Here it goes... I never get approach by men is it because of
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I have to agree with this . . . I never resort to the standards of what a man and woman are expected to do traditionally in a relationship. Try smiling or waving at the least to show that you are interested if they're staring you down. What's the worse they'll do? Turn and walk away from a distance. Go for it!Just a thought...approach them.
Imagine being a guy that is expected to be the one to "make a move" all the while knowing the chances of being shot down and feeling like crap over it far exceed the chances of success.
I think a lot of guys just think a nice looking lady (which you are btw) won`t be interested so they don`t try.
I met my current boyfriend of 7 years online as well. I don't see anything wrong with it so long as you meet them in a very public place the first few times. This way, you can find people that have the same interests as you because I personally could never go to a club or bar to meet guys . . . I can't stand cigarette smoke, and drinks equal tons of calories. Not to mention, the chances of hooking up with someone who drinks too much is a lot higher in that environment. With online dating places, you can hopefully avoid that and meet someone you really hit it off with.I met my current boyfriend through online dating and had a lot of success getting dates (although there were a lot of misses along the way) that way. I would highly recommend it
TOTALLY agree!If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.0 -
They could feel threatened by you. I don't know how confident you come across to them, but you sound confident in how you carry yourself, etc. Alot of guys will not approach something they feel threatened by. They want to be dominant.0
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There are plenty of guys out there that like bigger girls. I think what guys are drawn to is confidence and how you carry yourself.
This!!!
I know without a doubt guys are attracted to my walk and confidence.0 -
my weight...
...serious question. I'm also a member of bodybuilding.com... and I learnt my lesson when I asked this on their forum. LOL wow did they try to tear me apart. C'est la vie
So, I hardly ever get approached by guys... I carry myself well, hair done... nails, etc and believe I'm approachable... I'm super friendly and I smile. (I'm not trying to come off cocky.. I don't think I'm any Victoria Secret's Model... I'm just working towards being the best I can be)
I'm also 5'10 and heavier but I think I carry my weight somewhat well... who knows
I feel like guys will stare but never do they approach me...
I don't live in the greatest city... but even if I go to a bigger city or the States (I'm Canadian) ... it's the same deal...
they'll just stare me down but won't come up to me.
When I asked this on the bodybuilding.com forum one loser said "they're staring to try to figure if you outweigh them" low blow....
and I guess maybe I have to put myself out there more... but a lot of my friends are in serious relationships/engaged/married and aren't really into doing things that "put themseleves out there"
...I don't want to do online dating
but I'm sort of at the point where I'm trying not to let my relationship status bother me... but I'm honestly sick of being single (lol)
I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........
Anyways, I'm just curious about this and if anyone else is going through or has gone through this?
I'll likely be stripped of my man club card for this but let me let you in on a little secret. Men are all a bunch of Pu**ys
The more attracted to you we are the less likely we are to approach you because your positive reaction has become too valuable to risk. We also can't imagine that a women we find to be painfully attractive has not already been snapped up by some luckier guy.
All those little things like rejection and judgement are devastating to us just like they may be to you. Don't be sad that we don't approach you, be proud that you are now too hot to approach, and go introduce yourself.0 -
I've been told I don't give off the "single" or "available" vibe... maybe give flirty eyes as you pass guys to give them the impression you'd like for them to approach you.0
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dont feel 2 badly bout it....ive been single for 3 yrs. i dont go out much at all, but whn i do.....not even one guy talks 2 me. even if i make an inviting smile or whatever....nothing. idk, my time will come. i cant approach them bcz of self esteem, i feel like...what guy would even b interested ya knw? but if i were u and had the confidence u have, id def go 4 it.0
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I am a big girl too and gave delt with those same issues. I have a large personality, and I know that is sometimes hard foe people to approach me. I do tend to be the intiator of most conversations with guys but that's just for flirting and free drinks at the bar. I don't believe that I would ever start a relationship with anyone I had to ask out. But I do believe that women should sometimes help a guy out. Let them know that your interested; a look, a wink, anything. Just don't be the first to approach. This is all my opinion so it's not in stone.0
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Perhaps the over-use of (...)?
Just joking.
On the serious side; being open, not overly eager, relaxed, etc is super attractive.
Please let the record show that making random small talk is not deemed as "chasing". Though the game of cat-and-mouse ("I see you, you see me, let's wait to see who makes the first move") can be viewed as manipulative.0 -
So starting you down is a way to get attention. Do you ever call over any of them that stare you down? I bet if you did they would approach.
This is the best advice.
