Positive Praise for Poor Eating?

tenas

It also depends on whose definition of healthy eating you follow since there are so many different opinions out there.

tllstaco

One question: Who's definition of "Poor Eating" do you use? I think support should be on their goals, not yours. If their goal is to keep their calories below a certain level then they should be congratulated if their calories are below their chosen targer. If their goal is to only have XX grams of fat or sugar and they are below that then they should be congratulated. While their method may not be the best, the effort should be supported.

dez_yaoichan

well i work at mcdonalds... so i eat "fast food" everyday i work but i get oat meal, parfaits, apples, and salads. i did have someone comment on my diary about eating so much fast food and i deleted her. it wasn't that she said i was eating too much fast food, it was how she said it and the fact that she said my salad had no nutrition while HER diary showed she ate an oreo and a pack of nuts....

people may not like that i eat at mcdonalds so much but they can shove it. considering i could be eating a big mac or something like that, my salads are just fine.

ninpiggy

"getting it together" takes time. This is a long proccess for many of us. I used to eat tons of junk. I'm slowly weaning that out of my system. I don't have my food diary public for exactly that reason. I don't need to be judged on what I eat or don't eat. For now, I am doing the best I can. My decisions over time are getting better and better. Not every person can come to the same realization at the same time. Just staying under calories is a HUGE accomplishment for some... don't discredit that. They're here... and they're trying. Baby steps...

I completely agree.


It's much better to be empathetic than judgmental. People need support and encouragement to implement healthier food choses, not harsh criticism.

_Sally_

It also depends on whose definition of healthy eating you follow since there are so many different opinions out there.

Although I agree with the wide variety of healthy diets folks can have, there is some level of univeral agreement regarding the benefits of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins and eating foods that are not highly processed as health promoting and the basis of any healthy diet, regardless of views on meat, dairy, etc.

sloanie1

This site is about so much more than weightloss, I think the fact that someone even opens their diary for people to see is a huge step to being accountable....we aren't here to judge people, we are here to support them, I think that's the most important thing, it's fine to make suggestions but some people don't want the advice...I would love the whole world to eat clean, since I started it it has changed my life literally, but we are all different and we need to understand that things aren't as simple as black and white, there are many more factors that come into it....I think in general people are getting through each day the best way they can, a simple comment of encouragement could brighten someones day more than we know

AllyKuntz89

Also, when judging someone's diaries, keep in mind that they may not have added food entries to their diary from certain meals. They may have just forgot. For example, sometimes I forget to add breakfast in the morning, because I go to work straight after breakfast and I'm in a rush to be on time. Or sometimes after coming home from work, I just don't feel like entering the information. Some people might see my diary and think that I'm skipping meals to meet my goals and that isn't true.

The main thing I like about this site is it has showed me how what I used to eat was bad for me. Now that I know good choices and good meal decisions, I have a cookbook of them that I make throughout the week. I know what those meals contain and know that I made a good choice without putting it in my diary. I think MFP is a great tool and it has certainly helped me to lose weight, but I think it is important to be able to know, at some point, just inherently know without it being calculated for you, what food you can eat throughout the day and still feel good and healthy.

Last note, losing weight was very important to me. But I decided at the beginning that I wasn't going to trade macaroni and cheese and spaghetti for grilled chicken and salad every night (although grilled chicken is one of my go-to proteins). I also knew that I would not be trading chocolate for anything. I think that it is about moderation, not cutting out foods. I've been able to lose 21 pounds still eating the foods I love, just in moderation, and paired with healthier mates.

Good luck to everyone on reaching their goal weights and beyond!

darlynnwd

I haven't been looking at their diaries.... never really thought about it until one of my friends' post said she completed her diary and that was it. Then I looked. She had gone over a little (don't we all at one point or another?), so I praised her for her honesty in her post. That took guts.

It is a tricky thing to know if your friends just want praise and encouragement or if they want accountability. And then we have to remember to be compassionate and loving rather than naggy and judgemental. Oh! and this is like texting and email... tone of voice doesn't come through so well much of the time and you can't read the other's body language to guage reception of your message. Perhaps if you're really concerned about a friend that is doing that, you could send a private message instead.

