Positive Praise for Poor Eating?

sunnie_skyes

I just started with a "realistic" healthier eating plan and moderate exercise. Though for the most part I try to make healthy choices, I DO allow myself little "indulgences" mostly on the weekends. I don't ever want to have the opinion that any food is "bad" per se, but rather am trying to look at it as trying to make healthier choices. For the most part. I am not trying to be perfect, trying to be perfect is what I always failed at and was always easy to give up on. "If I can't be perfect why even bother trying any more?". I'm trying to get away from that mentality it's what has fueled my failures in the past. I'm trying not to look at any food as bad or evil, if I want it bad enough, I have it. But, where as before I would buy and entire "Chicken nugget meal" complete with dessert, I may buy the meal and share it, or buy just one or two components of the meal and have what satisfies my craving, and I've found it doesn't take as much. And yes, I do "budget" my calories, I KNOW if I'm going to have say "chicken nuggets", I'll eat a lighter breakfast/lunch/dinner or eat so I can fore-go snacks.
As I said, I'm just starting, so I may make bad choices out of naivete' or ignorance but, I'm learning and hopefully along the way, learn to make better choices. I'm trying my best, I'm reading, doing things I've never done before to try to make this work (joining this site for example) But, not getting any support or positive reinforcement at all or getting negative remarks, despite whatever efforts I'm trying to make, would be disheartening at best. And frankly it would make "the people" on this site come across as haughty and elite-ist, those negative opinions would seem critical and judgmental. All of which being an over-weight, inactive person most of adult life, I've dealt with enough.
Maybe it's the same with the people you mention.

MicMar66

i think everyone is entitled to fast food if they want it - i personally have takeaway once a week - it keeps me going.
My doctor and nurse say its about healthy eating 80 % of the time and not 20 % - i believe people need to 'cheat' on healthy eating else they will stop it all together - so therefore i believe people should say well done to fast food as it is saying everyone has cheat meals and well done for keeping within goals

i personally change my diary settings from 1 week to another normally its on friends only

I really like this post and I totally agree with you.

This is a topic that could go round and round. Some people think that eating junk food is a poor choice and ought not to be congratulated, others think that eating any kind of meat is unhealthy (and in some cases inhumane), for some it's dairy products, there are people who have allergies and certain "health" foods would most certainly NOT be healthy choices for them.

I guess the bottom line is personal choices are just that. I would never criticize someone's choices especially since I have no idea what led up to them choosing them.

sammys1girly

I believe in eating everything with moderation. If I totally deprive myself of any candy, etc.., I will gorge on it within a day or two. I stay under my calorie goal, sometimes have to stop quick and grab something not super healthy and am still losing weight, have good blood pressure (low, actually), good chloresterol, etc. But I cook from scratch and make lots of veggies and lean meats for a majority of my meals. I figure part of enjoying life is enjoying some of the yummy food!

Newkell

that is why I don't comment on food diaries. Eating plans vary from person to person. What is good for someone else may not be good for me. For some people just being here is a big step.

MicMar66

btw my mother always told me if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all! If you don't feel they deserve praise don't comment, but definately don't comment with something negative!

Sending you a friend request-my mother always told me that your friends are a reflection of you!

JasonsWeightliftingWife

I do agree with catcrazy. I think she does have a point, it does depend where we start from. Baby steps are best for me. I have been eating mostly clean foods for years now, but I do slip up and I understand that it can be hard to change over night.

_Sally_

btw my mother always told me if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all! If you don't feel they deserve praise don't comment, but definately don't comment with something negative!

I honestly don't see what is "not nice" about privately sharing some suggestions to an MFP friend that would help them reach their goals.

We are here to support each other to reach our goals and part of that support is having MFP pals that are part of your accountability circle (if you want to do this on your own, then you should not have MFP friends). If you see someone who is unhappy with the results they are getting, and they are in your circle of friends, why wouldn't you reach out in a spirit of caring to help them with suggestions for tweaks to help them reach their goals? It is certainly up to them whether they want to take different actions, but maybe they need the gentle reminder or the feeling of accountability knowing their diary is open to their friends.

