Retarded and Gay

HollyMcCaw

Maybe just politely tell her that she probably shouldn't say those kind of things that it could get her into trouble. She probably doesn't even realize that she's saying it. Especially if she's younger...I am 26 and when I was in highschool my teachers would say that something was "retarded" it seems to be a casual way of speaking now a days. Not the I agree with it...because I don't. But I guarantee she isn't intending on offending anybody

PirateJenny

Definitely point it out. My partner had to do the same thing after starting as a supervisor in a new department.

I think 00trayn has a great suggestion with, "I don't think that's the word you really mean. Don't you mean stupid, or annoying, or frustrating?" It gives the person a chance to change their behavior and does not "shame" them, reducing the risk of putting them on the defensive.

However, if that does not work it is appropriate to point out that the language is unacceptable in the workplace and she could be at risk of a formal complaint to human resources.

I am so glad to hear you are concerned about this. You just made my day.

therobinator

I wouldn't be so sensitive, realize she is not intending things as a personal attack and allow people to live their life. We have become way to thin skinned in this society. Can't say boo without someones feeling getting hurt and them running to mom.

It's not that I am sensitive. It's that there *are* gay people here in this office, and in a past office of mine there were people with mentally retarded siblings. It's not offensive to me personally, but to others it would be....and I don't want her to get into a situation with HR just because she's young and stupid. I am more trying to help her, not get her busted.

amysj303

I hesitate to say anything to HR, because she's brand new, and she is a nice person and I like her and don't want to put a black mark on her record. I thought of emailing this link to her with a lilttle note that I thought it was something she should watch. But I don't know if this is the right approach.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T549VoLca_Q

If she's young, new, you like her and she's nice then I think you could tell her yourself without going to HR, just bring it to her attention-say, you may not realize how offensive this is... I am kinda surprised because it seems like something she would realize, but you could tell, I thought I would tell you before you get someone from HR putting a black mark on your record for this...

allisoncook87

Tell her you have a family member that's gay and one that's retarded, at different times when she uses it. It will make her feel so completely ignorant she will never use them again, around you or anyone else

ShellyMacchi

i've been in that situation too...
and i simply told her right then, politely, that using what would be seen by many to be deragatory or discriminatory words such as those is actually socially unacceptable, especially in a work environment, so while at work she may wish to chose different words.

and i did not take her aside in private to say it, as she spoke in public, and anyone nearby who might have also found that inappropriate OR who felt it was perfectly ok, needed (i felt) to hear that someone WAS going to speak up and say what needed to be said.

she immediately apologized, (so others could still hear) and said she knew she needed to watch herself with those words, it was a habit she was trying to break and sometimes they slipped out, so thanked me for the reminder.

Hope the situation goes as well for you.. but if it is an ongoing situation you do need voice a formal complaint to your HR department. It is completely unacceptable behaviour.

thecanface

I dunno... I'm not offended by it... then again I'm not offended easily, either. Do I think it's appropriate? NO! Do I think it's a huge deal for someone to use those words in a slang sort of context? No. Just me, though.

yeah, a lot of people aren't easily offended. i am one of them, but then there are people who are... especially if they know or are related to someone who has a mental disability, or are bisexual. it can hit close to home if someone is using those words in a negative way ya know?

PeachyKeene

I would tell her outright that it's completely unacceptable. That's just me, I'm pretty blunt and to the point

me, too.

Aesop101

I wouldn't be so sensitive, realize she is not intending things as a personal attack and allow people to live their life. We have become way to thin skinned in this society. Can't say boo without someones feeling getting hurt and them running to mom.

Amen!!

asudheimer

That is thoughtful of you to consider her feelings... seems as though she doesn't mean to be offensive, that's just part of my generations slang vocabulary thanks to ignorance. Maybe email her a link to this site:

http://www.r-word.org/

I spread it around my office as there was and still are several people who use that word where I work. And maybe shoot her an IM or email with it saying "Just wanted to let you know that some people consider the use of those words offensive, wanted to let you know before someone who would turn you in to HR hears." To the point, without you seeming arrogant.

thecanface

The next time she does it, respond with "Yeah, that's so (insert name of race here)!" and when she looks at you just say "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were being *kitten*."

