PLEASE DO NOT DIVORCE ME BCOZ I'M FAT RIGHT NOW!
Replies
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Wow, um...
This might be just me... but if he doesn't love you through thick and/or thin... then he probably never truly loved you.
Ya know, I have a huge problem with this statement.
If a woman no longer cares enough about HERSELF to stay healthy and in shape, why should she expect her man to forever love her, as she continues to be lazy about exercise and eat junk?
If you want others to love you, you need to show that you deserve that love. We are human - we don't love unconditionally, no matter how much that we want to or should.
If you aren't the same woman that a man married, and refuse to compromise on it, why should he be stuck and unhappy with it?
You need to change for YOU. Because YOU care about YOURSELF enough to want to. Not for anyone else. When you show that you care enough, and have confidence in yourself, others will see and respect and love that.
I see too many women (and men) making excuses for being left, when if they would respect themselves it maybe wouldn't have happened. I don't think its a huge secret of life that men are visually centered and attracted to a womans looks. If a woman refuses to work at looking good, ANY man will stop caring eventually.
I'm not trying to be a troll. I'm not saying that if you don't lose the weight in 6 months he should leave. I'm not sayin he would have stayed even if you had done all that. I'm saying maybe all you people need to realize men leave women for a REASON, not just because.
And no, I never left a woman because she was fat.
I totally agree with you on this. I'm sort of going through this as of late actually. The boyfriend has lost interest physically (and I seriously don't blame them because I don't like what I see either) but he still loves me emotionally and is giving me time to get my *kitten* together. I let myself go because I got too comfortable in the relationship and got extermely lazy and uninterested in taking care of myself like I should. I would eat everything bad in the book, laze about and not care about my general apperance. I think both men and women need a wake up call sometimes to break them out of said lazy state and get their a$$es in gear. I'm just glad that my bf is flexible enough to let me get back to the reins of good health and taking care of myself that I have neglected for so long; a neglect that has landed me around 45-50 lbs overweight.
TL;DR You're totally right and I agree with everything you said.0 -
Now that is what Iam talking about !!! LOVE ME !!! LOVE ME !!!! LOVE ME!!!! The was your promise when I became your wife!!! and Yes I LOVE ME ALL THE WAY AND MAKING THE CHANGES FOR ME RIGHT NOW!!! But know when I said i dont was because I wanted you in my life not I NEEDED you my life !! there is a difference!! You are there to build each other up when one has falling hold my hand and say BABY I GOT YOU!!! DONT CALL ME FAT AND PUT ME DOWN!!! HOW CAN A PERSON REMAIN IN LOVE WITH ABUSIVE SPEECH !!! :huh:Let's just hope he remains perfect! He isn't off the face of this planet yet! After having my two children I gained a lot of weight and my husband never criticised me once. All he ever said was that he still thought that I was still beautiful and that it was entirely up to me whether I decided to lose the weight or not. For better or worse !!0 -
I say let that be the very last post about him. THIS is about YOU now. Get out there and do your thing! Being positive will do you alot better than thinking about the negative. Good luck!
Well said :drinker:0 -
i LOVE YOU! BUT DO YOU "LOVE" ME? Good question. Well all I can say is the same old thing that you have viewed as an "EXCUSE" for remaining a porker for the last 5 years..."CHILDBIRTH and STRESS". Why is it that we woman gain the weight to bear the children, but after pregnancy if we don't get that weight back off we loose your interest because of the bulge. Why is it that your negative comments about being "FAT NOW" cause us so much stress that we tend to adapt a lifestyle of emotional eating but you get to remain thin and sexy for the next 23 year old replacement wife. Its not fair!!! Be Supportive Please if you want me "THIN" again>
Because some guys (and girls) are insensitive *kitten*. Not all men are like that, and it is wrong for them to treat you like that. Keep your chin up!!!
I 2nd this. If your relationship is this superficial I am so sorry that you have to go through this. But hey forget about his selfishness. Its time for you to take charge of you. Get selfish in your own right. Forget his words and start to reflect on your own. If you want to lose weight do it for you and for your child. Work on your emotional well being while working on your health and physical appearance. You have positive support here.0 -
I had the same experience in 1996 when my husband of 15 years left me for a younger, thinner woman. They are married now and guess what? She's fat and ugly! Ha-ha!
