Going on a date while still legally married....Wrong?

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  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    Try not to let your mom get under your skin-- I know it's hard but you're a grown woman and if you want to date then you should. You're not leading your ex to believe that there's any hope for your marriage, so legally or not, it is over. It'd be something else if he wasn't aware you were divorcing him, but papers filed = divorce for me. Go for it and have a good time, just take it slow :)
  • hazelnut861
    hazelnut861 Posts: 390 Member
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    Oh dear Lord if your marriage was anything like mine is GO! You deserve it. I'm living through you lol
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
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    Don't kid yourself, Its not 'just coffee'.
    Its the symbolic opening of the door to possibilities.
    Its the realization that its not only over, but you are acutally taking steps to move on.
    That's okay..it has to be done sometime.
    For some people it would be too soon, for others it can't come fast enough.

    If you both signed your divorce papers, the intention is clear. Waiting for some clerk to rubber-stamp it won't change the fact that you both already consider the relationship to be over.
  • Ksnoddy87
    Ksnoddy87 Posts: 121
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    Don't kid yourself, Its not 'just coffee'.
    Its the symbolic opening of the door to possibilities.
    Its the realization that its not only over, but you are acutally taking steps to move on.
    That's okay..it has to be done sometime.
    For some people it would be too soon, for others it can't come fast enough.

    If you both signed your divorce papers, the intention is clear. Waiting for some clerk to rubber-stamp it won't change the fact that you both already consider the relationship to be over.

    I couldn't have put it better myself!! thank you!!
  • Yakisoba
    Yakisoba Posts: 719 Member
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    I would give a very long story on why I think it's okay.. but I'll just say that it's okay.

    Coffee is gross, though. Blech.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    If you don't go I will be SO mad at you!!!!!
  • ummlovelovesyou
    ummlovelovesyou Posts: 1,024 Member
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    Just don't rub it in his face. I know someone who was going through a divorce and he found a valentine's day card in their house (still a month left of being legally married) that said a bunch of nasty comments about what he'd already done to her and what he was going to do....something I know he didn't care to see. So I think it's fine, just don't shout it out to the world yet hahah
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Go for it. I did it when my papers were still being finalized and the guy couldn't get his head around the fact I was still legally married and stopped talking to me, but he was an *kitten* otherwise.
    I also don't agree with someone that posted he could use this against you in court, at least in California, the judge would tell him to stfu. My ex tried to pull that when we fought for custody of our son, he brought up I had dated during the time the papers were being finalized and the judge just looked at him and said, "So?".
    Just do it. If you feel you're ready, do it. Have fun and let us know.
  • branflake5
    branflake5 Posts: 332
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    go for it girl!! and have a blast :wink:
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    Don't kid yourself, Its not 'just coffee'.
    Its the symbolic opening of the door to possibilities.
    Its the realization that its not only over, but you are acutally taking steps to move on.
    That's okay..it has to be done sometime.
    For some people it would be too soon, for others it can't come fast enough.

    If you both signed your divorce papers, the intention is clear. Waiting for some clerk to rubber-stamp it won't change the fact that you both already consider the relationship to be over.

    Yes, this.
    If you are ready to move on, then go for it, the relationship is over.

    My only word of caution - look after yourself, give yourself some time and space to heal, I think it can be risky to jump right into a whole new relationship when you are still finalising the previous one. I don't mean finalising in the sense of legal papers, but inside your head.

    So, if you are ready - do it!
  • Deathwithab
    Deathwithab Posts: 462 Member
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    im still legaly married ( because i cant get him to freakin pay money for a divorce) and ive been dateing the whole time almost we have been seperated till about a week ago when i became single again.
  • julietsingleton
    julietsingleton Posts: 126 Member
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    Go for it!
    It is just coffee!
    If there is no hope of you getting back together with your ex, then i see nothing wrong with it x Hope all goes well x
    :flowerforyou:
  • HonkyTonks
    HonkyTonks Posts: 1,193 Member
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    DEFINITELY! The reasons why 'cheating' in a relationship have nothing to do with a piece of paper, they have everything to do with betrayal of trust. That doesn't apply here. You are really free agents, the piece of paper is simply a technicality. Life is about living! You need to enjoy every second :)
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Go for it! Living apart and legally filed I say you are free. When I divorced my X - living apart - it took 6 mos to get a court date (after 5 mos of not being together) and then technically it wasn't "final" till 120 days later.... I knew it was over before we filed, the paperwork was just a legal technicality in my opinion. We did not have a religious marriage and my X was a drunk.

    Go have coffee and enjoy!!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    If the marriage is over except for the paper work, the marriage is over. Legal divorce has nothing to do with God's law and everything to do with man's laws. Go out for a coke, a coffee, a glass of wine, a meal, a necking session . . . I don't consider it cheating.
  • shakemybooty
    shakemybooty Posts: 681 Member
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    Don't kid yourself, Its not 'just coffee'.
    Its the symbolic opening of the door to possibilities.
    Its the realization that its not only over, but you are acutally taking steps to move on.
    That's okay..it has to be done sometime.
    For some people it would be too soon, for others it can't come fast enough.

    If you both signed your divorce papers, the intention is clear. Waiting for some clerk to rubber-stamp it won't change the fact that you both already consider the relationship to be over.

    That was a great response!
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    Don't kid yourself, Its not 'just coffee'.
    Its the symbolic opening of the door to possibilities.
    Its the realization that its not only over, but you are acutally taking steps to move on.
    That's okay..it has to be done sometime.
    For some people it would be too soon, for others it can't come fast enough.

    If you both signed your divorce papers, the intention is clear. Waiting for some clerk to rubber-stamp it won't change the fact that you both already consider the relationship to be over.
    Yes it was. Perfect.
    That was a great response!
  • coloradocuppiecake
    coloradocuppiecake Posts: 129
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    I dated after I signed the papers. To me the marriage was over and the papers were a technicality.
  • Kandace_Riopel
    Kandace_Riopel Posts: 80 Member
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    just ask yourself this. if it was a friend and there was no relationship talk would you go? you cant stop yourself from having a life and having friends. the fact that you might have feelings for this person should mean nothing since you arent in a committed relationship with anyone! hope that helps!

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