Finding it hard to stick to with unsupportive partner

Bronx_Montgomery

Hi guys...

Sorry, i just need a bit of a rant lol..

I am trying my hardest to stick to my diet (my diary is open).. and to do my 300 cals worth of cardio every day.. But my bf has decided that if i do my Wii, then im being selfish for using the tv.. and he makes such a huge deal of eating what he wants infront of me..

Any advice on how to get him to understand? he just thinks its funny.

I say you need a new boyfriend. One who understands what you need to do to improve and not make you feel that way.

RosieWest8

You just need to tell him sometime that you want to talk real quick, and be serious. Explain your motivation for wanting to lose weight and get healthy. And make it clear that it's very important to you, and that it would be a lot easier and a better experience if he was supportive. If it's important to you, it should be important to your partner, period. If he can't take that seriously or respect that fact that you want him behind you in this, then it's quite possible that you don't need him in your life. I'm a big believer in surrounding myself with people I care about and who care about me as well, and my friends/significant others (when I have one =D) are a big source of motivation and encouragement for me. I go through their ups and downs with them, and I expect the same back....and you should too.

Keep up your quest to be healthy, and let him know he should get on board or get off the train. =D

EDIT: I didn't see that you mentioned you had a child together....but I still don't think that means separating isn't an option. I know it makes it more difficult but I don't think anyone should sacrifice their physical wellbeing or psychological/emotional wellbeing for the sake of a child. What if your daughter grows up and wants to eat healthy too....and he laughs and doesn't support it, that's not good for her either.

StrugglingtoMove

I have the same problem, they bring in pizza, chinese everything. I spent the first 2 weeks avoiding everyone. I have little ones too. Only advice really is you have to make a promise to yourself you will not fail! I told my entire family inside my house that 2012 is about me, and i dont care what they think. They were supportive for 2 weeks and that was it, they needed all the junk foods, so me over 100 lbs overweight have more self control than they do. Be proud of that in yourself. Lets say he doesnt give up the tv, do something else, stress will only make you fat, dont let him control your emotions. If you cant workout thats better than eating bad from feeling bad.

SaraBrown12

U mentioned u have a child.. tug on his heart strings and say your doing it for her because u want to see ur grandkids. If that wont spur him on to not only support you but get of his @rse and get himself healthy then i would start packing his bags. Harsh but honest. Good luck on your journey and stick at it xx

mrschappet

Tell him he is hurting your feelings and that he's doing absolutely nothing to help you with your positive changes.

If he doesn't stop this behavior I would take a serious look at your relationship.






^^^^^^^^^^THIS... AND I LIKE THE DONKEY PUNCH IDEA LMAO













Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.

AlmstHvn

On dear, this makes me so sad. I'm so sorry you're in this situation because it eats at you from the inside out. I'm guessing that before you started your venture into health that most everything that went on in your home (that involves both of you) has been centered around what he wants. The idea that he demands that you sit next to him during his tv shows chills me to the core. Does he not trust you out of his sight? I would also imagine that the kinds of shows he wants to watch aren't appropriate for a 1 yr old - what about what she needs, is she forced to stay in the room as well?

I'm so proud of you for standing up, carving out a bit of space for yourself and owning your own health with all that "muck" in the air. Surely that was difficult and probably threatens the heck out of him - uh oh, she's learning to think on her own? Act on her own? Surely this must be squashed immediately!

Don't let him.

And do please think on the entire relationship - the atmosphere of the home. Is it a nurturing, supportive environment to raise a child? My ex never hit me, but he threw things. Often in my general direction - far enough off that he could claim he wasn't aiming for me, but .. really, what's the difference? He also smashed and punched things when he lost his temper. It was only a matter of time before it was me or our daughter at the receiving end. I didn't want to live in a home where I was afraid - and I sure as he11 didn't want my daughter raised in that world. Since it was my home and he didn't have a job, I told him to leave. It was terrifying (I had friends on standby to call the police that night in case he lost it) ... but it was the best thing I ever did in that relationship.

Perhaps there are some agencies in your area you could talk to - counseling, etc. - and plan your path forward. Take care of yourself and that sweet baby!

amandakrussell

My support system recommends that you express those feelings in a statement like, "It makes me feel (insert adjective here) when you (insert action here)." He's obviously covering up his hurt emotions with humor. Let him know that you are aware a changing partner is scary, and reassure him that you still care. KEEP POSITIVE. It's the only way that your lifestyle will look attractive to him. Choose activities for exercise that will look attractive to him too (like basketball? or getting another Mii on the Wii for him?) or that require two people (throwing a football for example) and then it's harder for him to say anything.

If he continues to be un-supportive afterwards, and it seems it's more purposefully to hurt you, then you're dealing with something a little bit deeper. And perhaps it's time to see a counselor as he's failing to open up.

Jessica0982

I feel your pain! IMO, your boyfriend is being a douche. He can be supportive of your weight loss and not be on a diet at the same time.

My husband is the same way. While he does encourage me, he doesn’t do anything to help me. He says I’m doing good, he tells me when he sees weight loss (or inches). But he eats whatever he wants (and it shows) and it’s really hard for me. I’m now almost 30 days in and it’s gotten easier. You really just have to have the willpower and again, it gets easier. Keep in mind, whether it’s your boyfriend eating junk food in front of you or another person, it’s always going to be there.

