Ladies...help us out here....
Replies
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The one thing you have to know about women is that we are all individuals and it is actually impossible to apply generalizations.0
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....and a hush falls over the crowd..lolol
A hush fell over the crowd because I was busy getting my grocery shopping done, loaded, unloaded, and dinner started for my kids.
As for me...I've never actually been the 'friend' that got constantly looked over...well, once maybe...but she had an adorable sister, not an annoying brother...and I finally told her that if she wanted him, she had better learn to deal with the pain. Guess who called me on the night of my honeymoon asking me if I was insane for marrying someone other than her lol?
Anyway, I've seen it a million times though, and those few of you here that say you're the opposite are very much the exception.0 -
One more thing....and this is a biggie....
When we've had a bad day...when we're pms'n..when we're sad.....90% of the time...all it takes to make it all better....is your smile. When you smile at us,we melt!!! Even if you've had a rotten day yourself...cheer us up...you'll be very glad you did...trust me!!!
A) YESSSS. You don't even know. Gosh.
This girl knows her stuff. what! 0 -
That a man who holds hands with a lady, opens doors for her. . pulls out her chair. . .. SO SEXY!
Yes!!! Men dont do this nearly enough. I appreciate the heck out of it.
Yes. SO. HOT.0 -
I think one important thing that this thread teaches us is that women aren't all the same and communication is essential. Women, we need to tell our man what we want and men need to ask!
I get that but can't you guys help us out once and a while and just tell us? Sometimes we don't realize we need to ask a question or that a certain question exists. LOL0 -
Be random. Leave a cute little note somewhere, text/email a little love message, unexpected flowers, anything just because.
this!! wish my husband would do that. hmpf.0 -
That a man who holds hands with a lady, opens doors for her. . pulls out her chair. . .. SO SEXY!
Yes!!! Men dont do this nearly enough. I appreciate the heck out of it.
Yes. SO. HOT.
I do that stuff and don't get any credit for it. Although I can't open her car door often anymore because my auto-lock remote has failed and there's no key on the passenger side. LOL0 -
Be random. Leave a cute little note somewhere, text/email a little love message, unexpected flowers, anything just because.
this!! wish my husband would do that. hmpf.
He doesn't?
Man...what's wrong with men these days?0 -
*****************************That a man who holds hands with a lady, opens doors for her. . pulls out her chair. . .. SO SEXY!
Yes!!! Men dont do this nearly enough. I appreciate the heck out of it.
Yes. SO. HOT.
Hold my hand....yes..I LOVE that. When he takes my hand while we're walking...it makes me feel special...beautiful..like he's saying "Look, World.....this lady is mine..isn't she beautiful!!"
Even if he's driving..and reaches over to take my hand in his.....my heart skips a beat...I melt.......everytime. that stuff..little things like that..NEVER gets old. I love it!!0 -
I think one important thing that this thread teaches us is that women aren't all the same and communication is essential. Women, we need to tell our man what we want and men need to ask!
I get that but can't you guys help us out once and a while and just tell us? Sometimes we don't realize we need to ask a question or that a certain question exists. LOL
I think a lot of people worry, and with good reason, the amount it gets drummed into us from all corners of society, that asking for something is nagging.
I say nagging is what men complain of when they know they haven't done the stuff they know they are meant to. Asking politely for someone to put the bins out isn't nagging. If they still don't put the bins out, do we keep asking, or do it ourselves? We shouldn't have to do either. I hate that I have to even ask my husband to put the bins out in the first place. Why can't he just notice when they are full, instead of playing bin Jenga?
This same logic can apply to mowing the lawn, unloading the dishwasher, pretty much anything, really.
I sound like I am criticising my husband, which I don't mean to, really, he's pretty amazing with most things, he just sometimes forgets that stuff needs doing around the house and doesn't magically do itself (I think that's the default position of a lot of men, they don't actually realise how much needs doing, because someone else has always done it for them).0 -
***************************Be random. Leave a cute little note somewhere, text/email a little love message, unexpected flowers, anything just because.
this!! wish my husband would do that. hmpf.
He doesn't?
Man...what's wrong with men these days?
When I get a message that says 'I miss you!'...................alllllll smiles!!!!0 -
I think one important thing that this thread teaches us is that women aren't all the same and communication is essential. Women, we need to tell our man what we want and men need to ask!
