People being negative because I "only" needed to loose 22lbs

Shutterpillar

I get this a lot too. Its like people cant just be happy that you caught yourself in time, and want to live a healthy lifestyle. I hear a lot of "why do you want to lose weight? you look fine to me" or "are you kidding me?? you are already skinny!"

I know I am not fat. But I also know that I had gained 20 pounds since October 2010. (just started MFP almost 30 days ago) If I were to continue eating like I was and not exercising, then I WOULD be fat. I am proud that I caught myself in time and decided to do something about it before it got out of hand.

YOU SHOULD BE TOO! Dont let haters get to you.

joeysrib

I get it! People look at me funny when I tell them I'm trying to lose 40 pounds. Sure I could say my goal is 100+, but 40 seems more doable for me, it is too easy to get overwhelmed and give up before even starting. Seems like your coworker is not getting the validation that she craves. She sees you getting to your goal and is jealous. Maybe she has more to lose?

I think its great that you are almost to goal, I know its a tough journey no matter how much you have to lose. You just do you, and ignore the selfish little comments from others.

north35

Just wanted to give you a (((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))) be proud of what you have done......she is probably upset because you are getting much deserved attention. She is way out of line, but don't let her get to you! You are doing awesome!!

Atlantique

I really do not think it's fair that someone I work with is making negative comments as she lost 77lbs a few years back but I have "only" had to lose 20lbs.

Her insenstive comments have left me dumbfounded to be honest!!

I get the impression on MFP (to a degree) that there is divide among those with a bit too lose and those with a lot to lose. It makes sense really, of course I would have more in common with someone who is short and only wanted to lose a little weight.

Yet I refuse to apologise for 'only' losing 20lbs. I was 22lbs overweight, that was my cut off point (when I decided to tackle my weight) but it's not fair that I am being made to feel guilty...

Effectively If I was to resort to her level then I would have pointed put that the reason she had to oose 77lbs is because she was much more overweight than I was to begin with. I do not judge her for that, in fact I commend her for taking the steps she did - but is it fair that she judges me?

Sorry guys - I am so angry right now and just needed a rant!

I can't believe that someone who has been through the weightloss process can be so negative and unsupportive to be honest..

Why would you feel guilty? You're taking steps to improve your health!

And you already know the answer to your question--no, it's not fair that she judges you, or, more accurately, insults you.

For whatever reason, she feels diminshed by your weight loss. Who knows why. Maybe she lost 77 but is still packing an extra 20. Maybe she is used to a great deal of attention and reinforcement for having lost the weight and now resents that the spotlight has shifted to you. Her reasons don't really matter, nor do they justify her petty behavior.

TheGoktor

It's "lose".

I notice that a lot too but it is very rude of you to say especially during a rant..............badly done and very uncouth

Agreed 100% - I was about to say something similar. It's not only ill-mannered, it's incredibly insensitive. :noway:

And to the OP - forget what anyone else says or thinks....this is *your* journey, for *your* reasons, and nothing to do with anyone else. Some people just say the first thing that comes into their heads, without really thinking about what they're saying, so maybe your colleague wasn't really being nasty, just insensitive.

Katrob9

yeah ok, well if you were trying to not offend people who have a lot of weight to lose, you failed.

Twice in this post, you look down your nose at people who let themselves get that way.

Your attitude is absolutely no better than the woman who is insensitive to someone who only has to lose 20 pounds.

it's EXACTLY the same in reverse. A bit stunning that you don't see that.

A pound is a pound is a pound. It's easy to put on and not so easy to take off. No matter how much or how little you have to lose, everyone is here trying to do exactly the same thing, if to different degrees.

I would have to agree with this poster. I commend the OP on losing the weight - that's an awesome achievement but you do point out a divide on MFP which I certainly haven't come across and also you say how at least you didn't wait until you were as overweight as she was which sounds judgemental on your part. People gain weight for any number of reasons and I'm sure lots of people with a lot to lose didn't just decide to do f**k all about it until it got to a point of no return.

I think everyone should just live and let live and celebrate each other's successes without thinking they're better than anyone else.

Xaspar

It's "lose".

Sorry, but is IS "lose". I do not find it offensive to correct an obvious grammatical error. Of course I was a journalism major and maybe take more offense than others. But we should all keep learning, right? So no harm done in pointing it out.

