Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

WarriorMom2012

Also if I could slip in a plug we have a group called Debatable Debating where we discuss this sort of thing all the time. Feel free to sign up!

Nice plug Brett!

Please join us to discuss the pro's and con's of teenage sex lol

rml_16

That, my friends, is the slipperiest slope there is. Teenage sexual activity has been around since the beginning of time, and so has teenage pregnancies ... however, it has taken on life of it's own in today's modern society. Virginity is not as protected or revered as it once was. Kids are having sex, quite openly and it's almost as natural as learning to ride their first bicycle.

This, I feel is due, collectively, to the waining family values we all see dissipating. Parents are allowing their kids to 'grow' up on their own way too much. It is tougher for working parents to 'pay attention' and spend the time needed to monitor and mentor their kids, because they are too busy working to pay off the non essentials we all seem to aspire to have, which leave less and less time to be spent on mentoring. Teaching your kids the skills they will need as adults is exhausting work...it takes years of tenacity.

There are fewer and fewer parents that keep tabs on their kids, or spend the time to monitor their kids friends, or their activities. Granted, we can't be with our kids every waking moment. But, before they get to THAT stage, they 'should' have a good sense of their own identity and self worth, so they don't have to do things they may feel they need to do to 'just fit in' with their peers or impress ANYONE.

Keep a close eye on your kids, converse, educate .. never .. and I mean NEVER let go. Be their parents .. not their friends. You can be friend-ly .. but keep a handle on the boundries expected.

My 'kids' are in their 30's .. and we are VERY close .. almost like best friends. We like each other, we do stuff together, we confide in each other .. but their are still very clear and present boundaries. Now that they are adults, there is an unexpected twist .. Sometimes, our roles get reversed, surprisingly .. Where if we are doing something we shouldn't be .. We find ourselves standing with a bowed head, which they rip a strip off us.

True story ... Hubby and I, were out with some friends (this was probably about 20 years ago, when my daughter still lived at home, I'm thinking she was about 15 yrs old) . We had a few drinks, or should I say, a lot of drinks ... and I drove home. I know, I know ... STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! I was met at the door .. by my daughter .. with Hands on Hips and received a "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING???????" Ohhh my goodness, did she reem me out. She was thoroughly discusted in me .. and a that moment .. so was I. I NEVER did THAT again .. NEVER! Mind you I rarely drink at all anymore, especially if I'm driving.

That event stuck with me .. and it slapped me in the face. All those times, we talked about drinkng and driving .. and what to do .. and went and did THIS myself! Ohhh, WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS .. But, the consellation was .. I learned my daughter was actually listening to all those converstions we had. I was elated to know how discusted she was, and how responsible she will be. Made me feel like we were successful as her parents,

We also used to marry our daughters off at 13 or 14 years old (if not sooner -- Henry VII's mom was 12 when he was born), often to 40-year-old men. Maybe we should just go back to that.

If you think teens weren't having sex 40 or 50 or 60 years ago, look up adoption stats from those eras.

Pangea250

you get her the pill. and then on the way home, you stop at the grocery store. you buy a bunch of bananas and a family sized box of contoms. you then sit at the table at home and teach her how to properly put on a condom.

I'm trying to figure out if "family-sized box of condoms" is an oxymoron or not. I'll have to think on that.

When I had the condom talk with my son, I was fully prepared to go the banana route. Thank *goodness* that when I quizzed him sufficiently, I was content that he had learned how to apply a condom in health class. Phew. I would have done it, though. I may have been mortified on the inside, but the health and well-being of my children is worth some mortification any day of the week.

eellis2000

My daughter is now 22. When she turned 14 I scheduled a visit with a gyn. who presented her with options and a little education. She chose to use the patch. She has no kids and no std's. That method gave me peace of mind, gave her the feeling like it was her choice, and allowed her to make an informed decision about what form of bc to use.

Secret_Agent_007

Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!

^^^^ THIS!

beccyleigh

We also used to marry our daughters off at 13 or 14 years old (if not sooner -- Henry VII's mom was 12 when he was born), often to 40-year-old men. Maybe we should just go back to that.

If you think teens weren't having sex 40 or 50 or 60 years ago, look up adoption stats from those eras.

I heart you for this. People might not have been keeping them or advertising their pregnancies but they were certainly having sex & babies out of wedlock.

rml_16

We also used to marry our daughters off at 13 or 14 years old (if not sooner -- Henry VII's mom was 12 when he was born), often to 40-year-old men. Maybe we should just go back to that.

