Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control
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If she is asking then she knows she needs it. Not agreeing is irresponsible parenting. As for her catching an STD, well that's up to your parenting skills too. Educating your kids on sex, stds & the consequences is a parents major responsibility.
Kids will do it no matter what their parents want, say or threaten them with, better to accept that fact & educate & protect them.
As for making a deal with your father - no sex in exchange for a new car, well sorry but to me that sounds like one very f-ed up father/daughter relationship. ick.nast.0 -
id sit her down, have a big talk about how she felt about sex and hoping that she wasnt being pressurised, then id feel grateful that she felt she could talk to me, and i would take her to get the pill. Id also make sue she knew she had to use condoms0
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I have a 15 year old daughter. If she asked for it, I'd let her. We are very open regarding sex talk as well. We've discussed that because she is severely allergic to latex, when the time comes we will have to explore other options regarding std's. I just hope that out there somewhere are latex free condoms.0
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Doesn't really matter what you think of your kids getting contraception.
A Doctor can (and rightfully) provide contraception - condoms, the pill, without informing or requiring the consent of the parent.0 -
This happened to me with my daughter but she was 14. I thought I'd been very proactive in discussing sex with my daughter. She ended up having sex a month before her 15th birthday. Although, she used protection, she was still scared of getting pregnant so she came to me and admitted what she'd done.
We went to the gynocologist and had her tested thoroughly and put on the pill. She understands that neither the pill nor condoms are 100% effective and although I agreed to put her on the pill I was not condoning sex at 15.
She is 17 now and has not had sex since. I think an open honest relationship with your child is key.
Besides, I so do not want to be a grandmother yet!!
^^ This.
Majority of teens are going to have sex whether you want them to or not and whether you get them the birth control/condoms or not.
Being up front and honest with your kid about sex, the risks, protection, etc. is the only way to ensure that they don't get std's and or pregnant.0 -
You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.
I'd really love to see you stop a teenager who wants to have sex from having sex.
Word.
Before I had kids, I was always one of those people who was like, "I would NEVER let my kid throw a tantrum in the store! I would NEVER let my kid talk to me like that!" And you know what I've learned? I can stress the fact that I don't want them to do these things, and I can punish the behavior after it happens, but kids are people, not robots. You can't "let" them or "make" them do anything. They make their own choices. You hope that choice coincides with what you want for them, and you do everything you can to make sure they have the tools they need to make the right choices, but at the end of the day they're human beings with free will. Unless you have them on a leash beside you 24 hours a day, you really can't make them do anything. All you can do is teach them right from wrong and hope for the best.0 -
Since you asked, I'll answer:
I would not provide it for her.
I couldn't STOP my girls from crossing lines that are drawn, but I'm not crossing it with them- much less paying for it and
stamping my approval over it.
I continue to teach her she is a strong, wonderful young woman with PLENTY of SELF-CONTROL
It is NOT inevitable- She can be taught to handle her emotions and hormones
just the same way we are learning to control our with our weight loss journey.
Uh...but aren't most people learning to control weight loss on here because we let ourselves get fat? And you don't see the correllation to teenage pregnancy
hormones at that age are more controlling then the nomnom urge we're fighting on MFP for sure!0 -
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You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.
Wow. This makes me truly sad, especially if you have children. I have only ever had an open relationship with my parents about these kinds of things. My parents have always treated me like an adult, letting me make my own decisions and learn from them. My parents never felt they needed to "control what I did" because they raised me to make the right decisions--without help or input from them. You treat your kids that way and the only way they will respond is to rebel. I can proudly say that my parents taking the attitude that you are so against has gotten me to where I am today-- getting an Ivy League education, supporting myself financially, and in a stable relationship. No "pregnancies, drug use, etc." I'll never understand why some parents feel as though they need to control every aspect of their child's lives. Don't be surprised when your child cannot cope with being on their own or fails to develop any kind of independence.0 -
I have a 15 year old daughter. If she asked for it, I'd let her. We are very open regarding sex talk as well. We've discussed that because she is severely allergic to latex, when the time comes we will have to explore other options regarding std's. I just hope that out there somewhere are latex free condoms.
there are. trojans makes them. as well as other brands.0 -
I've gone through this with both my son and daughter, who are now in their thirties. My son is 6 years older than his sister, so I had to deal with him first. First on the list was a talk to lay out what my expectations were (prefer him not to be sexually active yet) however, acknowledging the fact that I was once a teenager myself and know what teenagers go through. My children always thought Mama could fix everything and make it right. I explained to him that if he indeed was going to have sex, he should indeed ALWAYS wear a condom because Mama cannot FIX AIDS. Also, explained the effectiveness of condoms and that for the girl's safety and protection she should also be protected preferably using birth control pills. We talked about the consequences of getting someone pregnant and everything that went along with that.