Yes, you are correct. The spelling was incorrect.
What was ALSO incorrect was the manner that was employed to call her out. Really? A simple PRIVATE message would have been more appropriate than to call her out in the public forum. I would be hurt. ESPECIALLY when that person didn't even bother to offer any constructive assistance for the issue she was posting on in the first place.
It was rather inconsiderate and quite mean-spirited the way it came across, even if that was not the intent.

ChitownFoodie

I am the small one at work and i wanted to lose 12 pounds. I am trying to learn that it really doesnt matter what others think. Its about what you see in the mirror.

ajbeans

yeah ok, well if you were trying to not offend people who have a lot of weight to lose, you failed.

Twice in this post, you look down your nose at people who let themselves get that way.

Your attitude is absolutely no better than the woman who is insensitive to someone who only has to lose 20 pounds.

it's EXACTLY the same in reverse. A bit stunning that you don't see that.

A pound is a pound is a pound. It's easy to put on and not so easy to take off. No matter how much or how little you have to lose, everyone is here trying to do exactly the same thing, if to different degrees.

I would have to agree with this poster. I commend the OP on losing the weight - that's an awesome achievement but you do point out a divide on MFP which I certainly haven't come across and also you say how at least you didn't wait until you were as overweight as she was which sounds judgemental on your part. People gain weight for any number of reasons and I'm sure lots of people with a lot to lose didn't just decide to do f**k all about it until it got to a point of no return.

I think everyone should just live and let live and celebrate each other's successes without thinking they're better than anyone else.

I have seen the divide. I don't send friend requests, but most of the people who have requested me had goals similar to mine. There are threads devoted to members who need to lose certain amounts of weight (100+, 70, 20, 10 or fewer...). Just as there are groups full of only clean eaters, and moms, and dads, etc. It's a natural thing to gravitate toward people who have similar goals, because you're going through similar struggles. A person who needs to lose 100 lbs has different challenges from someone who's working on the last 10. It's not a judgmental thing, it's just human nature to find people with commonalities, and since this is a health forum, it makes sense that people would look for others with the same kinds of goals.

I didn't see her being judgmental. I saw her as saying that the situation could easily be flipped, and there was no reason for this coworker to be judgmental of her since she wasn't being judgmental of the coworker. She said that she applauded the coworker's efforts, and she just wanted the same treatment.

Xaspar

I can totally see your co-workers point! You should definitely have waited until you gained another 50 lbs before you did anything about it. What could you possibly have been thinking??? :flowerforyou:

LOL ... amen!

Each pound is a struggle. Whether you only have to face that one pound struggle 1 time or 100 times. Each pound lost is an accomplishment and worthy of something far greater than disdain.
I am ONLY 20 pounds overweight right now. Does that mean I am not losing weight or struggling or working any less than I was when I was 35 pounds overweight? I suppose I should have waited until I was far beyond that before taking the steps to improve my overall health and fitness too!

Good job on your progress so far and don't allow someone else's poor attitude to master yours! Here's to you! :drinker:

sculptandtone

I get the impression on MFP (to a degree) that there is divide among those with a bit too lose and those with a lot to loose. It makes sense really, of course I would have more in common with someone who is short and only wanted to lose a little weight.

Yet I refuse to apologise for 'only' loosing 20lbs. I was 22lbs overweight, that was my cut off point (when I decided to tackle my weight) but it's not fair that I am being made to feel guilty...

Effectively If I was to resort to her level then I would have pointed put that the reason she had to loose 77lbs is because she was much more overweight than I was to begin with. I do not judge her for that, in fact I commend her for taking the steps she did - but is it fair that she judges me?

I'm probably tiptoing a fine line because I don't want to offend anyone here. Let me put it into perspective, before I get jumped all over.... I'm here because I have about 15 pounds to lose. I got uncomfortable with myself and it was either buy new clothes or lose weight. I chose to start working out and losing weight. I can't imagine ever letting myself get to the point where I needed to lose 75+ pounds. But that's me.

I think it's great that people who really have a lot of weight to lose work hard and lose a lot of weight. But losing more weight doesn't make you a better person than someone who never had that much to lose in the first place!! Frankly, her attitude is not only not fair, the fact that she's doing the "holier than thou" act when she let herself get so overweight in the first place is really sort of pitiful, IMHO. Personally, if she pulled that with me, I'd actually be saying what you wanted to say and let her deal with it. She doesn't sound like someone I'd want as a friend.

So you are being exceptionally offensive and no better or different than the woman who is being holier than thou because she lost so much more weight. Don't you even recognize that you've TWICE looked down your nose on people for letting themselves get that way? Really not a kind or decent thing to say, especially on a weight loss/fitness site. Everyone is here for the same reason.