I could have said your opening statement myself. But there is a lot more there than the fat. You have some YOU to work on. I highly recommend "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. Oprah says it changed her life. I think it could change yours too.
Focus on yourself. Live in the present. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. And then do what's best for you and your children. Good luck.0 -
OMG - I love this post. I seriously need to send it to my... well, the man I married (
). If you think the grass is greener on the other side, try taking care of your own and see how pretty it can be...
Your post made me smile - Thank you!!
Love it...you are so right. I know exactly what she's talking about. It was never verbalized but I sure did feel it!0 -
There is a lot of good advice here.
If your partner doesn't support you or want you to be 'the best you can be' then they are not a good partner.
By the same token, a person should aim to be the best they can be - and not hold anyone to account but themselves for their success or failure. This is how we earn respect - for ourselves and from others.
...edit... - to be clear - I do not consider the way you have been treated to be supportive any any way shape or form - your partner was being a ****!
There is also some some really funny comments here. This:Not a lesbian, i enjoy my well trained pig ;o) baha)
made me loose my coffee and almost destroy my new laptop... THANKS
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I take it you are a lesbian then? Or do you partake of the swine?men are pigs ::hug::
not a lesbian, i enjoy my well trained pig ;o) baha
:laugh:0 -
Wow, um...
This might be just me... but if he doesn't love you through thick and/or thin... then he probably never truly loved you.
Ya know, I have a huge problem with this statement.
If a woman no longer cares enough about HERSELF to stay healthy and in shape, why should she expect her man to forever love her, as she continues to be lazy about exercise and eat junk?
If you want others to love you, you need to show that you deserve that love. We are human - we don't love unconditionally, no matter how much that we want to or should.
If you aren't the same woman that a man married, and refuse to compromise on it, why should he be stuck and unhappy with it?
You need to change for YOU. Because YOU care about YOURSELF enough to want to. Not for anyone else. When you show that you care enough, and have confidence in yourself, others will see and respect and love that.
I see too many women (and men) making excuses for being left, when if they would respect themselves it maybe wouldn't have happened. I don't think its a huge secret of life that men are visually centered and attracted to a womans looks. If a woman refuses to work at looking good, ANY man will stop caring eventually.
I'm not trying to be a troll. I'm not saying that if you don't lose the weight in 6 months he should leave. I'm not sayin he would have stayed even if you had done all that. I'm saying maybe all you people need to realize men leave women for a REASON, not just because.
And no, I never left a woman because she was fat.
I totally agree with you on this. I'm sort of going through this as of late actually. The boyfriend has lost interest physically (and I seriously don't blame them because I don't like what I see either) but he still loves me emotionally and is giving me time to get my *kitten* together. I let myself go because I got too comfortable in the relationship and got extermely lazy and uninterested in taking care of myself like I should. I would eat everything bad in the book, laze about and not care about my general apperance. I think both men and women need a wake up call sometimes to break them out of said lazy state and get their a$$es in gear. I'm just glad that my bf is flexible enough to let me get back to the reins of good health and taking care of myself that I have neglected for so long; a neglect that has landed me around 45-50 lbs overweight.
TL;DR You're totally right and I agree with everything you said.
Thank goodness my husband isn't this type of man you all are referring to. See at 324 lbs my husband still loved me like I was the 6' 190 lbs athletic woman he fell in love with. I still got the respect I deserved as his wife because he didn't base our marriage on looks alone. I was told every single day that I was beautiful because he was in love with me. So when I hear people say there is no such thing as unconditional love I have to chuckle because I know what I got. And he is a physically fit military man with 11% body fat. I use to laugh at the looks we would get because I was so over weight and he is walking around looking like a running back. We've been together since 1996 and for 10 of those years I was obese.
Ladies don't allow a man to determine whether you lose weight or not based on him leaving or staying. If looks is the real foundation of your relationship it will not be a lasting one. He would have to kick rocks. Seriously. I decided to lose weight for me and my children. There was no pressure from hubby ever. I wish my husband would have "given me time to get myself together"....pfffts! naw bro you can go now. I don't do time limits.0 -
Now that's some truth right there!Love is not a feeling..it is a decision.
love is simply a principal. I love you because I choose to love you....the feelings/emotions come from standing by that principal. If you have no principals then your feelings waiver. A persons body does not define the principal of love.
