Have you ever cheated on your spouse?
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Well then I guess the ones who are Muslim, Buddists, Taoists, Wicken, Agnostic or Atheist don't have to worry about doing it then...................Seriously. . I am CHRISTIAN lady and you just don't do this.. . People make mistakes. . we don't need to air them publicly and humiliate people. . these are things that need to be worked through behind closed doors. .
There's no names being mentioned so where's the humility? Again, it's not your place to tell people what can post. It's a discussion. 0 -
"In the future please refrain from such topics as it offends those of us that believe in the sanctity of marriage. . . "
I think in the future you shouldn't post in topics that offend you. Do you watch tv shows that offend you and then complain about them? There have been 3 pages of replies to this topic so obviously others aren't offended.
Sweeping issues under the carpet and not talking about them is not healthy.
And for the record, my answer is no and I never would. I love my wife and would never betray her. I could never look her in the eye again without feeling terrible. If my marriage were in trouble I would try to work it out but if that weren't possible and I wanted to be with someone else, I would get a divorce.
No for the record I actually don't watch much TELEVISION. . as there are a lot of controversial topics on there. . Things that don't coincide with my beliefs as a christian. . I am not going to put on smut tv in front of my ten year old.
I believe that marriage is sacred. . I also believe where there is infidelidy. . there is also room for healing. . But you don't post your life online. . It is none of anyone elses business. . .
As far as SWEEPING IT UNDER THE CARPET> . . there is a HUGE difference between counseling. . and POSTING YOUR dirty laundry on the INTERNET. . .
CHRISTIAN...lol. So that gives you a pass. Child please. You post your dirty laundry to your pastor and let us post our dirty laundry on the internet if we want to. You remember the scriptures, "Judge not unless you be judged." I just hope your pastor is not Zachary Tims, Jim Baker, Earl Paulk, Paul Shepherd, Ted Haggard, Eddie Long, Rick Hawkins, Willie Thornton---the last one is my father who was a pastor who cheated on my mother for years. So don't bring up Christianity as if it immunes you to cheating. SMH.0 -
NEVER and NEVER will!
Cheating is the the most undignified thing a human being can do among other horrendous atrocities.0 -
Nah, he's alright.0
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I have never been married (and more likely never will) or in serious relationship, so I haven't cheated. I actually never cheated when I was casually dating someone. Then again, there isn't any line behind my door, so...
And no, I wouldn't cheat if I was in relationship.0 -
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My husband and i have been married for 13 years, as of last week. We both cheated very early in our marriage and it sucked as much to be the cheater as to be the cheated on. It took a lot of time, but I have to say our trust in each other has actually grown from this. I know how much it tore him up when he cheated and I know he knows its not worth it, and vis versa. Oh, and I am a Christian, and there have been many times in the last 12 years that we have been able to use this experience to help other couples. Now when he goes to Iraq for a year, I know he is being faithful there, and he knows he has no worries about me here.0
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My sentiments exactly.0 -
nope, never! i have been with my husband for 10 years and married for almost 6. i dont really believe in cheating. in my opinion if you feel the need to be with someone else then you shouldnt be with the person you are commited to. but to each their own.0
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NOPE! and never would! think its discusting! if you feel the need to cheat get out of the relationship!!!!!!0
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Hmmm, there's not a cut and dried answer to this one...Have I cheated since he's been my spouse? Absolutely not... have I cheated physically? No, but emotionally and logistically, that's murky...We dated for about 6 months, w/ him drinking and cheating, and standing me up, so I split. I started dating Mike, and we dated for about 3 months, and broke up because he refused to believe I wasn't cheating on him (I hadn't)... then he comes to me and says that he needs the "Illusion of something to come home too" when he deployed... this was about three days before his deployment, I still don't know what the "illusion" of a relationship entails... BUT, I deployed a day before Mike, and while I was gone, I met J. Anyways, while I'm sitting in the desert, DH starts emailing me, he's quit drinking, we're talking as friends, he had gotten married in a rush before he went on cruise and found out his wife was supporting her boyfriend w/ his paycheck... I neglected to mention J, but did tell him about Mike...I told Mike I was talking to DH as a friend, cuz that's all we were.... I pretty much stopped emailing Mike, unless he emailed me first...As far as I was concerned, he ended things officially before we left, all he wanted was an illusion, he knew we weren't for real and I was free. And J knew about everyone.
