Your man cook and do dishes?

Craig_hyde

me and my (now) ex (though I remain hopeful we're just on a break atm) had a bit of a deal going on. I would cook some main courses and some desserts. I am excellent at making souffles, even if I struggle with their spelling, and knew how to properly cook a steak to her liking.

In return, she would also cook some main courses like bolognese, veg-lasagne etc as well as bake bread, cakes and pastry dishes.

Sometimes we would even have competitions about who could cook the better foodstuff, which both resulted in us winning as we both fed each other a well cooked and healthy meal :-)

TDGee

Since I have been hurt, I do the vast majority of the cooking and cleaning around the house. And leaf blowers are okay to use for dusting, if everything is secured properly.

rml_16

I'm lucky enough to have a man that does both! We have an unspoken agreement that we've upheld for the last 3 years...if one of us does the cooking, the other does the dishes and cleanup. It's a great way to compromise and express your gratitude for the cook!

I hate doing the dishes because it takes so much longer than cooking dinner. Doing the dishes is like 1.5+ times the amount of work that preparing dinner is...at least in our house.

Unless I'm cleaning up after a huge party, the longest it's ever taken me to do dishes was 20 minutes. And I always wash every dish by hand.

mindfulmunching

So if it not teamwork and even asking for him to pitch in he does not offer, how do you constructively encourage him? I end up feeling resentful and then guilty for being such a child for feeling resentful and the cycle continues LOL.

anewattitude

I'm usualy home before my fiance is so I will attempt the cooking( and I do mean "attempt", seeing as I'm a culinary disaster!) He will do some clean-up afterwards such as putting leftovers in containers and loading the dishwasher. Anything that requires hand washing is mostly left up to me. He will also unload the dishwasher and put away most things .If he is unsure where they go he will leave them on the counter for me to put away because asking me where they belong is clearly not on his agenda! ha ha. All and all I say we split up the housework. I do all the laundry because I enjoy doing laundry. We both take out the garbage but I leave the yard work up to him. I like the way I clean better anway because his version of cleaning is moving one pile to a different side of the room and in my opinion, flushing the toilet a few times in a row does not make it automatically clean! lol

Queen_JessieA

So do your husbands take part in the cooking and dishes in your house or is that a job that falls on the woman? How do you balance the workload? Tricky as a newlywed to demand help. Just wondering.....

I am blessed with the best of men. I cook only because I truly enjoy it. He helps w/ dishes and cleaning and laundry. I can probably count on one hand the times I have mopped our hard floors because he generally does it himself. Housework needs to be a joint adventure, imo

knittnponder

When we first got married he helped with the dishes but for cooking he just stays out of my kitchen. The man can rock a BBQ though! Now that we've been married for 20 years and have four kids he pretty much never does the dishes and I only rarely do them. The kids do them as part of their chores unless I'm making a cake or doing a lot of baking/cooking for some reason. Then I'll have pity on them and take a few turns. They even cook dinner a couple of times a week so I don't have to do that all the time either. I don't know what we're going to do when they start moving out!

KMSForLife

So if it not teamwork and even asking for him to pitch in he does not offer, how do you constructively encourage him? I end up feeling resentful and then guilty for being such a child for feeling resentful and the cycle continues LOL.

I wouldn't be constructive - I'd just tell him to get off his *kitten*

MinnieInMaine

For cooking it depends on the time of year: In the summer, he's the grill master so he cooks the meats and I just throw something simple together for a side dish and veggie. This time of year, I do the majority of the cooking but he will help with prep once in a while. And I do the dishes.

We're kind of old fashioned with our division of chores. I do all the inside/womanly stuff (cleaning, cooking, laundry) and he handles all the outside/manly stuff - mow the lawn, take out the trash, keep the wood stove going in the winter, shovel/snowblow, fix the broken water heater, etc etc. I'll help him out with things like stacking wood but I don't mind because it gives us a chance to hang out and it's good exercise! He's tried to help me clean but we just end up arguing and it's not worth it...

