Can anyone handle the truth??

ladybug1620

It's called "feelings." People have them, and compassionate normal people don't like to hurt other's feelings. I do agree with you on the point that lying to someone isn't helping them, when they're obviously unhealthy. But telling them they're fat isn't the way to do it. I had an aunt who was very overweight. She would cry to me sometimes about how she was fat and gross. Instead of telling her she wasn't fat and she was fine, I would offer to work out with her. I would ask her to come over and use my apartment's workout room with me. She never took me up on the offer, but it's her body and her choice. It's not up to you to save somebody with tough love. You should be there to support them, and if they choose to keep living an unhealthy life then butt out of it.

lackie09

Maybe you have NO IDEA what theses people have really gone through... I was pretty at my before... I WAS HAPPY at my BEFORE, because I didn't know any better...

So when PEOPLE LIKE YOU, have THOUGHTS LIKE THIS...

KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF AND SHAME ON YOU FOR HAVING ZERO COMPASSION FOR WHAT EVENTS YOU HAVE NO CLUE OF!!!

YES, THAT SAYS 80 POUNDS LOST WOO HOO!!

agreed!

auntdeedee87

if you think i'm wrong, you're exactly the type of person i'm talking about. the kind i feel sorry for when i see them pretending they're happy instead of making themselves happy.

I'm confused as to when I ever said I was unhappy?

AureliaCotta

I'm all for honesty and would rather hear it when possible. But at the same time being honest doesn't necessarily mean one can't also be supportive...or that one has to be cruel about it.

sjcply

if you think i'm wrong, you're exactly the type of person i'm talking about. the kind i feel sorry for when i see them pretending they're happy instead of making themselves happy.

disagree with this!! I am in the best shape of my life, and I take my health and fitness serious! BUT there was a day that I didnt, and it was the support of my friends that got my past it. Some ppl are not yet in that mind frame and sometimes a little unconditional support is the best way to help them get where they want to be. Now I am not in it for a pitty party either, if you cant put up the work and effort then I wont feel sorry for you. BUT no need to criticize someone that is overweight!

kiltbunny

Eh, I call myself fat all the time because I am. LOL That's why I'm here - I'm fat and I don't want to be. I like chatting with other fat people or formerly fats who have the same goal - fit and skinny! If someone has lost some weight and looks BETTER, then yes, they look BETTER. Tell me I look BETTER but don't tell me I'm done or look fine the way I am!! I'm not and I most certainly don't!! I'm still overweight (aka fat!!). I hope no one is stopping once they get out of "obese" and saying "wow, I'm done, that was hard". Those people make me sad.

ManicMelody

Wow, remove the corn cob from deep within your colon. Everyone here is looking to better themselves.

bstevens1021

Would anyone tell a football player who is 250 pounds and muscular that he is fat because he is over 200 pounds? No, so why should you automatically assume that anyone who is 200 pounds (or 180, or 160, whatever), is too fat? Just because it's not right for you doesn't mean it's not right for another individual. And no, not everyone here is here to turn into the cover of a fitness magazine, so why don't you back off and let each person do what works for them and what makes them happy without telling them what they *should* be doing and what *should* make them happy?

IA w/the "bonehead" and "allergic to nuts" comments above. :P

Qarol

I don't ask for advice because most people are stupid.

TS65

Advising a poster to live up to her boyfriend's standards or "move down" to someone who will accept her for who she is doesn't have a clue about what constitutes the "truth."

So... sorry, as stated above, I have to agree...the truth is you really were a bonehead.

jkvanhemert

There is a big difference between enabling and being supportive. Between being honest and being abusive.

As for your holier than though before / after picture remark... who cares? As long as they feel good about themselves that is what matters.

And as weight is much easier to change than a terrible personality, I'll take my weight problem any day of the week.

Well said!

genxrider

Please don't feed the trolls.

CassarahW

wow, really? I congratulate you on your wonderful accomplishments, that's fantastic. However, there are quite a few of us who have emotional issues that are apart of the problem for our weight issues. Put that aside, no matter what shape our body is in we need to love it and many of us despise it and the more negativity we feel about it the harder it becomes to change. I'm a firm believer that all bodies are beautiful, they are all creations of God. My goal isn't to lose weight, it's to become healthy. I have to love myself, including my body, to respect it enough to treat it right. Not everyone is the same, we all have different reasons for being where we're at. I know I'm not strong enough to just eat less and move more. I'm a comfort eater with too many emotional issues. If you can't be supportive I suggest you leave this site. Most of us don't need tough love, we get that already in our lives. We need community and positive reinforcement. You obviously do not fit in here.

Liluth

Every person is different. Who are you to say that approach isn't helping the person? Who is to say that the only kind of improvement in an individual is measurable in the form of the weight they lose? Sure, it doesn't help you. But that's you. Some people need to have their hand held. You're making an awful lot of judgements based on observation when observation is only one half of the evaluation of a person's mental and physical state.

Attempt to understand that no one approach is the best way to lose weight and that people who turn to food when confronted with criticism are no lesser people than you. Merely different.