My husband will choose to go eat McDonald’s or Subway instead of eating fish and veggies when I cook dinner. Okay, fine. Go ahead. Yes, the bread is soft and yummy. Yes the sub tastes awesome. But at what cost? I’m not willing to eat that and give up all my hard work. Are you?

Find substitutes for snacks. I’m a huge fan of the Fiber One Brownies (90 calories each). I also love a low fat graham cracker with peanut butter. Or some crackers where I can eat 15 of them and dip them in cheese. There ARE alternates out there, you just have to find them and get in the habit of eating them instead of falling for the horrible junk food.

Treat yourself with mini goals. If you hit the 10 lb mark, go treat yourself to a pedicure or a new t-shirt or shoes or something. But make yourself feel good about your weight loss journey because it’s hard, it takes work, dedication, and it’s quite liberating when you reach your mini goals.

I know it’s not easy when you have the food in front of you. My husband buys separate groceries from what I buy. I pay for the food each week, so he eats what I buy or he goes off and buys his own. And as for sharing the TV, your boyfriend needs to hush. I fight with my son and husband on occasion, but my workout DVD is only 20 mins. I really try to do my workout first thing in the morning before work so it’s done and over with. But sometimes I can’t wake up and I do it after work. They get pissy, but oh well, it’s 20 mins, they can go find something else to do. I always pull the Maid card, “You can do the dishes and clean your room. By the time you’re done, I will be too” It usually shuts them up!

You can do this! Set your mind to it….you got this! With or without his support!

lkblazek

I don't know where to start. I had a husband that didn't support me ... note had a husband. It sounds to me like your BF will not care if he is hurting you or not, but you need to tell him how you feel. Remember you are succeeding at something he isn't succeeding at doing. If he is controlling you this much now, it will only get worse as the years go on. Because you have a daughter it is more difficult, but not impossible. By staying in this relationship you are showing her that it is OK to let other people control her. I would say dump him, but I stayed with my husband for 26 years until one day (had 2 children) I no longer recognized myself. I had very little self esteem left. I would like to ad you to my friend list, I'm not sure how to do that. Take care of yourself so you can take care of that wonderful child. Good Luck

mrau719

I don't think I need to tell you he's being a huge *kitten*. You sound like you already know that. But if you guys have already gone through this before then it sounds like you do need to re-evaluate your relationship. Me, personally, I'd leave him but I can understand how that would be harder with a child. If you know it's best for you and your child do it. Don't listen to those who tell you you're being selfish for leaving him...you deserve to be happy and supported!

That being said my husband was never 100% on board with fitness and healthy eating, but he would never do the things you're saying you bf has been doing. He would go workout with me but still eat *kitten*...although he was nice enough to take things that he knew tempted me to work with him and leave them in his desk for lunch, etc. Now he is on board b/c he knows he needs to get his butt in shape and b/c I'm even more serious and have told him I need help to stay with it. Someone who truly loves you won't purposefully belittle you on your journey to make yourself healthier and the best you can be.

mandirajoy

That really sucks - my husband was the same way for a while. I sat down with him and had a 3hr heart to heart. I told him how much I loved him and wanted him to be in my life and our future children's lives for a very long time - I don't want to lose him young! I also expressed to him how important to me it was that he be supportive of my healthy eating and exercise stuff. Eventually I was able to coax my hubby to go for walks and then some at home dvd yoga, and then eating better with me...

Your bf needs to lose weight for himself - not for you; and on the same note you need to lose weight for you too. If he can't be supportive and won't hear you out then you need to just be stronger and do it anyway....shove it in his face that you CAN do it with or without him, just as he's shoving crap food in your face. Tell him that for the 1hr or so that you do your wii workout, he could be spending time with his daughter or something, but express that you really need that time each day and that it's not being selfish - he is being selfish by sitting on his *kitten* all day, shoving **** food in your face, not spending quality time with you or his daughter and being a lazy couch potato and watching tv while you could be looking sexier each day FOR HIM and for you!

I don't think leaving is the answer right away....especially since there's a child involved. But I think your bf should want you to be happier, healthier, and more involved - if he doesn't want those things for you or your child then he does need to hit the road - but I think initially he needs to know that you're not getting smaller to find someone else and that you still want to be with him, but that you just want your whole family to be healthier. It's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy and happy in life.

Also - if he's thinking that you might run off to find someone else, maybe he's worried that if he gets smaller and sexier that he might want someone else....people with that kind of thought pattern are usually doing it themselves or want to...just a thought.

DiannaMoorer

On the "Doctors" show they did an intervention with some people who had some habits that were killing them. And one of the things they made the people do was to go and pick out out their husbands coffins. That right there actually changed their attitudes around. Maybe ask your boyfriend if he wants to leave his child fatherless because having a fatty liver may lead to worse things like liver disease and than can kill. Hope he changes his attitude. Don't let him discourage you. Keep making the right choices. Show him you are committed to this change you are making.

resolu

Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.

I'm for donkey punching him!

Seriously, I had an ex husband who fed me any chance he had. He was so insecure that I would leave him if I wasn't fat. Guess what, I left him anyway. Your bf's insecurities are hurting you. Yeah, go with the donkey punch!

Ninatoots

I've been reading this thread for 2 days now and will read the rest later. This place sure does help me stay away from my Hubby's "goodies! We are seniors and I've lived most of my life married to him sense 1964. I asked him to get a small fridge and put a lock on it. He does this and it helps me. He has the combination.



Nina