Ocarina

I could all meals M-F! I LOVE to cook.... it is so totally one of my pastimes. I also prefer this as my financial mind is at peace knowing I'm in full control and aware of our food budget each week. Weekends it is basically "You are on your own!" as we only eat out on rare occasion. I always do laundry as I like it done a certain way. He basically is there to do things I ask of him... sometimes dishes, trash, warm up the car, vacuum the stairs. Otherwise he does his thing and lets me run the house. Even if I was working this would be the way as I hate outdoors work and car maintenance so he deals with that while I do the indoors stuff. Just makes sense.

infamousmk

We each do the things we're better at - I cook, clean, do dishes, etc. He mows the lawn, fixes the roof, builds the pond, repairs the hot tub .. basically, he makes the house liveable, I make it beautiful. It works for us.

Ocarina

My husband does help! Only problem is that I hate his cooking and he can't load a dishwasher worth a crap! I smile, say thank you honey, then rearrange everything!

Oh. My. Gosh. My husband puts dishes in the dishwasher and they come out still dirty! So iritating... plus he never puts things back right so our cupboards get all disorganized. I have given him multiple lessons and advice on it as his parents never made him do it. But oh well! One of the things I can joke about with him.

CapsFan17

I've been married for 4 years, we split most of the cooking, and cleaning used to be an issue for us. I hate doing the dishes. So now he will load the dish washer and I put it all away. And anything hand wash gets cleaned by whoever got it dirty. Ask for help if he won't volunteer it, the longer you wait the worse it will make you feel. Good luck finding what will work for you! :flowerforyou:

mrsmellymac

my hubby is an amazing cook!! (part of the reason I packed on the lbs) But no, he doesn't do dishes and doesn't clean up after himself.

same here. My hubs is an amazing cook and extremely inventive! But I have to clean up after him, which is a pain in my butt

saverys_gal

Nope!

Mine pitches in when I'm sick or he feels the need to, but our unspoken rule is that he handles all of the "mechanical" work and all the stuff outside and inside is more my area. Works out well for the most part as my hubby can't really cook to save his life, he doesn't clean the way I like it done, and he works in excess of 80 hours a week.

All that being said, we still try and help one another out. It's tough but marriage is about compromising and finding ways to make it work!

dimplzz

So do your husbands take part in the cooking and dishes in your house or is that a job that falls on the woman? How do you balance the workload? Tricky as a newlywed to demand help. Just wondering.....

My husband does all of it! I am a VERY lucky lady! He cleans, does the dishes, does the laundry, and anything else that needs to be done. I don't even have to ask. I think that he is naturally one of those clean freaks that tends to drive me crazy at times. "Honey, it is OK to leave that one bowl in the sink!" lol I do most of the cooking but if it is something easy like hamburger helper or an easy hotdish, he will do that as well.

JennC831

My husband & I share the workload for the most part... He cleans slower than I do and maybe doesn't get things AS clean as I'd like.. But I'll take it!! LOL.. At least he tries.. Which is all that matters to me...

JennC831

So do your husbands take part in the cooking and dishes in your house or is that a job that falls on the woman? How do you balance the workload? Tricky as a newlywed to demand help. Just wondering.....

My husband does all of it! I am a VERY lucky lady! He cleans, does the dishes, does the laundry, and anything else that needs to be done. I don't even have to ask. I think that he is naturally one of those clean freaks that tends to drive me crazy at times. "Honey, it is OK to leave that one bowl in the sink!" lol I do most of the cooking but if it is something easy like hamburger helper or an easy hotdish, he will do that as well.

Whoo, I can't stand when dishes are left in the sink!! LOL... Especially after everything has been cleaned.. LOL..

kennethmgreen

He does! But I prefer to cook (so I know how to log) and I prefer to make The Child do the dishes (no freeloaders in my house!)

Amen. I know kids are beautiful, watching them grow up is special, 'miracle of life' and all that. But having my kids feed the dogs, do laundy and help with the dishes is what really warms my heart. It's free labor!

SeasideOasis

I have heard that my boyfriend used to cook. When we first started dating about two years ago, I couldnt do more than boil spaghetti and sautee shrimp.

Now, I cant get the boy to cook A THING haha I have also become a REALLY good cook. My boyfriend will be open an honest if something sucks. Only once did he say he wouldn't really enjoy something. It had nothing to do with how it was cooked, however, it was just the overall dish wasn't as great as we expected.

