Finding it hard to stick to with unsupportive partner

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  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Not sure that there's much you can do to change him. The only thing you can change is yourself - specifically if you wish to continue to live with someone that doesn't respect positive changes you're incorporating into your life.

    ^This
    Part of being in a healthy relationship is supporting and believing in the other person. As your significant other, its in his "job description" to support your efforts.
  • lstnlondry
    lstnlondry Posts: 1,794 Member
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    Not sure that there's much you can do to change him. The only thing you can change is yourself - specifically if you wish to continue to live with someone that doesn't respect positive changes you're incorporating into your life.

    My thoughts exactly.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    Have you talked to him about why this is important to you and that you really need his support? It's not just about losing weight but health/fitness and whatever other reasons you may have. He's definitely being a jerk but might not realize how it's impacting you. His behavior might be a reaction to a fear that if you change/improve yourself that you're going to leave him for someone better and maybe if he's not supportive you'll give up and that won't be a concern anymore. The way he's acting is definitely not going to make you want to stay either way and you need to let him know that.
  • jessilyn76
    jessilyn76 Posts: 532 Member
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    Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.

    [/quote]

    This is by far my favorite answer of all!! Seriously, I'm going to second this one!!!!
  • scrittenden
    scrittenden Posts: 79 Member
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    Thank you everyone.. and you are all right, and i already know what you are all saying is true..

    I wish it was as easy as "just do it anyway".. problem is that me doing 45mins excersise = 4 hours of arguements.

    we have other issues, as you may have guessed.. think i need to do some serious thinking for me and my daughter.

    thanks for all your imputs :)
  • pander101
    pander101 Posts: 677 Member
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    If he's doing that, I would seriously take a hard look at your relationship. I dumped the last guy I was with because he kinda had the same attitude. I'm currently now with someone much more supportive and I got more results too. I mean you're just using the TV for wii. There are PLENTY of other times he can use the TV. If it helps any, if he eats a lot of junk that's going to come crashing down hard and he'll be gaining a lot. If he hasn't already.

    But taking pros and cons, do what you think is best for you. But if he's having a negative attitude then something's up.

    Good luck!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,121 Member
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    This is why all relationships have to learn the fine art of negotiation and compromise. This is a small issue, compared to the stuff you will deal with in life.

    A second hand TV is 15-25 dollars.
  • CityOnAHill
    CityOnAHill Posts: 136 Member
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    My husband is overweight as well and while he's "on board" with helping me lose weight and be healthier, he wants no part of it for himself. Our three game systems are all hooked up the the largest TV and with him being a gamer, I get "private" use of the area very rarely.
    I use it when it's available (if I beat him home from work, or gettting up earlier than him on the weekend, etc). The rest of the time, I just find something else to do; go for a walk, ride a bike. I use my frustration about it as fuel.
    And I don't think it's fair to call him an *kitten*; he could be genuinely afraid. Afraid of losing you, not feeling like he's good enough, afraid to start his own journey. If you love him, try being supportive of him and you may find him to be more supportive of you.

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  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
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    I'm sorry, my husband did the same thing when I first started, it wasn't bc he didn't care it was bc he didn't understand how important it was to me, after a lot of long talks my husband has finally given 100% of his support to my efforts, sometimes it takes time for ur spouse to understand this isn't just a phase ur going thru.
  • KatFierce
    KatFierce Posts: 252 Member
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    My husband hasnt been very supportive either. i plan to tonight /think you should have a conversation with him and tell him why you are doing what your doing, why its important, why you need his suport, how you feel you arent getting his support, and what specifically you need him to do to help you, and even ask him to join in on your efforts. Good luck! I'll be your friend if you like we can support eachother :)
  • MzMiller1215
    MzMiller1215 Posts: 633 Member
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    Hi guys...

    Sorry, i just need a bit of a rant lol..

    I am trying my hardest to stick to my diet (my diary is open).. and to do my 300 cals worth of cardio every day.. But my bf has decided that if i do my Wii, then im being selfish for using the tv.. and he makes such a huge deal of eating what he wants infront of me..

    Any advice on how to get him to understand? he just thinks its funny.

    I can definitely understand your need for him to be supportive however, you need to be determined to stick to your diet and exercise plan regardless of what he's doing. If he doesn't want to be healthy, that's his business. If there is an issue with using the Wii, maybe you can do it when he isn't there to watch TV? I don't know. But, it sounds like he is immature in his thinking and you really shouldn't concern yourself too much about it. Move on so you can be a happier person. Just my opinion.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    Honestly? This is indicative of a greater issue. If he belittles you for making a positive change in your life, he obviously doesn't value you the way he should. Red flags should be popping up for you right now.

