How do you guys flirt?

245

Replies

  • Magic_Girl
    Magic_Girl Posts: 158
    My boyfriend wrote me notes before we dated (we were in economics class). He said, hey i think you're cute, he had a nice smile so i told him he was cute too (i never flirted before so i just went along with it! lol). He asked me if i had a boyfriend and when i said no he said, well how does a girl as pretty as you not have a boyfriend, can i have your number? I still have most of the notes.. lol and we are still together 2 years later. :)
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    Come hang out with me for a day......you will learn everything you need to know!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    If you find the right person, it will be easier to figure out how to flirt, it comes kind of naturally. Good luck! :)

    Absolutely this! :happy: If the chemistry is there, it's there!

    Some folks are natural flirts. My best friend in high school was like that. She wasn't even aware she was flirting and would get annoyed that so many of her guy friends - that she felt 100% platonic about - were interested in "more" than that. I was the exact opposite... very much "one of the guys" and couldn't flirt my way out of a wet paper bag... until I met guys I had good chemistry with. Then it was effortless.

    But overall, it's just about being genuinely interested in the other person. Paying attention to what they're saying, how they're feeling, caring about what they think, and wanting to make them smile or laugh and feel good about themselves.
  • MsEmmy
    MsEmmy Posts: 254 Member
    Hello :)

    I have no advice concerning your question yet (my husband knew me for TWO years before he asked me out haha) but I am really interested in it for two reasons..

    (a) I teach A Level English and part of that is studying body language (movement, how you stand, facial expressions, hand gestures etc) - over 80% of our communication is through body language so our words only convey around 20%

    (b) More personally, your question totally reminded me of students I've taught with Asperger's Syndrome. By far the most difficult aspect of any communication for them (including flirting) is body language (eye contact in particular) and 'reading between the lines' or understanding what a person means when they say something. Most aspects of flirting would be included in the very things AS people find difficult - humour, innuendo, body language! Just the way you worded your question and said you have 'learned' how to be social made me think AS. Hope I've not made you feel uncomfortable if this isn't what you have, I'm just trying to be helpful. Asperger's and similar conditions fascinate me as my son also has it.

    Some of the practical answers people have given are really good - but when you have to 'learn' these things instead of it coming naturally it can be quite exhausting! Good Luck x
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Flirting, imo, is not hard. But from what I've seen, it's not something everyone can do well or is comfortable with. Just be yourself. Don't TRY to flirt.

    That being said, I don't really flirt with anyone anymore. Just hubby. I don't think it's appropriate to flirt now that I'm married. I used to be such a flirt in college.
  • SetecAstronomy
    SetecAstronomy Posts: 470 Member
    Thank you! I'll look on Wikihow and eHow. I never thought to Google!?

    I do have social anxiety actually (though it's the least problematic of my diagnosed mental illnesses so I often forget - except, of course, in social situations).

    I'm starting to get an idea of what flirting actually IS now... it's a way of conversing with someone rather than a particular string of words, or actions. You flirt while doing something else, rather than flirting being this stand-alone activity.

    Unfortunately this is so far removed from how I actually converse with people in real life... I'm not sure if I could ever learn to be half as sociable in real life.

    When I speak to people, I am usually facing and looking at a 90 degree angle to them. I never make eye contact and my body language is ... well, I never got the hang of it, so I have no idea what it's like... I guess I'd describe it as "closed". I'm usually nervous (if it's a person I don't know) and I am not good at stringing together long sentences without having to pause or 'um'...

    I promise I'm a nice person when you get to know me though :(

    I'm sure there are plenty of willing volunteers on here for you to practice with ;)
  • unmitigatedbadassery
    unmitigatedbadassery Posts: 653 Member
    Seriously, nothing is more of a turn-off for a guy (at least this one) than being fake. Be yourself. I know that seems like a canned answer but nothing could be truer.
  • kamillavanilla
    kamillavanilla Posts: 3
    "I promise I'm a nice person when you get to know me though"

    This is how I know you can do it! Maybe it will take a little practice to get rid of the nervousness, but when you do you will have one of the most important things already :) And hey, nervousness can even be used to your advantage too, now that I think about it - my boyfriend and I are pretty much the two most awkward and shy people in the world but somehow on our first date together we found each other's nervousness absolutely endearing. Like other people are saying, it's easy when you do find the right person, too.