While the quality of food going in does matter, I allow myself not-so-good stuff every now and then too. How would I know if one of my friends' days wasn't that kind of day? I do well just to keep up with what I'm doing. Even on my best day, I'm sure some expert out there could make suggestions on how to do better. There comes a point where I have to say to myself, "OK, Lynn, probably could've done a bit better, but don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from it, go on, and do better next time." Learning to walk didn't happen and just stick. I still went back and crawled sometimes. Changing 40+ years of eating habits will take time too.

ajbeans

Okay.... so I'm not trying to be offensive in this post. But over the past few days, I've seen soooo many people give each other positive praise for food diaries that include poor food choices, like fast food. I don't get it? I understand that some of those people have remained within their calorie goal for the day, but really? I'm more likely to give praise to those who eat a well-balanced meal, as opposed to those who are eating food that is pretty much bad for you. Isn't it the quality of food that you intake, rather than just the number of calories? Surely a 500 calorie dinner that includes whole grains, veggies, meat (or a source of protein), etc., is better than fast food? Just because you've stayed under or near your goal doesn't mean that you can eat fast food and see results.

I understand that no one is perfect, and I'm far from it.... but if we're being supportive on here, why are we commending food choices like that? Maybe someone can explain it to me.... again, the goal of this is not to offend anyone, I'm just concerned that we're often sending the wrong message!

Thanks! Have a great Saturday everyone!

I tend to give positive feedback when someone is achieving their goals. Not all of us can be clean eaters, and not all of us want to be. If I know someone is working really hard on eating back all of their exercise calories but they're not making it, I'll point that out. If someone is focused just on eating less junk and they're doing that, I'll praise that. If someone is trying to eat healthier food but they have fast food for 2 meals, I'll ask them what's up. It all depends on that person's goals, which is one reason I try to keep my friend list small -- I want to be able to keep everyone straight in my mind. Is it a healthy choice to eat McDonald's for lunch? No. But if they've chosen a snack wrap and a yogurt parfait over their usual meal of Big Mac and large fry, that's praiseworthy.

Clew

Wow, either everyone misinterpreted the OP or I did ... my guess is it was me!

Of course everyone has off days, and of course we are all adults and can make their own decisions ... just last night I had pizza and a beer, as I usually do on Fridays (reasonable amounts of course). For so many of us, the occasional cheat meal can really help keep us on track the rest of the week :flowerforyou:

But I have clicked on diaries that are consistently (day after day after day) crap choices, horribly imbalanced, ALL processed, 800 calories a day, stuff like that. I am not going to cheer those habits just for being below goal. Constructive criticism can help, but I think is best done in a PM ... as someone else said, people can take offense to what they might consider a public call-out, no matter how well intended.

MiladyMetal

I fully understand what you mean and agree, but I also I believe we need honest ppl with heartfelt criticism, not a warden and not someone who doesn't take it seriously either. If we had a pat on the back all the time we will never know when we are going off or if we are doing something wrong. So yes, I think we should say something but it is all about how you say it. You don't have to come off high and mighty and beat them to the ground but just make suggestions and point something out that you think may be helpful! I try and eat healthy I don't eat junk food but I will have the occasional soft serve ice cream once or twice a month or once a week indulge in half of a cheeseburger , a few french fries and a half of a chocolate malt frappe at a local 50s diner but eat half the amount than they give if I am out with my hubby. Most of the week I stick to my guns and eat as healthy as I can afford. Everyone needs a semi cheat day, and I don't mean all out cheat day eating everything in site. LOL Just wanted to clear that up! ;p

Abbzzz

that is why I don't comment on food diaries. Eating plans vary from person to person. What is good for someone else may not be good for me. For some people just being here is a big step.

I agree!! Well said!

JodieLBradbury

yeah, i dont praise people for that...........if you skip breakfast and then have mcdonalds for lunch, and a snickers bar and bowl of ice cream for dinner, but stay within your calories, your not doing this right

Not doing what right? Not doing what you want to do? Maybe. But they are doing what they want to do. If they are losing weight then who cares. Maybe once they slim down they wont want to eat so much junk but then again they might, it's their choice.

I think some poeple here forget that everyone is here for their own reason and it might not be the same reason you have.

I eat healthy some days and then other days, like today, I have junk food. It's my choice and it's working for me. I'm losing the weight and going in the right direction so really I don't see the problem.

Clew

yeah, i dont praise people for that...........if you skip breakfast and then have mcdonalds for lunch, and a snickers bar and bowl of ice cream for dinner, but stay within your calories, your not doing this right

Not doing what right? Not doing what you want to do? Maybe. But they are doing what they want to do. If they are losing weight then who cares. Maybe once they slim down they wont want to eat so much junk but then again they might, it's their choice.

