Is a divorced woman/single mother less attractive?

bluecollarfrench

I have read through this and there a many of you divorced/single mothers on here that are very beautiful. So you aren't less attractive at all. If you are divorced with no kids then the dating aspect really shouldn't be a big deal at all. When you have kids is where a lot of guys have problems. My personally, I love kids so it wouldn't be a big deal. There are a lot of questions that come into play though. Mostly about the dad, and raising the child. I know if I marry a woman with kids, is she going to have a problem with me disciplining the child? Things like that are what makes dating a single mother difficult.

rml_16

Divorced woman would be fine if it's one divorce, more than that I'd have to think about it.

Single mom would be fine if I wanted kids, but since I don't, I would not date her.

OK, but what about this? I'm a single mom, but my one and only child (and I don't want more) is 17 and a senior in high school. She still lives with me, but she's pretty much an adult at this point. A lot less responsibility on my part, she's pretty much raised.

So, would you write off a woman like me if you liked everything else about her? There are degrees of "single mom," so saying you wouldn't date one because you don't want kids doesn't really cover it all.

Having a guy judge you before he even knows you is bad news.

i disagree. finding a guy that knows exactly what he wants and is willing to walk away from boobs and a tight little bum in order to find it is a great thing.

just saying.

So a woman is only the sum of her body parts?

(And I'm not down on guys who don't want to date single mothers. It's this specific comment that rubbed me wrong and could be applied to any man OR woman, parent or not.)

ok where did you get that?

the question is asking if a divorced woman/single mother is less attractive... i'm assuming that is referring to aesthetic appeal as well as potential interest in their personality and other qualities.
whether you choose to admit it or not, the first thing that USUALLY draws one person to another is a physical quality (i.e. boobs, tight bums).

therefore: if a guy says "hmmm... even though that lady is a perfect 10 and would make every one of my friends jealous, the fact that she is divorced and has children and that isn't at all what i want means i should probably learn a bit more about her before deciding to date her or maybe i should just move on and hold out for what i REALLY want" - i can respect that. yeah, it might sting a bit. but it's better than dating someone for a while, getting your emotions all tangled up and then all of the sudden he starts acting shady and finding someone new to play with that DOES meet his criteria and then leaves you because he wasn't enough of a man to stand up when he should have?

where's engineman... he'll back me up on this one...

I agree initial attraction is physical. But the above statement that you trashed was that it was sad for a man to walk away before getting to know someone. Getting to know someone goes WAY beyond appearance. At least in my world.

TamTastic

If you're two people who are divorced..with kids..I think you learn the value of quality vs quantity of time. At least I have. I don't have 24/7 for a guy between my boys, work, my own friends and time to myself! lol!....but the time we would have for each other (with the right person).....would be amazing!!

And hopefully we'd get to a point where we could all hang out together. Kids and all, etc

TheCats_Meow

As the mother of a child whose father bailed, no you don't. As long as he's a good dad to his kids, don't wish him away. They need him.

I completely understand where you're coming from so it's all good. "Good dad" is always a debatable opinion, though.

Absolutely. And if he's not a good dad and is making the kids' lives worse just by being in them, that's a whole different thing.

100% Agree

I get a few hundred dollars in my bank account every month

This would be wishful thinking on my part :ohwell:

rml_16

As the mother of a child whose father bailed, no you don't. As long as he's a good dad to his kids, don't wish him away. They need him.

I completely understand where you're coming from so it's all good. "Good dad" is always a debatable opinion, though.

Absolutely. And if he's not a good dad and is making the kids' lives worse just by being in them, that's a whole different thing.

100% Agree

I get a few hundred dollars in my bank account every month

This would be wishful thinking on my part :ohwell:

Fifteen years ago, I made a deal with him that if he would be a father to her, I wouldn't ask for child support. Obviously, he didn't make the choice I'd hoped for.

Iamfit4life

RML-I'm sorry to hear that. It upsets me to know some men go about things that way.

People always say that I am unfortunate to have to deal with my ex so frequently. But honestly, I"m lucky he is such a great father. Why would I not want that?

I don't get women who wish the ex was around less.

**unless there was abuse or something

rml_16

RML-I'm sorry to hear that. It upsets me to know some men go about things that way.

People always say that I am unfortunate to have to deal with my ex so frequently. But honestly, I"m lucky he is such a great father. Why would I not want that?

I don't get women who wish the ex was around less.

**unless there was abuse or something

Thanks. After all these years, I know I should just be over it, but I often wonder what detrimental effect it will have in the future. There isn't anything I can do about it, though.

My daughter has said that even if he wanted a relationship with her, she doesn't want one with him. She's not even slightly interested in meeting him, even though his sister has said if my daughter ever wants to, she will make it happen (and she could -- that's one scary chick sometimes! lol).

ewhitehurst1

I think being a single mother doesn't make you less attractive, it makes most men look less attractive because your standards should be twice as high! I definiely dated some guys before becoming a mother that I would never date now! (In fact my babies father is one of them!) Now I have a wonderful man who is caring, supportive, loves my son and hot hot hot!!! There are mature men out there that are responsible and do not see children as a bad thing.

**Oh and about divorce....its hard to meet people that have not been divorced so I don't think that is a problem at all!

bluecollarfrench

Also, I think the fathers should be in the kids lives, unless he is a complete a**hole that doesn't actually care about the kids.

BEERRUNNER

Milf Fridays!!! cheers!!! hell yeah!!!!!!!!

Single moms please Message me! This awesomely tanned man knows how to take care of a single mama really well....chorizo style!!!!!.........damn!:bigsmile:

odusgolp

I love that I'm divorced.

