If you can't say something nice....

135

Replies

  • PatientBearTiger
    PatientBearTiger Posts: 475

    3 - We are all adults. Get a grip. No one is purposely putting anyone down the way many people were insulted in school growing up. Why can't we have an intelligent debate with opposing viewpoints without people saying "they are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down" or "they are a troll" or "I'm going to go tell mommy" or something along those lines? Opposing viewpoints are good people!! Quit being so defensive and you just might learn something about yourself. I know I have since joining MFP.

    [/quote

    I was responding to your third point. You said "no one is purposely putting anyone down". I disagree. There are people on here who do troll and do try to put others down by belittling them. Opposing viewpoints and constructive debates are great. I'm not talking about those at all. You really cannot believe that no one on here trolls or is intentionally rude to others. It happens all the time.

    You're right. It does happen. Let's not derail the thread by getting off on this tangent. PM me and I'll be happy to discuss it with you.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Why does any one person get to "shut up" the naysayers? Or "negative people"

    That attitude lost us Taso who was easily the most valuable, friendly, supportive, truthful person on here.

    One persons nattering nabob of negativity is another person's lifeline. Perhaps people need to get off of their mission to rid the mfp world of that which they do not approve

    I have no idea who Taso is, nor did I say I wanted to "rid the mfp world" of that which I do not approve. There is a difference between telling people the truth, even if it's a good kick in the butt, and putting people down. It doesn't take a genius to know the difference. Why is it okay for some people to be honest, but others have to keep quiet when they don't agree with the way it's done? Tell someone they shouldn't rely on drinking lemon water to lose weight. But, don't tell them that they're a frigin idiot if they do. It's the latter comments that bother me.

    Its not a difference in being honest by saying something in a kind or rude way. The difference is in saying the truth directly to a person or behind their backs, to someone else. I am sure you can understand the difference here.

    I agree. Honesty is telling the truth. I said there's a difference between constructive honesty and brutal honesty. You can be honest without belittling. I also agree that if you're going to say something about a person, you should say it to that person and not behind their back. Agreed.
  • CountryDevil
    CountryDevil Posts: 819 Member
    Well said!!
  • CindiBryce
    CindiBryce Posts: 438
    Agreed, there is no use in sugarcoating everything. The best way to improve is to be open-minded and learn how to take criticism and the truth, no matter how harsh it may seem.
  • FindingFit50s
    FindingFit50s Posts: 162
    Why does any one person get to "shut up" the naysayers? Or "negative people"

    That attitude lost us Taso who was easily the most valuable, friendly, supportive, truthful person on here.

    One persons nattering nabob of negativity is another person's lifeline. Perhaps people need to get off of their mission to rid the mfp world of that which they do not approve

    I thought the OP's comments were the most refreshing, straightforward thing I've heard on here since I I've been here. But I think you one-upped him. A dead tie at the very least. Thank you.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Amen, brother!

    WHY AREN'T WE FRIENDS?!
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Why does any one person get to "shut up" the naysayers? Or "negative people"

    That attitude lost us Taso who was easily the most valuable, friendly, supportive, truthful person on here.

    One persons nattering nabob of negativity is another person's lifeline. Perhaps people need to get off of their mission to rid the mfp world of that which they do not approve

    I have no idea who Taso is, nor did I say I wanted to "rid the mfp world" of that which I do not approve. There is a difference between telling people the truth, even if it's a good kick in the butt, and putting people down. It doesn't take a genius to know the difference. Why is it okay for some people to be honest, but others have to keep quiet when they don't agree with the way it's done? Tell someone they shouldn't rely on drinking lemon water to lose weight. But, don't tell them that they're a frigin idiot if they do. It's the latter comments that bother me.

    and if someone calls someone else a "frigin idiot" :huh: - then you REPORT that post. Not make a huge deal about it. You do know how to report, don't you?

    Why would I report that person instead of letting him/her know I didn't appreciate the comment? Some people say they're sick of all the tattle tales and those who report everything, and others (like you) condone reporting instead of addressing the issue. What's wrong with being honest and pointing out that the comment could have been done in a better way?
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    I love you!!!
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    But but what about the story from Bambi,I mean we should all take life lessons from Disney cartoons.Which is why I live with 7 short guys
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,307 Member
    Why does any one person get to "shut up" the naysayers? Or "negative people"

    That attitude lost us Taso who was easily the most valuable, friendly, supportive, truthful person on here.

