find me one person here who isn't directly responsible for their weight gain.

Because we're in the same boat, I should think we wouldn't be so thin-skinned about it. Our stories may be different, but the bottom line isn't. We weren't born fat, it's something we can control as is evidenced by how much weight some of you all have lost, and since "society" knows this, if they wish to judge us negatively because of something negative in us that is controllable, so be it. With very few exceptions, it is deserved. And again, I'll be thrilled when I can take that issue off the table and won't have to be viewed thus.

(Please note that I've said US -- I'm not pointing the finger. I'm right there in the trenches alongside everyone else here who is trying to take off weight, gained for whatever reason-- )

Manda86

This is a sensitive topic for me.
I've been debating whether or not to respond to this thread, and have decided to do so after great consideration.

I myself have never been obese, although I have struggled with being overweight for the last few years. My father had a twin sister, however, who has since passed away, that was medically classified as "morbidly obese". She had a thyroid disorder that went undiagnosed for far too long, and she gained about 300 pounds. By the time she was correctly diagnosed, she'd carried around the weight long enough to wreak havoc on both of her knees. I lived across the street from her, and we joined her frequently for mealtimes- my aunt didn't eat any more than anyone else at the table did. The stress on her knees made it very difficult to work out - she tried water aerobics, but was humiliated when she needed the help of a few people to get in/out of the pool and didn't go back. Even walking at that point was painful. When she did go out in public, people stared at her, and made cutting comments about her as if she weren't within earshot. It infuriates me to no end when people make generalizations about the reasons why people are overweight. The kind of people that view being overweight as some kind of weakness, and themselves as somehow superior because they've escaped getting "that big". The kind that say things like "I would NEVER let myself go that far", and "How can they stand to live like that?" The kind that view the obese as worthless wastes of space instead of living, breathing, FEELING human beings. I loved my aunt Debbie more than those kind of people will ever know, and the majority of them don't give a flip. She died trying to lose weight. She died trying (unsuccessfully) to bring her own body under her control again. Heck, even if she didn't have a medical issue, and she was an emotional eater, food can be an addiction like any other. I'm not suggesting that people not take accountability for their physical condition, I'm suggesting that other people show some compassion and offer encouragement instead of belittiling those that ARE trying, that haven't given up on themselves.

As far as the discrimination goes, with the "discriminating against people that are overweight is okay because you can control your weight" logic, why don't we just start discriminating against people with red hair? Or glasses? Or french manicures? Those are also things within the spectrum of our control, and would be equally ridiculous as qualifiers of worth.

I'm not trying to be divisive, and I'm finished commenting on this topic- I just wanted to add my two cents.

I love you all,

Manda

MontanaGirl

Manda - that was a very good post. I'm so sorry about your aunt. What a brave, wonderful lady. You are blessed to have had such a person in your life. :flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

As far as the discrimination goes, with the "discriminating against people that are overweight is okay because you can control your weight" logic, why don't we just start discriminating against people with red hair? Or glasses? Or french manicures? Those are also things within the spectrum of our control, and would be equally ridiculous as qualifiers of worth.

I'm not trying to be divisive, and I'm finished commenting on this topic- I just wanted to add my two cents.

I love you all,

Manda

I get this all the time cause I am blonde....drives me nuts....

I am very sorry for you aunt though, she sounds like a very strong woman to me.
It can be so hard to make changes when the world is always pointing the finger and playing the blame game.
She is way braver then me.....I haven't owned a swimsuit in YEARS! What an honor it would of been to have known her.

You come from strong stock Manda, don't ever doubt that.

:flowerforyou:

sgtinvincible

Darn straight.

Manda86

She WAS a wonderful lady...

Debbie L.

2/6/1955 -7/14/2001

She was such a loving person- she always had a funny story to tell, she was forever laughing at something... We used to sit on the front porch eating our sugar-free fudgesicles together, and I went with her to her doctor's appointments while she was on her weight loss journey... She was a mother to me when my own mother wouldn't be. I miss her so so much.

ChubbyBunny

She WAS a wonderful lady...

Debbie L.

2/5/1955 -7/14/2001

She was such a loving person- she always had a funny story to tell, she was forever laughing at something... We used to sit on the front porch eating our sugar-free fudgesicles together, and I went with her to her doctor's appointments while she was on her weight loss journey... She was a mother to me when my own mother wouldn't be. I miss her so so much.

Ahhh kiddo, I am so sorry. What a good example to have.
I do enjoy a good story....then again I do enjoy fudgesicles too! I am sure I would of had a grand ol' time with her....Here's to fudgesicles in Heaven..even if they are the sugar free kind.

AJCM

I'm with Manda (Thanks for responding Manda, and thanks for sharing your story). :flowerforyou:

Let's not judge each other, and oversimplify the situation. My simplified version is this: IMHO it's never okay to refer to people as "fat" and "disgusting", simple as that. Let's be supportive! :flowerforyou:

Just because one includes themselves in a group, does not make derogatory comments acceptable. If I were to use a racial slur about my own ethinicity, that does not make it okay. It still references all others in my group with ugliness and hate.