Finding it hard to stick to with unsupportive partner

scrittenden
scrittenden Posts: 79 Member
edited October 4 in Health and Weight Loss
Hi guys...

Sorry, i just need a bit of a rant lol..

I am trying my hardest to stick to my diet (my diary is open).. and to do my 300 cals worth of cardio every day.. But my bf has decided that if i do my Wii, then im being selfish for using the tv.. and he makes such a huge deal of eating what he wants infront of me..

Any advice on how to get him to understand? he just thinks its funny.
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Replies

  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    Not sure that there's much you can do to change him. The only thing you can change is yourself - specifically if you wish to continue to live with someone that doesn't respect positive changes you're incorporating into your life.
  • eillamarie
    eillamarie Posts: 862 Member
    He's jealous that you're getting hotter by the second, & worried he's going to lose you. Or he's just a straight up jerk lol
  • netchik
    netchik Posts: 587 Member
    Oh Honey, he is being an @ss. See how funny he finds it when you start to "withhold". When he is desperate, remind him about how he was an @ss with the Wii. If he doesn't like you not giving him what he wants, he'll let you work out all you want :)
  • scrittenden
    scrittenden Posts: 79 Member
    We have a 1yr old daughter... so its not that simple.

    the frustrating thing is that he has a fatty liver, and has been told by the dr's he needs to do some serious weight loss or they are going to have to put him up for surgery.. he's just not taking any of it seriously
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    Tell him he is hurting your feelings and that he's doing absolutely nothing to help you with your positive changes.

    If he doesn't stop this behavior I would take a serious look at your relationship.




















    Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    usually people that are being that mean to someone they are supposed to love just have their own issues, and it's unlikely you can fix those for him. If it's not possible to workout somewhere else where you can do it in peace, I'd just sit him down and let him know it hurts your feelings that he doesn't respect your lifestyle change...if he still doesn't care....then......:noway:
  • auntied
    auntied Posts: 113 Member
    It's not funny he's controlling you! He is not a good boyfriend. DUMB HIM NOW! I"ve been there done that. Good luck
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Pull the health card. Being overweight raises your risk of most major diseases and disorders. Does he REALLY want you to be unhealthy?It's hard to answer that "yes" and claim to care about someone.

    And why are you being more selfish by wanting to do the Wii than he is by wanting to watch a TV show? But if you hae the money and room, another TV would solve that problem.
  • Juliebean_1027
    Juliebean_1027 Posts: 713 Member
    He's jealous that you're getting hotter by the second, & worried he's going to lose you. Or he's just a straight up jerk lol

    This. He's either jealous and worried, or he's just being a brat. I'm guessing he's worried. It's not about you being selfish and using the television, it's about him being concerned that other people are going to start noticing you, or worse, that you'll start noticing other people. He doesn't understand that you're doing this for you, not to get someone better than him. My guess is that he's insecure about his own physical appearances and doesn't know how to act about it. Hang in there and keep doing what you need to do for you!
  • believe22
    believe22 Posts: 210 Member
    Once he sees your progress, he wont think its so funny anymore.
    You wont be able to change how he thinks. It sounds like maybe he has some self esteem issues and is worried about you losing weight, feeling & looking better and this is a coping mechanism for him. my best advice is to stick with it, push thru his negativity and keep your goal in mind.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    is he the only man in your community? Just a thought- KICK HIS *kitten* TO THE CURB. you are either part of the solution or part of the problem and he does NOT sound like part of the solution.
    You'd be a LOT better off with a better, more supportive partner. AND you deserve it
    Upgrade, honey
  • asanchez0814
    asanchez0814 Posts: 3 Member
    Do it anyway!!!! This change is for you to feel better about yourself, not for him. I've been in a relationship like this before and you have to stand up for yourself.......also, I LOVE the Wii fitness. :)
  • MissMaryMac33
    MissMaryMac33 Posts: 1,433 Member
    He likes you the way you are and he's comfortable --- if you get all skinny and hot he's worried he'll lose you.

    Maybe you could start by seeing if he'll just go for a walk with you... share an ipod. Maybe he just wants you to involve him?

    If he still tries to sabotage you --- it might be time for a new boyfriend. Someone who loves you shold want the best for you -- and that includes your health.
  • afwg1979
    afwg1979 Posts: 170 Member
    SABOTAGE: DAMAGE, DISRUPT, INTERFERE WITH, INTERRUPT, HARM, INCAPACITATE, IMPAIR, DISRUPT.

    Where do you draw the line?

    I would cut the ties.
  • VeganInTraining
    VeganInTraining Posts: 1,319 Member
    Oh Honey, he is being an @ss. See how funny he finds it when you start to "withhold". When he is desperate, remind him about how he was an @ss with the Wii. If he doesn't like you not giving him what he wants, he'll let you work out all you want :)

    That is TERRIBLE advice LOL....I could never with hold, it's punishing both of us

    Seriously though, he's definitely being an @ss if he can't see that you are getting sexier for HIM (ok maybe you're doing it for you but make him feel like it's for him) then maybe it's time to be with someone who will appreciate your hard work. Don't let him take you for granted
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    I think you know that he's a selfish, rat bastich without any of us telling you that. although you have a child together, you have to decide if you're happier with him or happier without him. having a child grow up in an unhappy home isn't a good thing.

    oh, and maybe he'll read this blog of mine and the light bulb will go off:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/hmalin1/view/television-friend-or-foe-160676
  • NashvilleShelley
    NashvilleShelley Posts: 238
    Ask him to do the wii with you. Maybe he feels left out.........
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
    Gonna be blunt ... when you were younger and dreaming about what your boyfriend would be like, was flaunting food in front of you and demeaning your attempts to lose weight two attributes you were looking for?