    Just please, do remember to be you! :)

    ETA: I wanted to add, unless there's a specific object of affection you have in mind, it becomes a bit easier to flirt if you don't look at a flirting partner as a potential love interest - just as someone to have a bit of fun with; that way, no harm done if they don't reciprocate, so there is less pressure.
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    i usually just stare and breathe heavily... i heard girls love that!

    Bwahahahahaha. Nice!
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    I can't believe a looker like you doesn't know how to flirt?

    See its easy..................................
  • helenium
    helenium Posts: 546 Member
    Hello :)

    I have no advice concerning your question yet (my husband knew me for TWO years before he asked me out haha) but I am really interested in it for two reasons..

    (a) I teach A Level English and part of that is studying body language (movement, how you stand, facial expressions, hand gestures etc) - over 80% of our communication is through body language so our words only convey around 20%

    (b) More personally, your question totally reminded me of students I've taught with Asperger's Syndrome. By far the most difficult aspect of any communication for them (including flirting) is body language (eye contact in particular) and 'reading between the lines' or understanding what a person means when they say something. Most aspects of flirting would be included in the very things AS people find difficult - humour, innuendo, body language! Just the way you worded your question and said you have 'learned' how to be social made me think AS. Hope I've not made you feel uncomfortable if this isn't what you have, I'm just trying to be helpful. Asperger's and similar conditions fascinate me as my son also has it.

    Some of the practical answers people have given are really good - but when you have to 'learn' these things instead of it coming naturally it can be quite exhausting! Good Luck x

    Thanks for commenting! I have not been diagnosed on the autistic spectrum, but I have not discussed it with a doctor specifically because it's the least of my problems and I only get half-hour sessions.
    There is a bit of a complicating factor - I had depression from a pretty early age and didn't engage in friendships between ages 9-17. I missed out the time people usually make their social skills perfect. I can't be sure whether my social ineptitude is due to some intrinsic difference in my personality (e.g. AS) or whether it was due to the depression making me a social recluse.

    I had no idea that body language made up 80% of communication! I really need to pay more attention to that then. I never change my body language - I don't think - I am usually huddled/closed up. Which isn't great. I have a lot more to learn.
  • helenium
    helenium Posts: 546 Member
    Seriously, nothing is more of a turn-off for a guy (at least this one) than being fake. Be yourself. I know that seems like a canned answer but nothing could be truer.

    But myself is not naturally very friendly. I'm usually nervous of new people. I'm sometimes quite nervous about friends. At first glance I'm quite distant and reclusive. I sound like I don't want to talk to you. I don't try to be like this - I honestly want to talk to you - but I'm scared of misinterpreting you or saying the wrong thing or mishearing you or not understanding what you mean.
  • helenium
    helenium Posts: 546 Member
    "I promise I'm a nice person when you get to know me though"

    This is how I know you can do it! Maybe it will take a little practice to get rid of the nervousness, but when you do you will have one of the most important things already :) And hey, nervousness can even be used to your advantage too, now that I think about it - my boyfriend and I are pretty much the two most awkward and shy people in the world but somehow on our first date together we found each other's nervousness absolutely endearing. Like other people are saying, it's easy when you do find the right person, too.

    Just please, do remember to be you! :)

    ETA: I wanted to add, unless there's a specific object of affection you have in mind, it becomes a bit easier to flirt if you don't look at a flirting partner as a potential love interest - just as someone to have a bit of fun with; that way, no harm done if they don't reciprocate, so there is less pressure.

    I have no specific love interest at the moment. They scare me! I only started getting love interests when I hit my 20s. I'm 21 now, so I'm relatively new to that sort of thing... I had a relationship at the age of 19, but it didn't go very well... I wasn't interested in them...

    I find your story about you and your boyfriend endearing. How did you arrange a date? How did you make it clear that it was a date rather than a normal meeting?
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    So I know the effects of flirting and what it means. I know people who are good at flirting. In fact I know everything about flirting, except...

    How exactly do you flirt?

    People recommend flirting to feel good about yourself and celebrate a more attractive body as we lose (or gain!) weight. But I wouldn't know what to say, what to do. I don't know what's considered flirty.

    Nobody has ever flirted with me, so I can't judge from that!