I get that but can't you guys help us out once and a while and just tell us? Sometimes we don't realize we need to ask a question or that a certain question exists. LOL
I think a lot of people worry, and with good reason, the amount it gets drummed into us from all corners of society, that asking for something is nagging.
I say nagging is what men complain of when they know they haven't done the stuff they know they are meant to. Asking politely for someone to put the bins out isn't nagging. If they still don't put the bins out, do we keep asking, or do it ourselves? We shouldn't have to do either. I hate that I have to even ask my husband to put the bins out in the first place. Why can't he just notice when they are full, instead of playing bin Jenga?
This same logic can apply to mowing the lawn, unloading the dishwasher, pretty much anything, really.
I sound like I am criticising my husband, which I don't mean to, really, he's pretty amazing with most things, he just sometimes forgets that stuff needs doing around the house and doesn't magically do itself (I think that's the default position of a lot of men, they don't actually realise how much needs doing, because someone else has always done it for them).
I think this is the first thing you've ever said that I agree with completely.0 -
I think one important thing that this thread teaches us is that women aren't all the same and communication is essential. Women, we need to tell our man what we want and men need to ask!
I get that but can't you guys help us out once and a while and just tell us? Sometimes we don't realize we need to ask a question or that a certain question exists. LOL
I think a lot of people worry, and with good reason, the amount it gets drummed into us from all corners of society, that asking for something is nagging.
I say nagging is what men complain of when they know they haven't done the stuff they know they are meant to. Asking politely for someone to put the bins out isn't nagging. If they still don't put the bins out, do we keep asking, or do it ourselves? We shouldn't have to do either. I hate that I have to even ask my husband to put the bins out in the first place. Why can't he just notice when they are full, instead of playing bin Jenga?
This same logic can apply to mowing the lawn, unloading the dishwasher, pretty much anything, really.
I sound like I am criticising my husband, which I don't mean to, really, he's pretty amazing with most things, he just sometimes forgets that stuff needs doing around the house and doesn't magically do itself (I think that's the default position of a lot of men, they don't actually realise how much needs doing, because someone else has always done it for them).
I think this is the first thing you've ever said that I agree with completely.
I agree as well.0 -
Why does everyone have to quote 5 million irrelevant posts just to make a small remark? Sheesh.
Okay, I'm going to approach this thread with a different perspective.
First I was going to say that men should be useful and helpful, regularly. You know, doing your share of the chores is way sexier than some ridiculous petals you purchased. Men complain that women are always too tired for fun stuff. Well, why don't you lighten our loads? We will have a lot more energy without all the burdens of mundane life falling on our shoulders.
But then I paused and thought, why not show a success story? It didn't last forever for unrelated reasons, but while we were together, it was heaven.
So I'm going to tell you how and why everything went right in my last relationship. The love was deep, unlike love either had experienced before. We both felt totally accepted and appreciated. Basically, everything that happens in a relationship snowballs. If you both go down an unpleasant path, that unpleasantness gets bigger. If you both go down the path of really respecting, caring and nurturing the other person, those qualities expand. If you tease and judge your lover, then this is the energy you get from your relationship. If you judge, you will also be judged, and it's a direct path to shutting down the heart to protect oneself, which greatly limits potential. This guy and I had this amazing expansive love, specifically because we accepted each other fully, so our walls and heart armoring could dissolve and we could really open to each other. It made everything better and we really connected emotionally.
We each really heard each other. We both were thoughtful and considerate, and each did our best to make the other person as happy as possible and experience maximum pleasure. As it turns out, all the acceptance I experienced caused me to open up in bed, and suddenly I found myself wanting to do things I always hated to do with others. Normally I feel pressured to do things as if they're an obligation, which turns me off, but this time it was all on my terms. I just felt so much love for this guy, it was spilling over and I couldn't help but express it in every way possible. He didn't ask for anything, I just wanted to give and give. (He was quite generous as well and would do anything possible to make me happy.) It was a strange new experience for me. He absolutely inspired me through how he treated me.
We were both highly vocal in appreciation, highly affectionate, and communicated what we needed from the relationship. We laughed regularly. We never had major problems because we were upfront about what we wanted and made room for each other's foibles. If one of us got defensive on a small issue, the other would say something to reassure the other person that their position was okay and that they were still accepted regardless. And so we always felt really good with each other.
