Is that THE ONLY thing he wants from me?

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  • shagybear33
    shagybear33 Posts: 272
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    i was thinking the same thing. what if HE is TESTING her? just a random thought. :D
  • sbarrett7171
    sbarrett7171 Posts: 65 Member
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    I ddn't bother reading all of the replies, but from this guys viewpoint......If his momma didn't teach him better manners than to bring up having sex with you before you hardly know each other, I'd say kick him to the curb.
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    Ok, I'm going to sound like a total b!+ch for saying this, but given this guy's implied socioeconomic status which generally takes some intellectual investment and the multiple spelling/grammatical errors in the OP, my brutally honest opinion as to why the subject always turns to sex is because he doesn't value you as his intellectual peer. He sees a good time, that's it. I'm sure you're a very sweet and moral girl, but if you're already "smitten", you're only going to get hurt.

    As for meeting his friends and family already, everyone here is reading WAY too much into it. If he's as smooth as you say he is and his friends and family were really nonchalant about meeting you, they know what's up and they won't be doing any c@ckblocking or tw@tswatting to impede his way. They're the ultimate wingmen. My Kinsey-6 sis-in-law is 28, and she pulls way more naive 18 to 22-something *kitten* than most men I know and I did 6 years in the Marine Corps learning to think like one. While she lived with us, we were introduced to numerous nice girls like yourself who all hoped to be exclusive and at one time they thought they were. We were very cordial and welcoming to each and every one even though many were not very worldly or educated. Our basement was a revolving door of women and L-Word drama. We'd go to bed while she entertained Carissa on the couch and by the morning she was escorting Tonya out. Men are no different, trust me.

    This FINE *kitten* man you say sounds like he'd give you a really good time. Like previous poster pointed out, it's only him using you if you're the one more emotionally invested. In this case it appears that you are, so yes... I echo the "run" sentiment. If you don't mind swinging your way of thinking, I bet he could teach you a few things and you'll enjoy the experience. I tamed my former player turned husband of 8+ years by a.) showing I could definitely hold my own in conversation and healthy debate on topics independent of sex, b.) giving him some very insightful tastes of what I had to offer while holding out on the true goodies for upwards of 5 weeks, c.) maintaining my sense of self, personal interests and former social life, d.) saying that I was not interested in a relationship of any sort, just a FWB situation and some NSA fun. He was hooked.
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    Thats why you should have dated me and ran to my strong but unintimidating arms to enjoy heights of pleasure that few women will ever experience, you chose to start running around with another man.

    But its ok I can make things right :bigsmile:
  • NobodyKnows
    NobodyKnows Posts: 764 Member
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    First thing that came to mind when I read the OP is that this guy just got done playing a different woman a week ago. And a different woman the week before that. You are just a game to him.
  • NobodyKnows
    NobodyKnows Posts: 764 Member
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    And as difficult as it may be, I am not going to send or accept any friend invites from the hot women posting in this thread.
  • keb80
    keb80 Posts: 394
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    I may be in the minority here but I don't think he necessarily just wants to have sex and then split. I mean, he could geniunely like you but still be a little bit of a hornball? Why would he be being so nice (having you over/introducing you to friends) if all he wanted was to get laid. I'm sure there are plenty of girls around who would be happy to oblige if he's as hot as you say. I say proceed with caution but don't label him a player already. Good luck!
  • Sistasarita
    Sistasarita Posts: 39 Member
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    Ok, I'm going to sound like a total b!+ch for saying this, but given this guy's implied socioeconomic status which generally takes some intellectual investment and the multiple spelling/grammatical errors in the OP, my brutally honest opinion as to why the subject always turns to sex is because he doesn't value you as his intellectual peer. He sees a good time, that's it. I'm sure you're a very sweet and moral girl, but if you're already "smitten", you're only going to get hurt.

    As for meeting his friends and family already, everyone here is reading WAY too much into it. If he's as smooth as you say he is and his friends and family were really nonchalant about meeting you, they know what's up and they won't be doing any c@ckblocking or tw@tswatting to impede his way. They're the ultimate wingmen. My Kinsey-6 sis-in-law is 28, and she pulls way more naive 18 to 22-something *kitten* than most men I know and I did 6 years in the Marine Corps learning to think like one. While she lived with us, we were introduced to numerous nice girls like yourself who all hoped to be exclusive and at one time they thought they were. We were very cordial and welcoming to each and every one even though many were not very worldly or educated. Our basement was a revolving door of women and L-Word drama. We'd go to bed while she entertained Carissa on the couch and by the morning she was escorting Tonya out. Men are no different, trust me.