I think some poeple here forget that everyone is here for their own reason and it might not be the same reason you have.

I eat healthy some days and then other days, like today, I have junk food. It's my choice and it's working for me. I'm losing the weight and going in the right direction so really I don't see the problem.

True, but if you're talking about losing weight vs. losing weight and getting/being healthy, it DOES matter. Especially if someone ASKS for feedback ... on a FITNESS site, which kind of implies healthiness ... But I don't even know if this is related at this point ... just saying.

:flowerforyou:

MiladyMetal

Also, when judging someone's diaries, keep in mind that they may not have added food entries to their diary from certain meals. They may have just forgot. For example, sometimes I forget to add breakfast in the morning, because I go to work straight after breakfast and I'm in a rush to be on time. Or sometimes after coming home from work, I just don't feel like entering the information. Some people might see my diary and think that I'm skipping meals to meet my goals and that isn't true.

The main thing I like about this site is it has showed me how what I used to eat was bad for me. Now that I know good choices and good meal decisions, I have a cookbook of them that I make throughout the week. I know what those meals contain and know that I made a good choice without putting it in my diary. I think MFP is a great tool and it has certainly helped me to lose weight, but I think it is important to be able to know, at some point, just inherently know without it being calculated for you, what food you can eat throughout the day and still feel good and healthy.

Last note, losing weight was very important to me. But I decided at the beginning that I wasn't going to trade macaroni and cheese and spaghetti for grilled chicken and salad every night (although grilled chicken is one of my go-to proteins). I also knew that I would not be trading chocolate for anything. I think that it is about moderation, not cutting out foods. I've been able to lose 21 pounds still eating the foods I love, just in moderation, and paired with healthier mates.

Good luck to everyone on reaching their goal weights and beyond!

Exactly, and some of us gals need our chocolate every month or so! Come on gals you know what I mean, but I think this person is saying if they are doing this on a regular basis?! In the end the ball is in our court and our court alone and what we do with that ball is our choice and final decision. We have our own balls to dribble to worry so much what everyone else is doing. Help them if they want it and remain neutral. Maybe that person is just starting or doesn't know what to eat. You can say, "hey look at this link it has awesome healthy food ideas to help us achieve our goals". Do it in a friendly helpful way than beach about it!

Cebrinaj

PERSONALLY I LIKE FOR SOMEONE TO BE HONEST WITH ME ABOUT MY DIARY.... IF I AM EATIN UNHEALTHY THEN I WOULD LIKE AN OPINION FROM SOMEONE TO TELL ME HOW TO CORRECT IT OR SUBSTITUTE SOMETHING THAT WOULD SATISFY MY CRAVING INSTEAD OF HAVING TO EAT THE JUNK!!!! YOU CAN CONGRAT ME ON MY POSITIVE AND GIVE ADVICE ON MY NEGATIVE CHOICES... I THINK ALL THINGS CAN BE DONE IN A NICE WAY!!!! NEW PPL TO THE DIET MAY NOT REALLY GET THAT THEY ARE EATING SO BADLY!!! THEY MAY NEED IT BROUGHT TO HIS OR HER ATTENTION AND LATER HE OR SHE MAY THANK YOU FOR INCREASIN THE PROGRESSION OF HIS OR HER WEIGHT LOSS!


SO PLEASE IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME ON MY DIARY I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THEIR INPUT!!!!~ GOOD OR BAD~ ALL IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

mrogers52

Sometimes people just need to "confess" to poor choices! I am most concerned on how I eat and exercise. So many people have "food" issues (I have been an emotional eater ALL my life) that I just read or skip the post.
Just my thoughts today

shopgirl192

I think everyone on here is an adult and is allowed to make their own choices when it comes to eating. My goal is to lose weight but also to see I was eating way too much and it was things I didn't really even want. I do want an ice cream every once in a while but I am now more aware of which one to have verses three scoops of Blue Bunny Peanut Butter Panic! One of the things that drew me to this site was the fact that I can eat whatever I want but stay within my calories.

I don't see a problem giving praise to someone who set a calorie goal and stayed within that range even if they are eating a small cheeseburger for lunch. Before I would have chosen the large Big Mac extra value meal, now I might choose a small fries and side salad. So yes I may not be eathing the healthiest, but I am eathing healthier!

