Is a divorced man less attractive?

1235»

Replies

  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    A divorced man is far more attractive than a married one to me.

    A divorced man who has not worked thorough his post-marriage issues and spent significant time getting back into himself as an individual is a HUGE problem to me.

    I agree. When someone has recently divorced, they aren't ready for me yet. People need time to work through their "stuff".
    A buddy of mine (a guy who is on his 4th marriage) told me that his therapist told him that it can take up to half as long as the relationship was to get over the relationship.

    How's that for 3rd hand advice? Seriously though, think about it. A person married for 20 years, now divorced, it takes some real time to work through his or her issues. The Whats, Whys, and Hows.
    Exactly. I have the unfortunate experience of knowing this 1st hand. A 20 year marriage due to an unintended pregnancy and delusions of people "changing" meant this ex of mine missed out on his 20s - totally. He forced himself into the role for 20 years, divorced, skipped the in-between time of discovering himself and got with me. Gave me the ol' "I've always known who I am" and since things were good then, I believed that. But when things were bad, I swear to you that every issue we dealt with came from his desires to get those 20's back. I was already 10 years younger than him. But I got my 20s out of my system. We were not in sync. He is now best friends with his 27 year old cousin, has a 25 year old g/f, hangs out with his 21 year old son like he was his homeboy, and lives that life he never got to have. That's a life I did have and don't want to have again. Can I say I wasted my time with him? No. But it was very painful to experience because we were together for years. It really wasn't fair for him to bring that baggage and then hide it from me. There were plenty of times he had an "out".

    This is the reason I actually like meeting guys in their 30s who have never been married. It's not that I think less of divorced men at all. But I think there's a lot to be said for a man who has spent some time on his own and figured out who he is and what he wants out of life. I think there's a lot more certainty there than with someone who missed out on being "single and free" because he got married right after high school or college when he had no clue about anything.

    Thank you. You totally get it. The only problem I've had with never-married guys in their 30s is that they have been more likely to want children, and I want no more. I'm thinking of just moving on to the guys in their 50s. I swear I'm kidding.
  • crazygirl78
    crazygirl78 Posts: 15
    My husband was divorced twice before we married. I was totally attractred to HIM, not his history. We have been married 13 years now. he just made bad chioces.
  • Wynterbourne
    Wynterbourne Posts: 2,224 Member
    However, having a ring on my finger seems to be an attraction to some women. :laugh: I get way more female attention since I got married.

    I need to get me a ring.

    Wedding bands, dogs, and babies ... chick magnets.

    As soon as I see the band I make a polite exit, I'm a cat person and I don't want children. Guess I'm the exception? :ohwell:
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    I wanted to add...

    I'm my husband's 3rd wife. I never would have thought I would have gone for someone with that history (I used to say third time is NOT the charm)... BUT.. it was those first 2 marriages that made him who he is today. He's grown a lot since marring the first time (at 17) and then again at 21 (for 20+ years). Turns out... 3rd time was the charm! :happy:
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I can only speak for myself, but I'm not attracted to divorced men.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    I don't judge people on their past...before I even get to know them...just a rule
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
    I can only speak for myself, but I'm not attracted to divorced men.

    This is good to know. One less bald fat guy who needs a motor attached to his bike chasing me. j/k.
  • gettingfitismyrevenge
    gettingfitismyrevenge Posts: 9
    No. Totally agree with the disaster statement above.

    By the time I got married (at 37), people thought there was something wrong with me BECAUSE I hadn't been married! (Really? So... someone who is divorced is normal; but I chose not to settle so there's something wrong with me?!?) Nowadays, people expect someone to be divorced (especially if they are over 30). Kind of a sad statement on society really, but I digress.

    I agree with this, and while I haven't come across this attitude frequently in my personal life (other than from my grandmother, who introduces me to people as her only granddaughter who isn't married ... subtle as a chainsaw, my grandmother), I get it a lot in my professional life. As an executive at a relatively young age, I am at board meetings and luncheons a lot with people who are middle-aged and don't understand why I'm nearly 30 and not married. I have to go on work trips sometimes where I'm the only person not bringing a spouse along, and, invariably, someone will be rude enough to point it out.

    Seeing the comment a couple of times on this thread that someone would be more concerned about a man who has never been married than they would about a man who is divorced sort of reinforces the fact that we're all going to be judged for something.

    I've never been married and I'm 37 - I get lots of comments about it - none of them complimentary. I'm not going to marry someone I can just get along with- I want someone I can't get along without! Maybe I'm to picky, but when the right man comes along, I don't want to be stuck with someone else.
  • elliecolorado
    elliecolorado Posts: 1,040
    Personally whether a man is divorced or not doesn't make a difference to me. However if he has kids I won't date him (unless they are fully grown/out of the house). I don't want kids and don't want to be responsible for or stuck with kids that aren't even mine.
  • elimendoza31
    elimendoza31 Posts: 359 Member
    It shuld not matter that you are divorced....but i do have to admit a married man is very sexy!!!!:blushing:
  • JustEllieK
    JustEllieK Posts: 423 Member
    HAHAHAHA my dad and mom got divorced. She is e'f up. So personally....i would wonder what was wrong with HER!
  • kenzietea
    kenzietea Posts: 614 Member
    A divorced man can be less attractive under certain circumstances. It really depends on the reason why he got divorced. I personally would fight tooth and nail before I would let my marriage fall apart, but things happen and along with those things sometimes come divorce.
  • Maryjaneshoes
    Maryjaneshoes Posts: 169 Member
    Doesn't matter to me if a guy is divorced or not...as long as he isn't married when he's trying to talk to me, lol!
  • SetecAstronomy
    SetecAstronomy Posts: 470 Member
    I'm not against the concept of marriage, but it's not for everyone. I myself am separated for over 3 years and am just not in a financial position to file the paperwork to make it official.

    I try to encourage people NOT to go down the divorce route if they can possibly avoid it, but sometimes it can't be helped. So if that's the case, then in the words of a wise old Jedi master...May Divorce Be With You.

Categories