For some reason, cat calling, was the mental image I got when I read this.
Anyways, excusing myself from the thread. /bows out
OP: You are pretty, don't know what the problem is!0 -
Hey, thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement.
I meant to gear my question more towards weight and getting approached by the opposite sex... but I guess somehow it turned more about me and my shirt (lol) ;P
Thanks again.0 -
The shirt situation reminded me about one of Katt William's jokes:
You have to watch it on youtube for the full effect -> skip to middle (06:55min) & the joke below @ (07:50min)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQj80kd0x3w
"Never has a ___ been getting ready to have sex with a woman and changed his mind because her fingernails and toenails didn’t match. Not never. Not never! Never has a ____ been putting on a condom and said: “B***h, is that plum and red? I can’t even do it, b***h. I’m outta here. I can’t even do it.”- Katt Williams
Lmao, exactly :laugh:
LOL - I went out with a guy once and over lunch, he asked me whether my toenails matched my fingernails, because he had a fetish and only went out with women who were color coordinated... Needless to say, that was our last date...0 -
I use the ... a lot, mainly to imply a pause. Please...do...not...read...my...posts...your...head...will...explode.Perhaps the over-use of (...)?
Just joking.
On the serious side; being open, not overly eager, relaxed, etc is super attractive.
Please let the record show that making random small talk is not deemed as "chasing". Though the game of cat-and-mouse ("I see you, you see me, let's wait to see who makes the first move") can be viewed as manipulative.0 -
Twice in the last year guys have said that I intimidate them. I think it is because I have a pretty caustic tongue and at least one of those guys lacks a bit of confidence.
Because of this, I did a little experiment at a singles night. I decided to concentrate on smiling and being inviting and you know someone just came up out of the blue and asked me what I was smiling about, it works. Work on being approachable, and be open to being the initiator. I know you said you don't want to, but if things remain the same, things don't change.
GG0 -
Yeahh! I asked my guy friends and I've even asked an Ex (lmao) they said the same intimidating thing...
but I think that whole intimidating line is just an excuse
OK I havn't read thru the whole post but yes intimidation is key or rather Fear.... Most guys get scared when they see a beautiful woman. It's the whole if I don't ask then I wont get rejected thing, on the flip side the thought pattern becomes well if she's that beautiful she's gotta be attached!
I can see how that works in your case. :blushing:0 -
Hey, thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement.
I meant to gear my question more towards weight and getting approached by the opposite sex... but I guess somehow it turned more about me and my shirt (lol) ;P
Thanks again.
I really don't think it has anything to do with your weight.... There is nothing wrong with the way you look at all...0 -
Check out Mathew Hussey's youtube channel. He gives a lot of great advice for women.
His channel is called MHLifestyle.0 -
this is just my experience, take it or leave it.
There are different guys that are attracted to a different type.
I can honestly say when I was frumpy, overweight and miserable that no one hit on me. Each time I have been fit, thin, and self-confident, I have been able to get any guy that I wanted. I am not insinuating that you change in any way, the guy of your dreams IS out there, it just might take a while to find him...try to relax, not worry about what ANYONE thinks...be who you are and your confidence will attract the man you are supposed to be with.
Also, I'm not sure I agree with the whole high-maintenance thing...my husband said that me being high maintenance is one of the things he was most attracted to...so be YOU...whatever that may be
And while I'm throwing my opinion out there, be SO CAREFUL with the online dating thing....Swear to God I was dating this guy I met online for about three months before I found out that HE HAD AN IMAGINARY CLOWN THAT HE TALKED TO...then I met and was with a guy for a year and a half (we were engaged) and I found out that he was trying to find other 'women in his area' online....so be careful, there are some crazy ones out there!!0 -
I have the same problem, I have NEVER been approached, I even has to initiate asking my ex husband out for the first time, and even asked him to marry me (after 2 years dating)....after 15 years together now I have been divorced for 3 years and again have NEVER been approached, I do ask guys out but am usually turned down as well. Yes I take care of hygiene, dress nice, fun, etc, etc....so who knows.....but if it is meant to be I will find (or be found) by someone :happy:0
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In my limited experience, men aren't attracted to over groomed women. I have yet to meet a man who cares about a woman's fingernails, or whether their hair is straight, or if they have perfectly neat eyebrows. Most men want a woman they can laugh with, drink with, and get dirty with. I think the obsession women have for grooming is for other women. It's not what any man I have ever met is looking for. Also, men don't care if your shoes and handbag match. In fact they probably don't care if you have shoes or a handbag or not.