Fast forward to me coming home. DH's ship pulled in the day after I landed, of course I had to see him... We ended up hooking up after we were home a few days, (he had already filed for divorce) but I didn't know WHAT we were, and J and I had an agreement to an open relationship, until we figured out how and if we were going to be together stateside. As things went on, I was keeping him I guess as a back up plan, because I didn't know what I was to DH still, and I had been fed lines before, so I was kinda one foot out the door w/ caution... But when he proposed (we had only been home about 3 months at that point), I knew I had to cut things off w/ J, and so I did, and it was hard, and I felt horrible for leading him on and then hurting him the way I did, I should have done it sooner. AFTER I broke up w/ J, somehow that's when DH found out about him and there was a big ordeal, but I think he eventually understood why I was proceeding w/ caution... And I never cheated on him again... and I didn't really cheat, I just neglected to break up w/ my boyfriend....but tomato/tomAto, ya know?0 -
Frankly I am appauled that someone would ask this in an online forum. . that is discusting. . First of all marriage is a sacred union. and if this has been violated it is certainly not up for public opinion. . .
In the future please refrain from such topics as it offends those of us that believe in the sanctity of marriage. . .
I don't think it was the original poster's intent to condone infidelity. I believe that marriage is sacred, but I also believe that things happen and life doesn't always work out the way we wish it would. Just like in real life, there are a wide variety of people on MFP. You're bound to find one that's done something you don't agree with.
Didn't say they were condoning it in any sense of the word. . but this is not the place to talk about such things. . . this is not a subject for public discussion. . .
Says who?
You?
Get over yourself, cupcake.
Seriously. . I am CHRISTIAN lady and you just don't do this.. . People make mistakes. . we don't need to air them publicly and humiliate people. . these are things that need to be worked through behind closed doors. .
Well, I'm not a Christian lady, and I don't have any hang ups about being frank and honest about my mistakes.
Plus, it's not like I'm going to go "work on" my relationship with my EX husband after being separated for years.
While I do honestly respect your world view, it would be nice if you could do the same for me and others like me who do not share the same beliefs.
ETA: Back on topic:
I'm actually very grateful for my experience. I have changed and grown in so many ways. I'm no longer a woman who simply shuts her mouth and does what her man wants. I voice my opinions, my needs, my desires. I have taken responsibility and control of my life and my body. Don't get me wrong, I still compromise and concede at times, but that's part of being in a relationship - the give and the take. Before I left my ex, I simply gave and gave, convincing myself that I was happy to do everything for someone else. If anything, I feel empowered post-affair, post-rape, post-divorce. I made it through that, and I'm a much better person for it!
If this question had been asked of me 4-5 years ago, I would have responded like everyone else - "No way, cheating is the worst thing in the world, no excuse. Just leave if you're not happy." To a degree, I still feel that way. But from my experience, I'm much more understanding of the intricacies involved in infidelity. It's not so cut and dry, and cheating doesn't automatically make you a terrible horrible no good person. It just means you've made a mistake, whether it was the affair or the original marriage. I feel a lot more compassionate toward adulterers.
Good people make mistakes too. Making mistakes is human. It's how you fix and recover from those mistakes that matters.0 -
We get it Jade, you are a really good Christian and are REALLY going to heaven. Like extra heaven.
If you are worried about "Things that don't coincide with my beliefs as a christian", I don't think the internet is a safe place for you.
It's funny how some of the peace and love good times people cause the biggest issues. We're just talking here.
*LIKE!!*0 -
Ive never cheated not on a bf or husband......i know how it feels to be cheated on sucks...0
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Was cheated on by my fiance, while pregnant. Once I had my child, I realised I didn't need scum around us, so got rid of that.
Kept up serious barriers for a long time. Anyone got too close, I walked away. Tried to get rid of some of the barriers. Last boyfriend - he knew my issues about cheating, lying etc. If you want to cheat - just text me that its over.. Thats all.. Just don't lie..
What he do?? Lied, cheated..
Made me feel like I was just a stupid *kitten* that only deserved to be lied to. So many times I said I felt that M was a bit friendly - should I be worried.. And all I got was - I'm only trying to be friendly. She's living 1000's of miles from her home and family.. I always trust you - don't presume because others cheated on you that I will...
Eventually I figured it out. It wasn't even that I was sad to get rid of the boyfriend. It was that I believed the lies. I fell for the lies again..
So made a vow that no-one would ever hurt me again. I've been single for 10 yrs now and I'm totally happy with it. Do sometimes wonder where I'll be when my son has his own family and life.. I'll have no-one.. But I'm not sure I'll ever trust anyone enough to let them close - so why hurt someone else with all my barriers and issues..