LOL YAY! Then the company will lose 2 employees LOLLL too funny

freerange

Thought police in action. Welcome to the PC world.

JPod279

If she is hot I would do nothing. j/j

I hate it when people don't come to me first if I do something to annoy them. You are both supposed to be adults. Talk to her and if she can't handle it or keeps doing it go up the chain of command.

papastu

my kids say that all the time, i really dont get what the fuss is all about

nehtaeh

Sometimes people don't know something is offensive unless we let them know. Tragically I used to use the word retarded a lot to explain something that was not working right and when someone pulled me aside and told me it offended them and could offend others I understood and felt bad about saying it. now I just say that's Lame! I would not run to HR and turn her in unless u have spoken with her before and it did not work or she was actually calling u those names. I would start by pulling her to the side if that does not work then speak to your supervisor or HR then.

This exactly!!

I have used the words on many occassions - not even thinking. I got into a couple conversations about them and it actually made me think about what I was saying before saying them. Maybe she doesn't know - just because you know, or any of the people on here, doesn't mean she knows.

There are nice, tactful, ways of asking if someone knows how offensive those words can be. Maybe not tell her they offend you directly, but it can offend others. And, also tell her that there are consequences that COULD arise if the wrong person overheard her. Just because she's saying it to a printer doesn't mean that someone can't have a problem with it.

ChantalGG

I would ask her for her definition or retarded and gay and then maybe suggest other word she could use instead. Then i would pat her on her head and walk away... lol Maybe i wouldnt do the last thing.

MrsChristinaG

I used to work at a preschool tailored for children with special needs. I had a coworker (who when she made a mistake) would say "I'm retarded! or I'm such a retard or that (adult) is slow" I just just got kind of close to her and whispered (we were somewhat close) "such n such, it's NOT okay to use those types of words here, it's innappropriate & you can get in trouble if someone were to overhear you"

EDesq

I wouldn't be so sensitive, realize she is not intending things as a personal attack and allow people to live their life. We have become way to thin skinned in this society. Can't say boo without someones feeling getting hurt and them running to mom.

I agree with this! However there is certain etiquette that is required in an office environment...

OMG, what world are you guys living in...The good old days, when "Jim Crow" and segregation were alive and well or when the frontal lobotomy was in vogue or when women had to take abuse in silence because she had no options. As a person of color, whenever I hear someone say "we are too PC," I think "Undercover Bigot!" who wants to drop the "N" word or some other slur without repercussions.

angryguy77

I wouldn't be so sensitive, realize she is not intending things as a personal attack and allow people to live their life. We have become way to thin skinned in this society. Can't say boo without someones feeling getting hurt and them running to mom.

I agree with this! However there is certain etiquette that is required in an office environment...

I know there is an etiquette in that kind of environment. However it wouldn't be a problem if people didn't look for things to be offended by because the PC Police tells them to. Words have many different meanings and those words are not bashing a religion or race.

SLambertAlaska

I was in that situation once with two of my friends. One of them called something "gay" in a similar context to the girl you work with and my other friend calmly replied "I don't think that's the word you really mean. Don't you mean stupid, or annoying, or frustrating?" And she corrected herself and we moved on. It wasn't confrontational, it just pointed out that calling something gay or retarded in that sense isn't appropriate or accurate.

I agree with this. It's best to say something yourself before "sic'ing" the boss on her. It may be awkward at first, but she'll probably respect you for it after the initial embarrassment wears off. If not, then go up the chain of command at your workplace.

Atlantique

I wouldn't be so sensitive, realize she is not intending things as a personal attack and allow people to live their life. We have become way to thin skinned in this society. Can't say boo without someones feeling getting hurt and them running to mom.

