If you can't say something nice....

PatientBearTiger
PatientBearTiger Posts: 475
edited October 2 in Chit-Chat
We all know the phrase: "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything." Know what? I disagree and here's why:

1 - It is very easy to say something that is degrading, mean and condescending and have it come out sounding perfectly "nice." Please and thank you doesn't necessarily mean that the message is all sunshine and roses.

2 - Saying nothing helps no one. There are many people in the world who are very sensitive and take constructive criticism very hard. I get that and I am not trying to pick on anyone. However, MY PERSONAL OPINION is that people sometimes NEED to hear what they don't WANT to hear. If we could all be healthy on our own, we wouldn't be here. Some people respond better to the hugs and gentle encouragement and that's fine. But I don't think a person is truly finding out everything about themselves that they need to find out if they aren't made to be a little uncomfortable. I'm NOT saying we have to be total jerks. But, pretending that everything is hunky dory so someone doesn't get their feelings hurt?? Nope. Not me. Hurt feelings come when a little bit of truth is thrown at someone and that truth is generally a truth that person needed to hear.

3 - We are all adults. Get a grip. No one is purposely putting anyone down the way many people were insulted in school growing up. Why can't we have an intelligent debate with opposing viewpoints without people saying "they are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down" or "they are a troll" or "I'm going to go tell mommy" or something along those lines? Opposing viewpoints are good people!! Quit being so defensive and you just might learn something about yourself. I know I have since joining MFP.

Nice is good. Honest is good. Nice and honest if best. However, given the choice, I'll take honest.
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Replies

  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I agree with this wholeheartedly.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
    Exactly.
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    I agree with this wholeheartedly.

    plus one
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,493 Member
    Right on!
  • janet_pratt
    janet_pratt Posts: 747 Member
    Well said. You are a wise BearTiger.
  • 1_up
    1_up Posts: 1,414 Member
    I wholeheartedly agree. In my opinion, when it comes to fitness it is best to hear the truth presented respectfully than to have a gang of yes men nodding away at what you want to hear. Debating with someone who has an opposing viewpoint helps open the minds of both parties and the end result is learning something helpful towards achieving your goals.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    I agree with your message, but in all honesty? Your pic just makes you look so nice, and happy and sweet, I think you need to pull out the BearTiger for this thread!:bigsmile:
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    Nice post!
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
    Agreed
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
    Tritto.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    If you can't say something nice....come sit by me ;)
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    You hurted my feelings, and I'm telling my mommy!
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    LIKE LIKE LIKE!
  • dayzeerock
    dayzeerock Posts: 918 Member
    If you can't say something nice, then we'd probably be really good friends!
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    Well said.

    There's a difference between real support and enabling people's unhealthy behavior habits or thinking pattern. THAT'S why I'm proud to have you amd my other MFPer friends. And its why I avoid the syrupy sunshine and roses crap from random strangers. A great NSV thread with pictures? Heck yeah. Random aren't we all so awesome? No. Cuz we ain't.

    A real friend tells me I have something in my teeth. Here, my real friends will call me on stuff that is ultimately way more important than some errant spinach
  • adjones5
    adjones5 Posts: 938 Member
    By the title I thought for sure this was another post complaining about all the "meanies" on here. Thank god its not. They were getting so annoyingly redundant.
  • rrrbecca11
    rrrbecca11 Posts: 477
    Yep. I'm all about honesty. It's the most effective tool.
  • 1_up
    1_up Posts: 1,414 Member
    There's a reason why most personal trainers are ball breakers :P
  • HarlCarl
    HarlCarl Posts: 266 Member
    If I had feelings, that would have hurt them. :noway:
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
    In all honesty...ahem. I do think people could sometimes work on saying things in a kind way. We all need to hear things sometimes that we don't want to hear, but thinking about how you would say it to someone you care about is important, too. I think it's best if we can say the tough things in a loving way. That said, if someone doesn't want to hear the truth, they may still overreact and we have to expect that as a possibility. I definitely agree that "nice" is not always the most helpful or loving thing to be.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,454 Member
    Okay, it's settled once and for all.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    Werd yo!

    There is also a big difference between "attacking" an idea/advice and "attacking" someone personally
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    This world needs more BearTigers. :)
  • trinityj1
    trinityj1 Posts: 97 Member
    Completely agree.

    People here are less willing to engage in a discussion involving disagreement than any community I've ever browsed. Caring and kindness aren't all pats on the back. I warn people: don't ask for my opinion if you don't want to hear the truth, because I don't believe in lying to spare your feelings right now when the hurt will be tripled in the long run.
  • alliecore
    alliecore Posts: 446 Member
    BearTiger is always right. So listen to him! =D
  • ncgatorfan
    ncgatorfan Posts: 517
    Dead on right. Totally agree and well said!
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    I'm all about honesty. However, there is a difference between constructive honesty and brutal honesty. While most people here are honestly trying to help people, even if that means telling them something they don't want to hear, there are most definitely people here who put people down. You can tell the difference. MFP is just a sampling of society. We have those people who put others down to make themselves feel better. It's just a fact. I agree that we should not keep our mouths shut unless it's to say something nice, but on that same note, I believe in trying to shut up the naysayers and constantly negative people, too.
  • Ireshgurl
    Ireshgurl Posts: 559
    Isn't there a saying "honesty is the best policy"?? I personally prefer that over the whole "if you ain't got nothing nice to say"....
    I totally agree with part 2.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Agree wholeheartedly...sunshine and flowers responses are what helped me GAIN weight. I don't want sunshine and flowers, I want a good slap in the face when I need it!
  • RocketsGirl75
    RocketsGirl75 Posts: 648
    So now it all becomes clear....this is why I :heart: you!

    LOL!

    :flowerforyou:
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