*sigh*Partner losing weight?They are planning to leave

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  • IamBrande
    IamBrande Posts: 237
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    And, seriously, are they going to get all thin and pretty, leave their partner, find a new one and get dumpy again?

    Seriously??

    Dumpy again? While I gained 33lbs after losing my husband due to my weightloss, *posted a reply above* I definitely dont consider myself "dumpy".....
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I read this the other day, I don't like the fact that suddenly your expected to stop making an effort, and if you do it must be for someone else :/

    Whatever happened to wanting to look good for yourself, your partner and being healthy so you can live a longer life, teaching your kids a good example etc etc. There's much more reasons that just wanting to impress some new man/woman.

    The boyfriend used to tell me I shouldn't worry about how I look because he thinks I look fine and he's the only one I need to worry about impressing.

    Um ... what about impressing ME? What about being able to get dressed to go out and not ending up in tears because nothing fits right or looks right? I didn't let myself go on purpose. My metabolism changed and my brain was slow to catch up. But I never wanted to be overweight because I don't like it!
  • JoJo_fat2fab
    JoJo_fat2fab Posts: 297 Member
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    I agree with those who say studies can be skewed to say anything. I for one am doing this for my husband, not to leave him. I want to spend a long happy life with him and give him the best of myself that I can.

    Exactly! Also, that is beautifully put to the girl who wrote this >.<

    Ditto
  • hypergrl
    hypergrl Posts: 188 Member
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    I think the study is crap...

    If you are in a solid relationship then it doesn't matter...I have a GREAT BF and a few years ago I lost some weight and was exercising and he did get a bit jealous and worried that I was going to leave him for someone else, someone he thought was younger, fitter, healthier. Wasn't going to happen...but it didn't become a huge deal.

    Now that I'm making changes to my lifestyle (not just dieting) I'm busting my butt to lose weight and get back into shape. I'm not leaving him or looking to leave him. What I do hope happens is that he becomes motivated by my success and joins me on my journey to healthier living. I want him to be around for as long as possible and I want to be around for him as long as possible.
  • Slimithy
    Slimithy Posts: 348 Member
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    Then there are studies that say if one or both people are overweight then one or both are more likely to look to leave and find someone else... damned if you do and damned if you don't. What I can believe happens is people change their attitudes towards eating and activity and may feel led to find others who share their newfound interest in fitness and healthy living.

    It's not a matter of, "I'm skinny now, so I want someone skinny now" but a "I'm healthy now and want to live healthy now, if we are going to be together I want you to respect that". As someone who's been married 12.5 years I can tell you my wife and I are very different people now than we were in 1999. We have had to choose to grow together and not apart. It takes work, commitment, trust, and honesty. We have to choose to accept each other as we are, but at the same time choose to do what we can to be what the other needs. It is a lot of work, but a marriage is worth it. I'm not sure a "dating" relationship would be worth it, and that may be the difference.

    .Edited because my spelling SUX!
  • Lizzy_Sunflower
    Lizzy_Sunflower Posts: 1,510 Member
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    When I was at my heaviest weight, my EX-husband, treated me like GARBAGE, after me working my *kitten* off for over 5 yrs, i met my goal weight... in 2009!

    During my journey of losing the weight... he grew insecure, he grew "scared" he become very very clingy, not to mention EXTREMELY JEALOUS of anyone and everyone, to the point that days of going out anywhere..stopped! no more trips to the beach, to more dinners/dancing..........just always at home, where there was no one he felt he had to 'compete" with...when we woudl go out to a festival or something, he would grope on me, and make it known to anyone and everything, that i was HIS GIRL! (Vomit) ! He changed, more than I did!!

    It definitely had a negative effect on my then Marriage, he began feeling inadequate as a husband, he felt "not good enough" and hsi self esteem was plummeting to the ground...so in turn, he began a slew of cheating frenzies, one affair after the other to fill his void with himself.

    He felt that I was "going to leave him" because "I" was losing weight and was no longer 240+ lbs! LIttle did he realize, was that I loved him more than anything, I loved our family life!
    But because I grew as a person, I loved myself, I was self confident (not cocky), I was more outgoing, more energic, and over all HAPPIER.........

    My Marriage of 13yrs, ended in Divorce. A tragic end to my long journey!!

    *That depression, let me to gain 33lbs... so my goal weight that i worked to so hard to reach (135lbs) is no more.. im back up to 170's...........however, I WILL lose it all again, and IF I lose my current boyfriend/fiance because of it...then so be it..... I deserve to feel happy, and love myself again!!!!!!*

    Good for you for going after what you deserve. I hope you find happiness
  • supertracylynn
    supertracylynn Posts: 1,338 Member
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    Unless you do plan to leave, in which case, let me know so I can have a chance at you! :bigsmile:

    HAHA you'll be the 1st to know :wink:

    :wink:
    I can make you feel reeeeallly good, then cook a healthy meal for you to show my appreciation!
    :flowerforyou:
  • Tankplanker
    Tankplanker Posts: 365 Member
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    I know one person who clearly had a plan in losing a substantial amount of weight, new hair style and wardrobe, new job, in order for her to move on to somebody new, particularly as she ballooned back up to her starting weight as soon as she'd settled down with her new man.