My talk with my daughter went much the same way. She did come to me about getting on the pill. Sweet Jesus, I just couldnt think of my baby girl having those kind of feelings. She was definitely the princess of our world. I again expressed my desire for wanting her to wait, but I made an appointment with an OB-GYN doctor who also talked to her about the dangers, etc. She did go on the pill and survived her teenage years.
They are both married now, in their thirties, have children, but also went on to college and obtained their degrees after high school. I often thought how different their lives would be if they had unprotected sex as a teenager.and had a baby.
I would rather my children learn the facts of life from me and not from the friends who were not totally informed.0 -
You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.
It really bums me out when parents think they can force their kids to be little drones.
You can't force a kid not to have sex, they are going to go behind your back and they are going to have unprotected sex because you were stupid enough to think you could fear them into not being human.
Now I didn't have sex or even fool around with a boy until i was almost 21, but i know that i am the exception not the rule. The majority of teens are sexually active in high school.0 -
Doesn't really matter what you think of your kids getting contraception.
A Doctor can (and rightfully) provide contraception - condoms, the pill, without informing or requiring the consent of the parent.
Not true. At least not everywhere.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/163508.php
There's Texas for you. One of the toughest states for minors to get birth control without parental consent. Also the state with the highest rate of teen pregnancy. But I'm sure there's NO connection there... it's all about talking to your kids. Talking blocks sperm.0 -
I'd have a very long talk with her so she understands the repercussions of sex, and that she needs to understand STDs and that it doesn't stop them. While not impossible, it is very high hopes she would hold out on sex until she was much older and an adult. Rather than try to push something that may not be realistic (since she makes her own decisions when it comes to that), I would let her go on the pill because I would much rather her be protected from having a child. I would hope that I taught her well enough to be wise about her actions, and to think before she does something like this.
And I have several guns that are prepared for the first f*cker to tries anything with her. Luckily, she's only 4, and I don't have to worry about this...yet.0 -
Lambskin. But the AIDS virus is so small, it can go through them.I have a 15 year old daughter. If she asked for it, I'd let her. We are very open regarding sex talk as well. We've discussed that because she is severely allergic to latex, when the time comes we will have to explore other options regarding std's. I just hope that out there somewhere are latex free condoms.0 -
Doesn't really matter what you think of your kids getting contraception.
A Doctor can (and rightfully) provide contraception - condoms, the pill, without informing or requiring the consent of the parent.
Not true. At least not everywhere.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/163508.php
There's Texas for you. One of the toughest states for minors to get birth control without parental consent. Also the state with the highest rate of teen pregnancy. But I'm sure there's NO connection there... it's all about talking to your kids. Talking blocks sperm.
Sorry, I was thinking mainly of the UK. I sometimes forget that this site is predominately US.0 -
Doesn't really matter what you think of your kids getting contraception.
A Doctor can (and rightfully) provide contraception - condoms, the pill, without informing or requiring the consent of the parent.
Not true. At least not everywhere.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/163508.php
There's Texas for you. One of the toughest states for minors to get birth control without parental consent. Also the state with the highest rate of teen pregnancy. But I'm sure there's NO connection there... it's all about talking to your kids. Talking blocks sperm.
Oh texas...you and you're ridiculous laws.0 -
Communicate!
Early and Often.
Do NOT ignore uncomfortable conversations, or you will regret the outcome.0 -
you get her the pill. and then on the way home, you stop at the grocery store. you buy a bunch of bananas and a family sized box of contoms. you then sit at the table at home and teach her how to properly put on a condom. and you TALK. you let her know that mutual orgasms can be accieved without penatrative sex - mutual masterbation, heavy petting, deep kissing. you let her know that she needs to make sure he's wearing a condom for oral sex too, b/c it's still bodily fluid exchange.
this is no different than making sure she had the safest car seat, the best bike helmet, a jacket w/ a reflective stripe on it - it's a saftey concern.
you make sure that she understands that she has to take the pill every day at the same time. have breakfast/coffee with her every morning and have her take it with her vitamins.
you put condoms where she can easily get them. and you make sure that you guys have an open, non-judgemental, frank dialogue about sex and sexuality.0 -
Doesn't really matter what you think of your kids getting contraception.
A Doctor can (and rightfully) provide contraception - condoms, the pill, without informing or requiring the consent of the parent.
Not true. At least not everywhere.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/163508.php
There's Texas for you. One of the toughest states for minors to get birth control without parental consent. Also the state with the highest rate of teen pregnancy. But I'm sure there's NO connection there... it's all about talking to your kids. Talking blocks sperm.
Sorry, I was thinking mainly of the UK. I sometimes forget that this site is predominately US.
No reason to be sorry for being from a country that is so often more mature than mine. You see how well our policies are working for us.0 -
You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.