Although we did bring each other little gifts, I never needed him to spend any money on me, nor get me any flowers. I always look at that stuff as the fluff, when I want the meat (to be heard, to feel loved and accepted, to know my feelings / needs matter, evidenced by their actions). In fact, I am turned off by guys who want to buy my affections and expect that this covers their mistreatment of me. My beloved's reverence for me had me walking on clouds.
Did you know thriving relationships that stand the test of time have a MINIMUM of 5 praises/appreciation for 1 complaint? Actually, most of them are more like 20:1 praise:complaint, but 5:1 is the minimum ratio to make it work long term, while retaining the joy. Basically, the more you show appreciation for your partner, the more you are putting into the bank, so to speak, because the storms will come on top of a solid, unshakeable love and appreciation for each other0 -
Why does everyone have to quote 5 million irrelevant posts just to make a small remark? Sheesh.
Okay, I'm going to approach this thread with a different perspective.
First I was going to say that men should be useful and helpful, regularly. You know, doing your share of the chores is way sexier than some ridiculous petals you purchased. Men complain that women are always too tired for fun stuff. Well, why don't you lighten our loads? We will have a lot more energy without all the burdens of mundane life falling on our shoulders.
But then I paused and thought, why not show a success story? It didn't last forever for unrelated reasons, but while we were together, it was heaven.
So I'm going to tell you how and why everything went right in my last relationship. The love was deep, unlike love either had experienced before. We both felt totally accepted and appreciated. Basically, everything that happens in a relationship snowballs. If you both go down an unpleasant path, that unpleasantness gets bigger. If you both go down the path of really respecting, caring and nurturing the other person, those qualities expand. If you tease and judge your lover, then this is the energy you get from your relationship. If you judge, you will also be judged, and it's a direct path to shutting down the heart to protect oneself, which greatly limits potential. This guy and I had this amazing expansive love, specifically because we accepted each other fully, so our walls and heart armoring could dissolve and we could really open to each other. It made everything better and we really connected emotionally.
We each really heard each other. We both were thoughtful and considerate, and each did our best to make the other person as happy as possible and experience maximum pleasure. As it turns out, all the acceptance I experienced caused me to open up in bed, and suddenly I found myself wanting to do things I always hated to do with others. Normally I feel pressured to do things as if they're an obligation, which turns me off, but this time it was all on my terms. I just felt so much love for this guy, it was spilling over and I couldn't help but express it in every way possible. He didn't ask for anything, I just wanted to give and give. (He was quite generous as well and would do anything possible to make me happy.) It was a strange new experience for me. He absolutely inspired me through how he treated me.
We were both highly vocal in appreciation, highly affectionate, and communicated what we needed from the relationship. We laughed regularly. We never had major problems because we were upfront about what we wanted and made room for each other's foibles. If one of us got defensive on a small issue, the other would say something to reassure the other person that their position was okay and that they were still accepted regardless. And so we always felt really good with each other.
Although we did bring each other little gifts, I never needed him to spend any money on me, nor get me any flowers. I always look at that stuff as the fluff, when I want the meat (to be heard, to feel loved and accepted, to know my feelings / needs matter, evidenced by their actions). In fact, I am turned off by guys who want to buy my affections and expect that this covers their mistreatment of me. My beloved's reverence for me had me walking on clouds.
Did you know thriving relationships that stand the test of time have a MINIMUM of 5 praises/appreciation for 1 complaint? Actually, most of them are more like 20:1 praise:complaint, but 5:1 is the minimum ratio to make it work long term, while retaining the joy. Basically, the more you show appreciation for your partner, the more you are putting into the bank, so to speak, because the storms will come on top of a solid, unshakeable love and appreciation for each other
Amen.
That is all.0 -
I sound like I am criticising my husband, which I don't mean to, really, he's pretty amazing with most things, he just sometimes forgets that stuff needs doing around the house and doesn't magically do itself (I think that's the default position of a lot of men, they don't actually realise how much needs doing, because someone else has always done it for them).
