How to talk to guys!?

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  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    i reckon you just have to practice. make an effort to ask 10 men a question every day (and they don't have to be men that you want to attract, just men in general, i guess it won't hurt if they are hot, give you something decent to look at). Don't talk to them with vision to picking them up, just talk for the sakes of talking, and you never know what interesting people you might meet.

    doesn't matter how dumb the question is, can be as simple as "do you have the time" or "do you know where something is" or "can you tell me how to get somewhere". eventually you'll find some that will engage in conversation and you will become used to it. you'll desensitise yourself to how scary it was and it will just become more natural.

    This is very good advice in my opinion.

    Become comfortable just being around and talking to guys in the first instance. In many cases that is often enough to get you some interest to begin with. Once you have that down step it up a notch.

    In this kind of thing it is acquiring the skill that is important rather than securing the outcome (ie actually dating the guy)
  • fitnesspirateninja
    fitnesspirateninja Posts: 667 Member
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    Wow- what was the original question???????

    One person can be attracted to someone. Another person may feel they aren't attracted to them. Who calls the shots as to who is attractive?
    Everyone has their own taste in who is attractive and who isn't to them.

    If someone is attractive initially to someone, they start talking and right away you feel they are someone who comes across as someone you aren't attracted to mentally, the physical part doesn't stay too long.

    Goes the other way too. You start talking to someone who sounds interesting and someone who you have fun with, they become more attractive naturally.

    I didn't read the number thing. Everyone has their own opinion as to who is attractive.

    Thank you for this. We're not all programmed to be attracted to the same type of people. I know I definitely don't find the mainstream type of man attractive. I mean, I can see that they're good looking, but it's not what gets my motor running.

    But this got a little off topic. It's a lot easier to talk to someone you're attracted to if you're not worried about what everything means. I know this is easier said than done, but it can be done. Try taking some classes or volunteering somewhere. Do the things you're interested in doing. Have a full life and find a guy who fits into it.
  • I_give_it_2_u_str8
    I_give_it_2_u_str8 Posts: 680 Member
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    i think you guys are missing the point.

    she clearly said she's afraid of 'attractive guys'. not ANY guys, but specifically the ones she finds attractive

    the rest is moot
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    i think you guys are missing the point.

    she clearly said she's afraid of 'attractive guys'. not ANY guys, but specifically the ones she finds attractive

    the rest is moot

    True but a lot of advice is still applicable.

    She can find a place where there are a lot of attractive guys and get used to speaking to them with no ulterior motive other than being comfortable around them. It can start small like a simple question and move up to short conversations and so on. Once she is she used to that she can then kick it up a notch to flirting and jumping their bones.

    If she spends enough time just being around the guys she finds attractive she may realise that there is very little to be afraid of as underneath the skin most people have the same issues and insecurities although they manifest in different ways. Fear in mnay cases is simply an imaginary box we build for ourselves which is not based on the reality of a situation. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent...
  • TK421NotAtPost
    TK421NotAtPost Posts: 512 Member
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    Wow I have just the opposite problem...talking to women freaks me out...men are easy to talk to cuz you can totally be yourself and there's no judgment(usually),just walk up and say hi that's usually all it takes lol gl hun.

    I'm not afraid of women like I am men. I don't see other women as people I have to impress, ahah. I feel like if they are going to be good friends they'll like me for who I am :)

    I guess I could apply that to men as well... hmmm

    Yes, all it takes is a simple conversation starter and let the conversation build on its own. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Believe me when I say that guys will be flattered and the pressure to maintain a good dialogue will be on them...not you. :smile:
  • Mkleder
    Mkleder Posts: 289
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    You can say just about anything to a guy and have his attention.

    But that doesn't help my intense fear of talking to men D: I need like, a proven method or something otherwise I'll stand in the corner with my knee's knocking haha

    And these "men" that I'll be talking to are more like young adults, (18-23) so does that theory apply to them as well? lol :)

    Don;t take them seriously and bust their chops (verbally -- ala the Top Gun bar scene)....playfully, of course.
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
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    Work on important life skills. For example, a potential mate may love you more based on how well you can remove blood stains from clothing.
  • Slimithy
    Slimithy Posts: 348 Member
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    Trust me... We're like animals in the forest... We're much more afriad of not knowing what to sayto the pretty girls than they should be of us... I'm so glad I'm married, I had no way of talking to girls...
  • Slimithy
    Slimithy Posts: 348 Member
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    You do know how to properly make a Sammich... right? That's all you really need to know...
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    You do know how to properly make a Sammich... right? That's all you really need to know...

    LMAO Funny but Im sure not helpful
  • Daisy374
    Daisy374 Posts: 539 Member
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    You can say just about anything to a guy and have his attention.

    But that doesn't help my intense fear of talking to men D: I need like, a proven method or something otherwise I'll stand in the corner with my knee's knocking haha

    And these "men" that I'll be talking to are more like young adults, (18-23) so does that theory apply to them as well? lol :)

    a "proven method"?? :laugh: :laugh:
    Let me know if you find one! :bigsmile:
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
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    Just be yourself, because it isn't worth trying to pretend to be someone you are not.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    Conversation is not that important to most men.

    Yes, you have to be on a similar mental level so when he says things like "Can you believe Obama caved to Boehner?" or "fire good", you actually know and care what he is talking about.

    Other than that, don't dig for more, because its just not there.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    my 2 cents...

    Im guessing that you probably are ok talking to them about mundane everyday things. But the moment you try to approach with "interest" you freak?

    you need ways to start conversations that can lead to additional conversation.

    for example...
    Have some business cards for interesting business in your area. Use the card as the focus object. you will feel more at ease if his attention is on something other then you. Ask him ...If he knows where this is or how to get there? ask him if he knows anything about it the business...art gallery, restaurant, etc.. Ask him open ended questions to get him to talk so that you can relax yourself and become comfortable talking with him. Pick business that can lead to things. Like coffee shops so you can finish the conversation with hey do you want to go grab a cup real quick "Im buying"
  • popupvideo
    popupvideo Posts: 50 Member
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    I was engaged last summer, and when we broke up I found this article pretty useful. For me, it was not only the issue of how to talk to guys, but how I presented myself, and how I needed to be myself:

    "...So let's try to apply this Barbie-like behavior to a first date to see why it goes over like a lead balloon. Picture a woman trying to be that “perfect girl.” She walks into the room like she's on a catwalk. The handbag matches the shoe button. She giggles on cue. For dinner, she orders two olives with low-cal dressing (on the side). Without realizing it, this woman has already marked herself: temporary. In his mind? “Deposit and go.” He may have sex with her, but from there on it’s a downhill slide. Why?

    When she’s artificial, he becomes wary of who she really is and what her real motivations are. Usually, he figures she’s putting on a show to trap him. So it never goes to the next level. This is why some relationships never shift into second gear. By trying to be something she’s not, the woman automatically gets marked with the “insecure” stamp. “This one will need constant attention and nothing I give will ever be enough. She'll sap me of all my energy.” Before he’s spent any time with her, he is mentally on to the next.

    Not only this, but when a man thinks a woman is weak or insecure, he won’t feel the need to work at the relationship. It becomes “male entertainment” at that point. The relationship becomes a sideshow. He'll kick back, crack a beer, and think, “She's trying so hard, I'll never have to break a sweat in this relationship.”

    Article: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/13231665/ns/today-weddings/t/want-man-propose-be-b*tch/
    -replace the asterisk with the letter "i", the forum won't let me use that word :)

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