If you think teens weren't having sex 40 or 50 or 60 years ago, look up adoption stats from those eras.

I heart you for this. People might not have been keeping them or advertising their pregnancies but they were certainly having sex & babies out of wedlock.

I read a book a few months ago called Only Yesterday (can't remember the subtitle). It was a history of the 1920s, but published in 1931, so it was very contemporary by a historian who lived it. The stuff he described would curl the toes of the 1960s hippies! lol

HeatherShrinking

You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."

It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.

So, you'd threaten to kill them and hope they live in constant fear? I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with your methods.

You can teach kids about consequences, respecting themselves and good decision making without threatening death and instilling a constant state of fear. There is a big difference between having open lines of communication vs. rolling over and saying "they're going to do what they want."

(Side note: I think you are using the term PC incorrectly. Generally, politically correct applies to using safe terminology instead of terms that are derogatory. Did you actually mean a type of thinking, like liberal or conservative?)

livnlite

That, my friends, is the slipperiest slope there is. Teenage sexual activity has been around since the beginning of time, and so has teenage pregnancies ... however, it has taken on life of it's own in today's modern society. Virginity is not as protected or revered as it once was. Kids are having sex, quite openly and it's almost as natural as learning to ride their first bicycle.

This, I feel is due, collectively, to the waining family values we all see dissipating. Parents are allowing their kids to 'grow' up on their own way too much. It is tougher for working parents to 'pay attention' and spend the time needed to monitor and mentor their kids, because they are too busy working to pay off the non essentials we all seem to aspire to have, which leave less and less time to be spent on mentoring. Teaching your kids the skills they will need as adults is exhausting work...it takes years of tenacity.

There are fewer and fewer parents that keep tabs on their kids, or spend the time to monitor their kids friends, or their activities. Granted, we can't be with our kids every waking moment. But, before they get to THAT stage, they 'should' have a good sense of their own identity and self worth, so they don't have to do things they may feel they need to do to 'just fit in' with their peers or impress ANYONE.

Keep a close eye on your kids, converse, educate .. never .. and I mean NEVER let go. Be their parents .. not their friends. You can be friend-ly .. but keep a handle on the boundries expected.

My 'kids' are in their 30's .. and we are VERY close .. almost like best friends. We like each other, we do stuff together, we confide in each other .. but their are still very clear and present boundaries. Now that they are adults, there is an unexpected twist .. Sometimes, our roles get reversed, surprisingly .. Where if we are doing something we shouldn't be .. We find ourselves standing with a bowed head, which they rip a strip off us.

True story ... Hubby and I, were out with some friends (this was probably about 20 years ago, when my daughter still lived at home, I'm thinking she was about 15 yrs old) . We had a few drinks, or should I say, a lot of drinks ... and I drove home. I know, I know ... STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! I was met at the door .. by my daughter .. with Hands on Hips and received a "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING???????" Ohhh my goodness, did she reem me out. She was thoroughly disgusted in me .. and a that moment .. so was I. I NEVER did THAT again .. NEVER! Mind you I rarely drink at all anymore, especially if I'm driving.

That event stuck with me .. and it slapped me in the face. All those times, we talked about drinking and driving .. and what to do .. and went and did THIS myself! Ohhh, WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS .. But, the consolation was .. I learned my daughter was actually listening to all those conversations we had. I was elated to know how disgusted she was, and how responsible she will be. Made me feel like we were successful as her parents,

We also used to marry our daughters off at 13 or 14 years old (if not sooner -- Henry VII's mom was 12 when he was born), often to 40-year-old men. Maybe we should just go back to that.

If you think teens weren't having sex 40 or 50 or 60 years ago, look up adoption stats from those eras.

Never said teens weren't having sex .. In fact, I think I mentioned that "Teenage sexual activity has been around since the beginning of time, and so has teenage pregnancies".

Back in those years you mentioned, girls (and, for that matter all people) were treated much differently, and were often forced to do things they might not have wanted to do so their families would have favour with Royalty. Back in those barbaric days, there were definite boundaries between 'classes' of people. No one was in a safe place. Royalty was law.

No one said NO to the King. It was not as much a matter of choice as it was a matter of survival. "*kitten*" (a term I personally dislike to use) children were only one of those consequences if you conceded, poverty and starvation (or worse, treason) was the other if you didn't. A sense of duty to the hierarchy was overpowering.