I do have LIMITED experience, though.0 -
Maybe this has already been said--I haven't read through every response, but I would say to join some type of group for a hobby type thing that you are interested in. I had the same problem before I met my guy, that I didn't have a lot of girlfriends to get out there with because they were married or whatever, and when I did, I realized it was not the type of environment in which I'd want to meet someone (bar, club, etc.). It may sound cliche, but if you get involved in something you're genuinely interested in or volunteer, you will maybe meet someone else with similar interests, and you will be so involved in the activity at hand that there would less of a chance of giving off that "vibe" that you are out there looking. Besides, even if you meet someone who is not a match, not many bad guys would be volunteering, so that may be a good start! Good luck. You'll find him.0
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I never approach men because I want to know how much of a man he really is and how much he really wants me.
I'm not into guys who are more motivated by their fear of rejection than they are by their desire to get to know me. I'm into men who think "I want her, and whatever I have to do to get her, I'll do it."
The last man who approached me (an incredibly tall, incredibly ripped, incredibly fine specimen of a man who happens to be my neighbor) ... I think about him all the time. Sure, some of it is because he's really hot and it feels good to have someone like that expressing interest in me, but it's mostly because he had the balls to come over when he saw me outside one day (about a month ago), introduce himself, and ask questions about me. Now, every time he sees me, he makes a concerted effort to strike up a conversation and learn more about me. We're slowly getting to know each other better and may take it to the next level, but the dynamic is a bit different when it's your neighbor and not a guy you met at some random place. You don't want to make things awkward with someone you literally can't escape from (at least not without a major life change such as finding another place to live).
But I guess my point is that if he's not interested enough to come to you, then he's not interested. He may think you're hot. And if he bothered to get to know you, he'd probably think you're a great person. But if he's not willing to be the hunter, then he's not worth it. Approaching him would set the tone for any relationship you might have with him; he'd always expect you to be the one to do all the hard work.
If you see a guy you just have to have but it's clear that he's not going to come to you and you think you want to make the first move, then do something like walk past his table and tell him you like his shirt or whatever. That makes you approachable. If he doesn't pick up your scent at that point, move on because he's obviously not going to chase you.0 -
I don't know about the not chasing thing. I had to not exactly chase my husband, but we were friends, and I was the one who had to make it obvious I wanted more. Actually, I just told him I wasn't prepared to just be friends, and he ummed and ahhed for a couple of days then said "ok, I won't see anyone else until you say I can", and funnily enough, in the 15 years since, I haven't said he can! He probably wouldn't have ever asked me out because we were friends, and even if he found me attractive, he wouldn't have jeopardised that. That was always the most important thing.
I don't think you can underestimate the importance of friendship in a relationship. Be approachable as a friend first, would be my advice.
You are beautiful, and you don't look fat in your picture. I doubt your size puts people off, you look curvy and attractive.
I remember reading somewhere that you may have men coming out of the woodwork, but the ones who come out of the woodwork are probably worms. The keepers are the ones you can be friends with first, and they aren't necessarily going to be the ones to approach you (not you personally, I mean anyone).
I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.0 -
Most of what you are feeling about yourself is picked up on by men - they sense your vibe. So, if you are there stressed, insecure, or are listening to your mind chatter on with negative messages or worse having a mental one-on-one with your critical/complaining evil twin, (a problem for many of us with weight issues) you are 100% unapproachable.
My suggestion is to be the best you that you can be at this point looks-wise, and then go out with a warm, open attitude.
1-- RELAX, FOCUS ON OTHERS & YOUR ENVIRONMENT, not yourself
2--SMILE...at everyone...other women, married guys..just SMILE.
3--MAKE, RETURN and HOLD EYE CONTACT
Attracting men just never happened for me...ever....I felt like I was always blending into the wallpaper. Then I realized I had perfected the "leave me alone" vibe to avoid rejection and started observing my behavior and working on it. Then one day I started smiling more and it rocked my world. Now, it's raining men. It can happen for anyone on here, especially you -- you're a cutie. It's about looks to a limited degree -- men are visual-- but looks are about taste and eveyone's taste is different.
Just SMILE!0 -
Yeahh! I asked my guy friends and I've even asked an Ex (lmao) they said the same intimidating thing...
but I think that whole intimidating line is just an excuse
Nope not a excuse. You are goregous and also a Jessica Rabbit...meaning your are pleasantly curvy. Alot of men may think you are out of their league. Its crazy but true. Men have the same hang ups as we do. They don't want rejection. You might have to take the lead and just approach the men that you are attracted to....start simple convo and let it grow from there.0 -
I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.
