Is a rough childhood an acceptable excuse?

Dylanzmom

Like my mom told me " the past is the past, stop living in it and letting it run your life"

futurekilousky

I'm surprised at the lack of compassion here.
None of us can imagine what someone else went through so why judge?

I know that none of you can imagine some of my struggles so I try to do the same.

ilookthetype

Personally, I find this thread and the overall tone of all the responses offensive. After reading through the responses, it seems most of the posts are hurtful and basically " if you can't get over your problems, you are weak"

I had an unimaginable childhood. Abuse, neglect, homelessness, etc.

I also struggle with a serious illness and disability that affects my everyday life and in my teens gained over 70 pounds from one of the medications I was on.

Now, I am healthy, living off medication and with my loving fiancé. While I don't like the term "excuse", my life was profoundly affected and shaped by what I have had to go through.

Many of you may not understand, but don't judge before you take a walk in someone else's shoes. Not all issues or problems are created equal.

I don't think any of us were saying we weren't effected by our childhoods. I was, and am, profoundly effected, it has absolutely hindered my ability to date, to trust men, to be touched by men, but I didn't let that prevent me from moving on, just as you moved on, and succeeded, you are a success story.

macpatti

Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can

Not sure the comments you're reading, but most of what I'm reading are from people who admit they did NOT have a safe home and loving family environment.

boomboom011

I'm surprised at the lack of compassion here.
None of us can imagine what someone else went through so why judge?

I know that none of you can imagine some of my struggles so I try to do the same.

Oh i have compassion and it pisses me off that these things happened to ANYONE. But there is a difference between having compassion and rolling around in it with someone. Yes, it SUCKED to no end. Yes, those people were wrong that hurt us. Yes, our voices need to be heard.

However, how long do people want to be bound and defined by some effing pervert or physical abuser? I dont EVER want to be defined by that. I dont want anyone to feel sorry for me. Guess what I overcame that ****! Its not who I am and it should NEVER be who anyone else is. I personally dont like the bondage of it all.

I gained weight cause I liked to eat. I didnt eat cheeseburgers cause my father molested me. I ate them because the sons of *****es are good. I didnt eat nachos cause i was told i was a POS daily along with many other choices words. I ate nachos cause thats what I wanted.

Having ****ed up parents is no excuse for ME to continue being ****ed up. I have way better things to do with my life. My life is mine and NO ONE gets to call me a POS or be inappropriate with me. I have a choice.

spaztastic13

As for me i had a horrible childhood , mom was on drugs dad was never around, dropped out of high school in the 9th grade,had to grow up fast and even as i became an adult i had to start raising my sister from the time she was 5 till now and shes gonna be 15 ..and as far as excuses there r some things i gives excuses for but now not as far as my health i tell myself i have to workout and that i have to eat healthy...so i think that it depends on the person and the way they grew up!!!

macpatti

Personally, I find this thread and the overall tone of all the responses offensive. After reading through the responses, it seems most of the posts are hurtful and basically " if you can't get over your problems, you are weak"

I had an unimaginable childhood. Abuse, neglect, homelessness, etc.

I also struggle with a serious illness and disability that affects my everyday life and in my teens gained over 70 pounds from one of the medications I was on.

Now, I am healthy, living off medication and with my loving fiancé. While I don't like the term "excuse", my life was profoundly affected and shaped by what I have had to go through.

Many of you may not understand, but don't judge before you take a walk in someone else's shoes. Not all issues or problems are created equal.

I'm seeing the majority here have walked in each other's shoes. I'm looking at this thread as inspirational from people who had rough childhoods. They are reaching down into their own histories to share their stories of how they overcame them. They're basically saying, "If I can do it, anyone can". That's inspirational to me.

ShrinkingNinja

Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can

So what about the kids that come from the same household and the same up bringing and 1 decides to break the cycle and DO something with their lives. The other chooses to use the circumstance as their excuse on why they can't. Same family and same upbringing, two very different choices.

I have seen this with multiple families that I was friends with growing up.

No two kids are ever treated 100% the same... You can't really judge them.

That may be true but everyone still has a choice. A choice to make their life better or to let that define them and hold them exactly where they are.

As I said in my other post, every single person has had difficulties in life to overcome.

I agree everyone has a choice no matter what... All I am saying is the choices they make are between them and the man upstairs. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

boomboom011

Personally, I find this thread and the overall tone of all the responses offensive. After reading through the responses, it seems most of the posts are hurtful and basically " if you can't get over your problems, you are weak"

I had an unimaginable childhood. Abuse, neglect, homelessness, etc.

I also struggle with a serious illness and disability that affects my everyday life and in my teens gained over 70 pounds from one of the medications I was on.

Now, I am healthy, living off medication and with my loving fiancé. While I don't like the term "excuse", my life was profoundly affected and shaped by what I have had to go through.

Many of you may not understand, but don't judge before you take a walk in someone else's shoes. Not all issues or problems are created equal.

I'm seeing the majority here have walked in each other's shoes. I'm looking at this thread as inspirational from people who had rough childhoods. They are reaching down into their own histories to share their stories of how they overcame them. They're basically saying, "If I can do it, anyone can". That's inspirational to me.

Yes! This!

redraidergirl2009

Psychologically that can cause some very deep issues so I say yes, it is a valid reason. However, I think they can change that and seek therapy.

Mios3

I agree with both sides.

I personally had an unthinkable childhood, none of which I care to dicuss or put out there on a message board.