Times back in this century were still different than they are now. Back then, people had a sense of old fashioned values and virginity was revered and promiscuity was not. Didn't prevent promiscuity, it was just hidden better. The difference now, sexuality in youngsters is so open and almost expected. The sense of 'duty' has been completely obliterated. There is no stopping it, and further no need to hide it.

Contrarian

If a 15 year old is asking for birth control, she is either already having intercourse or has done everything else and is about to start having intercourse.

Protecting your kids is your job as a parent, but you don't get to choose what you have to protect them from, and when. I would rather my child not get pregnant before she is ready to be a parent.

lambeas

Show no reaction, and thank your lucky stars that she feels comfortable about asking you. 15 is old enough to have a period, so in my opinion she SHOULD be on birth control, but made clear that it does not mean she "should" have sex, but if it arises, then you are teaching her to be smart.

Imagine this, if she is not able to ask for birth control without you freaking out, then how could she possibly ever come to you to talk about anything sexual, or worse tell you she was pregnant.

Thank her for being open, remain calm and tell her without sounding devastated... otherwise she will refrain from talking to you about anything further

summertime_girl

My daughter is still young, but my son is a teenager. I'd much rather buy birth control than diapers.

HeidiMightyRawr

At least she's being careful. Trying to stop them having sex rarely does any good and they may just end up going behind your back and possibly create worse situations such as getting pregnant.
That said, I would be having a serious conversation with her about sex, relationships, contraception and to realise the importance of condoms for protection from STD's. I would have spoken about it previously though, I want to be able to be able to talk openly with my children about issues such as that and have them feel they can talk to me about any questions they have. If they came to me first I'd feel happy they could do that, and would make me have so much more respect for them. I want them to be able to consider the law and the reason it has an age of consent (16 here in the UK) but also feel mature enough to make their own decisions and not feel under any pressure from others.

My own Mum I think was quite willing to talk about that sort of thing but I never felt comfortable with it all. I went and got the pill by myself a couple of weeks before I was 16 and while I wasn't planning anything I was in a long term relationship and wanted it to be there as things do happen in the spur of the moment. I didn't tell my mum I had got it until a few months later and she just said "don't do anything you don't want to do" before I quickly walked away! I really didn't like having those sort of conversations.

baisleac

Have several talks and get her some birth control.

Hellbent_Heidi

i'm not a parent either, but my concern would be that if she's on birth control, then guys could easily talk themselves out of using a condom. too many std's for that.

edited to add: i think i would prefer my daughter to come home pregnant than to contract aids.

Why is it either/or? I'd prefer to put her on the pill if she feels she needs it, but also educate her about diseases and the need for condoms. Two forms of b/c are better than one!

macpatti

Another response from a Texan- haha (but this has more to do with my moral obligations than being from the state of Texas). I'm not saying anyone who believes differently is wrong. I'm only answering from my perspective, as I hope this thread was intended to see varying positions on the issue.

I could never morally provide my teenage children with birth control. I have an amazingly open, honest, and trusthworthy relationship with my children. I have 4 boys, ages 24, 19, 17, 11 and a daughter who is 9. Although I realize that the majority of teenagers are sexually active, I cannot condone that as a parent, and assisting in getting birth control would condone it. I have to trust that I've done the best job in parenting them up until the point that they are ready to handle such a situation.

I realize that a great majority of teenagers will also drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes, but I would never provide those either. I realize that is a different situation, but something that follows the same line of thought.

MîîśÊmÿłõü

C'mon you've got to think about it both sides,

1 okay if she wants to be sexually active you can't stop her
2 thank the heavens above she actually asked for BC and not just left it up to her BF to use a condom

I'd still have a long chat with her but I'd support her so it's a subject we can openly talk about , you shut your daughter out once and shel never tell you anything personal again...Jus sayin...

lilRicki

my son is 9 and ask me what condoms are...it was our first test in educating him in sex. so I told him flat out, they are things men wear when having sex to prevent disease and babies. He looked at me and said "don't ever talk like that again" but I made sure he understood that he can ask me any questions any time. I want my son to be open and honest with me in the matter of sex. The changes that will happen in his body are already uncomfortable, let alone when you're uninformed. And the same with sexual encounters for the first time. I know I went about it wrong and I was 100% informed (I was also 25)...but I don't need to be a grandma to early.

baisleac

i'm not a parent either, but my concern would be that if she's on birth control, then guys could easily talk themselves out of using a condom. too many std's for that.

edited to add: i think i would prefer my daughter to come home pregnant than to contract aids.

Why is it either/or? I'd prefer to put her on the pill if she feels she needs it, but also educate her about diseases and the need for condoms. Two forms of b/c are better than one!