Only mature grown ups can love as a principal/choice, maybe he need to mature in that way before he can learn to stop loving with his eyes.0 -
Now that's some truth right there!Love is not a feeling..it is a decision.
love is simply a principal. I love you because I choose to love you....the feelings/emotions come from standing by that principal. If you have no principals then your feelings waiver. A persons body does not define the principal of love.
Only mature grown ups can love as a principal/choice, maybe he need to mature in that way before he can learn to stop loving with his eyes.
Its not quite that simple - but love and relationships are a science... To love forever you must study and train and practice! People confuse love and limerence (The later being the state of infatuation/involuntary passion and attraction... It most commonly occurs when people are first attracted to each other).
Love is much deeper in my opinion - it comes from a deep understanding and acceptance of a person which can only be achieved through constant effort, great communication and the will to accept life's challenges. Choosing to love someone isn't enough - you need to follow it up with hard work!0 -
Hello! This journey has to be for you! I say this with all of the kindness in my heart. This is your life...your body....your decision and you will have to so this for you! Best wishes on this journey. As an emotional eater (knowing exactly what you are thinking and what you are feeling) I want you to know that you can do this. One day at a time. Please feel free to friend me if you would like to talk!! Shelia0
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Love is much deeper in my opinion - it comes from a deep understanding and acceptance of a person which can only be achieved through constant effort, great communication and the will to accept life's challenges. Choosing to love someone isn't enough - you need to follow it up with hard work!
YES!!! And from a man's pov. LOVE IT!!0 -
When you judge all by the actions of one, you severely limit yourself.
My wife had 3 daughters. Yep. Gained weight with every one. Stretch marks? Yep. Gravity challenging her? Yep. Do I love her any less? Nope. Love her more. Would I cheat on her with a hard body half her age? Not even.
I was looking for the love of my life when I found my wife. She depends on me where I excel. She supports me where I am lacking. In addition to complementing me in every way, she sacrificed her body in the process of giving me the other 3 Loves of my life. My daughters. If I can't be loyal to her, I'm not much of a man.
If you're man wants a divorce cuz you gained weight bearing his children. Cut him loose. He's a POS.0 -
VERY well said mikerp!!! Good job!0
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Go and find yourself a guy who doesn't matter what size you are and love you for who you are. Your husband is a jerk.
I did just that - I started dating - was honest on my profile about my size (Uk size 24 at the time) and I had so much interested I was so suprised. I lacked confidence and self esteem but thankfully used to meeting and talking to people so it didn't show. Went on a few dates got fantastic and postive feedback and never looked back.
It gave me the guts to tell hubby that the marriage was over. We'd been sleeping separate rooms, no bedroom activities for over 4 months and he was the one that made me feel low and not good about myself. When people found out we were separating I got told about the some of the things that he used to say about me, unpleasant things.
I had the last laugh when I told him I wanted a divorce. 4 years on I'm with someone who's 29 (I'm 41) and he's very encouraging with the weight loss and exercise and loves me more because I ooze confidence and dress to show of my curves etc which he just loves.
So rant as much as you want as you need to get it out and well done on not eating them emotions instead.
xVC (Una)0 -
When you judge all by the actions of one, you severely limit yourself.
My wife had 3 daughters. Yep. Gained weight with every one. Stretch marks? Yep. Gravity challenging her? Yep. Do I love her any less? Nope. Love her more. Would I cheat on her with a hard body half her age? Not even.
I was looking for the love of my life when I found my wife. She depends on me where I excel. She supports me where I am lacking. In addition to complementing me in every way, she sacrificed her body in the process of giving me the other 3 Loves of my life. My daughters. If I can't be loyal to her, I'm not much of a man.
If you're man wants a divorce cuz you gained weight bearing his children. Cut him loose. He's a POS.
By the way, I didn't mention that my wife is not only supporting me in my weight loss right now, but she has lost more weight than I have. I also didn't mention how gorgeous she is.0 -
Wow, um...
This might be just me... but if he doesn't love you through thick and/or thin... then he probably never truly loved you.
Ya know, I have a huge problem with this statement.
If a woman no longer cares enough about HERSELF to stay healthy and in shape, why should she expect her man to forever love her, as she continues to be lazy about exercise and eat junk?
If you want others to love you, you need to show that you deserve that love. We are human - we don't love unconditionally, no matter how much that we want to or should.