That being said I Chose to use that to better myself. Break the cycle of abuse and give my children the up bringing I never had.

There comes a point when we Have to take responsibility for our own lives and try to make it better. Again "better" is all relative to any situation.

Our lives and future are in our own hands at some point. It is what we choose to make it.

ennaejay

Interesting topic.

I've heard this argued when christians are debating "free will". Do we have free will, or not? Our life's experiences are so varied; we are subjected to other people's freedoms and choices. A kid that grows up in the slums is taught different core values and belief systems than the kid who grew up inside a white picket fence. One may be a fighter by nature; one may more easily find hope. Unfortunately they're not given the same circumstances to overcome. One's hurdles may be bigger. For the white-picket-fence guy, his hurdles are pride and arrogance. For the slum kid, they're fear and distrust of humanity.

I do know that God gives peace, joy, and comfort to those who ask Him, regardless of situation, regardless of background.

We cannot be controlled by other people.

We cannot control other people.

We can control ourselves

---

on a GOOD day.

starracer23

Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can

Nope...not a safe nor a happy home. My mother tried to kill herself too many times to count. Many of those times with me and my sisters right there watching. We saw her taken away by an ambulance and police as my dad sat there and said it was all for attention. My father was a no feeling, non caring man. I was never lifted up, I was never told that I could accomplish anything in my life. I was never encouraged to be anything. I was put down, slapped down and told to be silent and to obey. My parents never cared about anything in my life. I don't speak to them now....they both taught me what I do NOT want to be. I have decided to be a different type of parent. It's a daily battle...it's hard to come from nothing but hurt and negativity. But my children are amazing and they WILL do amazing things. I will be their biggest cheerleader and I will help them to reach any goal they want.

boomboom011

Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can

Nope...not a safe nor a happy home. My mother tried to kill herself too many times to count. Many of those times with me and my sisters right there watching. We saw her taken away by an ambulance and police as my dad sat there and said it was all for attention. My father was a no feeling, non caring man. I was never lifted up, I was never told that I could accomplish anything in my life. I was never encouraged to be anything. I was put down, slapped down and told to be silent and to obey. My parents never cared about anything in my life. I don't speak to them now....they both taught me the what I do NOT want to be. I have decided to be a different type of parent. It's a daily battle...it's hard to come from nothing but hurt and negativity. But my children are amazing and they WILL do amazing things. I will be their biggest cheerleader and I will help them to reach any goal they want.

I am so sorry for what you had to endure but Im sure you are an awesome mother!

P.s. my daughter cheers for the local optimist club for the TEXANS! Go Texans!

sunkisses

I didn't read all 4 pages of responses. Sorry if I'm being redundant. I think once a person realizes that their lives have been shattered during childhood, and that the damage has pervaded everything thereafter, that they should seriously seek counseling to try and recover from some of the damage. I do believe that sometimes this is impossible for some people. We're not all built to endure the same hardships the same way. I come from a background of severe poverty, but I've managed to do very well for myself. It was always a struggle, and still is. I keep going because that's the way I operate. Despite my disadvantages, I have other advantages that other people might not have. I like to hear about people defying their odds, honestly.

Faith1203

Girl u sure do like stirring up these touchy issues huh?

Finally someone said it!! I keep reading her posts & they are for the most part all like this. A controversial question thrown into the wind, but she never says how she feels about it. I am not attacking you, OP, it just looks a little weird. Are you doing a servey on all of this or what?

boomboom011

Girl u sure do like stirring up these touchy issues huh?

Finally someone said it!! I keep reading her posts & they are for the most part all like this. A controversial question thrown into the wind, but she never says how she feels about it. I am not attacking you, OP, it just looks a little weird. Are you doing a servey on all of this or what?

Stick around for a little bit, she will comment.

macpatti

Girl u sure do like stirring up these touchy issues huh?

Finally someone said it!! I keep reading her posts & they are for the most part all like this. A controversial question thrown into the wind, but she never says how she feels about it. I am not attacking you, OP, it just looks a little weird. Are you doing a servey on all of this or what?

Not true. I see her make her point in her original posts often. I've also seen her reply within the thread itself many times. We're in the "chit chat" section, so what's wrong with a good ol' controversial question? She's not the only OP who does that. I find these discussions interesting, myself.

starracer23

I think that people will and can use anything as an excuse...it's easy to. If you have an excuse you aren't held accountable for your actions...you have a reason to continue to do things that aren't healthy and that aren't helpful. It's easier to have an excuse....It takes work to overcome obstacles. Some people just haven't realized that they are capable of overcoming them...they have the power, if they want it.

They may need to seek counseling, they may need a lot of things to truly open their eyes...and it won't happen for them until they reach the pentacle for their life.

Faith1203

Girl u sure do like stirring up these touchy issues huh?

Finally someone said it!! I keep reading her posts & they are for the most part all like this. A controversial question thrown into the wind, but she never says how she feels about it. I am not attacking you, OP, it just looks a little weird. Are you doing a servey on all of this or what?

Not true. I see her make her point in her original posts often. I've also seen her reply within the thread itself many times. We're in the "chit chat" section, so what's wrong with a good ol' controversial question? She's not the only OP who does that. I find these discussions interesting, myself.

I didn't say there was a problem with it. I asked if she was doing a survey or something. I stand by my statement that it looks a little weird if you go through her post and most of them are random questions like this. Like the poll of the day question. Even if this is what it is, still not a problem, just curious as to what is she doing all of this for. These aren't just random everyday questions.