*sigh*Partner losing weight?They are planning to leave

corn63

Wow, talk about digging up a thread from the grave. Yikes.

Mutant13

One time I lost a half a pound and immediately had sex with everyone

TrishLG

Tell him that you are losing weight to please him and make sure that you two have a healthy and long life together.

galenofedgewood

People who lose weight while they're in an apparently steady relationship are secretly preparing to dump their other halves, says a new relationships study.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/8873954/Beware-If-you-partner-is-losing-weight-they-are-probably-planning-to-leave.html

My husband sent me this article link this morning, saying he hopes this isn't us.

I thought he knew better than that!

Discuss.

Funny, my wife and I are losing weight to look better for each other AND to ensure we stay together as long as possible.

HeelsAndBoxingGloves

Wow, talk about digging up a thread from the grave. Yikes.

I was just thinking this!

MeIShouldB

I can only speak for myself. I have been with my boyfriend 3 years on the 17th. I have been losing this weight for the last year. I have NO plans of leaving, if anything I'm trying ti get him to join me.

kingkoopaluv

jesus

mgmlap

please...so not true...there were problems prior to the partner losing weight...i have lost weight...getting compliments..but does my husband think I am going to leave him?..absolutely not!...

UnoDrea3732

My Husband jokes about this. He thinks that when I lose all the weight that I won't want him anymore and that I will have to fend off a lot more men. I think it just means he needs to step up his game. lol.

Stacyplus5

This is what my husband thinks

jbeverly21176

I am 100lbs down, at least 30lbs lighter than when we met (I became pregnant) and I am in no way trying to better myself to leave. I am losing weight for ME, I want to feel sexy so that I can stop being insecure and finally feel that I am sexy to him. ( He tells me everyday that I am beautiful but until I feel it, I won't truly believe it.) So I don't think the study includes everyone, I think there has to be more issues in the relationship.

dblaacker

Keep in mind, this is a newspaper article, and not the complete research article. The author has probably just taken a few lines out of the context of the whole article. While yes, people put more effort into getting in shape when they want to attract a mate, there are other circumstances in which a person in a relationship might just want to lose weight because they've gained and don't feel as good about themselves.

crystalflame

Ok, the headline needs to be changed to "German researchers discover people in relationships tend to put on weight." No *kitten*, we've all done that! Where's the evidence that the decision to get fit is linked to someone being unhappy with the relationship or planning to leave? I don't see a single statistic, statement, quote, link, or citation supporting the article's headline. This isn't even research twisting things, it's journalism twisting things. What crap.

ShaunShaunphenomenon

I'm only going to say, bullsh!t. People are not stupid and we all know why this has gotten so much attention on this board, I shake my head at such a horrible thing.

RobinvdM

Ack didnt see the OP date. Oops. MY B

gwotton

I think that the worst thing you can do is simply let yourself go. We have this idea that once you "catch" a partner you're done, you can relax. That's really stupid. Do you have so little respect for yourself and your partner that you would intentionally allow yourself to become less attractive to them now that they're "stuck" with you? I take every opportunity to appreciate the work my partner does to maintain her health and fitness, and I'm doing my best to ensure I'm around a long time in order to appreciate it.

hollyNhollywood

Didn't read article, but will say it was true in my case many years ago. Not me, but my live in boyfriend of 4 years. He started losing weight and all of a sudden had a new friend & co-worker named "Stephen", who he was hanging out with all the time, talking in front of me w/ "him" on the phone, and Stephen turned to be Stephanie. (Whom he married within 3 months of us splitting up)
But yes, there were other issues in the relationship. It wasn't exactly a shock just because he was losing weight.
I think many factors need to be taken into consideration.

Not every study is true/accurate. Heck, my friend just called me to tell me that a new study shows that redheads save the least amount of money.. :huh: what?!?

RhonndaJ

If I were going to leave my husband, I'd just leave him.

I'm losing weight because I want to lose weight and do more, preferably with him

If 'the majority' is losing weight to leave their partner, I'd say that this 'majority' has some insecurity issues that getting thin is not going to help in the slightest.

jlapey

WHAT A CROCK! I'm trying to get fit for my health. I have never been happier with my relationship.