We are 50/50 on the dishes. He does a pretty fair amount of cleaning as he gets to work from home and I have to go into the office.

richardholt2011

Mine does - I thought if i got him to do the cooking and the dishes it would be an incentive for him to go out and get a job. Fat chance, if you will pardon the expression.

ellisalockwood

My husband is awesome. We both work full time and he goes to school part time. I do almost all the cooking, he has a few meals that are his to prepare alone, but the rest is all mine, I love to cook. We have 5 kids at home, so they do all the day to day clean up throughout the house (I have a very specific chores list for each day). He does the laundry while I get the kids homework done, baths done and ready for bed. He irons my clothes every morning after he brings me coffee and he does all the grocery shopping.

On the weekends though, I clean the inside of the house and he will do anything that needs to be done outside, and if there's nothing outside he's usually stuck doing his homework. It's all very routine, but with a big family, it works better for us and then when we get a night outside of our norm it's just that much better.

MinnieInMaine

So if it not teamwork and even asking for him to pitch in he does not offer, how do you constructively encourage him? I end up feeling resentful and then guilty for being such a child for feeling resentful and the cycle continues LOL.

If he's not doing his part in some way, you need to talk to him in a nice calm constructive way to let him know you need his help and would like him to volunteer it instead of having to ask and feel like you're nagging him. And when he does do things, especially without your encouragement, make sure you praise him (with words AND actions...hint hint). I know it sounds corny and/or condescending but most people aren't used to being thanked and feeling good about doing things they don't want to. If you compliment them and thank them (men and women), hopefully it'll sink in that it's a good thing and they'll keep doing it. And, please, for goodness sake, if he does mess up, don't belittle him about it because he'll never do it again.

Communication is vital, especially in new relationships. If you can't figure out how to talk to each other now, it's sure not going to get any better, sorry to say... The best you can do is try. Don't nag, don't criticize, be nice and calm and clear. If all that doesn't help, you're just going to have to chalk it up to him being how he is and love him anyway and get over your resentments.

live2dream

It's a struggle. Watch the John Gray video on The Art of Love series...it gave me some ideas... http://lovesummit.com/event... it's only up for free until 7:30 CST today though!

IMYarnCraz33

My hubby is a clean freak!!!
He's been known to do dishes (he knows I hate doing them), & on occasion he vacuums & has done laundry.
Maybe it's due to when he lived on his own before meeting me L0L
And he helps with the kids and some other things. I am blessed to have him in my life.

Although.....
he still leaves his socks & undies on the floor in the bathroom or bedroom from time to time. :grumble:

HeidiMightyRawr

My bf and I cook for ourselves so I can have control over what I eat and what goes into it. He's becoming quite the chef though, always looking up new recipes and online cooking tutorials. Wants to make his own bread, apple/orange/blackberry crumble, pies. You name it, he wants to make it, and wants me to try it We've agreed as long as he notes everything that goes into it, and weighs it when it's done so it can be a recipe on here, then I'll be having some.
He does the dishes too I help him out if I'm home in the day and cook more than usual, but mainly it's him who does it. He's a much better housekeeper than I am, I'm just terrible.

ellisalockwood

Me and my husband are very laid back and playful, so when I want him to do something he doesn't want to do I just say, if you do this for me I'll _____ for/to you tonight. And he usually completes both tasks with a big smile. lol.

flabulous4

Some questions:

1) Do you both work (or have other things that take up your time such as caring responsibilities)? Does one of you work more hours than the other?
2) Did your husband help out before you got married, and have you set out any expectations?
3) Have you considered going on strike?

My OH loves to cook (that's how come I'm on here!), we have a dishwasher, I do a lot of the child-rearing, homework, child admin, doctors' appointments. We both work full-time but I can be more flexible so I do quite a few errands. Works for us (oh and we have a cleaner which is wonderful).

Good luck!

chocolateandvodka

when i was married.....


i did not want my husband anywhere near the kitchen or the laundry room. seriously. he messed up everything. i'm one of those weird freaks who organizes things exactly where she likes them and then bites your hand if you touch. even my side of the closet was organized by style, occasion, color, etc.
by the same rule, i was not allowed to touch the lawn equipment or such. i always broke things. sometimes i tagged along on mechanical jobs just to learn how or for curiosity's sake, or because it was simply a two person job. and sometimes, out of dire necessity, he did the dishes or cooked a meal or did laundry. but when one of us did the other person's "job".... the other always paid when we resumed our own duties.

this was a guy who thought a "full load of laundry" was 2 pairs of jeans. and who also insisted the greasy plates in the cupboard were "clean". not.

BigDaddyBRC

I am the Man, I wear the pants, But I also have to play House BIOTCH because I am the ONLY one.