If you aren't the same woman that a man married, and refuse to compromise on it, why should he be stuck and unhappy with it?
You need to change for YOU. Because YOU care about YOURSELF enough to want to. Not for anyone else. When you show that you care enough, and have confidence in yourself, others will see and respect and love that.
I see too many women (and men) making excuses for being left, when if they would respect themselves it maybe wouldn't have happened. I don't think its a huge secret of life that men are visually centered and attracted to a womans looks. If a woman refuses to work at looking good, ANY man will stop caring eventually.
I'm not trying to be a troll. I'm not saying that if you don't lose the weight in 6 months he should leave. I'm not sayin he would have stayed even if you had done all that. I'm saying maybe all you people need to realize men leave women for a REASON, not just because.
And no, I never left a woman because she was fat.
I almost ranted when I read this first sentence... but then I read the rest. It's true.. I'm fat because I didn't respect myself enough to take care of myself. At the same time though, if I'm TRYING to improve myself I would expect my significant other to support me in that endeavour. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who met me at my biggest, loves me at my biggest, and is supporting me in my effort to improve myself. I AM ONLY DOING IT FOR ME, NOT FOR HIM. He just gets to enjoy it!
I second this.. on all accounts 0 -
men are pigs ::hug::
Pigs are surprisingly clean animals AND unsurprisngly delicious. One word. Bacon. I don't know why they get such a bad rap.0 -
Agreed. In saying that love is not sustained by the visiual apperance of another.
Now that's some truth right there!Love is not a feeling..it is a decision.
love is simply a principal. I love you because I choose to love you....the feelings/emotions come from standing by that principal. If you have no principals then your feelings waiver. A persons body does not define the principal of love.
Only mature grown ups can love as a principal/choice, maybe he need to mature in that way before he can learn to stop loving with his eyes.
Its not quite that simple - but love and relationships are a science... To love forever you must study and train and practice! People confuse love and limerence (The later being the state of infatuation/involuntary passion and attraction... It most commonly occurs when people are first attracted to each other).
Love is much deeper in my opinion - it comes from a deep understanding and acceptance of a person which can only be achieved through constant effort, great communication and the will to accept life's challenges. Choosing to love someone isn't enough - you need to follow it up with hard work!0 -
Marriage Counseling.
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You have to love yourself, and if your man doesn't love you enough to HELP you lose the weight or to be supportive, then you need to move on. If he's going to love you because you are thin, then its just a physical thing, and it should be more than that! On the same note we most not let our-self get to the point that we are not attractive to our spouses/ BF/GF. My wife is pregnant, and when she has the baby, I will help her lose the weight, that's what your man suppose to do. Don't get down on yourself because of this, but let it piss you off and fuel your workouts, and when you bring the " SEXY " back, show him what he's missing and DROP his *kitten*. **NOTE** All men are not the same, so for some of the ppl that responded to your topic, are ppl that has been with the wrong man, and now thinks that all men are pigs or whatever...Speak on your own relationship and not blast all men because of what one man did to you!0
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I completely agree. Its why I dont date them.
lol0 -
Love is much deeper in my opinion - it comes from a deep understanding and acceptance of a person which can only be achieved through constant effort, great communication and the will to accept life's challenges. Choosing to love someone isn't enough - you need to follow it up with hard work!
This!
I met my husband when I was ~185lbs. I never had children but gained and hit 210 in December, 3 years later. He never made me feel as though I was a lesser person for it, but encouraged me to get healthy. Ultimately, it was my decision though, and he's been by my side every step of the way.
Love is hard work, but so worth it.0 -
**NOTE** All men are not the same, so for some of the ppl that responded to your topic, are ppl that has been with the wrong man, and now thinks that all men are pigs or whatever...Speak on your own relationship and not blast all men because of what one man did to you!
YES. There are some great guys out there ladies!0 -
men are pigs ::hug::
And some women are even worse. I had a neighbor who lost weight and as soon as she started getting attention from other guys, she started sleeping around on her loving supportive husband who stuck with her when she was overweight. She got a transfer to another facility, bought a house and the day she was moving, she told her husband that he would not be coming with her and divorce papers were being sent. Yes, men can be pigs, but when a woman's fed up(in my R. Kelly voice), the Devil himself begins taking notes.0 -
Wow, um...