Runnermadre

Starting MFP at the end of February, I had 20 pounds to lose, BUT my waist size was over 37" which is in the danger zone for my health. It raises my risk of all kinds of things including heart attack and stroke, which also run in my family. It has taken me 3.5 months to lose 16 pounds, and I am now in a healthy weight range, and at a healthy waist size. My husband, who has started this journey with 45-50 pounds to lose, has lost 30. Why? Because it comes off easier at first when you have more to lose. Also men tend to lose easier than women. There have been several weeks where I have worked my butt off counting calories, and exercising, and I'll only lose half a pound. My husband, on the other hand, can skip a couple days of logging, just using good judgement, and only get a few workouts in, and he still loses 2-3 pounds. I guess I'm trying to make two points. One is that just because you "only" have 20 pounds to lose doesn't mean it can't be for health or that it's not a big deal. Two is that sometimes those 20 pounds will take a lot more work and dedication to lose than someone elses 50.

VickiMitkins

I really do not think it's fair that someone I work with is making negative comments as she lost 77lbs a few years back but I have "only" had to lose 20lbs.

Her insenstive comments have left me dumbfounded to be honest!!

I get the impression on MFP (to a degree) that there is divide among those with a bit too lose and those with a lot to lose. It makes sense really, of course I would have more in common with someone who is short and only wanted to lose a little weight.

Yet I refuse to apologise for 'only' losing 20lbs. I was 22lbs overweight, that was my cut off point (when I decided to tackle my weight) but it's not fair that I am being made to feel guilty...

Effectively If I was to resort to her level then I would have pointed put that the reason she had to oose 77lbs is because she was much more overweight than I was to begin with. I do not judge her for that, in fact I commend her for taking the steps she did - but is it fair that she judges me?

Sorry guys - I am so angry right now and just needed a rant!

I can't believe that someone who has been through the weightloss process can be so negative and unsupportive to be honest..

Why would you feel guilty? You're taking steps to improve your health!

And you already know the answer to your question--no, it's not fair that she judges you, or, more accurately, insults you.

For whatever reason, she feels diminshed by your weight loss. Who knows why. Maybe she lost 77 but is still packing an extra 20. Maybe she is used to a great deal of attention and reinforcement for having lost the weight and now resents that the spotlight has shifted to you. Her reasons don't really matter, nor do they justify her petty behavior.

My thoughts as well. She is probably a bit envious that you are getting attention she once did. Perhaps next time she is insensitive, tell her how great you think it is that she lost so much weight and kept it. A little reinforcement of her success might be all she needs.

NeuroticVirgo

I love how there is such a debate over the "loose - lose" thing...and it has nothing to do with the original post. LOL

BettyMargaret

yeah ok, well if you were trying to not offend people who have a lot of weight to lose, you failed.

Twice in this post, you look down your nose at people who let themselves get that way.

Your attitude is absolutely no better than the woman who is insensitive to someone who only has to lose 20 pounds.

it's EXACTLY the same in reverse. A bit stunning that you don't see that.

A pound is a pound is a pound. It's easy to put on and not so easy to take off. No matter how much or how little you have to lose, everyone is here trying to do exactly the same thing, if to different degrees.

I would have to agree with this poster. I commend the OP on losing the weight - that's an awesome achievement but you do point out a divide on MFP which I certainly haven't come across and also you say how at least you didn't wait until you were as overweight as she was which sounds judgemental on your part. People gain weight for any number of reasons and I'm sure lots of people with a lot to lose didn't just decide to do f**k all about it until it got to a point of no return.

I think everyone should just live and let live and celebrate each other's successes without thinking they're better than anyone else.

I have seen the divide. I don't send friend requests, but most of the people who have requested me had goals similar to mine. There are threads devoted to members who need to lose certain amounts of weight (100+, 70, 20, 10 or fewer...). Just as there are groups full of only clean eaters, and moms, and dads, etc. It's a natural thing to gravitate toward people who have similar goals, because you're going through similar struggles. A person who needs to lose 100 lbs has different challenges from someone who's working on the last 10. It's not a judgmental thing, it's just human nature to find people with commonalities, and since this is a health forum, it makes sense that people would look for others with the same kinds of goals.

