If you can't say something nice....

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PatientBearTiger
PatientBearTiger Posts: 475
in Chit-Chat
We all know the phrase: "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything." Know what? I disagree and here's why:

1 - It is very easy to say something that is degrading, mean and condescending and have it come out sounding perfectly "nice." Please and thank you doesn't necessarily mean that the message is all sunshine and roses.

2 - Saying nothing helps no one. There are many people in the world who are very sensitive and take constructive criticism very hard. I get that and I am not trying to pick on anyone. However, MY PERSONAL OPINION is that people sometimes NEED to hear what they don't WANT to hear. If we could all be healthy on our own, we wouldn't be here. Some people respond better to the hugs and gentle encouragement and that's fine. But I don't think a person is truly finding out everything about themselves that they need to find out if they aren't made to be a little uncomfortable. I'm NOT saying we have to be total jerks. But, pretending that everything is hunky dory so someone doesn't get their feelings hurt?? Nope. Not me. Hurt feelings come when a little bit of truth is thrown at someone and that truth is generally a truth that person needed to hear.

3 - We are all adults. Get a grip. No one is purposely putting anyone down the way many people were insulted in school growing up. Why can't we have an intelligent debate with opposing viewpoints without people saying "they are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down" or "they are a troll" or "I'm going to go tell mommy" or something along those lines? Opposing viewpoints are good people!! Quit being so defensive and you just might learn something about yourself. I know I have since joining MFP.

Nice is good. Honest is good. Nice and honest if best. However, given the choice, I'll take honest.
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Replies

  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    I agree with this wholeheartedly.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    Exactly.
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
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    I agree with this wholeheartedly.

    plus one
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,495 Member
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    Right on!
  • janet_pratt
    janet_pratt Posts: 747 Member
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    Well said. You are a wise BearTiger.
  • 1_up
    1_up Posts: 1,414 Member
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    I wholeheartedly agree. In my opinion, when it comes to fitness it is best to hear the truth presented respectfully than to have a gang of yes men nodding away at what you want to hear. Debating with someone who has an opposing viewpoint helps open the minds of both parties and the end result is learning something helpful towards achieving your goals.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    I agree with your message, but in all honesty? Your pic just makes you look so nice, and happy and sweet, I think you need to pull out the BearTiger for this thread!:bigsmile:
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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    Nice post!
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
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    Agreed
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
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    Tritto.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    If you can't say something nice....come sit by me ;)
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    You hurted my feelings, and I'm telling my mommy!
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
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    LIKE LIKE LIKE!
  • dayzeerock
    dayzeerock Posts: 918 Member
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    If you can't say something nice, then we'd probably be really good friends!
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
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    Well said.

    There's a difference between real support and enabling people's unhealthy behavior habits or thinking pattern. THAT'S why I'm proud to have you amd my other MFPer friends. And its why I avoid the syrupy sunshine and roses crap from random strangers. A great NSV thread with pictures? Heck yeah. Random aren't we all so awesome? No. Cuz we ain't.

    A real friend tells me I have something in my teeth. Here, my real friends will call me on stuff that is ultimately way more important than some errant spinach
  • adjones5
    adjones5 Posts: 938 Member
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    By the title I thought for sure this was another post complaining about all the "meanies" on here. Thank god its not. They were getting so annoyingly redundant.
  • rrrbecca11
    rrrbecca11 Posts: 477
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    Yep. I'm all about honesty. It's the most effective tool.
  • 1_up
    1_up Posts: 1,414 Member
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    There's a reason why most personal trainers are ball breakers :P
  • HarlCarl
    HarlCarl Posts: 266 Member
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    If I had feelings, that would have hurt them. :noway:
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
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    In all honesty...ahem. I do think people could sometimes work on saying things in a kind way. We all need to hear things sometimes that we don't want to hear, but thinking about how you would say it to someone you care about is important, too. I think it's best if we can say the tough things in a loving way. That said, if someone doesn't want to hear the truth, they may still overreact and we have to expect that as a possibility. I definitely agree that "nice" is not always the most helpful or loving thing to be.

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