This is very true, especially in marriages where the woman works outside the home. A lot of men don't seem to understand that when a woman isn't home all day to do the household chores, the only time she has to do them is at night and on weekends, so if you're not going to help out, you really can't complain that she never has time or energy for you. The house doesn't keep itself.0 -
I'm not a girl who cares if I receive flowers or cards. Yes, they are nice but my husband and I have been together for 13 years and I can count on one hand the number of times he bought me flowers. That being said, there are sooo many other things that he does. He cleans, does the laundry and cooks when I'm to tired. We brought a new vaccuum when we got married a year ago (yes, we got married on our 12 year anniversary) and the only time I've ever touched it was to move it out of my way in the closet. We work opposite shifts (he works nights) so on the weekends when we're both home and I'm heading to bed at 10 and he's not tired, he comes in and makes sure I'm all settled in the bed (i.e. fixes the covers, gets me water, kisses me goodnight). We hold hands constantly. We can't even sit on the couch and watch TV without holding hands or touching (even if it's my feet tucked under his legs). He supports me in everything I do. I recently finished my degree and the whole time I was going to school he was crazy supportive. The times I was so frustrated I was in tears he would just walk over, make me stand up and then hug me until I stopped crying and then bring me a glass of wine (I hate math). I don't care if you buy me things. Treat me with respect and show me how you much you care with the little things that most people take for granted.
In return, I will be the most gracious person you will ever be with and will go out of my way to make sure that I show that I appreciate all you do for me and return the love and support you give me 100-fold.0 -
We play video games. Sometimes better than you. Don't nerd rage if we do, kk thanks!0
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I remember being told by the mother of a friend once that if you can find someone who only irritates you 25% of the time, that's a good basis for a relationship. Think how many people you know who you could live with without getting fed up with each other? I can't think of anyone except my husband.0
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I remember being told by the mother of a friend once that if you can find someone who only irritates you 25% of the time, that's a good basis for a relationship. Think how many people you know who you could live with without getting fed up with each other? I can't think of anyone except my husband.
That reminds me of one of my favorite sayings. I was going to use it on my wedding invitations before we decided to elope. It says:
"You don't marry the person you can live with. You marry the one you can't live without."
When it comes right down to it, all the stuff in this thread about what each person wants is just fluff. The bottom line is, we all (men and women) want someone we love with all our hearts and can't stand the thought of being without and for that person to feel the same way about us.0 -
Geez, thought I was a bit complicated....
Can't believe how intense this thread has become!
Everyone is different, men, women, and each relationship....
Whatever works for any two people in a relationship I guess is the bottom line...- it takes two to make a relationship stand the test of time....which involves getting to know just about everything about each other however small or insignificant.
Given my personal circumstances, this has been a very interesting thread...0 -
1. tell me you love me everyday
2. let me know you think i'm attractive
3. we want tons of affection, whether it's handholding or cuddling on the couch
4. personally i don't care if my man farts, it's human nature, and because i live with him, i hate feeling like i have to hold mine in lol
5. playful groping/harassment is okay in my book, you're my boyfriend for a reason, me personally, i love harassing him, if anything he probably gets more offended than me lol
6. if we're having a bad day, just let us lay on you, talk gently and let us cry our eyes out
7. we do remember everything. so if you were friends with us first and we were your confidant on your trysts in your past relationship/singledom, it DEFINITELY does not go out the window just because you're with us now. we guard our hearts like chihuahuas guard raw hide bones.
8. PLEASE WASH DISHES!
9. unfortunately, half of the stuff we say, we don't mean. for example
-'it's fine' usually means you need to be on your toes because it's NOT fine
-'nothing's wrong' means that something is seriously bugging us and we want you to pry and if you don't, it's because you don't care. i know this makes no sense. but we're women.
10. other than that, we just like to be romanced. and that doesn't mean dropping loads of cash, it means sweet love notes, texts, or random kisses for no particular reason. personally i don't like flowers, but if you're going to get her flowers, make sure it's our favorite kind. *for example. i don't especially like roses, i like lillies* and if you don't bother to find that out, we WILL notice.
1. words are deceptive and should only be spoken when actions fail to suffice
2. which would suggest that there are times when we think you aren't....
3. not all women want that lol...
