I WANT TO DIE!

Options
124»

Replies

  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Options
    I am so so sorry for your loss,words can not even express how my heart hurts for you right now.
  • TheNewLK
    TheNewLK Posts: 933 Member
    Options
    I am so sorry

    ((HUGS))

    As a parent I could never imagine that pain !!

    I am so very sorry for your loss
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    Options
    wow, what an incredible story. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. there really are no words that can fix this but just the fact that you came on here to tell your story shows that you are a strong woman. :flowerforyou:

    I agree that you should speak to a professional to get better mentally and emotionally. Posting here was the first step and I am so glad you came here to share your story, it can be therapeutic as well. Sometimes in life things happen that you cannot explain and you cannot understand why, you blame yourself and you blame others. Sometimes I have to convince myself that everything happens for a reason and you just haven't discovered what that reason is yet.
  • sd892310
    sd892310 Posts: 151
    Options
    I'm so sorry for what has happened to you, there is little that can be said that will make you feel better, but know that your friends and your family are there to support you, and although it is not something that will ever go away, over time, you will learn to live with what has happened and it will get easier. in the meantime take time for you and your hubby and let yourselves grieve.
  • MeliciousMelis
    MeliciousMelis Posts: 458 Member
    Options
    Sending you prayers and love....please take care of yourself.
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    Options
    Sweetie. .. .I hardly know what to say to comfort you. .. . I will say though that you should take your time to grieve. .. and the people saying just let it go don't have a grasp of your incredible loss. .. . The ultimate comforter is the Lord Jesus. .. So I will say during the most horrible times that I have had in my life where it looked like there was no way up. .. . I read the word and talked to the Lord when nobody else understood. .. He has always been there for me and never failed me. .. So I will pray his comforting arms come to hold you and give you peace. . .. Psalms were some of my favorite when I was in pain. .. I also read the story of Job many times. .. Your precious ones will always be with you in your heart, nobody gets to take that from you. . .and when we leave this temporary residence you will see your little loves in heaven. . .. so rest assured they were protected by holy ring that surrounds them and are with the mighty one. I know right now it doesn't feel like it when you are in the pit of dispare, but with Gods strength you will come out fighting. .. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you. Sorry you had to endure such a painful loss. If there is anything I can do please call on me.
  • Sweetcheeks278
    Sweetcheeks278 Posts: 356
    Options
    I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. Take one day at a time and slowly it will get better. I agree with what lots of others are saying, grief counseling and prayer. Sending love and prayers your way.
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
    Options
    Oh my god...my heart hurts for you. What a terrible thing to have to go through. Have you spoken to another doctor about what your doctor had done/said? I'm not sure why he would tell you to take Tylenol...I always thought pregnant woman couldn't take Tylenol. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's easier said than done but try to get help and talk about this...don't bottle how you feel because it will eat you alive. If you can talk it out and express how you feel...you'll feel better. Good luck on your journey of recovery and healing
  • Beautiful9395
    Beautiful9395 Posts: 1
    Options
    Jackie- I am so sorry that you lost your twin babies. I have had four miscarriages in my life. The last one I had was back in 1994 and I was six months pregnant. I stood up to start cleaning the blood of my legs and the baby fell out onto the floor. I totally freaked out. I picked the baby up and then wrap the baby in a blanket and sat on the floor and cried for over an hour. It was very hard for me. At first I blamed myself, but then realized that I did everything I was suppose to when I was pregnant. I told myself that it was not meant to be and that god needed my child more then I did. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that is all I could come up with. I hope you can get through this and know that one day you will be pregnant again and have a beautiful baby in your arms one day. I know its hard to be strong but try to be and remember this was not your fault . Good luck to you.
  • Mariposa187
    Mariposa187 Posts: 344 Member
    Options
    The words "im sorry" can never be enough to express the empathy I feel for you and your husband right now. I have miscarried twice in the past two years and it was horrific. I still deal with the grief till this day. I lost both of my babies at a little over three months so they were not as developed as your precious babies. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you to lose your babies in such a way. My heart really aches for you.

    I wish I had the magic answer to make it all better and that I could tell you the pain of losing your children will go away. Maybe one for you it might but its been two years since my first miscarriage and a year for my second and my heart still hurts. I still wonder what my life would be like if I had my two babies. I miss them everyday and every mother's and father's day is really hard for me and my husband.

    You will never be able to forget those precious babies but as time passes you will be able to deal with their passing. You will go through the five stages of grief. You may cry for days or not at all just dont hold your emotions in or else you will explode later on. I dont know if you are religious but God really helped me through that rough time. I was angry with Him at first because I couldn't understand what I had done to deserve such a punishment... I hated Him and was jealous of my a few people who were having babies or a friend that was due around the same time as I was.

    I have learned to accept the fact that my babies are gone but they are with my Lord and Savior who will take better care of them than I ever could have. I did not do anything wrong and if God wills it maybe one day I will have children. I still cry from time to time because that pain will never completely go away. Have faith in God and lean on Him during this hard time. It will get better but it may take time. For the first few months I couldn't eat or sleep... There were days when i just wanted to die. I took some days a second at a time. I know you will always love them and so do they. Take this time to get support from family and friends. Depression medication might also help if you find yourself feeling really down and nothing seems to be helping. Counseling is also a good idea it will help you deal with your grief and anger.