I didn't see her being judgmental. I saw her as saying that the situation could easily be flipped, and there was no reason for this coworker to be judgmental of her since she wasn't being judgmental of the coworker. She said that she applauded the coworker's efforts, and she just wanted the same treatment.

Very well said! I myself send friend request' to folks that seem to have the same goals as I do and they are not all to do with the amount of weight we have to lose. One person said they wanted to be around for their grandchildren someday... me too! *add* lol And on OP... Great job on your weight lose and gain of health!

bcattoes

It's "lose".

Sorry, but is IS "lose". I do not find it offensive to correct an obvious grammatical error. Of course I was a journalism major and maybe take more offense than others. But we should all keep learning, right? So no harm done in pointing it out.

But it is just as possibly a typo as a grammatical error. There may not be harm in pointing it out, but then again if you hurt the posters feelings by pointing it out that is harmful. And there is really no way to know beforehand whether you will or not.

TeaBea

You know, she may just be upset that she let herself get to the poin of having to lose 77 pounds where as you only let yourself get to the point of having to lose 20..

I wouldn't let it bother you.. If she keeps making snide remarks, let her know that you wanted to tackle your weight issues before you let them get to the point of having to lose 77 pounds... say it sweetly, and smile afterwards. and she will get the hint. plus she wont be able to call you a b**ch! haha

Being someone who you would assume "let herself go" and had to lose a lot of weight I can tell you she doesn't need the reminder and the OP doesn't need to lower herself to that level.

Also, I didn't let myself go.... I crash dieted my way right on up the scale doing all the fad diets trying to lose weight. So you never know and should never assume why someone might be heavy.

This is so true! People have weight issues for a multitude of reasons. My sister in-law had her job change dramatically - the stress now is incredible - not many other jobs out there. A neighbor underwent major medical - and is now on lifelong medication. She never had a weight issue before now. You can't assume - because you really never know.

barbiex3

yeah I know the feeling. When I actually starting loosing this website I was 145 and now I'm 135, and I don't plan on loosing much more. I feel like people are constantly telling me to stop or that I don't need to loose any weight. A lot of people my weight (5'7") say that their goal weight is to get to 150 or 160, and for me, that is my highest weight. I have a lot of people tell me that my goal weight (which was 120) was WAY to low, and that I'm unhealthy, etc, but I know i'm not. I know what you are saying. Just ignore them

atachauer

losing weight is never 'easy' to do. In fact, it is harder when you only have a little to lose! When people have a lot of weight to shred, they lose a fair bit quickly and then it slows right down as they get nearer their goal.
Good for you for wanting to do this for you. The decision to improve your health is always a good one, and if it makes you feel better than go for it. I am about 80kg, i'd like to lose 10kg, which is roughly the same amount as you. Add me if you like and we can spur each other on :-)

Good luck xxx

Amie:happy:

dmartinezjr

Grats on your success! Who cares what others say.

barbiex3

yeah ok, well if you were trying to not offend people who have a lot of weight to lose, you failed.

Twice in this post, you look down your nose at people who let themselves get that way.

Your attitude is absolutely no better than the woman who is insensitive to someone who only has to lose 20 pounds.

it's EXACTLY the same in reverse. A bit stunning that you don't see that.

A pound is a pound is a pound. It's easy to put on and not so easy to take off. No matter how much or how little you have to lose, everyone is here trying to do exactly the same thing, if to different degrees.

I would have to agree with this poster. I commend the OP on losing the weight - that's an awesome achievement but you do point out a divide on MFP which I certainly haven't come across and also you say how at least you didn't wait until you were as overweight as she was which sounds judgemental on your part. People gain weight for any number of reasons and I'm sure lots of people with a lot to lose didn't just decide to do f**k all about it until it got to a point of no return.

I think everyone should just live and let live and celebrate each other's successes without thinking they're better than anyone else.

I have seen the divide. I don't send friend requests, but most of the people who have requested me had goals similar to mine. There are threads devoted to members who need to lose certain amounts of weight (100+, 70, 20, 10 or fewer...). Just as there are groups full of only clean eaters, and moms, and dads, etc. It's a natural thing to gravitate toward people who have similar goals, because you're going through similar struggles. A person who needs to lose 100 lbs has different challenges from someone who's working on the last 10. It's not a judgmental thing, it's just human nature to find people with commonalities, and since this is a health forum, it makes sense that people would look for others with the same kinds of goals.

I didn't see her being judgmental. I saw her as saying that the situation could easily be flipped, and there was no reason for this coworker to be judgmental of her since she wasn't being judgmental of the coworker. She said that she applauded the coworker's efforts, and she just wanted the same treatment.