By the way anytime some starts out saying "I'm not trying to be offensive is a sure sign of someone being offensive."

Not true. My post was written quite respectfully.

dj_stevie_c

It's not easy making such massive changes in life all in one go, especially in the current climate where everything is massive and 'sold' to make you enjoy it, even if it IS bad for you, and sometimes life gets in the way, it's about planning and getting things straight, if that takes slip ups and corrections, I don't think you should get punished for it.

Sure you may go well off the end, and you know it's bad, but if you enjoy what you've done, great. Make a better decision next time. If you can't make a better decision then you are not ready to change your ways, that's it, end of, you can't force people into doing something they don't want too. There are lots of people who 'want to lose weight' but don't approach it the right way, that's where people making you accountable works, doing it in a style that's really negative and accusatory doesn't help and is more likely to push people away, doing it with a little sense of humour maybe and a 'you'll get it right next time right?' might be taken better, so as I said little coaching is great but I don't think things should be too negative.

Bring the knowledge not the attitude. Nobody's perfect, but how we react to our imperfections guides how we do overall.

lynn1982

On the one hand, I think everyone is entitled to make their own choices. Unless someone specifically asks for comments on their diary, then I do not say anything. I just assume that when I look at someone's diary and they have Mcdonald's every morning for breakfast, a coke for lunch, and taco bell for dinner every single day, then they know that they're doing something wrong. But perhaps they don't, so I guess the OP does bring up an interesting point...

One thing I have noticed that I find rather disturbing on this site are people who clearly have an eating disorder and rather than seeking help and/or trying to change their ways, they open up their diary and announce every time they binge and purge. I've seen people like this get either praise for working off those "extra" calories or sympathy from others that seems to validate their ED rather than encouraging them to seek help. This is going a bit off topic, but is this the same thing as those who simply have poor eating habits? I've been struggling with this lately since I don't comment when people eat fast food all day but I feel like maybe I should say something when someone is announcing that they have an ED and then having that disorder validated as though it's something positive. Sorry for the long post..

dnlg18652

I am new at this and I don't want positive feedback for my poor food choices which I do still make....But I do what feedback I want to be held accountable when I ate that rallys burger last night! I was still 15 cals under my cal goal...but...I want someone to say hey if you only had 1/2 that burger you would have been 250 under your goal....its not positive feedback but its not downright mean either... I don't much appreciate a good job when I know I could have done better. Please always feel free to comment because it makes me feel like I am being held up to a standard.... Thanks for the topic its a good one with lots of opinions.

Eats_With_A_Fist

If it is somebody who typically eats really healthy and has a good burn regularly, I ignore the once or twice they might eat out. Sometimes they may even have a valid excuse. Our kitchen has been packed up for two days because we're moving so there's been a couple of instances where we ate out because it was just more convenient. But if someone regularly posts junk...yeah I'll try to give some positive criticism and encourage a shift. I would hope that they would for me too! If I wanted to collect a bunch of people who do no more than comment positively on everything I do, I would have stayed on Facebook. The strength of the community here is accountability and encouragement. The weakness is that too often we leave one or the other of those two out.

thumper44

i'm going to add my two cents, because this happened to me.

I had someone friend me.
I looked at their diary for a few days.
They were having double burger with fries from BK one day.
The next day they were having Quarter pounder and fries.

I told him that he could have made better choices, perhaps just have the burger and forget the fries.
I mean a double burger? That was a choice he made.
I wasn't too negative, I thought I just gave him a tip.

Well I got a message from his wife... I replied back to her saying the same thing that he could have made better choices. She was making excuses for him, that those were the only places he could go to get food during the day while he was working.
That week he had lost weight, and his friends praised him.

He decided to de friend me that week without ever talking to me..
I wish him good luck!

shopgirl192

Let me clarify because there seems to be confusion with the intent of my post. The respectful intent of my post was not to offend anyone! Zoikes! I just know that some people are slowly working towards goals and I am so supportive of their hard work. I had just questioned why someone would comment positively for food that isn't healthy.

Please note that I am not out to harshly criticize.... I know everyone has days where they just end up eating not-so-healthy foods.