You sound like an absolute nightmare. I think children who aren't scared to be honest with their parents are much much less likely to end up pregnant, addicted to drugs, etc. Try and control your children and they will rebel.
Its your job, especially at 15, to guide your children more than control.
Your fighting against the left so much you have gone a million miles right. Which is worse than the option your fighting against. Balance the two surely?0 -
Some really great answers in this thread so far, this pleases me.0
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i would be inclined to get it for her, also having (another) conversation about sex, safety, the option to say no, etc. I'd also make sure SHE had condoms. I'm concerned for her safety, and if she is contemplating sex, she needs to know she's in control of her body, and that she doesn't have to rely on a boy for condoms. It's not one or the other, it's both. ALWAYS.0
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That, my friends, is the slipperiest slope there is. Teenage sexual activity has been around since the beginning of time, and so has teenage pregnancies ... however, it has taken on life of it's own in today's modern society. Virginity is not as protected or revered as it once was. Kids are having sex, quite openly and it's almost as natural as learning to ride their first bicycle.
This, I feel is due, collectively, to the waining family values we all see dissipating. Parents are allowing their kids to 'grow' up on their own way too much. It is tougher for working parents to 'pay attention' and spend the time needed to monitor and mentor their kids, because they are too busy working to pay off the non essentials we all seem to aspire to have, which leaves less and less time to spend on mentoring. Teaching your kids the skills they will need as adults is exhausting work...it takes years of tenacity.
There are fewer and fewer parents that keep tabs on their kids, or spend the time to monitor their kids friends, or their activities. Granted, we can't be with our kids every waking moment. But, before they get to THAT stage, they 'should' have a good sense of their own identity and self worth, so they don't have to do things they may feel they need to do to 'just fit in' with their peers or impress ANYONE.
Keep a close eye on your kids, converse, educate .. never .. and I mean NEVER let go. Be their parents .. not their friends. You can be friend-ly .. but keep a handle on the boundaries expected.
My 'kids' are in their 30's .. and we are VERY close .. almost like best friends. We like each other, we do stuff together, we confide in each other .. but their are still very clear and present boundaries. Now that they are adults, there is an unexpected twist .. Sometimes, our roles get reversed, surprisingly .. Where if we are doing something we shouldn't be .. We find ourselves standing with a bowed head, while they rip a strip off us.
True story ... Hubby and I, were out with some friends (this was probably about 20 years ago, when my daughter still lived at home, I'm thinking she was about 15 yrs old) . We had a few drinks, or should I say, a lot of drinks ... and I drove home. I know, I know ... STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! I was met at the door .. by my daughter .. with Hands on Hips and received a "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING???????" Ohhh my goodness, did she reem me out. She was thoroughly disgusted in me .. and a that moment .. so was I. I NEVER did THAT again .. NEVER! Mind you I rarely drink at all anymore, especially if I'm driving.
That event stuck with me .. and it slapped me in the face. All those times, we talked about drinking and driving .. and what to do .. and went and did THIS myself! Ohhh, WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS .. But, the consolation was .. I learned my daughter was actually listening to all those conversations we had. I was elated to know how disgusted she was, and how responsible she will be. Made me feel like we were successful as her parents,0 -
In my view I would rather have a sensible 15 yr old daughter than one that was irresponsible and pregnant at a very young age.0
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Take her to a doctor that shoots it straight like I did. and tell her no.0
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Also if I could slip in a plug we have a group called Debatable Debating where we discuss this sort of thing all the time. Feel free to sign up!0
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I have two daughters (21 & 18). I was 16 when I got pregnant for my oldest. At 13 each of my girls were put on the pill. I told them it would help regulate their TOM and help with acne and the birth control was just an added bonus.
Teenagers with hormones raging are likely to think of going on the pill after they start being sexually active. Most don't have that much forethought or self control to plan ahead a minimum of 30 days for the pill to become effective. You also have to keep mind even in a close parent/child relationship it's still generally a conversation they find embarrassing and may put off until it's too late.
I have always been open with my girls and told them the pill was not enough to protect them. I knew when my oldest was sexually active because suddenly having her pills filled on time and taking them religiously became important to her. With my youngest, she actually did let me know when she thought she would "go further" with her long time boyfriend.
My motto is "better safe then sorry" and would rather have it right there and available for them to use. I think most kids would make better decisions if they didn't feel they needed to "have that talk" with their parents. Just my personal opinion though!0 -
I first explain to her why she is too young to be having sex. Then we go get her birth control. Very simple.
I've already had this talk with my 16 year old son. (I think) he is not sexually active. But it doesn't really matter what I think. I have told him how to buy condoms. I have told him that if he is too embarassed to buy them, I will do it for him. No questions asked, none at all.0 -
Lol, classic response from a Texan. Now all we need is to offer the death penalty if they rebel.You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.0
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