This!

rml_16

Another response from a Texan- haha (but this has more to do with my moral obligations than being from the state of Texas). I'm not saying anyone who believes differently is wrong. I'm only answering from my perspective, as I hope this thread was intended to see varying positions on the issue.

I could never morally provide my teenage children with birth control. I have an amazingly open, honest, and trusthworthy relationship with my children. I have 4 boys, ages 24, 19, 17, 11 and a daughter who is 9. Although I realize that the majority of teenagers are sexually active, I cannot condone that as a parent, and assisting in getting birth control would condone it. I have to trust that I've done the best job in parenting them up until the point that they are ready to handle such a situation.

I realize that a great majority of teenagers will also drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes, but I would never provide those either. I realize that is a different situation, but something that follows the same line of thought.

Obviously, not every teenage is going to have sex. My daughter has made it to 17 a virgin (thank the UNIVERSE!) and I have a friend who was one of six in a Mormon family and I believe all six were virgins on their wedding days. So, it's possible.

But as others have said, if your child is coming to you asking for BC, that child has had or is about to have sex. Morally agree or not, wouldn't you rather your child not have to pay the consequences of a bad decision for the rest of his or her life, if you can?

trixylewis

i had my 15 year old step daughter get the guardasil shots and just had the implanon inserted, with her fathers permission because she is not supervised at her mothers. she talks to me about things like this and i want to help her as much as i can. she is easily manipulated because of abuse at her mothers and i dont want her to end up in trouble. we sat down together and googled pics of stds and she understands completely why its important to use condoms as well. my sisters an ob an has helped me with information for her and supports my desicion to help my stepdaughter in this way

rml_16

i had my 15 year old step daughter get the guardasil shots and just had the implanon inserted, with her fathers permission because she is not supervised at her mothers. she talks to me about things like this and i want to help her as much as i can. she is easily manipulated because of abuse at her mothers and i dont want her to end up in trouble. we sat down together and googled pics of stds and she understands completely why its important to use condoms as well. my sisters an ob an has helped me with information for her and supports my desicion to help my stepdaughter in this way

Make sure she is aware that HPV is the cause of only 70% of cervical cancers and she still needs to be screened!!!

macpatti

Another response from a Texan- haha (but this has more to do with my moral obligations than being from the state of Texas). I'm not saying anyone who believes differently is wrong. I'm only answering from my perspective, as I hope this thread was intended to see varying positions on the issue.

I could never morally provide my teenage children with birth control. I have an amazingly open, honest, and trusthworthy relationship with my children. I have 4 boys, ages 24, 19, 17, 11 and a daughter who is 9. Although I realize that the majority of teenagers are sexually active, I cannot condone that as a parent, and assisting in getting birth control would condone it. I have to trust that I've done the best job in parenting them up until the point that they are ready to handle such a situation.

I realize that a great majority of teenagers will also drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes, but I would never provide those either. I realize that is a different situation, but something that follows the same line of thought.

Obviously, not every teenage is going to have sex. My daughter has made it to 17 a virgin (thank the UNIVERSE!) and I have a friend who was one of six in a Mormon family and I believe all six were virgins on their wedding days. So, it's possible.

But as others have said, if your child is coming to you asking for BC, that child has had or is about to have sex. Morally agree or not, wouldn't you rather your child not have to pay the consequences of a bad decision for the rest of his or her life, if you can?

I think where I'm coming from here is hoping/praying that none of my children come to me for birth control. Not because they're afraid of me, but because they know and respect my position. I've always tried telling them that I view my job as parenting a vocation, and I answer to God for how I raise them. So, they hopefully would know I would not provide them with birth control. I have talked about sex with all my kids, except my 9 year old because it hasn't come up yet. We discuss pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and the responsibility of having sex. I'm not saying my children have not had sex.......I'm pretty realistic when it comes to behaviors of teenagers. I'm just saying I hope they are mature and responsible enough to know how to handle the situation. (I realize my answers are probably best suited in a group forum). Sorry!

SabrinaJL

I'm with the majority here. I had my daughter when I was 16 and sex was something that I never could have talked to my parents about. I swore that when I had my kid, we'd be open about such things so she'd feel like she could be honest with me.