If I offended anyone, please know that it was completely unintentional! I think anyone who is on MFP has already made the good choice to better their eating and exercise habits. So... with that being said.... I will respectfully end the conversation on my end!

jessbennett1986

I am a vegetarian and I am going to say that I'm one of those poor eating people. I've also had a binge eating disorder when I was younger. Most of the meals I eat are heathly and well balanced, but some of the rest of it isn't. Here's why. I understand the goal is to eat really clean food. BUT in the past when I ate clean every single day for weeks at a time I would "fall off the train" and just binge on every single piece of junk food out there for days at a time. It really depends on your history with food. I have never had a good relationship with it and we have been frenemies my whole life. This time it's different for me. I'm losing weight. And if that one serving of doritos or slice of pizza is going to make or break my sanity and bring me to an all out binge later if I don't have it, then I'm going to have it. I don't expect people to praise me, but I don't want people to bash me or condone me for it either. I definitely get where you are coming from and take no offense to your topic. Just trying to give you another point of view.

icandothistrish85

It frustrates me as well and it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way! I follow the advice that some already posted on here, if I don't have anything positive to add, I just don't comment at all. However, the small group of people I am MFP friends with, I am genuinely concerned for their health and well-being, so when I do read their food diaries (and I do, every day!) I comment if something genuinely worries me. I have a friend named Cris on here who is following an alternative fasting diet and I didn't know this. So when I looked at his diary and I saw that he hadn't eaten for more than half the day, I called him on it. And as the great friend he is, he didn't get offended, he explained to me what he was doing. Explaination, communication and honest, we're all adults and those are the stepping stones to a GREAT and supportive and healthy friendship!

So if you see something out of the ordinary, unhealthy or over-doing it on my diary, tell me!! There's no need to be mean about it though (for example "You're eating like a pregnant dairy cow!") just ask and WAIT patiently for an explination. Like Eats_With_a_Fist says, there's circumstances when fast food and eating out are the only options and we all deserve forgiveness.

P.S. I hate this excuse that people use for eating junk food, "Life's too short to worry" Yeah, well my response is, you're dumbass is making life HELLA shorter by constantly making those decisions. A cheat day once a month is okay or once a week if you're really able to handle it. But fast food or junk once a day, regardless of being under your calorie goal is NOT what this healthy support site is about.

So, if you like my honesty, feel free to add me. If not, steer clear LOL

Always,
Trisha

TrainingWithTonya

Sometimes, just making changes to calories is a major change for people, so they deserve to be applauded for the changes they've been able to make and not just when they are "perfect" according to our definition of perfect eating. We also have to remember what is healthy for you, may or may not be healthy for someone else. For example, someone with diabetes could never consume the amount of carbs I do. I, on the other hand, would have a hypoglycemic reaction if I didn't consume a lot of carbs because of my high activity level. Another example would be the standard recommendation of a high fiber diet, you know the standard, eat lots of fruits and veggies and whole grains. Someone with IBS, Crohn's disease, etc. can't eat that because it would make their symptoms worse. Someone with those issues has to have white bread and processed applesauce instead of whole wheat and an apple so that they don't cause more problems with their body. It could actually be healthier for someone with health issues to eat a high fat, fast food meal then to eat a big salad with low fat dressing. So, personally, I don't comment on anyone's eating unless they've asked for my opinion and I'm looking at their journal knowing what is going on with them health wise and activity wise. They have to base their food intake on their individual needs and our job is to be supportive of their needs, not judgmental based on our own needs and food intake beliefs.

lsd007

I don't really need to express my opinion here, because it has already been posted by others. I would just like reiterate that fact that nobody is perfect.

nursee67

I used to comment on diaries but I do not anymore. I feel if a person wants a comment on what they eat, they will ask. I had someone chastise me for keeping mine private. So now, after I complete my diary and it posts, I erase the post. If I wanted everyone to know what I ate, I would tell them. I really come to this site for the inspiration others bring me...and for conversing with people going through the same struggles as me. I don't want to 'diet'. I want to eat the types of foods I normally eat, just learning to keep it in check. Like a previous poster said...choose a small cheeseburger instead of the big mac...maybe not have the fries. But I don't want to be on a restrictive diet.
I hope everyone reaches the goals they want, doing it how they want (safely)...and for everyone to continue to support and motivate thise of us who need it!

chrisdavey

I don't normally look at every bit of food just macros and go from that. In saying that, peoples goals differ. One day for me I could aim for 2000 and low carb and 3000 and high carb the neft day. And remember that not everyone here is currently trying to lose weight.