Also judging from your "if you think I'm wrong" comment, you're not actually looking for varying opinions, you're looking for people to agree with you and pat you on the back, so it's quite likely I'm one of "those people". I'm fine with this.

mscindyb

I'm more than capable of sabotaging, criticizing, being disappointed in, and disrespecting myself ... I don't need your help. I need the help of like minded, supportive people, who will help me appreciate and celebrate small victories through out my journey. Who will support my effort to make positive changes that will carry me through my life. I suspect a lot of us are heavier than you because our hearts weight more. Good luck, seems like your attitude is getting you exactly where you want to be!

ilookthetype

I totally agree..................well no actually I don't. Boy it must be nice to be so perfect and odor free. You want no BS ok, this post makes you sound uppity and that you think you are better than others. I agree that I don't want to hear someone complain and not do something about it but man you came off like a total............. People respect no BS but not with your kind of uppity attitude

This^ I was working out a response and only came up with ones that would get me banned.

Look, I'm a b!tch, I am very much aware of this, but there is such a thing as tact and learning when to shut your mouth. I don't have tact, so I shut the hell up.

vanillasugar

I am totally honest but NOT abusive or derogatory. You don't need to tell someone they're fat. They have a mirror, clothes and television for that. In fact, you don't need to tell ANYBODY what's wrong with THEM. WHO are YOU, Halle Berry!?
YOU just worry about improving yourself. Friends are supportive, not hateful.
NOBODY is perfect - don't worry about the speck in MY eye- get the log out of yours

THAT is MY truth

*like*

DarkAngel525

you can be honest without being an as$hole. i think most people would prefer that route.

I agree with this. I always am a fan of constructive criticism, but some people think that translates into being mean and nasty.

beccafreak

There's a way of talking to someone and encouraging them but to "tell them the truth" and be a total *kitten* and tell them they are fat? Totally uncalled for. There is such a thing called tact. Empathy. And encouragement. Emotionally abusing someone is not the way to go. I understand where you are coming from but to jump on someone for not being like you is not right. Maybe they already know they are overweight yet don't know where to begin losing weight. Maybe all their life they were emotionally abused (or physically even) and they have learned to eat their way through life. Maybe they have issues that you don't even have a clue about. Maybe it is none of your business what others do. Regardless, if someone asks for your help, jump on it and help out to your fullest. If they don't, leave them alone.

macpatti

I love how you said "if someone told me I'm fat (but no one does because I'm not)" and then go on to say how YOU would feel. Since you're not fat, and no one tells you that you are, you can't possibly understand how others feel. I totally agree that I'd rather have friends who are honest with me, but I have pretty thick skin. Just because something wouldn't offend ME doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt someone else.

Hopefully as you get a little older, you'll learn compassion for others.

chanstriste13

I don't ask for advice because most people are stupid.

bwah! thanks for the chuckles...

Pocket_Pixi

if you think i'm wrong, you're exactly the type of person i'm talking about. the kind i feel sorry for when i see them pretending they're happy instead of making themselves happy.

No pretending here.. I am HAPPY with myself.. I love myself and am working on becoming even better than I already am. I am over 200 pounds but that does NOT mean I am un ugly self loathing depressed fat girl.. I am a beautiful, intelligent, happy fat girl.. we do exist, and some of us don't even pretend!

ONE03

Would it help anyone if I said they were stupid? Same thing. People know their predicaments well whether someone says it or not. No need to bring them down anymore especially when you look in the mirror, and you're far from perfect yourself. I will be honest with tact if asked, but I'm not going to make a comment about something that obviously isn't any of my business.

lorna1002

[/quote]Since we're going with honesty, great goals there. It kinda shows the type of person you are.
[/quote]

hahaha

mmmichelle8486

everyone needs to cut the BS and be realistic with themselves. that's what i do. that's why my "before" looks like your "after".

.

My afters won't have a big black hole where my heart belongs.

UpToTheChallenge

The truth is great, but it's the way the person conveys it.

Let's say someone tells you you're fat, but makes fun of you while they tell you, that's going to sting a bit.

There is a nice way to go about it, but being put down or made fun of is NOT that way to go about it.

If someone was gaining weight and I was worried about their health, then yes, I would maybe mention something, in private but it's not really your place to say. They have to want to lose weight themselves.

And if you have never been fat, then you don't actually know what goes on in an overweight persons head, so I don't think you really have the right to say anything.

andyloosbrock

I need popcorn! This is getting good!

MsKekeSoFocused

Would anyone tell a football player who is 250 pounds and muscular that he is fat because he is over 200 pounds? No, so why should you automatically assume that anyone who is 200 pounds (or 180, or 160, whatever), is too fat? Just because it's not right for you doesn't mean it's not right for another individual. And no, not everyone here is here to turn into the cover of a fitness magazine, so why don't you back off and let each person do what works for them and what makes them happy without telling them what they *should* be doing and what *should* make them happy?

**Like**

chanstriste13

you can be honest without being an as$hole. i think most people would prefer that route.

I agree with this. I always am a fan of constructive criticism, but some people think that translates into being mean and nasty.

i love finding like minds! dig.

LilMissFoodie

if someone told me im fat (which nobody does, because i'm not, because i work hard EVERY DAY),

Is it actually BECAUSE you feel like you work hard every day? Or is it because you were blessed with a normal metabolism that another might not have. Is it because you are free from medical conditions that others might not be. Is it because at 22 years you have not yet experienced the drop in metabolism that comes with age - let's not forget that many people (yes, I know, not me) on this site are in middle ages or beyond and obviously have a completely different battle to what you have. What an ignorant and judgemental post.