It's not about someone being 'so sensitive'. It's about bigotry and creating a hostile work environment.

thecanface

I wouldn't be so sensitive, realize she is not intending things as a personal attack and allow people to live their life. We have become way to thin skinned in this society. Can't say boo without someones feeling getting hurt and them running to mom.

It's not that I am sensitive. It's that there *are* gay people here in this office, and in a past office of mine there were people with mentally retarded siblings. It's not offensive to me personally, but to others it would be....and I don't want her to get into a situation with HR just because she's young and stupid. I am more trying to help her, not get her busted.

well how about you lie and blame it on the company! just tell her "i there was this guy who used to work here who got written up a lot for saying that.. i'm not getting onto you, but i thought you should know before you said it in front of the wrong person haha" i had to do that with this girl who used to spray the worst purfume everywhere!! lol

Heather75

Tell her that you are both gay and retarded and find it offensive. That will shut her up.

You are welcome!

Creiche

If you're already pretty friendly with her, I'd just casually bring it up the next time she says it and point out that others, including her supervisors, could take offense to those words. Make it clear you realize she's not meaning to be hurtful, but that you're looking out for her. If she keeps doing it, you can either wash your hands of it and let her sink her own ship or go to HR/her supervisor and let them handle it.

Setof2Keys

I might advise a supervisor of her language and ask them to have a word. My guess is that she probably wouldn't take the confrontation well and I doubt your supervisor would be too happy about her language! Good luck, that must be so irritating!

TOTALLY DISAGREE!!! If you're metioning that she is young (and she is young minded) then you should lead by example!! Running off and telling Mommy is not good office politics (unless it continues). I hate when adults can't just act like adults and address issues with someone directly when appropriate.

I would pull her aside and say "Hey, I just want to warn you that people have heard these comments. Ppl don't take it lightly around here, and I would hate to see you get in trouble for it. "

She should be open to the fact that you are having her back and guiding her at the same time. I bet she responds better to this approach. I know I have been called out this way and I don't get angry but I appreciate it.

HollyMcCaw

I find it funny how people get in such arguments over other people's forum replies. Isn't the point for us to answer the person who asked for help with our own opinion and best solution that we personally feel would help..and then let that person decide which works best for them? Not argue with other people who are offering advice because you don't agree with them?

I do not mean for this to start more arguing. It was just something I have noticed in a lot of forums

freerange

I wouldn't be so sensitive, realize she is not intending things as a personal attack and allow people to live their life. We have become way to thin skinned in this society. Can't say boo without someones feeling getting hurt and them running to mom.

I agree with this! However there is certain etiquette that is required in an office environment...

OMG, what world are you guys living in...The good old days, when "Jim Crow" and segregation was alive and well or when the frontal lobotomy was in vogue or when women had to take abuse in silence because she had no options.

I know right, if someone says "gay" we should beat the crap out of them for being a Jim Crow. GMAFB

thecanface

my kids say that all the time, i really dont get what the fuss is all about

imagine one of your kids was retarded, then you'll get what the fuss is all about.

brewingaz

Tell her that you are both gay and retarded and find it offensive. That will shut her up.

You are welcome!

Dammit Heather, we are on the same wavelength. You took the words right out of my mouth.

MarkNH

As a parent w/ a child who is mentally challenged, this is something that I and my daughter face everyday in society - the use of the "R-Word".

I politely tell people who use the word "retarded" or any other form/phrase to describe a person who is mentally challenged, that those words or sayings are as hurtful as using any other racial slur.

The Special Olympics has a great campaign called: "Spread the Word to End the Word" and they recently released a great 30-second PSA that nails exactly why it is so hurtful.

*If letting her know your offended fails, then I would speak w/ her supervisor and if needed, your HR Dept.


** I do not mean to take any spot-light away from the word "Gay" or it's variety of slurs - That word is equally offensive and should also not be used !!!