    However that was just one person and I know a lot of people who have lost a lot of weight between them who are still more than happy with their partner.

    Seems the study is based of something that happened to the bloke that wrote it than real numbers.
  • jbrautigam24
    jbrautigam24 Posts: 39 Member
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    Reading that would only put doubt/questions in people's minds, who are otherwise in strong, healthy relationships. Why is it, that when someone makes a healthy lifestyle change, its automatically associated with negative motivations? I want to be as fit as possible because I want to look and feel sexy--for my boyfriend! I like feeling sexy for my boyfriend...I don't think that's a crime, and he likes that I care about my body because it makes him feel better too. He makes a conscious effort to maintain a good body, so why shouldn't I? It doesn't mean I want to go out and hunt for other men...Sheesh!
  • coloradocami
    coloradocami Posts: 368 Member
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    Lizzy...if you husband sent you this link be sure you reassure him you want to have a long and healthy life with him...even if it was a joke make sure he knows you are commented to your relationship. :flowerforyou:
    Peace and Love,
    Cami
  • jrhstarlight
    jrhstarlight Posts: 867 Member
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    I didn't read the article but I am with a majority here saying its not always the case. There is not always an evil motive behind your actions. But there is a study out there for every prospective.
    However I have been on all sides of that coin and know it CAN be true. I have been the girl whose bf starting getting in better shape and caring about his appearance more just to find out he was cheating on me and then later dumped me. I have been the girl who loved her man more than anything and dropped 70lbs like it was nothing, to have that wonderful loving long life with him. I have also been the girl who was so miserable in a relationship I let myself go completely and got to my highest weight due to this and when I realized I had to end it, nothing could stop me from working out and bettering myself. And now finally back on the side where I am with someone I WANT to spend the rest of my life with and shedding the pounds again.
  • mgmlap
    mgmlap Posts: 1,377 Member
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    The first time I tried to lose weight...yes..I was leaving my ex...but that was already happening..the ending of the relationship..before I began to lose weight.

    This time..its all with the doctors care that I am losing weight...but I am not thinking of leaving him..

    As many of the posters have already stated...the wheels have already been set in motion if you going to leave someone..the weight loss has nothing to do with it..
  • robinogue
    robinogue Posts: 1,117 Member
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    when I first made the decision to make this life change my husband was on board 100%. As I continued to push myself harder and the weight was coming off he got very insecure and though I was going to leave him to a man my age (he's 25 years older). He was scared, bitter and getting angry. I had to sit him down and tell him not only is this healthier for me but it'll be healthier for our marriage. He married a younger women for a reason, know he complains that I'm too thin but he likes how I dress when I'm with him :blushing:
  • erzille
    erzille Posts: 524 Member
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    I have heard about this before. Craziest thing to write about, when people are trying to get healthy.:indifferent:
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Did not read the article, but this happened to a neighbor of mine. His wife lost tons of weight, then she left him. The thing was she kept saying it all along that the reason she was losing was so she could find someone after she left him, and we all thought it was said in jest.
    I myself am losing weight for myself to be here for my family. No hottie out there can compare to what I already have, and no one deserves the new me like my wife and kids. The weight can come back, the bond you have with your family cannot be easily restored once broken.
  • Lizzy_Sunflower
    Lizzy_Sunflower Posts: 1,510 Member
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    Why is it, that when someone makes a healthy lifestyle change, its automatically associated with negative motivations? I

    I wonder this too
  • MacSkillz
    MacSkillz Posts: 417 Member
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    I'm loosing weight and planning a wedding at the same time.... yea I'm really looking to leave my fiance. ::rolls eyes:: This article is biased and they obviously didn't survey enough people. Reading it really is a waste of time.
  • Lizzy_Sunflower
    Lizzy_Sunflower Posts: 1,510 Member
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    Unless you do plan to leave, in which case, let me know so I can have a chance at you! :bigsmile:

    HAHA you'll be the 1st to know :wink:

    :wink:
    I can make you feel reeeeallly good, then cook a healthy meal for you to show my appreciation!
    :flowerforyou:

    Heaven! ....and she brought me a flower!
  • smelius22
    smelius22 Posts: 334 Member
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    i think in general this artical is stupid.. BUT, a week after my boyfriend of 5 years started doing push-ups and sit-ups before his shower every morning, i got him to confess he had been talking to another woman for about a month and wanted to leave me for her. coincedence??
  • crazygirl78
    crazygirl78 Posts: 15
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    Anyone who believes this crap is crazy! If you leave your man it has nothing to do with losing weight and everything to do with your relationship. I personally want to be in better shape for my husband because I want him to be pleased. He loves me the same no matter what my size. Really, are people this shallow?

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