    This FINE *kitten* man you say sounds like he'd give you a really good time. Like previous poster pointed out, it's only him using you if you're the one more emotionally invested. In this case it appears that you are, so yes... I echo the "run" sentiment. If you don't mind swinging your way of thinking, I bet he could teach you a few things and you'll enjoy the experience. I tamed my former player turned husband of 8+ years by a.) showing I could definitely hold my own in conversation and healthy debate on topics independent of sex, b.) giving him some very insightful tastes of what I had to offer while holding out on the true goodies for upwards of 5 weeks, c.) maintaining my sense of self, personal interests and former social life, d.) saying that I was not interested in a relationship of any sort, just a FWB situation and some NSA fun. He was hooked.

    you just dropped a bomb swimgoddess! *KA BOOM!* well said
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    Hi Pals,

    I need the opinions/advice from men and this is the only place I can think of I can get the ear of a few men in a short period of time. :flowerforyou: Ladies your opinions are also welcomed. :flowerforyou:

    First alittle background. I'll try to make it as short as possible.

    I'm not much of a party girl. I average a "club night" about once every 3 months or so. Usually when a friend comes into town or celebrating a Birthday. Anyhoo, this past weekend was one of those rare occasions. I'm in the club, having a good time. This FINE *kitten* man approaches me very politely and tells me his name and asks if he can buy me a drink. I accept and we end up chatting for awhile and then he invites me up to the VIP section where the rest of his friends are. I met some of them and they were really nice.

    I have to leave the party early. He had already given me his number because I refused mine ;). The next day I call him and he asks if he can take my friend and I to dinner (he knows I'm entertaining my out of town friend). We accept and he came all by himself and we all had a great time. The next day he invites us to his home to watch the Playoffs... said he's grilling burgers and some friends are coming over. We accept and true to his word, some of his friends and family are over and he is a perfect host. Well now I'm so smitten with this guy I can't wait to see him again.

    I have a crazy work schedule lately and don't have much time for socializing on weekdays, however, we are chatting alittle here and there. But everytime we talk somehow he turns everything to sex... how he can imagine how good it will be with me, what he will do to me, how much i will enjoy him, etc. Everytime. Today, he comes all the way across town to take me to lunch. He asks me if i want to come to his house tonight (I don't work on Fridays). I say, "i don't want to be alone in your house". He then reminds me that he has family staying with him because of some remodeling being done at there house. That there will be a bunch of people there. I tell him that he will be dissappointed if he thinks "That" will happen. Perfect gentleman, until he walks me to my car and there go the hands all over me. Now, I'm not hollyier (sp) than thow type of woman, I can get down and dirty but i like taking my time and more often than not wait till we're exclusive. I met this guy on Friday, yes less than 1 week.

    My question to the guys. Does it seem like this guy just wants a "Hit and Run"? I'm thinking this mostly because I met him in a club. BTW, We are both the same age.

    Thanks for your attention :)

    Aside from wanting sex he seems manipulative, be careful.
  • TAWoody
    TAWoody Posts: 261 Member
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    He seems to be looking for a good time is all. Typical VIP club person doing all that sounds about right. I doubt he's trying for a relationship or anything. Probably just looking for a fun girl to hang with and be sexual with. Some people are fine with that and it goes both ways just fine. But if you don't want to fool around with him then I'd stop hanging with him now rather than have him tell you that he doesn't want to hang out anymore if you're not going to put out.
  • Mixmode
    Mixmode Posts: 332
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    LOL....I only read the OP but in short:

    A Playa' is gonna play till they get their way.

    Nuff' said...
  • AtticusFinch
    AtticusFinch Posts: 1,263 Member
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    From the background as described, your acquaintance is obsessed with sex and you clearly want to take things at a gentler pace.