BEERRUNNER

I love that I'm divorced.

Its all good....come here....and soak up some of this latino heat!

kennethmgreen

IMO, divorced women and single mothers are not less attractive but much more complicated which does factor in.

^^^ Agreed. I felt the same way when I was dating, had a few serious relationships with women who had kids. I'm generally pretty awesome around kids, which does sometimes make up for not having ripped abs.

I don't think divorced matters much, particularly after 30. Sometimes it is a good thing - inasmuch as people who are divorced often have at least gotten in touch with knowing what they want and don't want, and are willing to articulate it. Of course, this rationale starts to break down with multiple divorces. Divorce sometimes forces people to grow up. If the person is still bitter about the divorce, then it's not good. Crying on the couch on the first date because you miss your husband that left you is a bit of a turn-off.

Kids definitely complicate things, no way around that. Doesn't have to mean complicated = bad. But definitely more complicated. There are schedules to think of, sometimes visitations with another parent, the kid's emotions, kid bedtime, time alone, etc. Two of the moms I dated had really good boundaries with their kids, not introducing me until we were already pretty steady/serious. They didn't hide the fact the had kids, just didn't introduce me to them until we were more serious. I think that's good. Don't bring the boyfriend/girlfriend into the kid's life after two dates. And if you don't want kids, aren't interested in kids, or simply don't want to be involved with someone that has kids, there is nothing wrong with that. The idea that there is something wrong with a guy who won't date a mom with kids (or a woman who won't date a dad with kids) is silly. We all have our preferences.

One of the things that sucks about dating with kids involved is getting attached to the kids. The breakup is really tough if you have a relationship with the kid(s). This all has more weight when the kids are in the 4-10 year old range. The scheduling/hassle is still there with younger kids, but the relationship isn't so disruptive. If you are a mom with an older teenager (17+) then the kid doesn't factor in as much. UNLESS the kid is 25 and still lives with you. That would factor in heavily. Go see the movie Cyrus.

There is a whole range of experience and desire to consider, too. A couple of adults that want to hook up and have fun is different than two people looking for a meaningful long-term connection. And quite a range in between. Hopefully the two adults involved are relatively close together in that spectrum - and are honest with themselves and each other about it. I think knowing what you want, articulating what you want, taking action/making decisions to obtain what you want - these trump almost everything else. Not as sweet a sentiment as "love conquers all" but more practical.

livnlite

Given the skyrocketing divorce rates, I have always had the impression that people in general are becoming more and more complacent about marriage. It just doesn't mean the same as it used to.

Sentiment is similar(at least in the moment), but the long term commitment .. maybe not so much.

I really don't get the impression that it matters much whether a woman is married, divorced or single .. when it comes to men making their 'move' .. I don't think it even matters much to them. It seems the minority actually think there is a dffierence when it comes to the 'availablity' of a potential partner or 'playmate'.

JennetteMac

A beautiful lady is a beautiful lady regardless.

You have hit the nail squarely, well said.

elliecolorado

Any guy who wont date a single mom is not really much of a man!

Sorry, but this is categorically untrue and unfair.

Some men don't want children, and it takes more of a man to be honest about that from the very beginning than to allow a woman to become emotionally invested in him and then say "I can't marry you because I don't want kids."

This!

Personally I won't date a guy with kids (the one exception is if his kids are fully grown/out of the house) because I don't want to have kids and I don't want to be responsible for anyone else's kids either. It's better to be honest about that from the start and just never even start a relationship with a guy who has kids.

solpwr

I see divorced as a benefit over any other status. Granted I'm looking for maturity; I've dated ladies as young as 32, and as old as 54.

I have very specific views on the type of person that I will date, and being divorced is not a requirement, but it is a plus.

As far as having children, I've drawn a line in the sand at about age 10 or older. I just can't raise kids for more than another 10 years. I would prefer not raising another set of kids; mine are in their 20's. But a part of me desires to be a part of the child rearing process again. Both of my kids are awesome. The difficulties I had with them - most parents would not even consider difficulties.

Because I'm an older guy, I find it interesting that many of the women I'm attracted to *act* like they are in their 30's no matter their age, and they are attracted to me, because we are both seeking adult, mature relationships with people who already have their act together, not still trying to get their act together, and if age is an important measure to them, they haven't matured enough yet. Hope that's not a thread-derailing tangential thought here.

_Timmeh_

Hell to the no they aren't less attractive, exactly the opposite. Cause you know one thing is going to happen for sure :laugh:

Dating a single mom doesn't mean you need to be a daddy to the kid or kids, maybe the dad is very much in the picture and all the woman is looking for is some dating fun.
Taking the relationship to the next level being exclusive....then yea that requires involvement and activities with the kids.

honeybadger175

LMAO!!!! Chorizo style??? Wth does that entail?

ItsCasey

I have to say I am a little stunned by some of the comments on this thread and the other one about people who have never been married being less desirable than people who have been divorced because they lack "emotional maturity" and aren't sure what they want. I have divorced friends and relatives my age, and some of them are the most emotionally messed up people I know. I know people who have been married and divorced multiple times (we're talking 5 or 6 times here), and I think it's pretty clear that those people don't have the first freaking clue what they want.

I know things happen. I know some people try as hard as they possibly can to make their marriages work, but if the other half of the equation isn't doing the same, things are going to fall apart. So I'm not saying all divorced people take marriage lightly and don't know what they're looking for in a solid relationship. But I do know that when I meet a successful, functionally single guy in his 30s who has never been married, I think "Dude knows what he wants and doesn't settle for less." I do NOT think "He must be really immature and probably has no clue what he wants."