I guess I would not be a good MFP friend for folks who don't want genuine feedback and suggestions and who aren't committed to change in their lives.

ninpiggy

It depends, if someone was struggling with binge-eating or compulsive overeating disorder (COE), and they've gone from eating fast food every day, multiple times per day to three times per week down, or down to once per week, or once per month, etc. that is amazing progress! Some of us came from families where love was shown through food (such as in Italian culture, such as my own; or German families like my significant other's) and it's very difficult to not transfer those childhood meals into our overall diets as adults. That's why we're on this site to begin with. I think if you see someone eating badly and also frustrated that they cannot lose weight, you can tactfully talk to them about integrating healthier food choices into their overall diet. Quite frankly, if most of us didn't struggle with this, we wouldn't be on this website to begin with.

cass89

but it depends, if they only have it once a month then yeah that's great! but everday, no

Louiselesley

My diary is sometimes really awful but I'm nearly always under my calorie goal (tis private at the minute but tis normally public). I haven't the best of diets but it works for me and that is what important.

I have some people call me on the amount of cereal I eat and how it's 'really quite awful' and I also have people call me on the lack of vegetables I eat - both things completely true but things I will not change.

My point is that the perception of healthy eating changes from person to person and where Junk Food is a definite bad choice, other people may see what you eat as a bad choice where you have no problem with it - so where does it start being okay to praise someone?

I praise everyone because even though they may have had junk food that day - they put it in their dairy and owned up to eating it. They could of easily ignored it.

tenas

It also depends on whose definition of healthy eating you follow since there are so many different opinions out there.

tllstaco

One question: Who's definition of "Poor Eating" do you use? I think support should be on their goals, not yours. If their goal is to keep their calories below a certain level then they should be congratulated if their calories are below their chosen targer. If their goal is to only have XX grams of fat or sugar and they are below that then they should be congratulated. While their method may not be the best, the effort should be supported.

dez_yaoichan

well i work at mcdonalds... so i eat "fast food" everyday i work but i get oat meal, parfaits, apples, and salads. i did have someone comment on my diary about eating so much fast food and i deleted her. it wasn't that she said i was eating too much fast food, it was how she said it and the fact that she said my salad had no nutrition while HER diary showed she ate an oreo and a pack of nuts....

people may not like that i eat at mcdonalds so much but they can shove it. considering i could be eating a big mac or something like that, my salads are just fine.

ninpiggy

"getting it together" takes time. This is a long proccess for many of us. I used to eat tons of junk. I'm slowly weaning that out of my system. I don't have my food diary public for exactly that reason. I don't need to be judged on what I eat or don't eat. For now, I am doing the best I can. My decisions over time are getting better and better. Not every person can come to the same realization at the same time. Just staying under calories is a HUGE accomplishment for some... don't discredit that. They're here... and they're trying. Baby steps...

I completely agree.


It's much better to be empathetic than judgmental. People need support and encouragement to implement healthier food choses, not harsh criticism.

_Sally_

It also depends on whose definition of healthy eating you follow since there are so many different opinions out there.

Although I agree with the wide variety of healthy diets folks can have, there is some level of univeral agreement regarding the benefits of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins and eating foods that are not highly processed as health promoting and the basis of any healthy diet, regardless of views on meat, dairy, etc.

sloanie1

This site is about so much more than weightloss, I think the fact that someone even opens their diary for people to see is a huge step to being accountable....we aren't here to judge people, we are here to support them, I think that's the most important thing, it's fine to make suggestions but some people don't want the advice...I would love the whole world to eat clean, since I started it it has changed my life literally, but we are all different and we need to understand that things aren't as simple as black and white, there are many more factors that come into it....I think in general people are getting through each day the best way they can, a simple comment of encouragement could brighten someones day more than we know

AllyKuntz89

Also, when judging someone's diaries, keep in mind that they may not have added food entries to their diary from certain meals. They may have just forgot. For example, sometimes I forget to add breakfast in the morning, because I go to work straight after breakfast and I'm in a rush to be on time. Or sometimes after coming home from work, I just don't feel like entering the information. Some people might see my diary and think that I'm skipping meals to meet my goals and that isn't true.