4. FART
5. don't grab my *kitten*...or pat my ****....around old people or children
6. we already have that penciled in our daily schedule
7. Artist: Music Soulchild Album: Juslisen Track: Previouscats
8. you clean the dishes...i'll take the rest of the house
9. well who's fault is that if we don't understand messages that are intentionally misleading lol..0 -
1. tell me you love me everyday
2. let me know you think i'm attractive
3. we want tons of affection, whether it's handholding or cuddling on the couch
4. personally i don't care if my man farts, it's human nature, and because i live with him, i hate feeling like i have to hold mine in lol
5. playful groping/harassment is okay in my book, you're my boyfriend for a reason, me personally, i love harassing him, if anything he probably gets more offended than me lol
6. if we're having a bad day, just let us lay on you, talk gently and let us cry our eyes out
7. we do remember everything. so if you were friends with us first and we were your confidant on your trysts in your past relationship/singledom, it DEFINITELY does not go out the window just because you're with us now. we guard our hearts like chihuahuas guard raw hide bones.
8. PLEASE WASH DISHES!
9. unfortunately, half of the stuff we say, we don't mean. for example
-'it's fine' usually means you need to be on your toes because it's NOT fine
-'nothing's wrong' means that something is seriously bugging us and we want you to pry and if you don't, it's because you don't care. i know this makes no sense. but we're women.
10. other than that, we just like to be romanced. and that doesn't mean dropping loads of cash, it means sweet love notes, texts, or random kisses for no particular reason. personally i don't like flowers, but if you're going to get her flowers, make sure it's our favorite kind. *for example. i don't especially like roses, i like lillies* and if you don't bother to find that out, we WILL notice.
1. words are deceptive and should only be spoken when actions fail to suffice
2. which would suggest that there are times when we think you aren't....
3. not all women want that lol...
4. FART
5. don't grab my *kitten*...or pat my ****....around old people or children
6. we already have that penciled in our daily schedule
7. Artist: Music Soulchild Album: Juslisen Track: Previouscats
8. you clean the dishes...i'll take the rest of the house
9. well who's fault is that if we don't understand messages that are intentionally misleading lol..
oh HUSH. and i don't grab or pat around old people or children. besides maybe like twice...three times top.
and THIS woman wants that..in regards to no. 30 -
you mean in regards to number 40
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Be random. Leave a cute little note somewhere, text/email a little love message, unexpected flowers, anything just because.
this!! wish my husband would do that. hmpf.
He doesn't?
Man...what's wrong with men these days?
Haha, not really. Kinda sad. Sigh. He does open doors for me and kiss me goodbye and all that ****ake. But I've always wanted the cute little note thing. So not fair. Oh I've gotten flowers ONCE in almost six years! >=/0 -
I'm not a girl who cares if I receive flowers or cards. Yes, they are nice but my husband and I have been together for 13 years and I can count on one hand the number of times he bought me flowers. That being said, there are sooo many other things that he does. He cleans, does the laundry and cooks when I'm to tired. We brought a new vaccuum when we got married a year ago (yes, we got married on our 12 year anniversary) and the only time I've ever touched it was to move it out of my way in the closet. We work opposite shifts (he works nights) so on the weekends when we're both home and I'm heading to bed at 10 and he's not tired, he comes in and makes sure I'm all settled in the bed (i.e. fixes the covers, gets me water, kisses me goodnight). We hold hands constantly. We can't even sit on the couch and watch TV without holding hands or touching (even if it's my feet tucked under his legs). He supports me in everything I do. I recently finished my degree and the whole time I was going to school he was crazy supportive. The times I was so frustrated I was in tears he would just walk over, make me stand up and then hug me until I stopped crying and then bring me a glass of wine (I hate math). I don't care if you buy me things. Treat me with respect and show me how you much you care with the little things that most people take for granted.
In return, I will be the most gracious person you will ever be with and will go out of my way to make sure that I show that I appreciate all you do for me and return the love and support you give me 100-fold.
BOOYAOWWW...
i like this...appreciate all you have and the understanding that relationships aren't like a matthew mccoughney movie..because no man can compete with matt0 -
Don't try to change us.
Don't try to fix us.
Don't try to control us.
Tell us we're beautiful - frequently.
And me? Bring me beer on a regular basis.0 -
we want you to do things because you WANT to do them....not because you feel obligated!!
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i can't believe i'm going to tell you this but its that women like foreplay there i said it.0
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and then this thread changed to what men want from women should have known0
This discussion has been closed.
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