I'd be put off by a man approaching me just to hit on me. When that happens, I get nauseated. And I'm not being facetious. I really get a queasy feeling when a guy comes over and spouts off some ridiculous pick-up line or is obviously staring at my chest or checking me out or trying to stand way too close to me when he didn't even know I was alive 30 seconds before.
But I love when guys come over just to talk and try to actually learn something about me. Even if we only end up being friends, I like guys who have the confidence to do that, rather than just staring at me from across the room and never bothering to say a word.0 -
I don't think it takes any bravery to approach a woman. None whatsoever.
I think if guys are afraid to go up and say "hi, my name is X, pleased to meet you" (obviously don't actually say X, well not unless you are a super hero or professional wrestler or something) it is indicative of:
a) the man has elevated a woman to being of more importance than him, or put her on a pedestal without just cause
b) has placed too much importance on achieving a certain outcome (eg the number, a date)
Really, if you don't value yourself and what you have to offer as a man than why should a woman? If you think she is better than you before you even know what she is like then you miss the fact that pretty women are simply human beings and deserve no more respect or no less than any other.
I think if a man fears an approach he should reassess his attitude towards women.0 -
I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.
I'd be put off by a man approaching me just to hit on me. When that happens, I get nauseated. And I'm not being facetious. I really get a queasy feeling when a guy comes over and spouts off some ridiculous pick-up line or is obviously staring at my chest or checking me out or trying to stand way too close to me when he didn't even know I was alive 30 seconds before.
But I love when guys come over just to talk and try to actually learn something about me. Even if we only end up being friends, I like guys who have the confidence to do that, rather than just staring at me from across the room and never bothering to say a word.
That is annoying. When that happens to me (only every once in a while) I turn into a smart @ss and engage in some form of verbal challenge with them ala Kelly McGillis in Top Gun. They aren't serious about getting to know me, why should I take their advance seriously? Best them verbally and send them back to their corner, I say....all in fun, of course.0 -
I wish I had the same problem, I get hit on ALL the time, I wouldn't mind so much but I'm in a long term relationship and have a child!!
I went out last Saturday night and it was non-stop, its very tiring, its not as if I dress like a hoe either. I got chatted up in the sauna a few weeks ago..I had my eyes shut, its like for gods sake just leave me the hell alone saunas are supposed to be quiet relaxing places, not where you pick up chicks!! I'm not even sure why guys are so interested in me as I'm still 20lbs overweight and have quite a manly build!
Maybe its time for you to start making the first move?? x0 -
A nice genuine smile always works, and I believe when you are not looking to meet someone, thats when you are most likely to meet someone. one cause you are not trying to hard to find someone. Two you will not settle for the next thing just cause it came along.
be you when you are out, just go there to enjoy yourself, that to me is the best way to meet a person that would like you for you and vise versa.
My story: when I was in the military, in my second station we were playing volleyball after work, I knew some people there from my previous base so I was playing as well, and I am outgoing. I had finished playing and sat down at a picnic table, I said "I have a crunchy booty from playing in the sand" apparently my husband now, at the time I did not know him, said that when I said that it made him laugh so hard, he thought I was cute when he saw me, but that incident really attracted him to me. I was being me and not worrying about looking cute, and I was not looking to meet anyone. On the contrary I was trying to live the single life for a long time.
I have been married for four years
good luck and be patient, you want to meet the right guy for you.0 -
A nice genuine smile always works,
I agree. This is one thing my mom told me. She said to smile at every guy you catch looking at you (unless you can tell right away he's a creeper) because that sends the message that you're approachable. I used to not even look at guys in public places because I didn't want them to think I was on the prowl. But most guys need some sort of signal that you're okay with them coming over and at least saying hello to you. Then they can decide if they want to ask for your number.
That leads me to my next point which is to pay attention to the vibe you're giving off. One of my friends is pretty clueless about this. She'll go to a busy cafe (alone) to grab a quick meal, and she sits there with earphones in and her iPod blasting while she reads a book and eats her food. That pretty much says "LEAVE ME ALONE" to any guy in the vicinity. There's nothing wrong with having a newspaper or book or whatever to occupy yourself when you're eating lunch or dinner alone, but you don't want to put a guy in a position where he has to come over and actually tap you on the shoulder to get your attention.
Look around. Smile at people. Be approachable. If you catch a guy looking at you, smile and hold his gaze for a few seconds, then look away. If he's interested in you, that should be more than enough to get him to come over and say hi.0
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