RingSize8

I just read this article, and even though I don't wholeheartedly disagree with its premise, it is written terribly, and doesn't really seem to be about what it purports to be about. The article's title would suggest it's about couples separating when one of the pair starts losing weight. But it gives nothing to back that up - instead it goes off on a tangent about how couples gain weight together when they get more comfortable with each other. What does the one have to do with the other? I totally agree, that it's often times the case that when people get into relationships they have a tendency to 'let themselves go', for lack of a better phrase. But how does that signal that if one starts to get into shape, it means they want to leave the other? Now, simply stating that people want to look as thin or as good as possible when looking for a new partner, while true in some instances, doesn't necessarily (or likely) refer to people in relationships as much as single people. My point with all this is that they really gave no proof to back up the actual point they were trying to make. There was a loose connection put forth at best, but even that is a stretch. That being said, I don't necessarily disagree with the idea that when one person loses weight in a relationship it can cause a problem, more specifically make the partner who is getting into shape more interested in other people (or the idea of being with someone else, or, more likely, the idea of not being with their partner anymore). I think the reasons for this are complex - much more complex then simply stating that if your partner starts losing weight it's to find someone else. Actually, I think it's more likely that people might start becoming more interested in others (or not being with their current partner) after they've begun getting into better shape, as opposed to starting to get into better shape to find someone else. My reasoning is this - if you, like the article points to, are in a moderately happy relationship where both couples have put on weight, if one starts focusing on their health, and it's something that becomes very important to them - and their partner doesn't share that, I think it could absolutely become an issue. Furthermore, a lot of things occur when people start getting healthier and in better shape. They may start receiving more attention from the opposite sex, which might be the most obvious thought, but I actually think there is a more powerful reason why one person getting in shape while the other isn't can be a relationship killer. Happiness. There's that old saying, misery loves company. So does fatness and unhealthiness. When you exercise, when you eat healthy, there is a large chance you might become and overall happier person. If you were in a relationship with someone, and were sort of at the same level of happiness, but then something changed, and you began to look at things differently, that could have a huge effect on your situation. Who wants to be with someone that's bringing them down? Especially when you are working hard to make yourself better - and your partner isn't. Of course, this wouldn't apply to couples where one partner is already in shape, and the other decides to join in on the fun, but those aren't the couples the article was referencing. All that said, there is nothing that applies to everyone, or even every couple, of course, but I don't think it's completely ridiculous to entertain the idea that people can grow apart, and one of the causes of that could be a lifestyle change.

MyChocolateDiet

that article doesnt say anything specific about the study just some guys theory.

1) did they ask the subjects losing weight the direct "question what are your motives in losing weight?"
2) did they notice a pattern of broken relationships after weight loss and make this assumption. (could be explained by the stress of the weight loss or other coincidences leading to the break up not the dieters intent).
3) did they only ask married people of a short length of time are you chubby cause you're happy and secure, but not ask them later when that extra weight became detrimental to their health?...

I'd venture to say that very overweight and unhealthy people are the ones at greater risk to leave the relationship, by death.

I had a fat b/f leave me for another woman he didn't bother to lose weight for her, too selfish, just got contacts and ditched his glasses and he was good to go!

ncqueenbee

Bump for later

Oishii

http://www.uni-heidelberg.de/presse/news2011/pm20111111_partnerschaft_en.html

I got annoyed with the lack of logic from the article, so found the press release from the university.

The main point of the research seems to have been to disprove synchronicity (mentioned at the end of the OP's article as if it fitted with that very research), and to show that a high level of perceived competition affected how necessary singletons felt it to be slim. The part about weightloss and leaving your partner goes as follows:


These findings are substantiated by the fact that the weight of people in partnerships that have run into trouble is frequently lower than in smooth-running relationships. “It is conceivable that this may also have to do with the fact that there are fewer joint meals or that the problems have psychosomatic repercussions,” Thomas Klein concedes. “But one can also interpret weight loss as a kind of preparation for a return to the partnership market, a concern for physical attractiveness caused by an awareness that it may soon be necessary to go in search of a partner again.”

So, less 'planning to leave' than 'aware the end may be nigh'... But that doesn't make such good headlines...

Maribel_1986

I'm not going to read the article. A study can be skewed to prove any point. My relationship is stable and I'm getting fit so that I can spend many more years with my boyfriend, not leave him.

I completely agree!

JustJennie1

Sometimes it's true but if you have a secure relationship and there have not been any issues between you and your SO then no, it's not true.

now_or_never13

Where do people think this stuff up? Just because one person in a relationship wants to lose weight doesn't mean they are doing so because they want to leave their partner.

I am trying to lose weight... not because I want to leave my husband. I am losing weight so I am in better shape, have more confidence and am healthier to be with my husband. I also want to be in better shape so we can do more things. We want to ski, we want to go on bike rides, go rollerblading, go on hikes when the weather gets better, etc... the healthier I am the better I will able to do all those things.

An article and a study means nothing in my opinion. Any research study, article, etc can be geared towards results in a certain direction. It doesn't prove it as fact.

Ahuerta77

This is great just what I'm feeling .............