Relationships/CHEATERS

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  • TooFatToFit
    TooFatToFit Posts: 285 Member
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    Hitting home today. My husband left me in April. He swore he didn't have a gf. In fact still does. I found out today for at least 18 months he has been in love with a woman he met on the internet. I dont know if he had ever had any physical contact with her, but he has professed his love numerous times. She is the only woman he had ever been so physically attracted to (why he asked me to marry him I don't know!). She is the only woman who has ever made him feel this way. They exchange love letters and porno emails and suggestive photos. I want to vomit. I thought there was a chance we could work it out. We have 4 kids. I wish I knew sooner. I would have spent less time blaming myself and more time blaming him! Well at least I have my whole life to make up for that! I lost all respect for him. We were together 25 years. I might not have been easy to deal with, but he was no picnic. Lying is just as bad as cheating. Thanks I needed to tell someone. Now at least I told many!

    I'm sorry this happened to you. :( 21 months ago my instincts were going off like crazy and I confronted my husband. I have rather good instincts and he is a rather bad liar so I was able to find the truth before any sex happened...he had only met the woman 4 days before. I gave him the ultimatum that day and let him sleep on it...he chose to ask for a divorce. That happened to be on my birthday, which is also one week before Christmas...so it was a rough, rough holiday for my poor children. He's been through a string of weirdos since then and now that he accidentally knocked one up they're staying together even though it is very, very tumultuous. She has taken to emailing/texting/phoning me occasionally in rages, though I've never spoken to her, and through this I have found out my husband has said many things along the same lines...he never loved me but felt sorry for me, his whole family has always hated me, he was never attracted to me, blah, blah, blah. I confronted him about that, too, and I didn't have much of an answer because him and I both know it's not true. Men just say that to new girlfriends, and I'm not quite sure why except to rationalize their betrayal and make it justifiable ...which it is not. I will take accountability for my part in letting my marriage become unhappy enough that the grass looked greener on the other side because I am one half of the equation and he has his part, too. However, I will take NO accountability in his straying because as hard as he was to live with (uncontrolled bipolar!) and as miserable as I was...I was still trying to make things better and I had no intentions of quitting on him. It doesn't sound to me like you should be blaming yourself either.

    Hang in there, and message me if you want and need to talk about it. In my offline life, I don't have any close friends that have been in this situation and they're kind and compassionate and have been wonderfully supportive, but they don't really know the feelings.

    If anyone is still reading...obviously, I'm a want-to-know person all the way. Dishonesty disgusts me and I'd rather tackle things head on then. I also like to have all the information when I'm making decisions...like should I be in this marriage or not. I agree with Dtrmnd86...if your unhappy, leave. Then start something else once you are free.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
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    80% of all relationships that are built because of cheating and going out on your spouse fail, if thats any comfort

    I only know of one couple that are still together, they even married after divorcing their spouses, but the rest are all single again, or have gone thru relationship after relationship.......They are miserable, sorry for their actions which by now is too late....Karmas a *****........

    it never works out. I always wonder, if they cheat on their wives and husbands that they were originally married to, how long will it be before they cheat on their new spouses? How could you trust them?
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
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    If I had to pick between the two, I'd rather be told. It would indicate to me that he at least respected me enough to tell me.

    this. exactly. however, whether it was a one-time mistake or repeated behavior, i couldn't stay, i have severe trust issues as it is and i know for a fact i would never move on, and if i tried to make it work, i'd only end up punishing the person for the rest of the time we were together, so i would just end it.

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