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    If you can't say something nice....

    Posts: 475
    edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
    We all know the phrase: "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything." Know what? I disagree and here's why:

    1 - It is very easy to say something that is degrading, mean and condescending and have it come out sounding perfectly "nice." Please and thank you doesn't necessarily mean that the message is all sunshine and roses.

    2 - Saying nothing helps no one. There are many people in the world who are very sensitive and take constructive criticism very hard. I get that and I am not trying to pick on anyone. However, MY PERSONAL OPINION is that people sometimes NEED to hear what they don't WANT to hear. If we could all be healthy on our own, we wouldn't be here. Some people respond better to the hugs and gentle encouragement and that's fine. But I don't think a person is truly finding out everything about themselves that they need to find out if they aren't made to be a little uncomfortable. I'm NOT saying we have to be total jerks. But, pretending that everything is hunky dory so someone doesn't get their feelings hurt?? Nope. Not me. Hurt feelings come when a little bit of truth is thrown at someone and that truth is generally a truth that person needed to hear.

    3 - We are all adults. Get a grip. No one is purposely putting anyone down the way many people were insulted in school growing up. Why can't we have an intelligent debate with opposing viewpoints without people saying "they are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down" or "they are a troll" or "I'm going to go tell mommy" or something along those lines? Opposing viewpoints are good people!! Quit being so defensive and you just might learn something about yourself. I know I have since joining MFP.

    Nice is good. Honest is good. Nice and honest if best. However, given the choice, I'll take honest.

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    Replies

    • Posts: 8,138 Member
      I agree with this wholeheartedly.
    • Posts: 2,521 Member
      Exactly.
    • Posts: 3,450 Member
      I agree with this wholeheartedly.

      plus one
    • Posts: 1,493 Member
      Right on!
    • Posts: 747 Member
      Well said. You are a wise BearTiger.
    • Posts: 1,414 Member
      I wholeheartedly agree. In my opinion, when it comes to fitness it is best to hear the truth presented respectfully than to have a gang of yes men nodding away at what you want to hear. Debating with someone who has an opposing viewpoint helps open the minds of both parties and the end result is learning something helpful towards achieving your goals.
    • Posts: 3,865 Member
      I agree with your message, but in all honesty? Your pic just makes you look so nice, and happy and sweet, I think you need to pull out the BearTiger for this thread!:bigsmile:
    • Posts: 3,317 Member
      Nice post!
    • Posts: 704 Member
      Agreed
    • Posts: 710 Member
      Tritto.
    • Posts: 3,945 Member
      If you can't say something nice....come sit by me ;)
    • Posts: 6,171 Member
      You hurted my feelings, and I'm telling my mommy!
    • Posts: 1,997 Member
      LIKE LIKE LIKE!
    • Posts: 918 Member
      If you can't say something nice, then we'd probably be really good friends!
    • Posts: 1,130 Member
      Well said.

      There's a difference between real support and enabling people's unhealthy behavior habits or thinking pattern. THAT'S why I'm proud to have you amd my other MFPer friends. And its why I avoid the syrupy sunshine and roses crap from random strangers. A great NSV thread with pictures? Heck yeah. Random aren't we all so awesome? No. Cuz we ain't.

      A real friend tells me I have something in my teeth. Here, my real friends will call me on stuff that is ultimately way more important than some errant spinach
    • Posts: 938 Member
      By the title I thought for sure this was another post complaining about all the "meanies" on here. Thank god its not. They were getting so annoyingly redundant.
    • Posts: 477
      Yep. I'm all about honesty. It's the most effective tool.
    • Posts: 1,414 Member
      There's a reason why most personal trainers are ball breakers :P
    • Posts: 266 Member
      If I had feelings, that would have hurt them. :noway:
    • Posts: 25,022 Member
      In all honesty...ahem. I do think people could sometimes work on saying things in a kind way. We all need to hear things sometimes that we don't want to hear, but thinking about how you would say it to someone you care about is important, too. I think it's best if we can say the tough things in a loving way. That said, if someone doesn't want to hear the truth, they may still overreact and we have to expect that as a possibility. I definitely agree that "nice" is not always the most helpful or loving thing to be.
    • Posts: 34,476 Member
      Okay, it's settled once and for all.
    • Posts: 10,413 Member
      Werd yo!

      There is also a big difference between "attacking" an idea/advice and "attacking" someone personally
    • Posts: 1,234 Member
      This world needs more BearTigers. :)
    • Posts: 97 Member
      Completely agree.

      People here are less willing to engage in a discussion involving disagreement than any community I've ever browsed. Caring and kindness aren't all pats on the back. I warn people: don't ask for my opinion if you don't want to hear the truth, because I don't believe in lying to spare your feelings right now when the hurt will be tripled in the long run.
    • Posts: 446 Member
      BearTiger is always right. So listen to him! =D
    • Posts: 517
      Dead on right. Totally agree and well said!
    • Posts: 4,280 Member
      I'm all about honesty. However, there is a difference between constructive honesty and brutal honesty. While most people here are honestly trying to help people, even if that means telling them something they don't want to hear, there are most definitely people here who put people down. You can tell the difference. MFP is just a sampling of society. We have those people who put others down to make themselves feel better. It's just a fact. I agree that we should not keep our mouths shut unless it's to say something nice, but on that same note, I believe in trying to shut up the naysayers and constantly negative people, too.
    • Posts: 559
      Isn't there a saying "honesty is the best policy"?? I personally prefer that over the whole "if you ain't got nothing nice to say"....
      I totally agree with part 2.
    • Posts: 8,897 Member
      Agree wholeheartedly...sunshine and flowers responses are what helped me GAIN weight. I don't want sunshine and flowers, I want a good slap in the face when I need it!
    • Posts: 648
      So now it all becomes clear....this is why I :heart: you!

      LOL!

      :flowerforyou:
    This discussion has been closed.

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