    Firstly, personally, I wouldn't risk flirting 'to feel good about myself' if it wasn't something that came naturally to me. Flirting performs a specific function, finding a mate, and if that's not your intention and the other party thinks it is, you may find yourself in an awkward situation. Flirt if you want to get to know someone in THAT way. One of my friends has ended up cheating on her husband after what started as just flirting.

    Having been in a long term relationship for years at college, when I was single again I was surprised to find that what had been just conversations when I was attached, were suddenly flirting. If the 'chemistry' is there, just talking happily is flirting.

    I knew all the 'tricks' when I was single, but I never consciously used them, I just watched them 'happen' at all the right times.
  • Lantern823
    Lantern823 Posts: 115
    I can't believe a looker like you doesn't know how to flirt?

    See its easy..................................

    If that was directed at me..thank you :)
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Seriously, nothing is more of a turn-off for a guy (at least this one) than being fake. Be yourself. I know that seems like a canned answer but nothing could be truer.

    But myself is not naturally very friendly. I'm usually nervous of new people. I'm sometimes quite nervous about friends. At first glance I'm quite distant and reclusive. I sound like I don't want to talk to you. I don't try to be like this - I honestly want to talk to you - but I'm scared of misinterpreting you or saying the wrong thing or mishearing you or not understanding what you mean.

    Same with me,I deal with the public every day so have a tendency to talk "at" someone rather then "to" them.
    Add that to a person that is extremely awkward around ladies trying to not do something wrong makes it tough.

    The be yourself and let the chips fall where they will really is the thing,am slowly learning that and also not being devastated if the lady is not interested.

    I still say it is tougher on a guy to be rejected then it is for a lady.
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    You know, I'm really glad some people have an idea of how to explain it, because while I'm often accused of being an incorrigible flirt, I have no clue how to tell someone what to do to flirt.
  • helenium
    helenium Posts: 546 Member
    Firstly, personally, I wouldn't risk flirting 'to feel good about myself' if it wasn't something that came naturally to me. Flirting performs a specific function, finding a mate, and if that's not your intention and the other party thinks it is, you may find yourself in an awkward situation. Flirt if you want to get to know someone in THAT way. One of my friends has ended up cheating on her husband after what started as just flirting.

    Having been in a long term relationship for years at college, when I was single again I was surprised to find that what had been just conversations when I was attached, were suddenly flirting. If the 'chemistry' is there, just talking happily is flirting.

    I knew all the 'tricks' when I was single, but I never consciously used them, I just watched them 'happen' at all the right times.

    Thanks for the advice. I guess it doesn't come naturally to me I should probably avoid it. But even so I'd love to be able to recognise when someone else is flirting (if it's possible to flirt with someone who doesn't realise you're trying to flirt with them). I was absolutely certain nobody had ever flirted with me when I started this thread, but now I realise I had no idea what it was and wouldn't pick up on it even if I did know.

    I don't get the 'chemistry' very often, especially for people I have known for under a month. I've had two specific interests so far and they made me feel awful! (the interests rather than the people themselves). I was also obese and unhappy about it at the time so I just wanted to curl up and hope everything would go away!
  • helenium
    helenium Posts: 546 Member
    Same with me,I deal with the public every day so have a tendency to talk "at" someone rather then "to" them.
    Add that to a person that is extremely awkward around ladies trying to not do something wrong makes it tough.

    The be yourself and let the chips fall where they will really is the thing,am slowly learning that and also not being devastated if the lady is not interested.

    I still say it is tougher on a guy to be rejected then it is for a lady.

    Thanks for posting :) I'm getting the impression I should probably stay away from flirting, but I'd love to be able to recognise it from other people.

    I wouldn't be able to say whether it was tougher for a guy or a lady. I'll never experience the other person's viewpoint so I don't think I'd be able to judge! It's probably more common for a guy to be rejected than a lady, but I wouldn't be able to say whether that makes it more or less horrible...
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    Flirting performs a specific function, finding a mate, and if that's not your intention and the other party thinks it is, you may find yourself in an awkward situation. Flirt if you want to get to know someone in THAT way. One of my friends has ended up cheating on her husband after what started as just flirting.

    I'm afraid I disagree. 'Finding a mate' as you put it, is only one of the reasons to flirt. It can also just be plain fun, making you feel good as well as the other person, it's just a matter of keeping things light, and not crossing lines. Flirting does not a cheater make.

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