For me, its not the act of cheating that hurt, it was the lies... Thats what really hurt..0 -
Hmmm, there's not a cut and dried answer to this one...Have I cheated since he's been my spouse? Absolutely not... have I cheated physically? No, but emotionally and logistically, that's murky...We dated for about 6 months, w/ him drinking and cheating, and standing me up, so I split. I started dating Mike, and we dated for about 3 months, and broke up because he refused to believe I wasn't cheating on him (I hadn't)... then he comes to me and says that he needs the "Illusion of something to come home too" when he deployed... this was about three days before his deployment, I still don't know what the "illusion" of a relationship entails... BUT, I deployed a day before Mike, and while I was gone, I met J. Anyways, while I'm sitting in the desert, DH starts emailing me, he's quit drinking, we're talking as friends, he had gotten married in a rush before he went on cruise and found out his wife was supporting her boyfriend w/ his paycheck... I neglected to mention J, but did tell him about Mike...I told Mike I was talking to DH as a friend, cuz that's all we were.... I pretty much stopped emailing Mike, unless he emailed me first...As far as I was concerned, he ended things officially before we left, all he wanted was an illusion, he knew we weren't for real and I was free. And J knew about everyone.
Fast forward to me coming home. DH's ship pulled in the day after I landed, of course I had to see him... We ended up hooking up after we were home a few days, (he had already filed for divorce) but I didn't know WHAT we were, and J and I had an agreement to an open relationship, until we figured out how and if we were going to be together stateside. As things went on, I was keeping him I guess as a back up plan, because I didn't know what I was to DH still, and I had been fed lines before, so I was kinda one foot out the door w/ caution... But when he proposed (we had only been home about 3 months at that point), I knew I had to cut things off w/ J, and so I did, and it was hard, and I felt horrible for leading him on and then hurting him the way I did, I should have done it sooner. AFTER I broke up w/ J, somehow that's when DH found out about him and there was a big ordeal, but I think he eventually understood why I was proceeding w/ caution... And I never cheated on him again... and I didn't really cheat, I just neglected to break up w/ my boyfriend....but tomato/tomAto, ya know?
UMMMM???? What? Did anyone understand this? There were like 6 different guys and everybody has a different boyfriend or something. Way to confusing.0 -
Hmmm, there's not a cut and dried answer to this one...Have I cheated since he's been my spouse? Absolutely not... have I cheated physically? No, but emotionally and logistically, that's murky...We dated for about 6 months, w/ him drinking and cheating, and standing me up, so I split. I started dating Mike, and we dated for about 3 months, and broke up because he refused to believe I wasn't cheating on him (I hadn't)... then he comes to me and says that he needs the "Illusion of something to come home too" when he deployed... this was about three days before his deployment, I still don't know what the "illusion" of a relationship entails... BUT, I deployed a day before Mike, and while I was gone, I met J. Anyways, while I'm sitting in the desert, DH starts emailing me, he's quit drinking, we're talking as friends, he had gotten married in a rush before he went on cruise and found out his wife was supporting her boyfriend w/ his paycheck... I neglected to mention J, but did tell him about Mike...I told Mike I was talking to DH as a friend, cuz that's all we were.... I pretty much stopped emailing Mike, unless he emailed me first...As far as I was concerned, he ended things officially before we left, all he wanted was an illusion, he knew we weren't for real and I was free. And J knew about everyone.
Fast forward to me coming home. DH's ship pulled in the day after I landed, of course I had to see him... We ended up hooking up after we were home a few days, (he had already filed for divorce) but I didn't know WHAT we were, and J and I had an agreement to an open relationship, until we figured out how and if we were going to be together stateside. As things went on, I was keeping him I guess as a back up plan, because I didn't know what I was to DH still, and I had been fed lines before, so I was kinda one foot out the door w/ caution... But when he proposed (we had only been home about 3 months at that point), I knew I had to cut things off w/ J, and so I did, and it was hard, and I felt horrible for leading him on and then hurting him the way I did, I should have done it sooner. AFTER I broke up w/ J, somehow that's when DH found out about him and there was a big ordeal, but I think he eventually understood why I was proceeding w/ caution... And I never cheated on him again... and I didn't really cheat, I just neglected to break up w/ my boyfriend....but tomato/tomAto, ya know?
UMMMM???? What? Did anyone understand this? There were like 6 different guys and everybody has a different boyfriend or something. Way to confusing.
This made me laugh. I was a bit confused too. :ohwell:0 -
If someone cheats on you, they do NOT love you. That is NOT love. Loving someone means you go to the ends of the earth to NOT hurt them, even at your own expense sometimes.
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"Like" They really gotta install a like button on here...0 -
*crickets*
For the record I've never been married. And I'm leaving it at that.0
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