    I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I will pray that God gives you all the strength to deal with this unfortunate tragedy and He allows you to have a successful pregnancy next time. You children are smiling down on you now, two little angels that you will one day meet again.
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
    Options
    I am so sorry for your loss. Take it one day at a time, cry for them if you want to, think about them. Most would tell you to move on, but I personally think it takes time to stop the hurting. I miscarried at 10 weeks but the baby had stopped growing at 4 weeks, it was very hard to deal with. My doctor was so wonderful though, a great support to us during this time. The baby would have been born on May 10, 2000 and I still say a silent Happy Birthday on that day.

    One of my day care parents lost a baby at 27 weeks, it was very hard for her for a few months. It really did help her to have a memorial service for herself, husband and close family members. I actually felt very honored that I was included in the mourners for baby Sarah.

    I wish there was something I could say or do to take way your pain.
  • MNLopez
    MNLopez Posts: 355 Member
    Options
    I can honestly say I know what you are going through. I carried my daughter for 9 months and she died a day before a scheduled C-section. It is the hardest thing I have ever lived through. It will be hard and you will have your good days and your bad days. My baby left 15 years ago an I still remember her, still cry, still count her in my total children, still visit her grave, still say a silent happy birthday in heaven. I also went through all of the emotions you are going through. It is totally normal. There is a grieving process with the last one being acceptance. Just take it one day at a time. Faith and the support of friends and family carried me through. If possible read the book "I'll hold you in Heaven" it helped me and I pray that it will help you too.
  • jisabelle
    jisabelle Posts: 156 Member
    Options
    Hello everyone,
    First I want to say thank you to all of nyou for giving your loving words to a complete stranger. They help me and I'm trying to get by time has passed and I'm having trouble moving on. Truth is I don't know how to, I cry and cry and questiion everything, I feel guilty and think I might drive myself crazy. I don't talk to those around me because they seem to not understand. Athough this is a weight loss site I have found a little comfort with sharing my story you guys. With that said...
    Today I had a good day as far as nutrition. I'm still very emotional and have conflivting thoughts. I've come to the conclution that I need profesional help. However, I don't know where to start and with so many medical bills I need something that is afordable or possibly free. If any of you ladies know of a miscarriage support group PLEASE let me know.
    I'm in Rosemead in the state of california.
    Thanks in advance.
    Jackie
  • jisabelle
    jisabelle Posts: 156 Member
    Options
    Today I went in for a check up after losing my twins and they just gave me the run-a-round, somehow I wasn't even on the schedule! I was so upset!

    They made me tell them my story all over again and at the end of it all I was again (you guessed it) cryin. I cryied because I'm scared that I'm not being looked at. I want to make sure everything is ok with me. Also just remembering that horrible night and the fact that I don't have my babies and tomorrow it will be a month since they past...It just ade me crazy too much for me today, how can they screw things up like this all afte waiting 2hours! I was sent home with another appointment and next time lets hope they get it right!!They are gonna put me in contact with a miscarriage support group but not untill my next appointment.

    I really hope that I'm healing ok, and that I have no other issues. Not eating as well as I should but I'm trying. Right not it is all I can give, at times I just don't want to get up.

    Last night I cryied and cryied and cryied and when my honey was home I kept crying. He tryied to comfort me but it doesn't seem to help. Finally we went to bed and he just held me and talked to me as I cryied and eventually fell asleep.

    We got up so early for my appointment and when we got home we finally ate. I ate half of my food drank some water and waited untill he had to leave for work. He is trying to be so understanding and he is being very strong for me and for some reason I'm starting to get angry at him for any little thing I just blow up. I feel so bad because he does not deserve this. Why am I pushing him away? At times I'v even told him that if he wants out of our marrige I understand. I really don't want this and neither does he. He tells me he loves me and that this is were he wants to be, but I guess I just feel defective or something or that somehow he's gonna stop loving me. My mind is just playing trics on me. ugh...
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    Options
    Today I went in for a check up after losing my twins and they just gave me the run-a-round, somehow I wasn't even on the schedule! I was so upset!

    They made me tell them my story all over again and at the end of it all I was again (you guessed it) cryin. I cryied because I'm scared that I'm not being looked at. I want to make sure everything is ok with me. Also just remembering that horrible night and the fact that I don't have my babies and tomorrow it will be a month since they past...It just ade me crazy too much for me today, how can they screw things up like this all afte waiting 2hours! I was sent home with another appointment and next time lets hope they get it right!!They are gonna put me in contact with a miscarriage support group but not untill my next appointment.

    I really hope that I'm healing ok, and that I have no other issues. Not eating as well as I should but I'm trying. Right not it is all I can give, at times I just don't want to get up.

    Last night I cryied and cryied and cryied and when my honey was home I kept crying. He tryied to comfort me but it doesn't seem to help. Finally we went to bed and he just held me and talked to me as I cryied and eventually fell asleep.

    We got up so early for my appointment and when we got home we finally ate. I ate half of my food drank some water and waited untill he had to leave for work. He is trying to be so understanding and he is being very strong for me and for some reason I'm starting to get angry at him for any little thing I just blow up. I feel so bad because he does not deserve this. Why am I pushing him away? At times I'v even told him that if he wants out of our marrige I understand. I really don't want this and neither does he. He tells me he loves me and that this is were he wants to be, but I guess I just feel defective or something or that somehow he's gonna stop loving me. My mind is just playing trics on me. ugh...

    your hubby sounds like one of the good ones. don't let him go and try not to take out your feelings on him. he may not know what to say or do to fix this, but he's giving it his all. don't push him away. hang in there and work together to get through this. i'm sure you will. :flowerforyou:
  • Metamorphasis555
    Metamorphasis555 Posts: 224
    Options
    I'm so very sorry for your loss. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to post on here anytime. We're all here for you.

Categories