The main thing I like about this site is it has showed me how what I used to eat was bad for me. Now that I know good choices and good meal decisions, I have a cookbook of them that I make throughout the week. I know what those meals contain and know that I made a good choice without putting it in my diary. I think MFP is a great tool and it has certainly helped me to lose weight, but I think it is important to be able to know, at some point, just inherently know without it being calculated for you, what food you can eat throughout the day and still feel good and healthy.

Last note, losing weight was very important to me. But I decided at the beginning that I wasn't going to trade macaroni and cheese and spaghetti for grilled chicken and salad every night (although grilled chicken is one of my go-to proteins). I also knew that I would not be trading chocolate for anything. I think that it is about moderation, not cutting out foods. I've been able to lose 21 pounds still eating the foods I love, just in moderation, and paired with healthier mates.

Good luck to everyone on reaching their goal weights and beyond!

darlynnwd

I haven't been looking at their diaries.... never really thought about it until one of my friends' post said she completed her diary and that was it. Then I looked. She had gone over a little (don't we all at one point or another?), so I praised her for her honesty in her post. That took guts.

It is a tricky thing to know if your friends just want praise and encouragement or if they want accountability. And then we have to remember to be compassionate and loving rather than naggy and judgemental. Oh! and this is like texting and email... tone of voice doesn't come through so well much of the time and you can't read the other's body language to guage reception of your message. Perhaps if you're really concerned about a friend that is doing that, you could send a private message instead.

While the quality of food going in does matter, I allow myself not-so-good stuff every now and then too. How would I know if one of my friends' days wasn't that kind of day? I do well just to keep up with what I'm doing. Even on my best day, I'm sure some expert out there could make suggestions on how to do better. There comes a point where I have to say to myself, "OK, Lynn, probably could've done a bit better, but don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from it, go on, and do better next time." Learning to walk didn't happen and just stick. I still went back and crawled sometimes. Changing 40+ years of eating habits will take time too.

ajbeans

Okay.... so I'm not trying to be offensive in this post. But over the past few days, I've seen soooo many people give each other positive praise for food diaries that include poor food choices, like fast food. I don't get it? I understand that some of those people have remained within their calorie goal for the day, but really? I'm more likely to give praise to those who eat a well-balanced meal, as opposed to those who are eating food that is pretty much bad for you. Isn't it the quality of food that you intake, rather than just the number of calories? Surely a 500 calorie dinner that includes whole grains, veggies, meat (or a source of protein), etc., is better than fast food? Just because you've stayed under or near your goal doesn't mean that you can eat fast food and see results.

I understand that no one is perfect, and I'm far from it.... but if we're being supportive on here, why are we commending food choices like that? Maybe someone can explain it to me.... again, the goal of this is not to offend anyone, I'm just concerned that we're often sending the wrong message!

Thanks! Have a great Saturday everyone!

I tend to give positive feedback when someone is achieving their goals. Not all of us can be clean eaters, and not all of us want to be. If I know someone is working really hard on eating back all of their exercise calories but they're not making it, I'll point that out. If someone is focused just on eating less junk and they're doing that, I'll praise that. If someone is trying to eat healthier food but they have fast food for 2 meals, I'll ask them what's up. It all depends on that person's goals, which is one reason I try to keep my friend list small -- I want to be able to keep everyone straight in my mind. Is it a healthy choice to eat McDonald's for lunch? No. But if they've chosen a snack wrap and a yogurt parfait over their usual meal of Big Mac and large fry, that's praiseworthy.

Clew

Wow, either everyone misinterpreted the OP or I did ... my guess is it was me!

Of course everyone has off days, and of course we are all adults and can make their own decisions ... just last night I had pizza and a beer, as I usually do on Fridays (reasonable amounts of course). For so many of us, the occasional cheat meal can really help keep us on track the rest of the week :flowerforyou:

But I have clicked on diaries that are consistently (day after day after day) crap choices, horribly imbalanced, ALL processed, 800 calories a day, stuff like that. I am not going to cheer those habits just for being below goal. Constructive criticism can help, but I think is best done in a PM ... as someone else said, people can take offense to what they might consider a public call-out, no matter how well intended.