I have never told her to wait until she's 18 or married or 5'6" or some other arbitrary thing. I've always told her to wait until she's ready to handle any possible consequences a sexual relationship might bring and if she absolutely could NOT wait until then, to use protection. I've also told her that as much as it sounds cliche, sex really IS better with someone you love and trust. It's not about being PC. Some of us just don't have hang-ups about sex. Sex IS an enjoyable thing and I hope my daughter has a healthy, happy sex life. When she's ready for it.

What this "permissive" attitude has gotten me is an almost 18 year old who hasn't had sex. Today on the way to school I asked her why she hasn't yet. She said, " Because I'm not ready to do that. I'm still in high school so how would I support a baby? I know that it almost never works out as well as it did for you and dad. Also, I've never met someone that was special enough. I'm not just gonna go throwing it around. Honestly, I don't even feel like I'm ready to date. I just wanna concentrate on getting through school. I'll worry about all that later." So sometimes, they actually do listen.

gemco

i'd be pleased i'd succeeded in getting her to her mid teens feeling free to talk to me about anything knowing that i am approachable, understanding and was once a horny teenager myself. currently she's 2 and just says 'shhh!' if i try and impart wisdom :ohwell:

i'd certainly not be throwing my (considerably less by then) weight around acting as if i owned her and could force her to do what i wanted :noway: i would make sure she wasn't feeling pushed into things she wasn't ready for, advise that actually i think 15 is still young and that there's no rush and reinforce that pregnancy is NOT the only consequence to sex so condoms all the way please.

i'd be FAR more worried about a teenager who didn't have anyone to talk to about this and just got shouted down if they attempted to speak to a parent about it. where would you rather they got advice and information about this from? you, the people who love her most in the world, or the internet/other kids/a horny boy? :noway: it's not throwing in the towel to accept that short of imprisonment you cannot prevent a 15yr old having sex just by insisting they don't, it's just logical to meet them in the middle with it. otherwise you're just sending a clueless, rebellious person out into the world that you've not adequately equipped to make independent choices. THAT is actually the job of parents, helping them become happy, secure adults. not to control them.

BrettPGH

I'm with the majority here. I had my daughter when I was 16 and sex was something that I never could have talked to my parents about. I swore that when I had my kid, we'd be open about such things so she'd feel like she could be honest with me.

I have never told her to wait until she's 18 or married or 5'6" or some other arbitrary thing. I've always told her to wait until she's ready to handle any possible consequences a sexual relationship might bring and if she absolutely could NOT wait until then, to use protection. I've also told her that as much as it sounds cliche, sex really IS better with someone you love and trust. It's not about being PC. Some of us just don't have hang-ups about sex. Sex IS an enjoyable thing and I hope my daughter has a healthy, happy sex life. When she's ready for it.

What this "permissive" attitude has gotten me is an almost 18 year old who hasn't had sex. Today on the way to school I asked her why she hasn't yet. She said, " Because I'm not ready to do that. I'm still in high school so how would I support a baby? I know that it almost never works out as well as it did for you and dad. Also, I've never met someone that was special enough. I'm not just gonna go throwing it around. Honestly, I don't even feel like I'm ready to date. I just wanna concentrate on getting through school. I'll worry about all that later." So sometimes, they actually do listen.

Congratulations on being an amazing parent!

ItsCasey

After reading this thread, I think I'm going to call my parents tonight and thank them for loving me enough to teach me right from wrong and that actions have consequences, rather than taking the attitude that "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." I shudder to think where I would've ended up in life if I had told my parents at 15 that I wanted to have sex and their response was to hand me some BC and a pack of condoms.

As for the "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out," reference, haven't you people ever heard of Bill Cosby? If not, perhaps try growing a sense of humor.

And if being from Texas has contributed in any way to my being a responsible, intelligent, successful adult who has some courage to go along with my convictions, well, that's one more reason among many to love this great state.

StrengthIDidntKnow

I would probably do it but it would be accompanied by a long talk reminding her about STDs, the importance of condoms, and the emotional aspects of being sexually active as a teenager.

I think I would take a similar approach as my mother "While I would like you wait until you are with someone that you love, this is what you need to do when you decide you are ready". I hope that by the time my daughter is 15, that we will have talked enough about these type of subjects that she is comfortable enough to come to me.

Unknown

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rml_16

After reading this thread, I think I'm going to call my parents tonight and thank them for loving me enough to teach me right from wrong and that actions have consequences, rather than taking the attitude that "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." I shudder to think where I would've ended up in life if I had told my parents at 15 that I wanted to have sex and their response was to hand me some BC and a pack of condoms.

If that's all you got out if this thread, I'd say reading comprehension and communication skills would have been much more useful lessons from your parents.