    A lot of men are opportunist, if it's offered on a plate we rarely say no if we're available, (and sometimes even when we're not). But the only right thing to do from a male perspective is to respect the wishes of the woman you're interested in - so if she's hell bent on hitting the bedcovers on night one, and you are too that's okay. If she's more reserved or cautious, you should match that.

    By all means make sure she knows you're interested in a physical relationship, but don't pester with it, and don't fondle if she obviously doesn't appreciate it.

    Not rocket science is it? - this guy sounds at least selfish, possibly controlling. Give him the boot, the nice side may all be a front to lure you in.
  • MDLNH
    MDLNH Posts: 587 Member
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    Guys like sex. No really, like a lot. And we have an uncanny ability o turn anything into sex, so don't condem him for that especially if you haven't said anything about not liking it.

    Talk to him and tell him that you'd appreciate a slower approach. If he backs off and keeps taking you out like the gentelman he was before, then no, he didn't just want sex. But if he doesn't back off, or call, then yes, that's all he wanted. If he's a halfway decent guy when you talk to him he should tell you all he wants right now is someone to have sex with if that's where he's at. So talk to him, and then don't wait for his call, but if it comes be open to it.


    ** Couldn't have said this any better myself **

    I am all for being persistant and working hard for what you want, but there comes a time (and place) when everybody needs to slow dow, get of the highway and take a few back-roads on your journey towards whatever the destination or goal is. You'll eventually get there, but you should enjoy the time spent traveling !!!
  • Papillon22
    Papillon22 Posts: 1,160 Member
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    To sum it up:

    You: want to take it slow, and see where it leads + He: wants sex NOW = You're both looking for different things.

    Unless you talk about this and he respects your needs, one of you is not gonna get what you want. Not fun.
  • Papillon22
    Papillon22 Posts: 1,160 Member
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    Ok, I'm going to sound like a total b!+ch for saying this, but given this guy's implied socioeconomic status which generally takes some intellectual investment and the multiple spelling/grammatical errors in the OP, my brutally honest opinion as to why the subject always turns to sex is because he doesn't value you as his intellectual peer.

    I honestly cannot see how you'd be trying to be helpful to the OP saying something like that. Remember that such an answer says more about you than her.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
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    He isn't a pig. He is being straight forward and honest. He is telling you from the jump I want to hit it and I will wine and dine you until I do. I saw someone say don't give up on him....for real??? Its been less than a week. He is nothing to save. He wants a jump off and its up to you if you are willing to accept the offer now or later. And to add if you do hold out he wait on you, he will get what he wants from somewhere else while he wines and dine you and then once you feel like you are ready to give in he will take your prize and give you the 2 fingers (peace sign).

    He isn't even running game and is getting women confused WOW
  • paula1we
    paula1we Posts: 4
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    From my experience, you don't want to date someone you meet at a club. I don't go to clubs myself, but my female friends do, and end up disappointed when they find out the reason why most "relationships" aren't long term if they meet someone in the club. Clubs are pretty much the breeding ground for one-night stands.
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    I honestly cannot see how you'd be trying to be helpful to the OP saying something like that. Remember that such an answer says more about you than her.

    You're absolutely right. I read up on evolutionary psychology studies for fun and I don't sugar-coat *kitten*. Works for some, not all. The first part of the sentence you quoted served as my disclaimer. The problem with women in general is that we errantly believe we are helping one another with self-censorship and being fake. It's anything but altruistic because we do it to make and keep friends. The great thing about online threads is that OP already has 3+ pages of such advice to choose from and she can certainly leave my blip of rather alternative perspective behind if she elects to do so.
  • paula1we
    paula1we Posts: 4
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    I wasted a lot of time I'm bars before I figured this out. I found church singles groups had a much better quality of guy. Wish I had started there first.
  • goldenfemale
    goldenfemale Posts: 20 Member
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    I think a good way to know if you got a player is if this guy is clubbing every week. If he is, he's a player. If he just goes once in a while like you then maybe not. You don't want a man who's up in the club every week while your at home...

    If you like hin, be upfront with him by telling him what kinda woman you are, also demonstrate that with your actions by not sleeping with him too quick. Men will be men, they will bang a hoe but will also know when they got a good girl. However they would need to be ready for a relationship with a good girl before they stay faithful to one.

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