This might be just me... but if he doesn't love you through thick and/or thin... then he probably never truly loved you.
Ya know, I have a huge problem with this statement.
If a woman no longer cares enough about HERSELF to stay healthy and in shape, why should she expect her man to forever love her, as she continues to be lazy about exercise and eat junk?
If you want others to love you, you need to show that you deserve that love. We are human - we don't love unconditionally, no matter how much that we want to or should.
If you aren't the same woman that a man married, and refuse to compromise on it, why should he be stuck and unhappy with it?
You need to change for YOU. Because YOU care about YOURSELF enough to want to. Not for anyone else. When you show that you care enough, and have confidence in yourself, others will see and respect and love that.
I see too many women (and men) making excuses for being left, when if they would respect themselves it maybe wouldn't have happened. I don't think its a huge secret of life that men are visually centered and attracted to a womans looks. If a woman refuses to work at looking good, ANY man will stop caring eventually.
I'm not trying to be a troll. I'm not saying that if you don't lose the weight in 6 months he should leave. I'm not sayin he would have stayed even if you had done all that. I'm saying maybe all you people need to realize men leave women for a REASON, not just because.
And no, I never left a woman because she was fat.
I totally agree with you on this. I'm sort of going through this as of late actually. The boyfriend has lost interest physically (and I seriously don't blame them because I don't like what I see either) but he still loves me emotionally and is giving me time to get my *kitten* together. I let myself go because I got too comfortable in the relationship and got extermely lazy and uninterested in taking care of myself like I should. I would eat everything bad in the book, laze about and not care about my general apperance. I think both men and women need a wake up call sometimes to break them out of said lazy state and get their a$$es in gear. I'm just glad that my bf is flexible enough to let me get back to the reins of good health and taking care of myself that I have neglected for so long; a neglect that has landed me around 45-50 lbs overweight.
TL;DR You're totally right and I agree with everything you said.
Thank goodness my husband isn't this type of man you all are referring to. See at 324 lbs my husband still loved me like I was the 6' 190 lbs athletic woman he fell in love with. I still got the respect I deserved as his wife because he didn't base our marriage on looks alone. I was told every single day that I was beautiful because he was in love with me. So when I hear people say there is no such thing as unconditional love I have to chuckle because I know what I got. And he is a physically fit military man with 11% body fat. I use to laugh at the looks we would get because I was so over weight and he is walking around looking like a running back. We've been together since 1996 and for 10 of those years I was obese.
Ladies don't allow a man to determine whether you lose weight or not based on him leaving or staying. If looks is the real foundation of your relationship it will not be a lasting one. He would have to kick rocks. Seriously. I decided to lose weight for me and my children. There was no pressure from hubby ever. I wish my husband would have "given me time to get myself together"....pfffts! naw bro you can go now. I don't do time limits.
THIS ^^0 -
When you judge all by the actions of one, you severely limit yourself.
My wife had 3 daughters. Yep. Gained weight with every one. Stretch marks? Yep. Gravity challenging her? Yep. Do I love her any less? Nope. Love her more. Would I cheat on her with a hard body half her age? Not even.
I was looking for the love of my life when I found my wife. She depends on me where I excel. She supports me where I am lacking. In addition to complementing me in every way, she sacrificed her body in the process of giving me the other 3 Loves of my life. My daughters. If I can't be loyal to her, I'm not much of a man.
If you're man wants a divorce cuz you gained weight bearing his children. Cut him loose. He's a POS.
This made me well up actually. Bravo! You are a great, wise man. Your wife is lucky as are you I'm sure. You have such a wonderful attitude. Great post!!0 -
Sounds to me like he is getting scared. If he made that comment to you. It is insecurity on his part. Not really anything to do with you. Some men are like that. I have one like that myself and he is getting better with it. He feels that if he can keep me fat then no one else will want me. But if I start fixing myself up and losing weight, he thought I was trying to find someone else. (Which is most definately not the case). He may possibly feel like he is going to lose you. When in fact it is him that is pushing you away, not the other way around. Make sense?
But way to go. Keep it up and don't let ANYONE hinder you.0 -
I agree! I'm the insecure one in my relationship and always complain about the little weight left after my childbirth that I'm working on losing. My husband always says, "But I love the way you look now". It makes me feel better and not beat up on myself so much. EVERYONE changes as they get older. No one will ever look the same for their whole life.0
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