    Adult behavior is very difficult to change. If the person doesn't want to change, then it's impossible. My money would be on him not changing. If that's okay with you, then stick with him.

    Is your boyfriend helping your become the best possible you? Answer the question honestly. If you like the answer, then enjoy your time with him.
  • fakeplastictree
    fakeplastictree Posts: 836 Member
    My husband made the comment to me the other day, "youre going to leave me for some dude that's interested in fitness" I won't, but it would help if he would take at least a little bit of an interest.
  • sms1986
    sms1986 Posts: 113 Member
    We have a 1yr old daughter... so its not that simple.

    the frustrating thing is that he has a fatty liver, and has been told by the dr's he needs to do some serious weight loss or they are going to have to put him up for surgery.. he's just not taking any of it seriously

    I'm not a medical expert, but perhaps he's in denial about his own problems, and therefore is trying to shift any attention from his problems to yours. His behaviour is obviously unacceptable, but I think it would help if he was made to realise that he too has problems and needs to be doing what you are doing, losing weight.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Not sure that there's much you can do to change him. The only thing you can change is yourself - specifically if you wish to continue to live with someone that doesn't respect positive changes you're incorporating into your life.

    ^This
    Part of being in a healthy relationship is supporting and believing in the other person. As your significant other, its in his "job description" to support your efforts.
  • lstnlondry
    lstnlondry Posts: 1,794 Member
    Not sure that there's much you can do to change him. The only thing you can change is yourself - specifically if you wish to continue to live with someone that doesn't respect positive changes you're incorporating into your life.

    My thoughts exactly.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Have you talked to him about why this is important to you and that you really need his support? It's not just about losing weight but health/fitness and whatever other reasons you may have. He's definitely being a jerk but might not realize how it's impacting you. His behavior might be a reaction to a fear that if you change/improve yourself that you're going to leave him for someone better and maybe if he's not supportive you'll give up and that won't be a concern anymore. The way he's acting is definitely not going to make you want to stay either way and you need to let him know that.
  • jessilyn76
    jessilyn76 Posts: 532 Member
    Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.

    [/quote]

    This is by far my favorite answer of all!! Seriously, I'm going to second this one!!!!
  • scrittenden
    scrittenden Posts: 79 Member
    Thank you everyone.. and you are all right, and i already know what you are all saying is true..

    I wish it was as easy as "just do it anyway".. problem is that me doing 45mins excersise = 4 hours of arguements.

    we have other issues, as you may have guessed.. think i need to do some serious thinking for me and my daughter.

    thanks for all your imputs :)
  • pander101
    pander101 Posts: 677 Member
    If he's doing that, I would seriously take a hard look at your relationship. I dumped the last guy I was with because he kinda had the same attitude. I'm currently now with someone much more supportive and I got more results too. I mean you're just using the TV for wii. There are PLENTY of other times he can use the TV. If it helps any, if he eats a lot of junk that's going to come crashing down hard and he'll be gaining a lot. If he hasn't already.

    But taking pros and cons, do what you think is best for you. But if he's having a negative attitude then something's up.

    Good luck!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,455 Member
    This is why all relationships have to learn the fine art of negotiation and compromise. This is a small issue, compared to the stuff you will deal with in life.

    A second hand TV is 15-25 dollars.
  • CityOnAHill
    CityOnAHill Posts: 136 Member
    My husband is overweight as well and while he's "on board" with helping me lose weight and be healthier, he wants no part of it for himself. Our three game systems are all hooked up the the largest TV and with him being a gamer, I get "private" use of the area very rarely.
    I use it when it's available (if I beat him home from work, or gettting up earlier than him on the weekend, etc). The rest of the time, I just find something else to do; go for a walk, ride a bike. I use my frustration about it as fuel.
    And I don't think it's fair to call him an *kitten*; he could be genuinely afraid. Afraid of losing you, not feeling like he's good enough, afraid to start his own journey. If you love him, try being supportive of him and you may find him to be more supportive of you.

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    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    I'm sorry, my husband did the same thing when I first started, it wasn't bc he didn't care it was bc he didn't understand how important it was to me, after a lot of long talks my husband has finally given 100% of his support to my efforts, sometimes it takes time for ur spouse to understand this isn't just a phase ur going thru.
  • KatFierce
    KatFierce Posts: 252 Member
    My husband hasnt been very supportive either. i plan to tonight /think you should have a conversation with him and tell him why you are doing what your doing, why its important, why you need his suport, how you feel you arent getting his support, and what specifically you need him to do to help you, and even ask him to join in on your efforts. Good luck! I'll be your friend if you like we can support eachother :)
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