Very well said! I myself send friend request' to folks that seem to have the same goals as I do and they are not all to do with the amount of weight we have to lose. One person said they wanted to be around for their grandchildren someday... me too! *add* lol And on OP... Great job on your weight lose and gain of health!

I guess I never really thought that the people who had a lot to lose think that people who only have 20lbs or so to lose are being judgemental. I don't judge people for doing it. I think it's actually really cool that they are doing it. I mean, most people who only have 20 pounds I feel like have less on the line if they fail, and that is why I reall admire people who lose a lot because they have a lot more on the line, AND they have to be way more determined in my opinion. I do feel like they are different journeys however.

Bocciulo

I understand where you are coming from totally! The worst is I get it from my sister. She lost weight and gained it all back. I had a baby 7 wks ago and gained 28lbs and lost it all already and she was mad. I am trying to lose another 10-15 and everytime I am excited I lost a pound I hear "Well lucky you I have to lose 50 by November for my wedding". It's like wow thanks for raining on my parade. Hang in there no matter how much one has to lose we all should be supportive of each other.

jamontagne

Ouch! I totally understand that feeling. I had tried joining weight watchers a few years back. When I joined I needed to lose 25-30 lbs per my doctor. When I would go to meetings people would ask me if I was on the maintenance plan. I would say no and tell them my doctor wants me to lose 25lbs. Their response (every time) - "if you lose any more weight you'll look sickly! You shouldn't be here - everyone else needs to lose atleast 50lbs in this program". Really? That's not very helpful or inspiring.
Hoenstly I think it's a jealousy thing- not to be insensitive, but some people may be jealous that I (and you) have caught our "issue" before it got way out of control (i.e. needing to lose 77lbs).
Just keep on going - and remember to let their insecurities roll off your back - your goals in life are yours and noone elses!

wewon

Why are so many people still focused on the "lose" comment?

Isn't there a limit to the number of people that should be allowed to kick a corpse?

Sadie_sal3267

Keep going, some of wish we could lose that currently!!

ShrinkingStephanie

She sounds jealous to me. Losing weight is difficult 10 pounds, 20 pounds, 200 pounds. Still takes determination. I suspect she feels as though she lost something or missed out on something when she lost weight. Like you only have to lose 22 therefore you don't have to 'suffer' as long as she did. This is just my guess. If I'm right, she's going to gain that weight back and then some. We all know, you have to modify your life permanently, not just for a few months!

Feel better and congrats on nearly attaining your goal!

Scentlessapprentice

It's "lose".

I'll be sure never to come to you for encouragement or support......talk about kicking someone when they are down!

leighton1245

I guess I never really thought that the people who had a lot to lose think that people who only have 20lbs or so to lose are being judgemental. I don't judge people for doing it. I think it's actually really cool that they are doing it. I mean, most people who only have 20 pounds I feel like have less on the line if they fail, and that is why I reall admire people who lose a lot because they have a lot more on the line, AND they have to be way more determined in my opinion. I do feel like they are different journeys however.

Congrats on deciding to lose 20lbs!! I think babriex3 is 100% right in saying that its a different journey for people that have say 20lbs to lose and somone that has 50+lbs to lose because its a matter of changing a lifesytle the more weight you have to lose and thus forth people think they have accomplished more, but when someone only has say 20lbs to lose they have to exercise more and eat cleaner. So everyone really accomplishes the same thing and that is a goal to look better and live longer. 20lbs may not sound like a lot but it will sure make you look a ton better. I know when i put on just 5-10lbs more then my weight now I look like a diff person.

wintermama13

Sorry you got offended. i'll be honest. I feel it's "irritating" when "thin" people complain about how "fat" they look (enough quotes there?? haha) My fiance is very thin and complains a lot about wanting more muscle so when he works out and eats more and gets more muscle he inevitably gains a few pounds and complains that he's so fat. Thanks for making me feel great!!! It's just about body image issues for everyone. Don't let people get you down. Try to stay positive Great job on losing the weight you have and Good luck continuing!!

fteale

Yeah, I know what you mean. I only wanted to lose 20 lbs, and was constantly getting "you have an eating disorder, you don't need to lose weight" from larger friends.

No. Actually, I was overweight, I could feel it, and I wasn't happy with the way I looked. Not because I was seeing some distorted image in the mirror, but because I was fat, and the numbers backed me up.