    One persons nattering nabob of negativity is another person's lifeline. Perhaps people need to get off of their mission to rid the mfp world of that which they do not approve

    I have no idea who Taso is, nor did I say I wanted to "rid the mfp world" of that which I do not approve. There is a difference between telling people the truth, even if it's a good kick in the butt, and putting people down. It doesn't take a genius to know the difference. Why is it okay for some people to be honest, but others have to keep quiet when they don't agree with the way it's done? Tell someone they shouldn't rely on drinking lemon water to lose weight. But, don't tell them that they're a frigin idiot if they do. It's the latter comments that bother me.

    and if someone calls someone else a "frigin idiot" :huh: - then you REPORT that post. Not make a huge deal about it. You do know how to report, don't you?

    Why would I report that person instead of letting him/her know I didn't appreciate the comment? Some people say they're sick of all the tattle tales and those who report everything, and others (like you) condone reporting instead of addressing the issue. What's wrong with being honest and pointing out that the comment could have been done in a better way?

    Because that (frigin idiot) was NOT the intent of this thread. You missed the whole point. You can't split every hair, sorry.

    The point was that the world doesn't need more fake flattery and lying to make people feel better. The world needs honesty.
  • PurpleCoookie
    PurpleCoookie Posts: 334
    right on!
  • JsGirl93
    JsGirl93 Posts: 1,156
    Why does any one person get to "shut up" the naysayers? Or "negative people"

    That attitude lost us Taso who was easily the most valuable, friendly, supportive, truthful person on here.

    One persons nattering nabob of negativity is another person's lifeline. Perhaps people need to get off of their mission to rid the mfp world of that which they do not approve

    I have no idea who Taso is, nor did I say I wanted to "rid the mfp world" of that which I do not approve. There is a difference between telling people the truth, even if it's a good kick in the butt, and putting people down. It doesn't take a genius to know the difference. Why is it okay for some people to be honest, but others have to keep quiet when they don't agree with the way it's done? Tell someone they shouldn't rely on drinking lemon water to lose weight. But, don't tell them that they're a frigin idiot if they do. It's the latter comments that bother me.

    Unfortunately, or fortunately, you do not get to be the arbitor of what is neccessarily polite & what is not. What may be to you "putting someone down" to you may be the kick in the pants the intended recipient needed. Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves, and, unfortunately, text does not convey tone. That is why, even though your post came off very self righteous and rude to me, I did not "let loose" on you. That may not have been your intent.
  • PatientBearTiger
    PatientBearTiger Posts: 475
    macpatti - please don't derail this thread. I'd like it to stay out there as a positive and - I think - important message for people. You and I don't see things the same way, so I invite you to PM me and we can debate. But let's not let this topic get thrown off track please.
  • calibri
    calibri Posts: 439 Member
    Agreed. If I edited every post down so it was digestible by every possible audience, I'd never write anything. If you don't like what I write, don't read my posts! I'll even send you a PM at your request so you can block me. :wink:
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Unfortunately, or fortunately, you do not get to be the arbitor of what is neccessarily polite & what is not.
    I vote "fortunately" on this one...wait, are we not voting?
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,493 Member
    Unfortunately, or fortunately, you do not get to be the arbitor of what is neccessarily polite & what is not.
    I vote "fortunately" on this one...wait, are we not voting?

    voting or not I second this motion
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    Patti you talked about shutting up the negative people. That implies going beyond disagreeing with the content of their posts and goes beyond into taking away their voice. Very controlling abusive and bullying outlook behind using "shutting up"as an active verb with an object that is another person, it seems. I would just suggest that the most destructive wasteful wars are fought and fought dirty by people on at least two sides who thought theirs was the side of angels. Call the meanness. I think I may have with you the other day, but don't think it is ok to make as your goal "shutting up" the other side.

    See that there. I was JUST talking about ehat you've said and didn't call you names. It may have smarted a llittle and that was NOT my goal, but it didn't devolve (yet) into name calling. Let's keep it that way.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    I see so many threads around here where someone or multiple someones state: "I disagree and this is why.' And it is followed up by someone "defending" the poor OP who is being "attacked" and how the rest of us need to just calm down and blah blah blah. It gets old. If someone's viewpoint upsets you, stop and think about WHY it does. Either you realize you're wrong or maybe you strengthen your own beliefs. Thinking is GOOD, people. Your brain cells need exercise, too.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    PBT - Great post.

    Sadly, the discussion is already devolving into a debate about different kinds of nice and different kinds of honesty.

    That irony is even sadder that 10,000 spoons on your wedding day.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    PBT - Great post.

    Sadly, the discussion is already devolving into a debate about different kinds of nice and different kinds of honesty.

    That irony is even sadder that 10,000 spoons on your wedding day.

    or a green light when your already late

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