    I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk about the situation. Explain that while he might think it's funny, you don't. You want to be healthy so you can be there for your child in the future. You really think he should be attending to his own health issues and not ignoring them or belittling you for the doing the things he knows he should be doing himself. His reaction is important. If he blows you off or gets hostile, it's probably time to walk away from the relationship. Better you do it while he's still a boyfriend, even if he is the father of your child, than to be married to him with more kids before your realize he's a loser and that you're better off without him.
  • MsMegzR
    MsMegzR Posts: 1
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    Ranting is a good place to start! You're making great progress for your happiness and setting an awesome example for your little girl- keep up the good work and don't let him bring you down.
    My father was my greatest role model for self care- he took great pride in his health and well being, I really hope you can inspire Mr Couch Potatoe off his @ss. Change scares the *kitten* out of some people and you're doing an awesome thing- some people are just too wrapped up in themselves to look past the 'crap, she's making me look bad' instinct to 'wow, I should get up and do that too!'
    I really hope you can find some peace, but stick with your guns and keep making *you* amazing and he's going to either man-up or crawl into a hole and there's nothing you can do but take care of you and your daughter <3
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
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    What concerned me most is that when someone said "Dump him" you responded that you have a 1 yo so it's not that simple... Oh boy. Not knowing you and the entire situation please take this with a grain of salt: Children are NO reason to stay with an unsupportive mate. If anything it could make it harder for them in the future for not seeing what true love is really all about.
    BUT as I said, not knowing you and your situation maybe it is just simply that he is GREAT in every other aspect of your relationship and is just being a goof about the weight loss.
    It is my experience that you will always have the 'nay sayers', the ones that ask when you are going to gain it back, or the ones that want so badly for you to get dessert or the cheeseburger when you know the salad is the better choice, etc. As long as you stick to your guns and do what you need to for YOU, you will do alright. Is there a time of day that he is gone or doing something else when you can do your fitness routine? Good luck to you and I truly hope that it works out in your favor!
  • fabi8081
    fabi8081 Posts: 232 Member
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    Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.

    This is by far my favorite answer of all!! Seriously, I'm going to second this one!!!!
    [/quote]

    I third this one!!!! Donkey punch all the way!!!
    Seems likes he's insecure of you losing weight like you might find something better after your looking smokin hott. Have a talk with him about that and if he still doesn't understand re-evaluate your relationship.
  • Lose2live2014
    Lose2live2014 Posts: 3 Member
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    I would sit down with him over a cup of coffee (or tea, whichever you guys like) and just ask for his support. If he continues to make jokes, ask him if it makes him uncomfortable for some reason. Joking is often a release for tension. If he's threatened by you getting "more beautiful" then you can discuss that with him. If it makes him feel guilty for not taking better care of himself, then you can offer your own encouragement to him as an incentive to do it together. If he really just thinks that the TV should be his all the time, then you've got a whole 'nother level of selfishness going on. Start by talking about it. Don't be passive aggressive; it's no more mature than he's being.

    Congratulations girl... you're doing great, and keep it up no matter what he says about it.
  • czechsmate
    czechsmate Posts: 556 Member
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    Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.
    [/quote]

    THIS :laugh:
  • fabi8081
    fabi8081 Posts: 232 Member
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    What concerned me most is that when someone said "Dump him" you responded that you have a 1 yo so it's not that simple... Oh boy. Not knowing you and the entire situation please take this with a grain of salt: Children are NO reason to stay with an unsupportive mate. If anything it could make it harder for them in the future for not seeing what true love is really all about.
    BUT as I said, not knowing you and your situation maybe it is just simply that he is GREAT in every other aspect of your relationship and is just being a goof about the weight loss.
    It is my experience that you will always have the 'nay sayers', the ones that ask when you are going to gain it back, or the ones that want so badly for you to get dessert or the cheeseburger when you know the salad is the better choice, etc. As long as you stick to your guns and do what you need to for YOU, you will do alright. Is there a time of day that he is gone or doing something else when you can do your fitness routine? Good luck to you and I truly hope that it works out in your favor!

    I agree completely with this. A child is not a reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Your teaching your child it's ok to be treated this way. And trust me they are watching. I hope its just hes unsupportive in this area. Good Luck I wish the best for you also.
  • gazz777
    gazz777 Posts: 722
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    When I started releasing the weight, I was already at a point where 'hang what everyone else thinks, I am in this for me ... I am in this not because I am selfish, I just need to be the best me I can be, because others need me'.

    You stick to YOUR guns as you have more than 1 to look after.

    I stepped out - I've been married 20 years and have 5 children (so yeah, it's a little more complicated), now I have quite a following of others at home and around me.

    My point is, stick to your guns and do what you know in your heart is best.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,708 Member
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    Hi guys...

    Sorry, i just need a bit of a rant lol..

    I am trying my hardest to stick to my diet (my diary is open).. and to do my 300 cals worth of cardio every day.. But my bf has decided that if i do my Wii, then im being selfish for using the tv.. and he makes such a huge deal of eating what he wants infront of me..

    Any advice on how to get him to understand? he just thinks its funny.
    Let him rant. Personally if it's just a BF and that's the way he acts, just think how it will be if you were ever married. You may want to start looking elsewhere if that's the attitude he takes towards what you want.

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